Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I've posted some in the social advice thread about this, but I seem to have found a girl who I'm interested in, and she's interested in me. thanks to our common friend and some alcohol, we both confessed this to her and she told both of us what we felt. I don't mind, I think this is great, but somehow I'm still feeling incredibly "odd" about it? I don't know how to word it, but it's a negative feeling. uncertainty? even though I'm seeing lots of positive signs, and she has pretty much confessed this stuff as well, I'm still looking for negative signs all the time. I'm trying so hard to read her when it's not really necessary. to begin with, I was really confused since I wasn't picking up on anything negative at all, but for some reason I continued to look. now I'm seeing more and more negative signs, and for all I know, it's probably just made up in my head. not just probably, it most likely is. one thing I've reacted to is that so far, I'm the one who has taken the initiative. I think the only time where she started it was when we were at two different parties and had drunk. she called me on Facebook, but even then, I called her first that night, but she did call me after we had hung up the first time, twice, so um. I'm looking for negativity where there's none. I'm sure she just finds it uncomfortable to ask first so I can ask first. though it's easy to feel like I'm nagging when I'm the one starting every time. is it nagging to reach out once a day? I'm seeing positive ones too though. maybe I should focus more on them. she seems interested in what I'm up to when we're talking. she calls me back if the call is interrupted. she makes sure the conversation is flowing. she asks about me. there's others too, but they're smaller and its some time ago since they happened, but the ones I've listed are reoccurring. [editline]23rd December 2015[/editline] aaaand apparently my financial aid request has been cancelled. apparently being schizophrenic isn't disabling and I'll function decently in work in 2 years aprox according to them. what am I gonna live off for the next 2 years then, implying I'll even be able to work then? the worst part is that I actually had to pay rent and for food when I sent in this request and they don't know I don't pay that anymore. they think I'm still in that previous hospital which had rent. imagine if I still lived there, imagine if I needed to live there, I wouldn't have been able to afford it. they would have fucked up my treatment plan.

I think I might need extra strength melatonin (5mg) because 3 isn't helping much sometimes what else can I do to make me fall asleep easier D:

[QUOTE=kijji;49375075]I think I might need extra strength melatonin (5mg) because 3 isn't helping much sometimes what else can I do to make me fall asleep easier D:[/QUOTE] Walk or otherwise exercise until you feel tired.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49375083]Walk or otherwise exercise until you feel tired.[/QUOTE] Isn't it a bad idea to exercise right before bed though?

[QUOTE=kijji;49375091]Isn't it a bad idea to exercise right before bed though?[/QUOTE] In my experience, yes. Exercise at some point to burn off excess energy, but not right before bed.

[QUOTE=kijji;49375075]I think I might need extra strength melatonin (5mg) because 3 isn't helping much sometimes what else can I do to make me fall asleep easier D:[/QUOTE] Stop looking at screens before going to sleep. Read a book or something. Also stop relying on drugs, your body builds a resistance to them fairly quickly.

tried to go out and take a walk, figured maybe that would help quell the negative thoughts I'm having I got about half a mile in and a neighbor and her dog were outside. The dog started barking at me and getting really close to me, jumping at me at one point while the neighbor kinda just glanced sternly at me a few times. Got the fuck out of there as soon as that started happening. This is the first time I've been outside in over a week and now my anxiety is through the roof. FUCK that was a bad decision

got a christmas message from a friend of mine, feels surprisingly amazing! didn't expect her to send such a nice message since I felt things were a little tense between us, especially lately, but it was so nice. she wrote "you're a fantastic person" in the message which legit teared me up. why are people so nice to me? I don't know what I'm doing right, but it's nice that it just happens, that means they like me for who I am. a girl I met for the first time in 4 years on Saturday (I met her once, never really knew her) sent a message to a common friend of ours a day after we had been drinking saying I was so easy to talk to, easy to like, and just perfect. it's so nice to hear, and all of my friends say positive things as well, that I'm stable, easy to talk to, and so on. to top all of this, I've met a girl who apparently developed a crush on me and I'm crushing on her as well. like, this is just perfect. people are nice, people like me, people like me more than that, and I don't understand why but I don't mind.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49378409]got a christmas message from a friend of mine, feels surprisingly amazing! didn't expect her to send such a nice message since I felt things were a little tense between us, especially lately, but it was so nice. she wrote "you're a fantastic person" in the message which legit teared me up. why are people so nice to me? I don't know what I'm doing right, but it's nice that it just happens, that means they like me for who I am. a girl I met for the first time in 4 years on Saturday (I met her once, never really knew her) sent a message to a common friend of ours a day after we had been drinking saying I was so easy to talk to, easy to like, and just perfect. it's so nice to hear, and all of my friends say positive things as well, that I'm stable, easy to talk to, and so on. to top all of this, I've met a girl who apparently developed a crush on me and I'm crushing on her as well. like, this is just perfect. people are nice, people like me, people like me more than that, and I don't understand why but I don't mind.[/QUOTE] Finish your final thought: its because you aren't as bad as you think you are. [editline]23rd December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Mysterious;49375790]tried to go out and take a walk, figured maybe that would help quell the negative thoughts I'm having I got about half a mile in and a neighbor and her dog were outside. The dog started barking at me and getting really close to me, jumping at me at one point while the neighbor kinda just glanced sternly at me a few times. Got the fuck out of there as soon as that started happening. This is the first time I've been outside in over a week and now my anxiety is through the roof. FUCK that was a bad decision[/QUOTE] Walk a different direction.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49379186]Walk a different direction.[/QUOTE] Other direction is a dead end

[QUOTE=Mysterious;49379695]Other direction is a dead end[/QUOTE] Well then you know what you must do - walk that same direction from the other side of the street and continue to do it until it doesn't bother you. Try and think of the reality of the situation - he's probably not going to get to you. [editline]23rd December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Fort83;49379640]As I was driving home from work tonight, all of a sudden everything I've felt bad about or upset about just seemed to hit me all at once (could've been partially due to the song on the radio being "Hasn't hit me yet". I'm 24, dropped out of multiple colleges, wasted a lot of my parents money, and fight with them. I've amounted to nothing in life and I keep doing the same bad shit over and over again. I'm a failure. Thoughts of my ex came flooding in too, which is kinda abnormal as since we broke up I haven't thought about her much. But part of me missed her even though I was glad it ended. All of these things just came flooding in and I found myself, for the first time in quite a long time, crying nonstop. I had to pull over because I couldn't see. I hate myself, I hate the person I am, the burden that I am.[/QUOTE] Take things one at a time - nowhere to go but up. Don't try to take care of everything all together in one fell swoop - life doesn't work like that.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;49379695]Other direction is a dead end[/QUOTE] And so is not trying to confront your anxiety or fight the thoughts inside your head telling you to give in. We just talked about this in profile messages man. I know how it feels in the moment, and it is wise to accept those feelings and confront them, but it is not an accurate portrayal of your future. Your future is shaped by what you do today, not what you did in the past or what you'll do tomorrow. Parents gave me a hard time for grades again. I know they're right, and that I should have done better, but I just don't see how I can do better beyond trying. College being expensive fucking sucks. I wish I had got treatment for ADHD years before college instead of trying to learn everything about how to study and do well when I have monetary and time pressure on me to do everything right. I'm beginning to believe that despite my passion I need to give up on astronomy or Astronautical engineering, but I know once I lose that hope I'll have very little left to live for. Can't get medication either, so I'm all over the board mentally. I've just been meditating like mad and just trying to focus on my goals for the next quarter. I'm tired of being inadequate and defeated. I just want to meet an academic benchmark for once in my goddamn life.

i've tried to post here dozens of times over the past weeks and i just end up staring at the blank reply box and going to bed [editline]24th December 2015[/editline] i have a colossal amount of insane. unbridled anger and i'm scared i'll hurt/kill someone in a blindfuck rage

Talk to a therapist, or even an on-campus counselor. Check into a mental hospital. Try and find someone you can talk to that will listen to you without heavy judgement. Find someone that can look over your thoughts as you tell them so they can find a pattern and figure out your source of anger.

finally some good news, I had a blood test on friday after years of fairly mild but annoying gastrointestinal symptoms and it turns out I've probably got coeliac disease after years of thinking I had IBS and just dealing with it (I went to a doctor before, didn't have a blood test, tried a kind of half-assed exclusion diet of gluten at one point but saw no improvement), this is a fucking revelation [editline]24th December 2015[/editline] I also seriously didn't think it was possible because the symptoms always sound so extreme (failure to thrive in children?? I'm HUGE and never had an issue in childhood) now someone has to shove a camera up my ass and make a proper judgement

[QUOTE=Superkusokao;49373927]I was bullied a lot while growing up and this has lead me to thinking that I'm worthless and no one will ever love me because of the way I look. It is so ingrained into my mind that whenever I meet someone I like I will always think they won't like me anymore because of my body. I have an online friend that I've been talking to for a while. We talk about how we want to meet up and do stuff, blah blah, but I'm so scared he won't like me anymore because I'm a chubby girl, have scars on my thighs, have other skin problems, etc... I think about it everyday and it just hurts so much. I don't really know how to deal with it. I just keep thinking that no one will love me and I'll end up being alone for the rest of my life. :([/QUOTE] i have this same problem and even though im in an awesome long distance lesbo relationship my self-worth and self-esteem is so low that i keep telling her sorry for being so broken and unwanted and ugly, and i constantly forget why she even wants to be with me in the first place, it's like im permanently blind to my own worth, like i have some sort of brain damage doesnt help that long ago my ex flew down the week before christmas to see me and hang out, and halfway through the week he broke up with me mid-cuddle, and much later through online sources I learned that it was because of how ugly i was and how I smelled and that sort of thing (I have super dry skin and really bad allergies and chubby and have difficulty with self-care because of depression and executive dysfunction) god im lonely where ever i go and it sucks

It's never too late to try and fix yourselves. I used to be really overweight in middle school I had zero motivation. Now I nearly have the body of my dreams. [editline]25th December 2015[/editline] I mean, yes: Accept your current body because other people see you as 30% more attractive than you think you are. But also: Imrove yourself to a point where you are more comfortable/healthy. It makes all the difference.

Been feeling pretty shit lately. I'm 23, my cousin and his girlfriend are about to have a baby next month and it had me thinking about how I'm older than him and never even had a meaningful relationship yet. Started feeling lonlier than usual, going out has become a chore, talking to people an inconvenience, silence a bliss. Feeling pretty insecure and worthless about myself. Even though I know I'm not the worst looking guy ever, when I look at myself in the mirror my body looks weaker, face more gaunt, teeth more crooked and back more hunched. Caught myself thinking the other day that nothing would change if I wasn't born in the first place and was actually considering what close people would think if I were to disappear, how many would even miss me. I know 23 is young for an existential crisis but I think I'm becoming depressed. How do I learn to think right?

[B]Alright listen up, those of you who have trouble with the ladies, buck up. You'll find one before I do. How do I know this? I just did some math. Nearly cried when I saw what my options were... but at this point it's just been accepted that I won't find a SO. [/B] There are currently [B]322,583,006[/B] USA citizens. [B]3.8%[/B]Identify as LGBTQ. So, right now that's 12,258,154. And out of that SMALL amount of people, only [B]1.2% are female/lesbians.[/B] So out of that 12,258,154. That brings be down to about: [B]147,097[/B]... I am not very picky with what I look for in a partner, but I prefer a thin white girl like myself. I don't want this to come across as mean, these are just statistics, factoring in the obesity rate, which is [B]68.8%[/B]... So out of that small [I]147,097[/I]; that leaves me with: [B]101,202[/B] And Let's not forget that [I]2.8% of the lgbtq crowd is non-white.[/I] Which leaves me with [B]2,833[/B]... And most of them aren't even in my age group, most are likely way too old for me. So there you have it folks. I am single forever. You have no right to complain. I have [I]less than 2,833 girls that I could potentially date, most of them are probably in a relationship. My odds of finding someone are slim to none.[/I]

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49385086][B]Alright listen up, those of you who have trouble with the ladies, buck up. You'll find one before I do. How do I know this? I just did some math. Nearly cried when I saw what my options were... but at this point it's just been accepted that I won't find a SO. [/B] There are currently [B]322,583,006[/B] USA citizens. [B]3.8%[/B]Identify as LGBTQ. So, right now that's 12,258,154. And out of that SMALL amount of people, only [B]1.2% are female/lesbians.[/B] So out of that 12,258,154. That brings be down to about: [B]147,097[/B]... I am not very picky with what I look for in a partner, but I prefer a thin white girl like myself. I don't want this to come across as mean, these are just statistics, factoring in the obesity rate, which is [B]68.8%[/B]... So out of that small [I]147,097[/I]; that leaves me with: [B]101,202[/B] And Let's not forget that [I]2.8% of the lgbtq crowd is non-white.[/I] Which leaves me with [B]2,833[/B]... And most of them aren't even in my age group, most are likely way too old for me. So there you have it folks. I am single forever. You have no right to complain. I have [I]less than 2,833 girls that I could potentially date, most of them are probably in a relationship. My odds of finding someone are slim to none.[/I][/QUOTE] I don't know where you found these numbers, but you shouldn't give up hope because there are some statistics like this.

[QUOTE=Aethi;49385095]I don't know where you found these numbers, but you shouldn't give up hope because there are some statistics like this.[/QUOTE] [I]united states census.[/I] [editline]25th December 2015[/editline] Basically I'm torn between: "well fuck it there's no sense in trying to look anymore I mean I'm fine on my own maybe I'll find somene" and "Wow this is actually really depressing knowing that I will never experience love ever. I mean I can live without it but still that's a pretty depressing fact."

[QUOTE=Buck.;49384992]Been feeling pretty shit lately. I'm 23, my cousin and his girlfriend are about to have a baby next month and it had me thinking about how I'm older than him and never even had a meaningful relationship yet. Started feeling lonlier than usual, going out has become a chore, talking to people an inconvenience, silence a bliss. Feeling pretty insecure and worthless about myself. Even though I know I'm not the worst looking guy ever, when I look at myself in the mirror my body looks weaker, face more gaunt, teeth more crooked and back more hunched. Caught myself thinking the other day that nothing would change if I wasn't born in the first place and was actually considering what close people would think if I were to disappear, how many would even miss me. I know 23 is young for an existential crisis but I think I'm becoming depressed. How do I learn to think right?[/QUOTE] I'm only 20 and in the same boat and have started to think the same. I think I have came to the conclusion that I am mentally incapable of finding love, forming a relationship, understand flirting, etc whatever. Being 20 and never having had a GF is sad and means something, just because there are others in the same position that doesn't make it normal or okay. At this point I at at times feel like a bitter robot

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49385086][B]Alright listen up, those of you who have trouble with the ladies, buck up. You'll find one before I do. How do I know this? I just did some math. Nearly cried when I saw what my options were... but at this point it's just been accepted that I won't find a SO. [/B] There are currently [B]322,583,006[/B] USA citizens. [B]3.8%[/B]Identify as LGBTQ. So, right now that's 12,258,154. And out of that SMALL amount of people, only [B]1.2% are female/lesbians.[/B] So out of that 12,258,154. That brings be down to about: [B]147,097[/B]... I am not very picky with what I look for in a partner, but I prefer a thin white girl like myself. I don't want this to come across as mean, these are just statistics, factoring in the obesity rate, which is [B]68.8%[/B]... So out of that small [I]147,097[/I]; that leaves me with: [B]101,202[/B] And Let's not forget that [I]2.8% of the lgbtq crowd is non-white.[/I] Which leaves me with [B]2,833[/B]... And most of them aren't even in my age group, most are likely way too old for me. So there you have it folks. I am single forever. You have no right to complain. I have [I]less than 2,833 girls that I could potentially date, most of them are probably in a relationship. My odds of finding someone are slim to none.[/I][/QUOTE] People are too shy to identify themselves as gay so that makes the statistics look more grim than they actually are. Also 2.8% of the LGBTQ crowd being non-white means that you have 97.2% of 101,202 to choose from, which is definitely more than 2,833. Your numbers are probably off by at least 2 or even 3 orders of magnitude.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49385086][B]Alright listen up, those of you who have trouble with the ladies, buck up. You'll find one before I do. How do I know this? I just did some math. Nearly cried when I saw what my options were... but at this point it's just been accepted that I won't find a SO. [/B] There are currently [B]322,583,006[/B] USA citizens. [B]3.8%[/B]Identify as LGBTQ. So, right now that's 12,258,154. And out of that SMALL amount of people, only [B]1.2% are female/lesbians.[/B] So out of that 12,258,154. That brings be down to about: [B]147,097[/B]... I am not very picky with what I look for in a partner, but I prefer a thin white girl like myself. I don't want this to come across as mean, these are just statistics, factoring in the obesity rate, which is [B]68.8%[/B]... So out of that small [I]147,097[/I]; that leaves me with: [B]101,202[/B] And Let's not forget that [I]2.8% of the lgbtq crowd is non-white.[/I] Which leaves me with [B]2,833[/B]... And most of them aren't even in my age group, most are likely way too old for me. So there you have it folks. I am single forever. You have no right to complain. I have [I]less than 2,833 girls that I could potentially date, most of them are probably in a relationship. My odds of finding someone are slim to none.[/I][/QUOTE] I feel awful for you but the whole "I HAVE IT WORSE, THEREFORE YOUR SITUATION IS NOT BAD AT ALL AND YOU SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN" is childish and old. "I mean come on, there are starving kids in Africa that have it worse than you, buck up"

I am trying so hard to build up a new life and improve my old one; to push myself to learn new things and move forward. But my horrible, old life keeps tugging at my back and I feel like everything is going to collapse around me and wow it's really hot in my room and I can't get my room the perfect temperature. I'm too cold so I turn the air up a single Fahrenheit degree and now I'm too hot this sucks

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49385086][B]Alright listen up, those of you who have trouble with the ladies, buck up. You'll find one before I do. How do I know this? I just did some math. Nearly cried when I saw what my options were... but at this point it's just been accepted that I won't find a SO. [/B] There are currently [B]322,583,006[/B] USA citizens. [B]3.8%[/B]Identify as LGBTQ. So, right now that's 12,258,154. And out of that SMALL amount of people, only [B]1.2% are female/lesbians.[/B] So out of that 12,258,154. That brings be down to about: [B]147,097[/B]... I am not very picky with what I look for in a partner, but I prefer a thin white girl like myself. I don't want this to come across as mean, these are just statistics, factoring in the obesity rate, which is [B]68.8%[/B]... So out of that small [I]147,097[/I]; that leaves me with: [B]101,202[/B] And Let's not forget that [I]2.8% of the lgbtq crowd is non-white.[/I] Which leaves me with [B]2,833[/B]... And most of them aren't even in my age group, most are likely way too old for me. So there you have it folks. I am single forever. You have no right to complain. I have [I]less than 2,833 girls that I could potentially date, most of them are probably in a relationship. My odds of finding someone are slim to none.[/I][/QUOTE] Polls are never 100% accurate and are hardly accurate at all when involving personal details like sexual orientation etc.

[QUOTE=Episode;49385279]I feel awful for you but the whole "I HAVE IT WORSE, THEREFORE YOUR SITUATION IS NOT BAD AT ALL AND YOU SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN" is childish and old. "I mean come on, there are starving kids in Africa that have it worse than you, buck up"[/QUOTE] I don't mean to have a "there are starving children in africa so stfu" attitude, yea ok you're allowed to feel bad. But seriously your odds of finding someone really are much greater than mine. Does that not help you feel better at all?

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49385325]I don't mean to have a "there are starving children in africa so stfu" attitude, yea ok you're allowed to feel bad. But seriously your odds of finding someone really are much greater than mine. Does that not help you feel better at all?[/QUOTE] It's not even really just about finding people that's entirely the problem but I guess.

[QUOTE=Qaus;49385310]Polls are never 100% accurate and are hardly accurate at all when involving personal details like sexual orientation etc.[/QUOTE] Even still it dosen't up my chances by much at all.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49385336]Even still it dosen't up my chances by much at all.[/QUOTE] Did you not read my post... Sure you have it hard but not as hard as you think. You're probably more likely to get struck by lightning than get a date by the way you make things out to be.