Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

Today was a good day, first in a long time. It's nice going to bed feeling not shitty.

So like, I've dealt with anxiety and borderline depression for over a year, it's clearing up, I think. Living alone both helps and doesn't help. I've finally started to realise that depending on friends for happiness doesn't do anything - my only issue is how do I balance that? Like I've managed to teach myself that all the anxiety based issues are in your head the majority of the time. People are aresholes and will talk behind your back - it's sort of a given thing at this point - they're not really intending to be mean with it because why would they do anything with you in the first place. There's other reasons. They know you better than you know yourself etc etc etc. I'm getting better socially, giving less of a shit of what people think works, but I feel like I have to be cautious with that. My personality is coming out again, which was generally just being quite happy and laughing at shit I found funny, I guess when I got rumbled about a year ago I kind of lost that. Anyhow; how do I balance not depending on other people for happiness while also not distancing myself from people? Like genuine connection is great but it's also pretty dangerous. How do you not fall into relying on people while still also enjoying what you do. Another thing that weirds me out a lot, which is semi-related; people grow seemingly [I]huge[/I] attachments to people, like - they'll cry when they leave them, say all this stuff about how much they miss you and so on but I genuinely don't feel much in those situations. Is it because I know I'll see them again anyway? This is more towards my friends in America I guess.

[QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;49365191]So like, I've dealt with anxiety and borderline depression for over a year, it's clearing up, I think. Living alone both helps and doesn't help. I've finally started to realise that depending on friends for happiness doesn't do anything - my only issue is how do I balance that? Like I've managed to teach myself that all the anxiety based issues are in your head, and if they're not - then either confront them or leave them alone, I'm getting better socially I feel so there's a start. Anyhow; how do I balance not depending on other people for happiness while also not distancing myself from people? Like genuine connection is great but it's also pretty dangerous. How do you not fall into relying on people while still also enjoying what you do.[/QUOTE] I have no answer for you. I am very much a loner. Learn from your falls, I guess.

I spent so long trying to find out about other people I never bothered to ask myself those questions... Which is where I'm at now. "Finding myself" or some pretentious crap like that. [editline]22nd December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=JohhnyCarson;49365208]I have no answer for you. I am very much a loner. Learn from your falls, I guess.[/QUOTE] Do you mind being a loner? What do you do that makes you one?

[QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;49365233]I spent so long trying to find out about other people I never bothered to ask myself those questions... Which is where I'm at now. "Finding myself" or some pretentious crap like that. [editline]22nd December 2015[/editline] Do you mind being a loner? What do you do that makes you one?[/QUOTE] I prefer my own company and my own thoughts. Being around people makes me feel lonesome.

Would anyone be interested in some of my diary entries on personal discoveries? Strange question to ask I know but excerpts and so forth from them might be interesting to some of you guys who are a bit lost. Not intending to be a messiah or a guiding light, but it's nice to see other people's perspectives on tackling these things. And if you have any similar blogs like this I'd love to see them. [editline]22nd December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=JohhnyCarson;49365271]I prefer my own company and my own thoughts. Being around people makes me feel lonesome.[/QUOTE] That's fair enough, do you limit where you go because of this? You can still enjoy your own company at events and so forth, curious if you do.

[QUOTE]Would anyone be interested in some of my diary entries on personal discoveries? Strange question to ask I know but excerpts and so forth from them might be interesting to some of you guys who are a bit lost. Not intending to be a messiah or a guiding light, but it's nice to see other people's perspectives on tackling these things. And if you have any similar blogs like this I'd love to see them.[/QUOTE] You would be helping people on one hand. Do keep in mind what you say can haunt you. You decide what is best. [QUOTE]That's fair enough, do you limit where you go because of this? You can still enjoy your own company at events and so forth, curious if you do.[/QUOTE] I do. However I am when able, you would find me reading books or trying to come up with ideas. A lot of people I talk to seem to the equivelent of talking to a wall. Another thing is I am talking to you through the net because it is a means of a clear boundary. Establishing boundaries in person isnt easy for me. Here? Most definitely easy to set them.

I can actually understand what you mean with boundaries. Some people drop them incredibly easy which confuses me, when somebody tries to push mine, I enjoy it but freak out a little bit? I have two friends which get along amazingly well, their boundaries are borderline flirtatious at times - but I don't know how to read that kind of stuff. How do you mean what I write will haunt me as well? edit: amazing how some of these issues relate to being on the spectrum, I could easily be placed on it with some of the things I describe.

I can't read boundaries at all good lord. I don't think its because I'm on the spectrum, or maybe I am. idk. I think its related mostly to ADHD pulling me "out" of the world so I never could pay attention to subtleties. That and I always moved around from the ages of 6-16, so I never formed permanent friendships or had many friends at all. I got along fine with kids in person and in class, I just never got invited over and if I did I was deeply uncomfortable with it. So my amount of social exposure was tiny. I usually just stayed in and read books. At recess I'd do the same, or mind my own business in a corner of the playground. Its mostly played out in that I'm really bad at picking up on flirtiness among friends, or silly stuff like that. I'm especially talented at falling for people who are friends. Its part of why I distance myself from others and prefer to be alone. I can't control my emotions very well (at least now I'm sorta learning to), and combine that with how easily I fall for someone and it results in a lot of "fun" haha

[QUOTE]How do you mean what I write will haunt me as well?[/QUOTE] People have a tendency to being judgmental over the most pettiest of things and twisting them to suit their inanity. I do however am interested in hearing what you have learned. Like I said, it may help people tremendously.

I'm really terrible at quantizing my emotions too. I can't describe what various emotional states should feel like, or recognize them in others. Only the simple ones like happy/angry/sad are easy. [editline]21st December 2015[/editline] oops damn you johhnycarson :v:

[QUOTE=JohhnyCarson;49365533]People have a tendency to being judgmental over the most pettiest of things and twisting them to suit their inanity. I do however am interested in hearing what you have learned. Like I said, it may help people tremendously.[/QUOTE] Eh, If they want to get upset over a person's mental development they can shove it. Most of what I post wont be majorly incriminating if it ever found its way to my social media anyway. [editline]22nd December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=_jesterk;49351266]am i even a human being i don't recognize myself in the mirror[/QUOTE] Actually coming back to this, I [I]completely[/I] understand how you feel. Looking at yourself, know your features, knowing what you look like - but not knowing the way it's perceived. I mean, you've looked at yourself your whole life right? I know me but I don't [I]know[/I] me. [editline]22nd December 2015[/editline] Bit the bullet, made the blog: [url]http://psychologicalaesthetic.tumblr.com/[/url]

[QUOTE]Another thing that I realised, the more comfortable I was with myself, the more comfortable I was around other people. Kind of like my anxiety was flaring up as much. It still does, but there’s also a lot of room for improvement :)[/QUOTE] This, I dont want to be weird or make an example of you, but this is the result. What will happen is you will become a more compassionate and tolerant human being as a result. I have seen people go the other way and they dont turn out too kindly.

So working on physical appearance might make you feel better about yourself. I mean it's working for me. My whole view on it is: Be content with yourself the way you are now, strive to be the best you, but also love current you. Because you wouldn't be able to get to future you without current you being stuck.

Anyone else struggle with insomnia as a depression/anxiety symptom? Falling asleep typically isn't an issue, but staying asleep is. I'm too light of a sleeper. Anyone have any tips or anything..? I typically need to be AWAKE when I wake up so I'm hesitant on relying too heavily on medication that can leave me drowsy the morning after since that's the main side effect I get from tons of medications that I take.

For the anxiety, have you tried relaxation exercises?

[QUOTE=Pascall;49367030]Anyone else struggle with insomnia as a depression/anxiety symptom? Falling asleep typically isn't an issue, but staying asleep is. I'm too light of a sleeper. Anyone have any tips or anything..? I typically need to be AWAKE when I wake up so I'm hesitant on relying too heavily on medication that can leave me drowsy the morning after since that's the main side effect I get from tons of medications that I take.[/QUOTE] I've had trouble falling asleep, and taking melatonin ~30 mins before bed usually helps me get through the night. Dunno how effective it would be for you though :s:

[QUOTE=Pascall;49367030]Anyone else struggle with insomnia as a depression/anxiety symptom? Falling asleep typically isn't an issue, but staying asleep is. I'm too light of a sleeper. Anyone have any tips or anything..? I typically need to be AWAKE when I wake up so I'm hesitant on relying too heavily on medication that can leave me drowsy the morning after since that's the main side effect I get from tons of medications that I take.[/QUOTE] For the last three nights my insomnia seems to have came back. I have something big incoming and it's keeping me anxious. Or rather being anxious over the fear that it wouldn't happen. 05:30 in the morning, my mom is probably going to pop in soon and remind me to "just go to sleep". Because it's that easy. For two nights now I've been binge-watching The Strain. It keeps my mind nicely off what keeps me anxious. But once I put a pause on watching it; my heart-rate starts going faster than it should and I feel like I'm about to burst into tears at times. I can't sleep when my body wants to flee.

Feeling particularly down tonight, for no reason... Love you too depression, thanks for the good time.

Alright so I guess I'm not the only one who's having trouble sleeping. I had trouble last night but I was able to get myself asleep. I distract myself with drawing/browsing before any "depressing thoughts" come, and if they do I try to stop myself and think "holdup that's probably just your depression talking." It's not easy but I can completely understand what you guys are going through.

Recently found out I have social anxiety. Extreme social anxiety. This whole time, my whole life i've wondered why I feel and behave a certain way around others.

my lack of communication skills is probably why i consider myself the worst possible person to be a girlfriend. at least the assholes talk to their SO

I was bullied a lot while growing up and this has lead me to thinking that I'm worthless and no one will ever love me because of the way I look. It is so ingrained into my mind that whenever I meet someone I like I will always think they won't like me anymore because of my body. I have an online friend that I've been talking to for a while. We talk about how we want to meet up and do stuff, blah blah, but I'm so scared he won't like me anymore because I'm a chubby girl, have scars on my thighs, have other skin problems, etc... I think about it everyday and it just hurts so much. I don't really know how to deal with it. I just keep thinking that no one will love me and I'll end up being alone for the rest of my life. :(

I don't know if this is the place to post about this, honestly... I don't think I'm actually depressed long term or anything, and usually I return to 'emotional homeostasis' pretty damn quickly, but I need to talk about this and all of my friends are asleep. Tonight I just learned that I'd failed not one class, (which I expected to be the case), but two last semester in college. Worse, that class I failed has killed the prerequisite for two classes I was planning on taking in the spring. It's four in the morning and I can't sleep because my chest aches. I've never had problems with academics before, hell I kinda' coasted through highschool and AP classes without putting too much extra effort into it now that I think about it. I just showed up for classes and did work and everything was fine. But now I feel like after two relatively easy semesters I've started to fuck everything up, even though I do everything I used to do right in highschool and more. I don't really expect advice or anything... I guess I'll get through in the end so long as I can develop some study habits that work better. It's just... I suppose it's kind of a shock just how difficult this is.

[QUOTE=Qaus;49373802]my lack of communication skills is probably why i consider myself the worst possible person to be a girlfriend. at least the assholes talk to their SO[/QUOTE] I've been instilled with the desire to socialize but not the means to socialize. Me and my "girlfriend" (I've known her for 12 days) video chat on Skype every night and she acts all understanding but I feel like a failure because I'm not as outgoing and expressive as she is.

I'm pretty socially inept and I'm trying to accept the fact that there is a possibility that I'll be alone forever. It may not go down like that, but I'm not going to waste my time hoping for something that I can't even commit myself to.

[QUOTE=Superkusokao;49373927]I was bullied a lot while growing up and this has lead me to thinking that I'm worthless and no one will ever love me because of the way I look. It is so ingrained into my mind that whenever I meet someone I like I will always think they won't like me anymore because of my body. I have an online friend that I've been talking to for a while. We talk about how we want to meet up and do stuff, blah blah, but I'm so scared he won't like me anymore because I'm a chubby girl, have scars on my thighs, have other skin problems, etc... I think about it everyday and it just hurts so much. I don't really know how to deal with it. I just keep thinking that no one will love me and I'll end up being alone for the rest of my life. :([/QUOTE] Everyone who has ever complained to me about how they look has always ended up good looking to me. I suppose I can see beauty where others cannot. [QUOTE=Mysterious;49374100]I'm pretty socially inept and I'm trying to accept the fact that there is a possibility that I'll be alone forever. It may not go down like that, but I'm not going to waste my time hoping for something that I can't even commit myself to.[/QUOTE] Do what I did and set up a dating profile. It's worked for me so far.

I feel emotionally drained right now, I cant see joy in most things and I just feel kinda shitty but I'm not sure why. It's like I just dont want myself to be happy at this point.

[QUOTE=Superkusokao;49373927]I was bullied a lot while growing up and this has lead me to thinking that I'm worthless and no one will ever love me because of the way I look. It is so ingrained into my mind that whenever I meet someone I like I will always think they won't like me anymore because of my body. I have an online friend that I've been talking to for a while. We talk about how we want to meet up and do stuff, blah blah, but I'm so scared he won't like me anymore because I'm a chubby girl, have scars on my thighs, have other skin problems, etc... I think about it everyday and it just hurts so much. I don't really know how to deal with it. I just keep thinking that no one will love me and I'll end up being alone for the rest of my life. :([/QUOTE] You should plan a small meet up first to test and see if you two get along, freel the fear and do it anyways. If he's a true friend he wont mind any scars you have or your weight. True friends don't give a shit what you look like. [editline]23rd December 2015[/editline] Also this is a pretty general rule: you are ussually about 30%more attractive than you see yourself. Once you really realize this you'll start seeing yourself for how you are and not all the small trivial physical flukes you may have. [editline]23rd December 2015[/editline] I know it's tough, unfortunately girls worry more about their physical appearance than guys do and it sucks. It sounds all sjw-ey but it's true: the marketing media is to blame for that. Which is why I went through a phase where I refused to spend money on makeup, and why I use a men's wallet instead of a purse. My face cleared up immensely. But as of recent I wear eye makeup and lipstick because there's nothing wrong with enhancing the appearance of what you have. [editline]23rd December 2015[/editline] I wish more men would wear makeup. Tbh it should be a gender neutral thing. Like damn have you seen those smoky deep set eyed, sharp jawed gay men at sephora??? They know what's up.

[QUOTE=Louis;49374375]I feel emotionally drained right now, I cant see joy in most things and I just feel kinda shitty but I'm not sure why. It's like I just dont want myself to be happy at this point.[/QUOTE] Well, from what I've learned, there's multiple reasons. The first is how you map your brain. The reason why it's easier to default to a depressed mindset is because of the literal networks your brain creates and accesses all the time, reinforcing it. It takes a lot of time and energy to not think that way and think in spite of it, creating a new network and reinforcing it. If you started from a shitty point and you're at where you're at now with some good and some bad, you're getting better! Just keep at it, and really try to recognize where our brain triggers some negative thinking. The second reason is that it's impossible to be happy all the time. You need some ying for your yang. Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad - embrace it. Let it out. You [I]have[/I] to feel bad in order to get past it. There's just a special way you've gotta go about it so that you don't let those bad feelings envelope you or get too strong. I used to hate myself for feeling bad and hating myself, and it just made me feel so much worse and made me afraid of feeling sad. It was cyclical bullshit. When I figured out how to let myself feel bad and be okay with feeling bad, it became harder for me to reach as low as I did previously with my emotions. [editline]23rd December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Qaus;49373802]my lack of communication skills is probably why i consider myself the worst possible person to be a girlfriend. at least the assholes talk to their SO[/QUOTE] Gotta be careful with your wording. Are you suggesting that the "asshole always gets the woman" or something along those lines? Because if you are, you've gotta question what makes them "awful"? It gets dangerously close to the mentality that makes claims of friend-zoning and stuff - not that I'm accusing you of having that mentality, but a warning that people who complain of that put them in the position to always fail, and the only way to escape that is to think positive, accept rejection, and get out there. I'm going to see if I can take some improv classes soon - Maddox talked about how that got him out of his shell once, and he spoke to me about it once in a chatroom. His philosophy is that the best ability to have when you're out in public for any reason is to be able to say anything when you would otherwise have nothing to say. Perhaps you could consider that! If not, he talked about a book that he read on his podcast: [quote]Maddox: No, but I think…I think that if guys knew these…some of these techniques…and ultimately, it all comes down to this. Neil Strauss said that you could either study the Game, or you could take an improv class and then be confident. Erin: Completely. Maddox: Like, that's all it is. Erin: Yes. Maddox: The Game is…I can summarize it in two concepts. One, be confident. Erin: Mhmm. Maddox: Two, be interesting. Erin: Mhmm. Maddox: That's it. [/quote]