Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

Not sure if this is the right place for this: About a few months ago my brother introduced me to this beautiful woman who was in the end-stages of transitioning. I mean, by god she was gorgeous. We met briefly, hit it off, that kinda stuff. Spent a couple of days with her and my brother, was actually the most fun I had in a long time. She lived in the city, I lived...2+ hours away. So I try to talk to my brother over the months, see if we can do that again on a later date. He kinda just...stops talking after I mention her. I think to myself "okay, maybe he's too busy to talk about that, I'll try again later". He clams up every time I mention her name. I'm unsure what that means, so I shrug and stop pestering about it. A friend recently came back from Taiwan and we were chatting it up on buttbook. I go shitpost on my brother's page when I see her profile under "friends". Naturally I levitate towards it and see how she's doing. Still very pretty, but it seems she may have found another in the time span between us meeting. I felt like a huge weight sat on my chest. I mean, I should've known better. I should've realized it was just her being friendly with me, just laughing just so I'd go away faster. I just got caught up in the moment, thinking at that moment in time that I was actually someone interesting to be around. I suppose it's for the best though. I have a tendency to disappoint people pretty fast, so this shouldn't be such a surprise, I guess. [QUOTE=Mister Sandman;48650966]I guess I'm one of the unlucky ones. I think my anti-depressants are making it worse. I went off them for a few days after my psychiatrist got dropped and everything went to shit and I could barely function, so I started taking them again and now I can at least function but I'm depressed every day and the smallest things are making me extremely upset and anxious. If I stop busying myself even for a second I get majorly depressed and can't pull myself out of it. I'm having suicidal thoughts and all that shit, but it only gets worse if I go off them. I don't know what the fuck to do. I don't have a psychiatrist anymore. I have no source of medical advice at all, and none in the foreseeable future. So my sum total of going to this psychiatrist is that my depression has gotten worse because of the anti-depressants and now I'm essentially addicted to them because if I stop taking them everything goes to shit.[/QUOTE] A major side effect in a lot of anti-depressants is the chance that they actually make symptoms worse. I'd advise seeking a new psychiatrist, if possible, and mentioning this to them so they can prescribe an alternative. In the meantime, do your best with what you're doing now, try to stay busy and active. Maybe a little bit of exercise to wear away at some stress you may be having. [QUOTE=MrJazzy;48652076]It seems like every dream I've had recently have been about dad, I miss him a lot[/QUOTE] There really isn't anything I can say about this so /hug <3 [QUOTE=aussiedropbear;48652901]I swear I'm fucked in the head or someshit idfk I get really pissed off at my best friend just because he's still friends with someone I hate despite that person always shit talking my friend, condescending etc.. unless im just delusional. But then I proceed to take that anger out on my friend for some reason trying to convince him why he shouldn't be friends and shit. Fuck I was just looking for reasons to go off at him about completely unrelated things as well. And at the end of it he gets shitty at me then I feel depressed. I have pretty bad anger issues as well which probably doesnt help as well. It feels like this isn't fucking normal at all and I should really get help or something. Or that it's going to fuck our friendship somewhat. Is there like anything I can do about this or would the best option be go see someone? Its not just that either I get like really pissed off at fairly small things as well then sometimes I take my anger out on someone else (really passive aggressive like) then I get all depressed until the next day.[/QUOTE] If you feel its getting to a point where its interfering with yours and others' lives, seeking help would be a wise decision. You can actively take steps to control your anger by the whole "counting to 10" or simply trying to isolate yourself momentarily from the source, but I'm not an expert. I advise seeking an expert about this. They'd be a much greater help in assisting you. That said, this friend sound like a real issue for you. If you can't convince your friend that he's really a jerk, I'd advise avoiding him as much as possible. People like that exist and its better to just not worth the trouble.

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;48650966]I guess I'm one of the unlucky ones. I think my anti-depressants are making it worse. I went off them for a few days after my psychiatrist got dropped and everything went to shit and I could barely function, so I started taking them again and now I can at least function but I'm depressed every day and the smallest things are making me extremely upset and anxious. If I stop busying myself even for a second I get majorly depressed and can't pull myself out of it. I'm having suicidal thoughts and all that shit, but it only gets worse if I go off them. I don't know what the fuck to do. I don't have a psychiatrist anymore. I have no source of medical advice at all, and none in the foreseeable future. So my sum total of going to this psychiatrist is that my depression has gotten worse because of the anti-depressants and now I'm essentially addicted to them because if I stop taking them everything goes to shit.[/QUOTE] The everything goes to shit will pass in about 2 weeks after the withdrawal ends if you do it cold turkey(Do not recommend). If it's possible to go to a walk-in or visit a GP they can give you a different one to try, at least I know they can in canada. If you want to get off them and you can't talk to a doctor taper at %10 of the dosage per week. That should make the withdrawal less harsh or if you're lucky no withdrawal at all.

Thoughts about death and suicide are giving me major anxiety problems. I am isolating and not eating healthy or exercising even though I know i'm purchasing a one way ticket for the pathetic idiot express to rock bottom via depression city courtesy of mental illness railways we don't stop til the end of the line and we might not even stop there happy normal people need not apply hold on to your belongings ladies and gentlemen you might lose personal items including dignity and self worth this will not be a comfortable ride if you want to get off then too fucking bad mental illness railways does not offer refunds or opt outs Here we go

[QUOTE=Vaught;48644114] From what, though? Has anything jarring or upsetting happened to cause the self-loathing? [/QUOTE]No. I just hate myself. I always have. It's a constant.

So, I decided that since I've noticed a pattern in my behavior, and I just graduated highschool, I wanted to take a gap year to try and figure myself out and help myself. I'm depressed and bi-polar and I have a pretty bad anxiety disorder and I've attempted once. I looked at my past and whenever I'm in school or working or out I tend to just push away my problems and my anxiety and all my issues and hide behind them until it comes to a head and I end up self-harming or worse. I used to have a therapist and stuff like that, but I don't really deal with my family much and have no insurance or anything for another one or a doctor for medicine, so naturally I'm constantly fighting with my demons and have been for a long ass time. I'm only 18 so this whole self-dependence thing is new for me. I wanted to take this year for myself but every single fucking person I talk to thinks I've made the wrong decision and am taking the easy way out, but honestly I know I need help, possibly more intense help. It's hard for me to walk past a train without wanting to throw myself in front of it. Even my girlfriend, who knows a lot about my situation, thinks that I'm just avoiding life but fuck me I've been researching help and therapists and calling them and suicide hotlines but now I just think I've made the wrong decision. I don't wanna be happy or "ready" for school or life I just don't want to feel like throwing myself under a car every five fucking minutes. I just don't know if I've made the right move by taking this year to work and get help and nobody supports me and the only person who did (my girlfriend) thinks I'm making a mistake and wasting my time. Like, just fuck, I already hate myself is it too much to ask to do something FOR MYSELF for once and not feel like I'm just putting cinder-blocks on my ankles [editline]11th September 2015[/editline] I just need somebody to fuckin' talk to..

[QUOTE=Chaseymusica;48658206] I just need somebody to fuckin' talk to..[/QUOTE] You can send me pm, if you want to talk to somebody.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48656430]No. I just hate myself. I always have. It's a constant.[/QUOTE] Learn to love yourself. It's a waste to not be yourself even if other people don't like it. You just give them the finger and walk away. [editline]11th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Chaseymusica;48658206]So, I decided that since I've noticed a pattern in my behavior, and I just graduated highschool, I wanted to take a gap year to try and figure myself out and help myself. I'm depressed and bi-polar and I have a pretty bad anxiety disorder and I've attempted once. I looked at my past and whenever I'm in school or working or out I tend to just push away my problems and my anxiety and all my issues and hide behind them until it comes to a head and I end up self-harming or worse. I used to have a therapist and stuff like that, but I don't really deal with my family much and have no insurance or anything for another one or a doctor for medicine, so naturally I'm constantly fighting with my demons and have been for a long ass time. I'm only 18 so this whole self-dependence thing is new for me. I wanted to take this year for myself but every single fucking person I talk to thinks I've made the wrong decision and am taking the easy way out, but honestly I know I need help, possibly more intense help. It's hard for me to walk past a train without wanting to throw myself in front of it. Even my girlfriend, who knows a lot about my situation, thinks that I'm just avoiding life but fuck me I've been researching help and therapists and calling them and suicide hotlines but now I just think I've made the wrong decision. I don't wanna be happy or "ready" for school or life I just don't want to feel like throwing myself under a car every five fucking minutes. I just don't know if I've made the right move by taking this year to work and get help and nobody supports me and the only person who did (my girlfriend) thinks I'm making a mistake and wasting my time. Like, just fuck, I already hate myself is it too much to ask to do something FOR MYSELF for once and not feel like I'm just putting cinder-blocks on my ankles [editline]11th September 2015[/editline] I just need somebody to fuckin' talk to..[/QUOTE] If I'm to assume your friends are around your age they have no idea what life is. The older you get the more you find out that no one has a fucking clue what they are doing. As I said for the other person tell them in polite way fuck you, I'm doing what's best for me. The ones who stay after that are real friends. Don't let other people drag you down as society is a mess and is still in need of massive change. Try talking to some of the 60+ who are still around doing jobs and what not. They give the best advice I find and most of them are pretty nice. Not all of them will be but at least you can get a perspective from someone who's actually got experience in doing the life thing.

Does anyone have any experience talking to their doctor or GP about being suicidal? I've been putting off making a follow-up appointment with him after a diagnosis of "mild depression" last month, as he put it. I want to be more honest with him but I'm kind of afraid of what the consequences are.

[QUOTE=Rinaru;48663908]Does anyone have any experience talking to their doctor or GP about being suicidal? I've been putting off making a follow-up appointment with him after a diagnosis of "mild depression" last month, as he put it. I want to be more honest with him but I'm kind of afraid of what the consequences are.[/QUOTE] I outright told a GP about it and nothing happened as I was already admitted to mental health. The worst outcome is you get help.

[QUOTE=DELL;48659879]Learn to love yourself. It's a waste to not be yourself even if other people don't like it. You just give them the finger and walk away. [/QUOTE]Look, I don't mean to sound harsh or edgy, but I physically can't. I've tried; I've tried so hard. Doesn't work. I feel guilty about having a high opinion of myself and then I spiral downwards.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48664126]Look, I don't mean to sound harsh or edgy, but I physically can't. I've tried; I've tried so hard. Doesn't work. I feel guilty about having a high opinion of myself and then I spiral downwards.[/QUOTE] It is possible and attainable. It's not about blowing yourself up into some super ego head who thinks the world of them self. It's a healthy balance. You need to understand that you, like everyone else, has positive and negative qualities. You're as good and as worthy a person as any in your own way and there's absolutely NO reason there's something you aren't good at or good with or just naturally inclined. Whether you're nice, accepting, or hey maybe you're good at video games. There's vices to everyone but that also means there is ALWAYS some good

How do I turn my life around? I'm currently in the process of trying to find a full time job, I need to lose some weight, and I have really bad problems saving money.

[QUOTE=Chaseymusica;48664644]It is possible and attainable. It's not about blowing yourself up into some super ego head who thinks the world of them self. It's a healthy balance. You need to understand that you, like everyone else, has positive and negative qualities. You're as good and as worthy a person as any in your own way and there's absolutely NO reason there's something you aren't good at or good with or just naturally inclined. Whether you're nice, accepting, or hey maybe you're good at video games. There's vices to everyone but that also means there is ALWAYS some good[/QUOTE]Not sure it is attainable for me. Not once in my life have I ever liked myself or even thought I was even decent. I live with it, it's just how things work for me. It's fucking awful, but it works.

[QUOTE=Rinaru;48663908]Does anyone have any experience talking to their doctor or GP about being suicidal? I've been putting off making a follow-up appointment with him after a diagnosis of "mild depression" last month, as he put it. I want to be more honest with him but I'm kind of afraid of what the consequences are.[/QUOTE] One day I drove there immediately when they opened up for appointments without reservation, because that morning I had been close to the edge twice. I do not regret that. Because I had put on a really good act the other day in front of my psychiatrist whom said; "All looks fine, how bout we see each other again in September?" Worst thing that happened was that my psychiatrist got some slack for failing to see how badly I have it. Best part was that I got help and the whole event was something that has aided me with getting properly diagnosed.

This is mainly to those from the UK due to the way it's handled but, how do I go about moving out and getting housing for myself. I can't afford the deposit or the rent but I am told the council/government will fund that for me, I am so sick of my father and it's been years of hell sprinkled with some good but on the advise of my psychiatrist I have decided now is the time to get the fuck out of here. I just have no idea how to go about it.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48665699]Not sure it is attainable for me. Not once in my life have I ever liked myself or even thought I was even decent. I live with it, it's just how things work for me. It's fucking awful, but it works.[/QUOTE] I hate to be harsh, but its your fault you are in the state of mind you are. Your attitude is really defeatist and the only person that can change your self perception is you. Take a moment to realize that your attitude is shit and you are being completely irrational. Nobody is made of pure malice or malevolence and nobody is all bad. If you asks me, I'd say maybe you are trying but you aren't trying hard enough. Literally, I want you to think of something you consider a positive quality or something you're good at. Right there is a starting point, if you have A good quality or ONE talent you're already a step closer. If you've had these kinds of issues for a long time id suggest getting professional help but you gotta know a lot of people are just like you and struggle. But are you going to be a victim to your own feelings or a survivor? Also Thomo aren't you on the Arma, Air soft threads? I enjoy your posts. Anyway though if you're having issues like that you could try to ask your psych on how to do this or call whatever the UK version of family services you guys have and I assume they'll point you in the right direction. In the mean time get a job and save money and start working on being self reliant, if you already are that's great and keep that up. Research never hurts either

So I had a really nasty set of panic attacks a month or two ago and ever since I've had this disgusting anxiety about my chest/heart. Despite having like tons of ECG tests done which came back all okay, I still get weird sensations and feelings of panic now and then, especially dread. This comes with almost permanent chest tightness too. I'm sure its mostly psychosomatic but its so crippling and dominates my mind with thoughts of there being something seriously wrong. Its horrible. :cry:

[QUOTE=orcywoo6;48669650]So I had a really nasty set of panic attacks a month or two ago and ever since I've had this disgusting anxiety about my chest/heart. Despite having like tons of ECG tests done which came back all okay, I still get weird sensations and feelings of panic now and then, especially dread. This comes with almost permanent chest tightness too. I'm sure its mostly psychosomatic but its so crippling and dominates my mind with thoughts of there being something seriously wrong. Its horrible. :cry:[/QUOTE] Your brain is constantly afraid and it is telling your body to be constantly afraid and it is causing very real sensations and problems. That;s what anxiety is/does. I think that seeing a doctor/psychiatrist/therapist could really help you.

If anybody finds themselves feeling very lonely during the days, getting a pet will definitely help. And if you feel like you can't take care of a dog or a cat - get guinea pigs, they are easier to take care of and much friendlier and more social than rats, hamsters and honestly even cats imo. Make sure you get two though and not just a lone one, guinea pigs don't live that well alone, they are social animals and will become depressed if they are alone.

I'm so tired of feeling alone. I have like one friend that knows me well, everyone else is practically an acquaintance. I feel like all the friends I made when I moved out disappeared with my ex and now I'm stuck where I was, only more alone because everyone is either gone or doesn't know me well enough.

[QUOTE=GhostProject;48671517]I'm so tired of feeling alone. I have like one friend that knows me well, everyone else is practically an acquaintance. I feel like all the friends I made when I moved out disappeared with my ex and now I'm stuck where I was, only more alone because everyone is either gone or doesn't know me well enough.[/QUOTE] I know how you feel, this was basically me back when all my friends moved out of town to study. if you're up for it, look out for events or gatherings with people of the same age group and possibly with the same interests as you. unless you are suffering from crippling social anxiety, I'd say its time to make some new connections.

[QUOTE=orcywoo6;48669650]So I had a really nasty set of panic attacks a month or two ago and ever since I've had this disgusting anxiety about my chest/heart. Despite having like tons of ECG tests done which came back all okay, I still get weird sensations and feelings of panic now and then, especially dread. This comes with almost permanent chest tightness too. I'm sure its mostly psychosomatic but its so crippling and dominates my mind with thoughts of there being something seriously wrong. Its horrible. :cry:[/QUOTE] yo listen up this is called hypervigilance. it's a completely predictable part of the panic reflex and the panic attack scenario for shitloads of people and it evolves into these hypochondriac fantasies you're talking about. went through exactly the same thing as a teenager. the panic attacks will go away eventually but in the meantime there are a couple things to know about them. first of all, panic works like fight or flight. the best thing you can do during an episode where you're monitoring your heartbeat and it escalates to panic is to leave the place it started. go for a walk, sit on your front steps, whatever. the second thing is that 99% of people can't will themselves into a heart attack. what you're going through is completely mundane. was at my gf's house a few months ago and her roommate had a panic attack and actually called an ambulance thinking it was heart stuff. you're gonna be fine. it would really behoove you to see a doctor about it too, i'm amazed they haven't told you any of this. they will prescribe you xanax, which you only have to take during panic attacks and will totally subdue them and make you feel a million times better.

I'm at college now and its only been two weeks but I hate it here, I hate classes I hate all of it. I just want to go do is learn how to do real things, so sick of reading books and writing pointless papers. I want to go home and work on my car that I'm restoring for hours, not write papers and go to lectures.

[QUOTE=ColdWave;48671973]I'm at college now and its only been two weeks but I hate it here, I hate classes I hate all of it. I just want to go do is learn how to do real things, so sick of reading books and writing pointless papers. I want to go home and work on my car that I'm restoring for hours, not write papers and go to lectures.[/QUOTE] You might want to try a trade school or a technical school. Academia is definitely not for everyone and it is never too late to change direction.

[QUOTE=Chaseymusica;48669556]I hate to be harsh, but its your fault you are in the state of mind you are. Your attitude is really defeatist and the only person that can change your self perception is you. Take a moment to realize that your attitude is shit and you are being completely irrational. Nobody is made of pure malice or malevolence and nobody is all bad. If you asks me, I'd say maybe you are trying but you aren't trying hard enough. Literally, I want you to think of something you consider a positive quality or something you're good at. Right there is a starting point, if you have A good quality or ONE talent you're already a step closer. If you've had these kinds of issues for a long time id suggest getting professional help but you gotta know a lot of people are just like you and struggle. But are you going to be a victim to your own feelings or a survivor?[/QUOTE]I never chose to be like this. My attitude is definitely a problem, and no shit I'm irrational, but there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. [editline]13th September 2015[/editline] I apologize for how that probably sounds. I'm definitely a little frustrated but not angry.

I'm fucked. My job hours are about to get cut back severely, I can't find another job and I'm running out of money. I can't get government assistance because I'm not an australian citizen. I've got no one to turn to. And I don't want to go back to New Zealand. But I don't have a choice anymore. I just bawled my eyes out after not being able to cry for the past 4 or so years. I think I'm at my breaking point.

[QUOTE=Weirdness;48672755]I'm fucked. My job hours are about to get cut back severely, I can't find another job and I'm running out of money. I can't get government assistance because I'm not an australian citizen. I've got no one to turn to. And I don't want to go back to New Zealand. But I don't have a choice anymore. I just bawled my eyes out after not being able to cry for the past 4 or so years. I think I'm at my breaking point.[/QUOTE] It will get better, It always does. If you want government assistance you can move to norway, the mountains are beautiful, girls are innocent with decent morals and are also beautiful AND the government literally pay for everything if you're a immigrant who came with nothing. My kurdish friend is getting 22000 kr every month because he told them he had PTSD and couldn't work for a living. My point is, there are ways. Don't give up my friend. Even if you have to cheat the system. The system has fucked many people over anyways so bring justice where justice is due.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48672092]You might want to try a trade school or a technical school. Academia is definitely not for everyone and it is never too late to change direction.[/QUOTE] I personally feel it's too late for me, I have no fucking clue what I want to do in terms of academics, hobbies, etc I probably sound like a broken record but it's gonna start haunting me soon

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48672506]I never chose to be like this. My attitude is definitely a problem, and no shit I'm irrational, but there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. [editline]13th September 2015[/editline] I apologize for how that probably sounds. I'm definitely a little frustrated but not angry.[/QUOTE] You see, right there. You give up hope before you even started looking for it. I know its frustrating but its not a fast thing to change. It takes a lot of time. Basically I think you should try a few things, get out more get active and exercise. If it persists for much longer start seeking professional help and lastly just positively reinforce yourself everyday a bit. [editline]13th September 2015[/editline] I mean hey, you take issue with it but you gotta remember only you can change it and what we say can only go so far if you really want help you gotta seek it professionally and advocate for yourself.

People always say to me, be yourself or be who you are, don't be someone else. Well how am I mean to know who I am? When it turns out you are is not the person anyone gets on with what then, be someone else, change who I am, ignore or stop caring about people?