Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=kyle877;49348918]Since my girlfriend and I have broken up, I've lost all motivation to do anything. I've had several people comment on my appearance taking a deathly pallor, too. At least I look how I feel, I guess.[/QUOTE] Sounds like you were emotionally dependant on her providing you happiness in life. Probably played a role in you breaking up. You need to realize now that you have the freedom to pursue and optimize your life socially, career-wise, spiritually and emotionally to seize the opportunities that rise with that freedom. To eventually re-attract your ex or to move on to someone better. Either way it's a win-win situation my friend. If you're too depressed to even begin making your life better, you start with seeking professional treatment.

Fuck, I might actually kill myself if my friend is actually ignoring and trying to avoid me, or is dead.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;49349149]Fuck, I might actually kill myself if my friend is actually ignoring and trying to avoid me, or is dead.[/QUOTE] This is a toxic attachment to something you have no control over. Let go of trying to control the uncontrollable and observe the ending result as sometimes things need to play themselves out before they are available again to interact with.

what? we depend on each other

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;49349207]what? we depend on each other[/QUOTE] Co-dependence is a toxic attachment.

Hey guys, if you're looking for something to commit to, try out [url=http://fitbit.com/]FitBit[/url]. It probably sounds really weird to recommend it, but hear me out. FitBit's easy to get into and requires you to get your life together in specific ways: - You've gotta focus on your caloric intake, which requires you to investigate the foods you eat and learn, which gives you the means to get better and better. - You've gotta take more walks which inspires you to either set aside some time for personal thought as you waltz around, set aside some time as you burn through podcasts and shut your brain down a bit, or give yourself the opportunity to walk to different places. You're gonna be walking anyway, have you seen your neighborhood? Gotta do some shopping? It inspires you to do stuff and also build a schedule. - It's pretty easy. I started at 210 and I'm now at 183 - I started in September and I'm not doing anything crazy like going to the gym or whatever. It's just walking and eating, and I still eat what most would define as "bad", just less of it. - It's something to look forward to. Once you get the hang of it, you'll see at the end of the day that you've hit where you need to be and it's comforting. It's something to reinforce a positive mindset as well as an organized mindset. It encourages good stuff, and the reason why I'm posting it here is it could be the chink in people's negative armor. I think finding a starting point for good thoughts can take you a long way and inspire commitment. [editline]19th December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Solodris;49349222]Co-dependence is a toxic attachment.[/QUOTE] Here's the mantra that I live by in relationships and stuff like that: I don't want people to be with me because they [I]have[/I] to. If they have to, there's something definitely wrong - whether it's sharing leases or a mental dependence. That's not genuine or valid. The way I look at it is I want the metaphorical door to be as wide open for people to up and leave as possible. I don't like stacking stuff in front of it and keeping it closed. I want people to stay with me in spite of being able to leave. In your case, you should figure out how to maintain yourself and stick with that person in spite of your ability to depend on yourself, because otherwise you're not only doing yourself a disservice, you're sticking around under the false pretense that you have to. I know people that give themselves 100% to the other person and it never turns out great. If one person falters, the other person crumbles. And in those relationships I've seen, it's never thought of that the other person would ever leave, but they sometimes will and they sometimes do. Even if they don't leave, you owe it to everyone else around you but especially yourself to be stable and to not depend on others so much. It's liberating, in my opinion, and also makes any love that comes afterwards more genuine and healthy. [editline]19th December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=IJNOMED;49344043]I really almost regret taking a gap year and probably not bothering with college. I can't afford college and I lack the money, how much do you guys think it would cost to do two years of a vocational trade college? I have decided I want to become an auto mechanic. Don't question it. A lot of people say "well you wont like that lifestyle..." No believe me I went to a vocational highschool and I did a month of auto repair and I love it. I loved the atmosphere, I loved the smells, I liked working with cars.[/QUOTE] Don't bother with college unless you're looking to jump into the "intellectual culture" in some way with all of the prerequisites and what not. College isn't job training, no matter how much people want to make it out to be like that. If your job doesn't require the degree but instead depends on certifications and a perfection of craft, I'd 100% go for it and vehemently encourage it. You'll save yourself aching from loans, burnout, etc. The thing I'd keep in mind, though, is if you ever get an itch for something else, you might want to consider college simply because of how universal the pre-req's are. But like I said do some research and ensure it's a craft-emphasized job as opposed to "well you have the degree so I'm gonna hire you".

I bought some Modafinil and it's helping me concentrate a lot. Finally something to help my ADD, I haven't felt this good in a long time. Too bad it costs so much here. Anyone know where to buy some that costs less than 25euros and ships to Europe/Lithuania?

[QUOTE=Solodris;49349222]Co-dependence is a toxic attachment.[/QUOTE] No, I disagree, I have a co-dependent relationship with a friend. It's not toxic, we butt heads sometimes and life gets in the way, but it's not the end of the world. What GoldAssasin needs to realize is: sometimes life gets in the way, the person could be going through some shit and might avoid talking to you to prevent themselves from lashing out on you. [editline]19th December 2015[/editline] I know I avoid talking to certain people when I'm going through shit with my family, because I don't want to lash out on them if they say something that bothers me. It's good to have someone to depend on but also have them be dependent on you, it all depends on how you can handle it.

There's a difference between a mutual, beneficial "partnership" when it comes to being friends or being in a relationship and being co-dependent Honestly, being too dependent on ANYONE, no matter what the relationship, can be pretty detrimental. You learn to function only when you're with or around them or when you're talking to them and it ends up that when they have to do something else or they end up devoting time and effort to someone or something else, that it can cave in. Relationships should have mutual trust and support, but co-dependence may be a step too far. That's how I see it, anyway. It may just come down to terminology, but being overly dependent on just one person just sounds like a recipe for being extremely disappointed at some point down the line.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49349144]Sounds like you were emotionally dependant on her providing you happiness in life. Probably played a role in you breaking up. You need to realize now that you have the freedom to pursue and optimize your life socially, career-wise, spiritually and emotionally to seize the opportunities that rise with that freedom. To eventually re-attract your ex or to move on to someone better. Either way it's a win-win situation my friend. If you're too depressed to even begin making your life better, you start with seeking professional treatment.[/QUOTE] I gave up a high paying job and a good place to live to make her happy by moving somewhere else. I don't have any friends or family in this area.

am i even a human being i don't recognize myself in the mirror

[QUOTE=_jesterk;49351266]am i even a human being i don't recognize myself in the mirror[/QUOTE] To be human is to be imperfect The people who struggle in life the most always seem more human than those who face few obstacles

[QUOTE=kyle877;49350038]I gave up a high paying job and a good place to live to make her happy by moving somewhere else. I don't have any friends or family in this area.[/QUOTE] Make new friends, people always want new friends look at facebook they can't help themselves. Seriously though take time out to do things where you meet new people, you can't find new friends around the house.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49349908]There's a difference between a mutual, beneficial "partnership" when it comes to being friends or being in a relationship and being co-dependent Honestly, being too dependent on ANYONE, no matter what the relationship, can be pretty detrimental. You learn to function only when you're with or around them or when you're talking to them and it ends up that when they have to do something else or they end up devoting time and effort to someone or something else, that it can cave in. Relationships should have mutual trust and support, but co-dependence may be a step too far. That's how I see it, anyway. It may just come down to terminology, but being overly dependent on just one person just sounds like a recipe for being extremely disappointed at some point down the line.[/QUOTE] Co-dependence can also push people away, because at some point one person is going to figure out that they don't really need co-dependence and want some freedom, not necessarily meaning "break-up" or whatever but some independence none-the-less. Then the other person doesn't catch the signs of that happening and continue to be them, pushing them away. Then when they do catch those hints, they push even harder until the other person leaves and the person that's left has no idea what happened.

Shit... well I guess I shouldn't call my friendship with my friend "co-dependence" I mean now you guys have got me thinking "is it co-dependence?" "is this a negative thing or a positive thing?" "are either one of us wanting more freedom/independence?" "are we just good friends?" "what is this?" Now I'm a little concerned.

Okay now you're over thinking it. Are they the entire reason for your existence, as defined by you? This sort of situation is most dangerous or common for individuals who see relationships as the most important thing in their life, or want one person to be their everything and to "save" them. A good relationship goes both ways, in many fashions, but not always at the same time. I think you're fine. Let it develop a bit more.

If that person were to ever be sucked out of your life, would you be able to move on or would you enter a self-destructive path? With a lot of the people I love in my life, if they were to die then hey, I'll become sad and have to work myself out of a rut, but if my best friends just out of nowhere said, "You're a fucking idiot," I'll just move on despite being a bit hurt instead of collapsing into nothingness. I don't "depend" on my friends, although I can totally understand where you're coming from with dependence. There was a time where I falsely deluded myself into thinking that I need others. Outside of our need for social interactions, we don't really need anyone in particular, or at least not to the extent it sounds like you're making it. Do you enjoy that person? Cool! Do you like spending time with that person? Cool. Do you need that person to experience happiness? Bad. Do you need that person as a source of motivation for living? Bad. (Note that when I say "bad", I'm not suggesting that [I]you're[/I] bad, but that you've gotta change and possibly take some time to yourself to be happy on your own. Or see a therapist, maybe - whatever gets you closer to not needing others. I think part of the problem with the feeling of needing others is kind of how we romanticize love and bonding in general in media... it shouldn't be like that. Gotta love others in spite of not needing to do so.

Signing up to go see the uni counselling service for (possible?) depression. What kind of stuff do you talk about in these kind of things? I have to fill out an info sheet to send off but just wondering what its like from people who have been to them before.

I really fucking hate the term anti-social, that's what they call me at school. I'm not trying to avoid socializing, I'm fucking struggling to fit in but no one would accept me. Besides I don't think she's busy, She has time to change her profile but not reply, or even just simply read my messages.

[QUOTE=_jesterk;49351266]am i even a human being i don't recognize myself in the mirror[/QUOTE] [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotard_delusion]Cotard delusion?[/url] [editline]20th December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Complifusedv2;49353983]Signing up to go see the uni counselling service for (possible?) depression. What kind of stuff do you talk about in these kind of things? I have to fill out an info sheet to send off but just wondering what its like from people who have been to them before.[/QUOTE] I've only been to school counseling once, and it was awful. The counseler didn't know shit about any mental illnesses or psychology in general. She told me I was acting like a girl, that I need to man up and that I need god in my life. Never again.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;49354335]I really fucking hate the term anti-social, that's what they call me at school. I'm not trying to avoid socializing, I'm fucking struggling to fit in but no one would accept me. Besides I don't think she's busy, She has time to change her profile but not reply, or even just simply read my messages.[/QUOTE] School one of those places were people love to label people, yea it sucks but the only way to get pass it just to ignore it. Your giving them power by being upset about what they called you, people have called me a lots of things but fuck them I don't give a shit. When a friend being weird with me, ( everyone has this problem a couple times a year ) I usually try ask them are they ok? If that fails I remember the quote "friends come and go"

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;49354335]I really fucking hate the term anti-social, that's what they call me at school. I'm not trying to avoid socializing, I'm fucking struggling to fit in but no one would accept me. Besides I don't think she's busy, She has time to change her profile but not reply, or even just simply read my messages.[/QUOTE] An alternate way to look at things, and one that has made me feel better, is that you don't necessarily have social obligations. There's an expectation that you should go out and do stuff, but in my experience it's really only caused unneeded stress. If you don't fit in, you don't fit in, easy as that. The thing is that you have to make sure that you're [I]functional[/I] in social situations but not wanting to as opposed to using your inability to function as a means to quit. I'm providing the distinction because in the past I saw the two ideas as one in the same - if I could function in social situations like parties but not find an interest in what's going on, there's something wrong with me - I'm being anti-social. But it's really nothing bad - I just fit in better in different, more introverted situations. I used to hate myself a ton because I had these weird obligations that don't actually exist, so perhaps you should consider that and stop being so hard on yourself. :P

I really fucking despise my life and all the shit that happens in it, but for some reason I don't want to end it. That must be a good thing. I won't argue with it

[QUOTE=Complifusedv2;49353983]Signing up to go see the uni counselling service for (possible?) depression. What kind of stuff do you talk about in these kind of things? I have to fill out an info sheet to send off but just wondering what its like from people who have been to them before.[/QUOTE] I've had a great experience with my counselor at Uni. I was a little skeptical because I've heard some horror stories but idk. It honestly just depends on the counselor. If you don't like one, schools typically have a few options. I would explore them.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49353888]If that person were to ever be sucked out of your life, would you be able to move on or would you enter a self-destructive path? With a lot of the people I love in my life, if they were to die then hey, I'll become sad and have to work myself out of a rut, but if my best friends just out of nowhere said, "You're a fucking idiot," I'll just move on despite being a bit hurt instead of collapsing into nothingness. I don't "depend" on my friends, although I can totally understand where you're coming from with dependence. There was a time where I falsely deluded myself into thinking that I need others. Outside of our need for social interactions, we don't really need anyone in particular, or at least not to the extent it sounds like you're making it. Do you enjoy that person? Cool! Do you like spending time with that person? Cool. Do you need that person to experience happiness? Bad. Do you need that person as a source of motivation for living? Bad. (Note that when I say "bad", I'm not suggesting that [I]you're[/I] bad, but that you've gotta change and possibly take some time to yourself to be happy on your own. Or see a therapist, maybe - whatever gets you closer to not needing others. I think part of the problem with the feeling of needing others is kind of how we romanticize love and bonding in general in media... it shouldn't be like that. Gotta love others in spite of not needing to do so.[/QUOTE] I mean if she were to cut me out of her life I'd be able to find my own way away from my family. So yeah I guess I was over thinking it, it's fine.

I feel so anxious about everything lately. It's harder than it's ever been to message people or call people or do anything. With my girlfriend, she keeps wanting to watch stuff and I keep putting it off because I'm too anxious to just give her a yes or no answer and I spent so much time putting simple things off and trying to ignore them because they make me nervous with friends, I've barely talked to anyone in over a month and they're noticing plus people get mad when I don't call them or message them but I can't give them an honest answer, that I spent hours laying in bed knowing I need to call them and trying to ignore it and feeling anxious as all hell it's so hard to do anything more than nothing

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;49360792]I feel so anxious about everything lately. It's harder than it's ever been to message people or call people or do anything. With my girlfriend, she keeps wanting to watch stuff and I keep putting it off because I'm too anxious to just give her a yes or no answer and I spent so much time putting simple things off and trying to ignore them because they make me nervous with friends, I've barely talked to anyone in over a month and they're noticing plus people get mad when I don't call them or message them but I can't give them an honest answer, that I spent hours laying in bed knowing I need to call them and trying to ignore it and feeling anxious as all hell it's so hard to do anything more than nothing[/QUOTE] Have you told your friends about this? It can sound hard but try letting them know that you just aren't feeling good right now. Just let people know about it, if they believe you or not it's their problem, try to be alright with yourself first. [editline]21st December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Enola;49355430]I really fucking despise my life and all the shit that happens in it, but for some reason I don't want to end it. That must be a good thing. I won't argue with it[/QUOTE] Just like bad things, great things can happen in life, you just need to be alive to see them. We're all gonna die at some point, might as well enjoy life and probably try to shape up with the time we have leff.

felt happy for a few seconds yesterday for the first time in +4 years now i want to kill myself to stop feeling pain

[QUOTE=_jesterk;49362631]felt happy for a few seconds yesterday for the first time in +4 years now i want to kill myself to stop feeling pain[/QUOTE] Don't die man. Not for me, for you. If you die now then you'll lose the chance to be happy again in the future, it's a permanent solution for something temporary. Don't leave us jester

[QUOTE=Enola;49337366]She just wants to be friends. My heart is broken and I'd rather be dead [editline]17th December 2015[/editline] She told me she had a dream we were dating. I thought she'd be the one to finally fix me[/QUOTE] No one is able to fix you. That is your responsibility. Your life will be hell and you will make other people lives a hell until you do fix yourself. [QUOTE]I tend to find most of my anxiety comes from uncertainty about social situations and worrying that what I say will be out of context or confusing to people. One that really annoys me is not knowing something, for example I tend to have a disconnect when it comes to the context of some situations. It's not knowing what other people know that infuriates me[/QUOTE] I suspect a lot of your obstablces are neurological in nature. Overall you re a decent person. I am saying you may have some differences that makes it difficult in a society not designed for you. The sooner you figure out why you re different, the sooner you can figure out strageties to deal with the issues you are having. For social cues, I sorta have the same issue. How I over came that is focus on word patterns.