Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

About a week ago my mom called to say that she had to take our dog to the hospital. But she said not to worry and that she was alright. Today I came home after finals to learn that she passed away. [t]http://i.imgur.com/0Yssti3.jpg[/t] This is so screwed up. Don't ever get a pet cause it will just fuck you up when it dies.

Girlfriend dumped me, for good, accusing me of cheating on her with her sister, which I didn't, even though she admitted to cheating on me with another guy. Might be forced to move back in with abusive parents.

Fuck depression in the ass. Actually, no. Fuck depression and fuck assholes. I might have to look into homeless shelters and seek help for myself until I can move away. No family will take me in because half of them are intentionally distanced from my family, I made a facebook status asking for any relatives to take me in, one of them decides to call my mom and my mom LIED to them and said I was making it all up. She sat me down and made me delete the status. A lot of my family that is still around is starting to see the abuse I've been through, but they're too stupid to help out the right way. Not only that but I just blocked maybe half of my skype contacts, facebook friends, did a mass cleaning of my friends list because all of them keep trying to get me involved with hat fucking asshole who made the video about me. Some fake facebook profile (with an obviously fake name) of a hot girl (that I found out was from google) who is a mutual friend of all my friends I removed and all the people who were assholes to me... Tried to add me. The only thing I got going for me is my physical appearance and health. Everything else is just awful. This is probably going to be the shittiest christmas ever.

[QUOTE=Sharker;49323894]About a week ago my mom called to say that she had to take our dog to the hospital. But she said not to worry and that she was alright. Today I came home after finals to learn that she passed away. [t]http://i.imgur.com/0Yssti3.jpg[/t] This is so screwed up. Don't ever get a pet cause it will just fuck you up when it dies.[/QUOTE] Its sad to see a pet go away, but be thankful you didn't have to watch the actual event. A couple of years ago our "family dog" lost control of herself, a vet came to our house and had to administer a shot to put her down which was the saddest thing I'd ever have to experience (or at least one of them). My family was present and all I could do was hug my father in absolute tears. It was a difficult moment. In any case, it only takes a few weeks/months to start forgetting the sad memories and remember your dog for being a dog. Man's best friend forever. If I had the space to get another, I'd already have one. A year or so after that dog was put down my Jack Russell Terrier passed of natural causes after about 15 years of being in my life. Still never forget the little shit for being so ballsy. Miss my dogs. But never for a second regret having had them in my life.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49324190]Fuck depression in the ass. Actually, no. Fuck depression and fuck assholes. I might have to look into homeless shelters and seek help for myself until I can move away. No family will take me in because half of them are intentionally distanced from my family, I made a facebook status asking for any relatives to take me in, one of them decides to call my mom and my mom LIED to them and said I was making it all up. She sat me down and made me delete the status. A lot of my family that is still around is starting to see the abuse I've been through, but they're too stupid to help out the right way. Not only that but I just blocked maybe half of my skype contacts, facebook friends, did a mass cleaning of my friends list because all of them keep trying to get me involved with hat fucking asshole who made the video about me. Some fake facebook profile (with an obviously fake name) of a hot girl (that I found out was from google) who is a mutual friend of all my friends I removed and all the people who were assholes to me... Tried to add me. The only thing I got going for me is my physical appearance and health. Everything else is just awful. This is probably going to be the shittiest christmas ever.[/QUOTE] I'm not sure what all you can do because I don't know shit about help for that kind of thing in the U.S. See if you can stay on a friend's couch for a week or so and just try to figure it out. Anywhere that is hiring is bound to be a good start if you can find anything. Maybe see if a friend has any opening at their work, then you can car pool or something and when you have enough money for a car and a place of your own, repay them best you can and get out on your own. From there, well, finding better work elsewhere, paying off the car, etc. Take life one step at a time.

[QUOTE=draugur;49324819]I'm not sure what all you can do because I don't know shit about help for that kind of thing in the U.S. See if you can stay on a friend's couch for a week or so and just try to figure it out. Anywhere that is hiring is bound to be a good start if you can find anything. Maybe see if a friend has any opening at their work, then you can car pool or something and when you have enough money for a car and a place of your own, repay them best you can and get out on your own. From there, well, finding better work elsewhere, paying off the car, etc. Take life one step at a time.[/QUOTE] All my friends (my two friends) are in another state... I have no friends in this state. I have no car. I have no place to stay. If my parents kick me out I have no choice but to go to a homeless shelter. I have tried searching for jobs everywhere, applying for everything I can and no one will call me back because no one is hiring. I can't even take a simple step forward because my parents are insane... [I]No one is hiring. No one is hiring. [B]And no one is fucking hiring.[/I][/B] [editline]15th December 2015[/editline] I am an 18 year old girl. I didn't even get to start my life because the unemployment rate is exponentially FUCKED. My parents are FUCKED. My experience with everything has been fucked. I have no local friends. The only two people I trust are miles and miles away and I have no money to get to them.

Do you have any things you can sell that can get you to them? See if you can get one of them to drive and pick you up if you were to offer them what money you could get to help pay for gas. I'm sure something can be worked out.

[QUOTE=icarusfoundyou;49324723]Its sad to see a pet go away, but be thankful you didn't have to watch the actual event. A couple of years ago our "family dog" lost control of herself, a vet came to our house and had to administer a shot to put her down which was the saddest thing I'd ever have to experience (or at least one of them). My family was present and all I could do was hug my father in absolute tears. It was a difficult moment. In any case, it only takes a few weeks/months to start forgetting the sad memories and remember your dog for being a dog. Man's best friend forever. If I had the space to get another, I'd already have one. A year or so after that dog was put down my Jack Russell Terrier passed of natural causes after about 15 years of being in my life. Still never forget the little shit for being so ballsy. Miss my dogs. But never for a second regret having had them in my life.[/QUOTE] Of course I don't regret it. I knew it was going to happen eventually because that's life an all. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. I am thankful I wasn't there to see it happen.

[QUOTE=draugur;49325203]Do you have any things you can sell that can get you to them? See if you can get one of them to drive and pick you up if you were to offer them what money you could get to help pay for gas. I'm sure something can be worked out.[/QUOTE] The live halfway across the country... It would take them days to drive up and days to get down... [editline]15th December 2015[/editline] I have little to no control over my life. And just when I think I've got a hold and can start making my own choices: I'm not allowed to. For christ's sake I can't even be open about my sexuality and I've got this pressure from my family and landlords expecting me to "have a boyfriend" and expecting my body to "appeal to a man" aka my entire sense of self is being held back, sorry to sound like a SJW: but it's true, I can't openly ever tell my parents I don't like boys. The fact that my healthy lifestyle (eating and exercising wise) is scolded and my physical body that I want is not accepted by anyone except my two friends, makes me feel pretty rubbish. [editline]15th December 2015[/editline] I do own a 14karat gold necklace... I don't know how much it's worth. I coud sell that... and more of my dvd collection, but I'm saving the dvd's for a last resort and I'm hoping it's not coming to that.

Sometimes you gotta make sacrifices. If you can afford a taxi to the airport and a plane ticket to as close to them as you can get, assuming they're willing to take you in and help you out, you'll figure it out from there pretty easily I think.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49324190]Fuck depression in the ass. Actually, no. Fuck depression and fuck assholes. I might have to look into homeless shelters and seek help for myself until I can move away. No family will take me in because half of them are intentionally distanced from my family, I made a facebook status asking for any relatives to take me in, one of them decides to call my mom and my mom LIED to them and said I was making it all up. She sat me down and made me delete the status. A lot of my family that is still around is starting to see the abuse I've been through, but they're too stupid to help out the right way. Not only that but I just blocked maybe half of my skype contacts, facebook friends, did a mass cleaning of my friends list because all of them keep trying to get me involved with hat fucking asshole who made the video about me. Some fake facebook profile (with an obviously fake name) of a hot girl (that I found out was from google) who is a mutual friend of all my friends I removed and all the people who were assholes to me... Tried to add me. The only thing I got going for me is my physical appearance and health. Everything else is just awful. This is probably going to be the shittiest christmas ever.[/QUOTE] I was going to say, don't worry about your appearance. You're quite pretty and you seem to have a good character, and both of those combined are killer Keep fighting, like you are, because the absolute satisfaction of building a better life and improving yourself when your family refused to help is amazing. And rubbing it in is even sweeter. You're driven, you're trying and you can do it. Maybe not today, but tomorrow or the next day. Silly little generic hype speech but hey we all need it sometimes. I know that confirming my diagnosis of ADHD when my father doubted me and destroyed me when I desperately called for help felt damn good. and then proving the effectiveness of my treatment and hard work to improve by keeping a job and building a wee music career was even better. So keep doing what you're doing and fuck your parents. Your future is yours to build [editline]15th December 2015[/editline] And I really do feel the hiding the sexuality bit, I'm being asked constantly when I'm going to bring a girl home. My parents even hint at Grandkids ffs. And my dad has always looked derisively at gay men and made jokes about them, even after my best friend of 10+ yrs (who my father loves), came out. They constantly seem to hint that not masculine enough too. I know how it feels to want to just be yourself regardless of stereotypes :/

[QUOTE=paindoc;49326335]I was going to say, don't worry about your appearance. You're quite pretty and you seem to have a good character, and both of those combined are killer Keep fighting, like you are, because the absolute satisfaction of building a better life and improving yourself when your family refused to help is amazing. And rubbing it in is even sweeter. You're driven, you're trying and you can do it. Maybe not today, but tomorrow or the next day. Silly little generic hype speech but hey we all need it sometimes. I know that confirming my diagnosis of ADHD when my father doubted me and destroyed me when I desperately called for help felt damn good. and then proving the effectiveness of my treatment and hard work to improve by keeping a job and building a wee music career was even better. So keep doing what you're doing and fuck your parents. Your future is yours to build [editline]15th December 2015[/editline] And I really do feel the hiding the sexuality bit, I'm being asked constantly when I'm going to bring a girl home. My parents even hint at Grandkids ffs. And my dad has always looked derisively at gay men and made jokes about them, even after my best friend of 10+ yrs (who my father loves), came out. They constantly seem to hint that not masculine enough too. I know how it feels to want to just be yourself regardless of stereotypes :/[/QUOTE] Thank you. I mean I managed to de-fog my thoughts a little, because I will find a way to move in with my friends. Also what you said about me having character, thank you, that cheered me up. :0)

Anyone else sometimes question why the fuck people even still try to talk to you? I feel like I NEVER have anything to say that's worth hearing. I'm almost never doing anything interesting, so why do people continue even trying? I'm starting to think all my friends simply pity me or something.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;49327109]Anyone else sometimes question why the fuck people even still try to talk to you? I feel like I NEVER have anything to say that's worth hearing. I'm almost never doing anything interesting, so why do people continue even trying? I'm starting to think all my friends simply pity me or something.[/QUOTE] I question why the fuck people don't talk to me. I'm over here acting ~seemingly~ like literally everyone else not bein a particular weirdo or creep or anything and it seems like I'm ignored everywhere, even in online forums lmao. I'm always the one making the effort to interact with people. I feel like as soon as I stopped no one would bother with me. I wouldn't bother overthinking why you have people approaching you, because likely chance it is because they just like you and value your company/thoughts, however mundane they may seem to you. Oh yea, so like I get into this total shit mood whenever I run past my ex on campus. It's not a big campus so because of this I always get really fucking anxious when I'm in a place where she might frequent. It's getting really annoying because I just wanna go about my business and not feel like I'm playing some paranoid game of hide n seek :/

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49324852]All my friends (my two friends) are in another state... I have no friends in this state. I have no car. I have no place to stay. If my parents kick me out I have no choice but to go to a homeless shelter. I have tried searching for jobs everywhere, applying for everything I can and no one will call me back because no one is hiring. I can't even take a simple step forward because my parents are insane... [I]No one is hiring. No one is hiring. [B]And no one is fucking hiring.[/B][/I] [editline]15th December 2015[/editline] I am an 18 year old girl. I didn't even get to start my life because the unemployment rate is exponentially FUCKED. My parents are FUCKED. My experience with everything has been fucked. I have no local friends. The only two people I trust are miles and miles away and I have no money to get to them.[/QUOTE] Don't knock Homeless Shelters. That's a warm place to sleep in winter. Be grateful those are around. If it weren't for Shelters, I'm not sure I would have survived some of the cold nights I have seen. Don't rely on your friends, those will rarely pull through for you. They aren't real friends. If there is no hiring in your town, you may have to relocate. I've relocated five or six times. I can give you solid advice in this regard. Being Homeless isn't as bad as some of the people here make it to be. You have a warm mat, some cases a bed, and food in your stomach. You can even charge your phone. Salvation Army only charges $6 a night(?), and had good experiences with them. Good Sams, hate to say it, but bed bugs are typically bad with non-salv shelters. If you're thinking about relocating, I can give you advice as to which cities are best.

[QUOTE=Paranoia10;49323097]I think I'm gonna kill myself by the end of the year. I'm tired of this pain, this delusion and the loneliness that's getting heavier and heavier as the days go by. I want to say my goodbyes to my family and friends, though. That's the least I could do. I feel selfish for reaching such a conclusion, but maybe this way I'll finally be at peace with myself and the world[/QUOTE] [editline]16th December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=AtomicSans;49323305]I spend all my time fantasizing and daydreaming about killing myself now. I don't see myself living much longer, things won't get better and I don't want to live the rest of my life like this.[/QUOTE] I have thinking of both of you. I've been wondering how long you've been in pain, what kind of pain it is (emotions included) and what kind of help you think you need to feel life is worth living, again. :smile: [editline]16th December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=PredGD;49319046]I don't really know anymore. before I loved playing games all the time, but that has faded a lot. it's nearing a month since I even launched a game, and that was because Black Ops 3 and Fallout 4 had released. before that, I rarely launched games as well. I don't really have any interests I feel. all I really do every day is socialize. I wake up, messages pop in, and suddenly I'm out in town for the billionth day in a row. it's what I had always wanted when I didn't socialize and when I was isolated, but I realize that this isn't exactly what I want with my life. I need to fill it with more than just socializing. you can't really talk with others when you never experience anything new or have any hobbies, you quickly go dry of things to talk about. it's a really odd feeling. I remember when I was still together with my ex. she literally felt like an anchor. she was the person I felt safe on, she was the person I relied on, she was my life. I just felt really safe and grounded when I had her. after she disappeared, it has felt like I've been floating away. I don't think this'll happen again. sure, I'm probably going to get myself a girlfriend again, but I really don't think I'll ever feel as safe on someone ever again. don't really feel safe on anyone. the previous paragraph gets me thinking. I just need to get stable again. I need a structure. it's hard to follow my daily goals when my sleeping schedule for example is all over the place. right now it's 5am and I'm not sure if I'll be able to fall asleep any time soon anyway. no idea how I'll fix that, sleeping meds aren't working at all for me. [editline]15th December 2015[/editline] even though I'm with people everyday I still feel surprisingly lonely.[/QUOTE] I believe because you've felt attached to someone you can feel it with someone else someday. :smile: I feel for you - Sometimes it's difficult to find like-minded friends or to trust others if you've had bad experiences earlier. I'm sorry to hear your sleeping problems. Could you just try to follow your schedule even if you can't sleep and listen some relaxing music instead? It might work later.

I really don't see what the point in living is, everything is about money and there is no such thing as "enough" of anything. I don't even really want anything anymore, I want to finish fixing up my current project car and then somehow get and take a Porsche 356 across the country on a road trip to see the US so I can decide if I'm ready to end it.

Congrats! You've just levelled up in the game of life. Imo everyone gives their own meaning to their life. Your car project and road trip sounds very satisfying and exciting to me. :smile:

So 2016 is going to be a great year for me in terms of school, relationship ect But I've been incredibly lonely for a long time now (my program is SUPER rigorous). While I have my boyfriend, I have no friends otherwise. So out of the blue, an old friend of mine wants to talk again who I cut off a while back for a whole bunch of shit he pulled. I don't know what to do.

Not worth the temporary relief, loneliness pangs don't have an easy patch up fix

[QUOTE=guanne;49328360]So 2016 is going to be a great year for me in terms of school, relationship ect But I've been incredibly lonely for a long time now (my program is SUPER rigorous). While I have my boyfriend, I have no friends otherwise. So out of the blue, an old friend of mine wants to talk again who I cut off a while back for a whole bunch of shit he pulled. I don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] Give them an honest chance, but give them little room for error/a short leash. Like with my first ex, I thought maybe we could be just friends again, but all too soon she showed signs of her old habits rising up again, the habits that made things untenable in the first place, so I got the hell out of dodge faster than a roadrunner with a rocket up the arse. Don't be afraid to let people in, but don't be afraid to shut them back out again if they pull the same old crap.

I automatically think "i should just fucking kill myself" whenever the slightest thing goes wrong lol. It's become embedded in my brain or something

Over the last few days, it's been one tragedy in my family after another. My mom's uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my uncle was hospitalized for HIV and cirrhosis of the liver. Then my mom's uncle passed away a few days ago, my uncle is essentially paralyzed and has less than a year to live, and we have no money to do anything about either thing. Along with that, this morning, Fedex lost a package that had a check in it that my mom needs to help her aunt pay for the burial of her uncle and now we're waiting around to see if it turns up and she's frustrated and I have to be the one person who holds everything together. Because for some reason I guess I look like someone who has it all together. I don't, but. I dunno. I guess I gotta keep up the illusion for right now. And it's hard.

I don't want to do anything anymore. What's the point in living if you wake up every goddamn day tired, demotivated and shit on by people that are supposed to be your friends. My life is such a joke, I go from happy to sad to happy to sad so much I don't even know why I keep posting about it. Something good happens, I mention it, and it all goes to shit again and we're back to square one. If my specialist doesn't cut out my colon I swear to god I'm going to stab my side and pull this fucking thing out myself. All it's done is cause me absolute grief and suffering beyond measure. I've got nothing left to give but everyone expects more from me. Just fuck it.

[QUOTE=Suff;49327951]Don't knock Homeless Shelters. That's a warm place to sleep in winter. Be grateful those are around. If it weren't for Shelters, I'm not sure I would have survived some of the cold nights I have seen. Don't rely on your friends, those will rarely pull through for you. They aren't real friends. If there is no hiring in your town, you may have to relocate. I've relocated five or six times. I can give you solid advice in this regard. Being Homeless isn't as bad as some of the people here make it to be. You have a warm mat, some cases a bed, and food in your stomach. You can even charge your phone. Salvation Army only charges $6 a night(?), and had good experiences with them. Good Sams, hate to say it, but bed bugs are typically bad with non-salv shelters. If you're thinking about relocating, I can give you advice as to which cities are best.[/QUOTE] I dont think you understand the relationship me and my friend have... We have been planning to live together for years.

Have you ever felt like you're surrounded by lots of people but you still feel alone and isolated? I'm not sure why but people I care about always leaves, disappears. I know people will always leave and new people will come but not me. Everyone is always taken away by life or something else. Even with people who I know about who I still meet often, I'm starting to lose my meaning for them. Right now I could probably just kill myself and no one would bat an eye. And now my best friend, who lives halfway across the world and is the only reason I'm still breathing, hasn't talked to me in days. We only talk on facebook and she hasn't replied to my messages for a long time, she still goes online, but I don't know why she isn't talking to me. I am so dependent on her, she comforts me everytime.

Ok so I totally regret getting all depressed over the situation with my parents/unemployment/lack of money. Because even if I don't get a job there are other ways of me scraping up money to get down to my friend, my friend said worst case she'd pay for my ticket. Plus I decided to get back into mma/kickboxing and when I get a job down there with my friend Im spending some to treat myself to some professional boxing gloves, professional customized yokkao shorts and some gear. I forgot how good it feels to have a physical hobby besides running.

All it took was a fresh perspective on the situation. I wish you the best friend.

[QUOTE=draugur;49330320]All it took was a fresh perspective on the situation. I wish you the best friend.[/QUOTE] thank you

I wanna give myself a chance, grab life by the balls, man up and tell this girl about my feelings. Gonna do it when holiday starts in a few days