Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I have a question, does anyone happen to have small voices in your heads? Like, the kind that aren't your own? That seem to have their own thoughts? Zzggy is one of those for me. I know he's not real, and most of the time he's content staying out of sight and staying quiet. Though, he does like to speak horribly of others. He doesn't put me down, nor does he insult me, but he does question why I don't slap the shit out of some people or get rid of particularly awful people (in his eyes). Occasionally I can actually feel him in his normal resting spot, around my shoulders when I feel like actively summoning him instead of him showing up when I'm stressed. He truly believes the majority of humanity are irredeemable monsters and that humans need to be wiped off the face of the Earth. He laughs and gets excited any time he sees anything that spells the doom of humans. I asked him why he does what he does and he says it's because he's protecting me from 'these monsters'. His anger seeps into me from time to time and it scares me sometimes. Other times, it's the only way to get through the day by focusing it to my job at the expense of my body since it results in pulling muscles most of the time. I'm still not sure if it's my imagination gone haywire from the unstable situations and environment I was in as a child, or if it's me desperately trying to deny that's me.

1) that's not a learning experience, that's shit 2) your job placement guy is probably one of those guys who sees suffering as "character building", when it's anything but. especially for people who suffer from mental illness or disorder. it's the opposite of character building. 3) 9.50 is not minimum wage, no, but it's still not worth it tbh I've been working for a good nine years or so and I've ALWAYS quit a job if it became too much for me or if my unhappiness outweighed the money I was making. But dude, you can totally do retail that isn't that stressful. There's a lot of positions in certain places. Even daytime stockers are more likely to be treated better because of the presence of customers. [editline]27th December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=nagachief;49402322]I have a question, does anyone happen to have small voices in your heads? Like, the kind that aren't your own? That seem to have their own thoughts? Zzggy is one of those for me. I know he's not real, and most of the time he's content staying out of sight and staying quiet. Though, he does like to speak horribly of others. He doesn't put me down, nor does he insult me, but he does question why I don't slap the shit out of some people or get rid of particularly awful people (in his eyes). Occasionally I can actually feel him in his normal resting spot, around my shoulders when I feel like actively summoning him instead of him showing up when I'm stressed. He truly believes the majority of humanity are irredeemable monsters and that humans need to be wiped off the face of the Earth. He laughs and gets excited any time he sees anything that spells the doom of humans. I asked him why he does what he does and he says it's because he's protecting me from 'these monsters'. His anger seeps into me from time to time and it scares me sometimes. Other times, it's the only way to get through the day by focusing it to my job at the expense of my body since it results in pulling muscles most of the time. I'm still not sure if it's my imagination gone haywire from the unstable situations and environment I was in as a child, or if it's me desperately trying to deny that's me.[/QUOTE] Please seek professional help. That sounds like very dangerous levels of schizophrenia.

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;49402308]All I want to do is entertainment. I want to make videos, do comedy, draw, sing, or even do wrestling or some shit. I don't want to do shit like retail. Everyone always makes it feel like there's no other option. Every time I want to do something it's for some reason always not possible for [I]me.[/I] There are trans people in texas, but it's not possible to transition for [I]me,[/I] because of the process to get hormones and how there apparently isn't a gender therapist for miles or some shit. There are people who move across the country, but it's not possible for [I]me.[/I] There are tons of people making a living off entertainment, but it's not possible for [I]me.[/I] The only thing people around me say is possible is for me to work retail and maybe I'll move up, roommate with someone, and then just keep doing that until I die, I guess. Or go to college but only if I do STEM.[/QUOTE] There comes a point where you realize that no one can decide what's right for [I]you[/I] aside from yourself.

[QUOTE=nagachief;49402322]I have a question, does anyone happen to have small voices in your heads? Like, the kind that aren't your own? That seem to have their own thoughts? Zzggy is one of those for me. I know he's not real, and most of the time he's content staying out of sight and staying quiet. Though, he does like to speak horribly of others. He doesn't put me down, nor does he insult me, but he does question why I don't slap the shit out of some people or get rid of particularly awful people (in his eyes). Occasionally I can actually feel him in his normal resting spot, around my shoulders when I feel like actively summoning him instead of him showing up when I'm stressed. He truly believes the majority of humanity are irredeemable monsters and that humans need to be wiped off the face of the Earth. He laughs and gets excited any time he sees anything that spells the doom of humans. I asked him why he does what he does and he says it's because he's protecting me from 'these monsters'. His anger seeps into me from time to time and it scares me sometimes. Other times, it's the only way to get through the day by focusing it to my job at the expense of my body since it results in pulling muscles most of the time. I'm still not sure if it's my imagination gone haywire from the unstable situations and environment I was in as a child, or if it's me desperately trying to deny that's me.[/QUOTE] As the friend of someone with schizophrenia and as a person who's taken his basic psychology class, you're probably suffering from schizophrenia. It's only as much of a problem as you let it be by leaving it untreated - going to the doctor and getting a referral is a good starting point for getting better.

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;49402308]All I want to do is entertainment. I want to make videos, do comedy, draw, sing, or even do wrestling or some shit. I don't want to do shit like retail. Everyone always makes it feel like there's no other option. Every time I want to do something it's for some reason always not possible for [I]me.[/I] There are trans people in texas, but it's not possible to transition for [I]me,[/I] because of the process to get hormones and how there apparently isn't a gender therapist for miles or some shit. There are people who move across the country, but it's not possible for [I]me.[/I] There are tons of people making a living off entertainment, but it's not possible for [I]me.[/I] The only thing people around me say is possible is for me to work retail and maybe I'll move up, roommate with someone, and then just keep doing that until I die, I guess. Or go to college but only if I do STEM.[/QUOTE] You need to pick something and work towards it. Wanting to be in "entertainment" without picking a specific set of skill or skills and increasing your proficiency at it is pointless tbh. I want to be a pretty big name myself in the entrepreneurial field, but it's not gonna happen unless I work for it. Working in retail is a pretty dead end thing unless you want to be a manager. Working in retail is generally just so people can earn some cash while they focus on something else in the process.

Regardless of whatever you want to do, get a headstart in doing what you want to do. I program in my free time while I'm doing my pre-reqs in college, and will probably continue to do so during my freetime during actual programming classes. You can totally take a job that won't kill you and take some freetime to commit to dipping your feet into the field you want to work.

[QUOTE=nagachief;49402322]I have a question, does anyone happen to have small voices in your heads? Like, the kind that aren't your own? That seem to have their own thoughts? Zzggy is one of those for me. I know he's not real, and most of the time he's content staying out of sight and staying quiet. Though, he does like to speak horribly of others. He doesn't put me down, nor does he insult me, but he does question why I don't slap the shit out of some people or get rid of particularly awful people (in his eyes). Occasionally I can actually feel him in his normal resting spot, around my shoulders when I feel like actively summoning him instead of him showing up when I'm stressed. He truly believes the majority of humanity are irredeemable monsters and that humans need to be wiped off the face of the Earth. He laughs and gets excited any time he sees anything that spells the doom of humans. I asked him why he does what he does and he says it's because he's protecting me from 'these monsters'. His anger seeps into me from time to time and it scares me sometimes. Other times, it's the only way to get through the day by focusing it to my job at the expense of my body since it results in pulling muscles most of the time. I'm still not sure if it's my imagination gone haywire from the unstable situations and environment I was in as a child, or if it's me desperately trying to deny that's me.[/QUOTE] That is schizophrenia.

I think Texas very much has a culture of subservience to corporations. Many people here will accept anything, no matter how dangerous, abusive, or even illegal, a company asks them to do at work, for little pay. They view it as 'how the world is', and believe that anyone who has a problem with this or isn't willing to do it is entitled, lazy, and will go nowhere. Or at least that's just my interpretation. I don't know if I can work day shift if they rescheduled me due to lack of transportation. I'd have to do ubers, which quickly stacks in cost. It's so just up in the air. Is $9.50 good or bad? Is my job good or bad? Easy or hard? Can I live off what I make, even if (and hopefully this happens if my housing application goes through and all) all I have to pay is utilities and not rent? It's just such a fucktuplet of shit. Everyone tells me not to trust everyone else. I'm not supposed to trust the management says my co-workers, I'm not supposed to trust the co-workers say my parents, I'm not supposed to trust my friends either, or people on the internet, or anyone but these few authority figures who want to have total control over what I'm doing. My parents are just trying to mine me for benefits and boot me out the door as fast as possible. They want the 10 percent discount and for me to have a job so they can boot phone payments over to me. No wonder they don't want me to quit. It's not like I don't have a need for the money. I need clothes badly, and I want computer hardware, lights, furniture, I need to move out sometime and I need to pay for therapy, hormones, my place, a car, and saving to move to Oregon all at the same time. But it's like the thought of working another second is just fucking impossible. I just can't fucking do it.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49402364]As the friend of someone with schizophrenia and as a person who's taken his basic psychology class, you're probably suffering from schizophrenia. It's only as much of a problem as you let it be by leaving it untreated - going to the doctor and getting a referral is a good starting point for getting better.[/QUOTE] Been having some issues with my doctor lately, ended up with a metric ton of bills I wasn't aware I was gonna get even with insurance. Honestly I'm very paranoid of any referrals my doctor gives me now since that's where the bulk of the bills came from. I've had to cancel all of my plans because of them. I'm not even sure the first place to start beyond hoping that I'm not put on the street by more mystery bills from a referral to the most expensive place possible.

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;49402412]I think Texas very much has a culture of subservience to corporations. Many people here will accept anything, no matter how dangerous, abusive, or even illegal, a company asks them to do at work, for little pay. They view it as 'how the world is', and believe that anyone who has a problem with this or isn't willing to do it is entitled, lazy, and will go nowhere. Or at least that's just my interpretation. I don't know if I can work day shift if they rescheduled me due to lack of transportation. I'd have to do ubers, which quickly stacks in cost. It's so just up in the air. Is $9.50 good or bad? Is my job good or bad? Easy or hard? Can I live off what I make, even if (and hopefully this happens if my housing application goes through and all) all I have to pay is utilities and not rent? It's just such a fucktuplet of shit. Everyone tells me not to trust everyone else. I'm not supposed to trust the management says my co-workers, I'm not supposed to trust the co-workers say my parents, I'm not supposed to trust my friends either, or people on the internet, or anyone but these few authority figures who want to have total control over what I'm doing. My parents are just trying to mine me for benefits and boot me out the door as fast as possible. They want the 10 percent discount and for me to have a job so they can boot phone payments over to me. No wonder they don't want me to quit. It's not like I don't have a need for the money. I need clothes badly, and I want computer hardware, lights, furniture, I need to move out sometime and I need to pay for therapy, hormones, my place, a car, and saving to move to Oregon all at the same time. But it's like the thought of working another second is just fucking impossible. I just can't fucking do it.[/QUOTE] I live in Texas too. I quit retail. I work at a nice job now even if I did have to go down to one day a week because of health/school reasons. It's about the choices you make, dude. No one can tell you what to do or what not to do once you enter the workforce. If you stay at the shit job, you're gonna be at a shit job.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49402466]I live in Texas too. I quit retail. I work at a nice job now even if I did have to go down to one day a week because of health/school reasons. It's about the choices you make, dude. No one can tell you what to do or what not to do once you enter the workforce. If you stay at the shit job, you're gonna be at a shit job.[/QUOTE] Does the fact that this is my first job change anything?

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;49402524]Does the fact that this is my first job change anything?[/QUOTE] Yes! It means you'll eventually find something better! This isn't the end of the world. Yes, it's a hard job, but jobs at entry level are GONNA be hard. It's gonna be SHIT. It's gonna be fucking TERRIBLE. But you gotta do it for at least a little while to build up your resistance to all the shit that's gonna come your way as you move up and into different sorts of jobs. My experience with getting yelled at in retail and food service jobs prepared me for encounters with irate parents in my CURRENT after school care job. The experience is valuable. You may not realize it now because yeah, it sucks. But it'll be worth it later. BUT you can get that experience from a job that's not gonna make you wanna kill yourself, dude.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49402531]Yes! It means you'll eventually find something better! This isn't the end of the world. Yes, it's a hard job, but jobs at entry level are GONNA be hard. It's gonna be SHIT. It's gonna be fucking TERRIBLE. But you gotta do it for at least a little while to build up your resistance to all the shit that's gonna come your way as you move up and into different sorts of jobs. My experience with getting yelled at in retail and food service jobs prepared me for encounters with irate parents in my CURRENT after school care job. The experience is valuable. You may not realize it now because yeah, it sucks. But it'll be worth it later. BUT you can get that experience from a job that's not gonna make you wanna kill yourself, dude.[/QUOTE] Well, I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to go in and see if anything's different. If things are better, I'll stay. If they're just as bad or worse, I'll quit and find something else or something. I know it's better to find something else while you're working but I don't have the capacity to deal with the stress and shit in the meantime. And then if it turns out that every single job I can findi s like this and I just can't deal with being in the workforce and as a result can't function in society, I'll just, I'll kill myself, I guess. Something that's extremely fishy to me is that my female manager, with long hair she wears down, told me yesterday, while standing next to a female employee who also had long hair just as long as mine that she was wearing down and she was doing the exact same job as I was, that I specifically needed to wear my hair up. I think she just told me to do that because I'm, well, biologically male anyway, and so it's 'different' or something. Considering how fucking painful it is to tie and untie my hair, I'm going to ask her today to show me where it says I can't have my hair down because that's bullshit.

Check your employee handbook or policies, if they gave you one on hire. Long hair shouldn't really matter as a stocker, but idk.

I did something I feel like I will regret later, I went through and started answering personal ads on craigslist, pertaining to "sugar daddy" type relationships. So far I haven't gotten a response. I feel terrible because even if I'm able to muster up the courage to go through with this, and if I'm able to do this safely, I'm using an older man for their money just so I can get by in life. It just seems wrong to me but I'm incredibly desperate for money, and if I can make an old guy happy, that's great.

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;49402524]Does the fact that this is my first job change anything?[/QUOTE] This is my first job as well and it's frustrating, stressful, and it actually set off the downward spiral I'm in but I've stopped it mostly by doing one thing: Setting a Goal. My goal is to pay off my car on time, because once that's accomplished my main roadblock in saving will be gone. It's 2 1/2 years away from being accomplished, but it's given me a direction which is invaluable. Find a goal, set your sights on it, and power through to accomplish it. Granted I still have the whole Zzggy thing to attend to, but even that won't be an issue once the car payment is out of the way as then the costs will be a non-issue.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49402586]I did something I feel like I will regret later, I went through and started answering personal ads on craigslist, pertaining to "sugar daddy" type relationships. So far I haven't gotten a response. I feel terrible because even if I'm able to muster up the courage to go through with this, and if I'm able to do this safely, I'm using an older man for their money just so I can get by in life. It just seems wrong to me but I'm incredibly desperate for money, and if I can make an old guy happy, that's great.[/QUOTE] What cost is your dignity? Get a job like everyone else.

[QUOTE=elevate;49402692]What cost is your dignity? Get a job like everyone else.[/QUOTE] I don't think you understand, I've been applying for jobs since June. No one is hiring or calling me back, I'm trying entry level shit like mcdonalds and subway and no one will call me back, It's almost January. JUNE-JANUARY is a long time to be unemployed... Do you see why I'm turning to sugar daddying now? June, July, August, September, October, November, December... I've tried over 20 different places, ALL ENTRY LEVEL, multiple times, none of which will take me. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] Everyone keeps telling me to "hang in there!" and "you'll get a job!" I've physically gone into quite a few of these places and let them know I sent in an application, only to be told "sorry we're not hiring right now." no one is hiring. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] It is making me incredibly depressed to sit around having nothing to do, having no income at all whatsoever, wanting to start my life but not being able to get up off the ground. I'm more than ready to start my life. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] I've wasted MORE THAN HALF A YEAR Looking for jobs! Do you know how depressing that is?!? I'm taking steps to better my life and making ZERO progress! I can't sit here and wait for life to not cooperate with me and take my youth away. I should be living my life right now and I can't because no one will fucking hire me! This is why I'm turning to fucking borderline prostitution! Do you fucking get it?

I am confused. For the past few years my self esteem and depression/lack of motivation has been getting worse, I was put in a psych ward recently and got put back on medication, never got further help by a psychologist or case worker which I was supposed to be getting. I have had a therapist set up THREE TIMES but never got a call back, I stopped trying to get one because I felt that I am never going to get help because they don't seem to care. I am struggling to take the meds daily and I don't know what to do with myself.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;49402751]I am confused. For the past few years my self esteem and depression/lack of motivation has been getting worse, I was put in a psych ward recently and got put back on medication, never got further help by a psychologist or case worker which I was supposed to be getting. I have had a therapist set up THREE TIMES but never got a call back, I stopped trying to get one because I felt that I am never going to get help because they don't seem to care. I am struggling to remember to take the meds daily and I don't know what to do with myself.[/QUOTE] Establishing a daily routine helps you remember to take your medication.

[QUOTE=elevate;49402758]Establishing a daily routine helps you remember to take your medication.[/QUOTE] I did have a daily routine when I was in that controlled environment at the ward, since then I've been falling back into staying up all night and sleeping all day, not eating proper meals and such. My goal for the new year is to make a list of things to do daily and what times to do them and check them off after doing them.

Finding a sugar daddy ain't that huge a deal tbh. But it's more unsafe than anything because you don't know who is an okay person and who is looking to actually fuck you up. So you wanna be careful.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49402784]Finding a sugar daddy ain't that huge a deal tbh. But it's more unsafe than anything because you don't know who is an okay person and who is looking to actually fuck you up. So you wanna be careful.[/QUOTE] I'm going nuts because its nerve wracking trying to set something up while being professional/safe/serious about it. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] I just wish people wouldn't be assholes and call me lazy when I've been actively applying and re applying to jobs for days/weeks/months. Whenever I hear my phone ring I nearly have a heart attack because I'm hoping to god it's an employer wanting to schedule an interview with me, but its a telemarketer or automated phone call trying to get me to buy some shit and then I feel like crying. You have no idea how much I want a fucking job I need to get out of my family's house. I don't appreciate people saying "WHY DONT U JUST GET A JOBBBB???" [B][B][I][I]BECAUSE NO ONE IS FUCKING HIRING ME![/I][/I][/B][/B]

[QUOTE=Pascall;49402784]Finding a sugar daddy ain't that huge a deal tbh. But it's more unsafe than anything because you don't know who is an okay person and who is looking to actually fuck you up. So you wanna be careful.[/QUOTE] I try to be open minded about stuff, but the idea of having a sugar daddy just seems like something you would want to do as a VERY last resort if you really need money, or better yet not at all.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;49402819]I try to be open minded about stuff, but the idea of having a sugar daddy just seems like something you would want to do as a VERY last resort if you really need money, or better yet not at all.[/QUOTE] ... I'm at that last resort I don't think anyone understands how much effort I've put into getting a job. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] I've wasted over half a year of my life trying to be employed by ANYONE even mcdonalds.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49402794]I'm going nuts because its nerve wracking trying to set something up while being professional/safe/serious about it. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] I just wish people wouldn't be assholes and call me lazy when I've been actively applying and re applying to jobs for days/weeks/months. Whenever I hear my phone ring I nearly have a heart attack because I'm hoping to god it's an employer wanting to schedule an interview with me, but its a telemarketer or automated phone call trying to get me to buy some shit and then I feel like crying. You have no idea how much I want a fucking job I need to get out of my family's house. I don't appreciate people saying "WHY DONT U JUST GET A JOBBBB???" [B][B][I][I]BECAUSE NO ONE IS FUCKING HIRING ME![/I][/I][/B][/B][/QUOTE] Here's something I learned after taking a youth unemployment program, I don't know if these stats are true but apparently 90% of jobs are in the hidden market. No I don't mean selling cocaine. I mean jobs that you only hear about through word/friends, not through NOW HIRING signs on the window.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;49402831]Here's something I learned after taking a youth unemployment program, I don't know if these stats are true but apparently 90% of jobs are in the hidden market. No I don't mean selling cocaine. I mean jobs that you only hear about through word/friends, not through NOW HIRING signs on the window.[/QUOTE] Ive been applying to places without "hiring" signs on the windows, only 2 out of the over 20+ places I applied to had signs that said "help wanted"... I tried getting a job at a warehouse... I have no family willing to help me get a job, I am on my own.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49402843]Ive been applying to places without "hiring" signs on the windows, only 2 out of the over 20+ places I applied to had signs that said "help wanted"... I tried getting a job at a warehouse... I have no family willing to help me get a job, I am on my own.[/QUOTE] Employers are way more likely to hire people they know than someone random, if you really need to go find an employer and get to know them, but jesus christ do not do something like suck dicks for money, I know I have no right to tell someone what they can and cannot do but you'd probably regret it later, especially since you aren't even attracted to men.

Well I'm at work, here goes nothing

Ijnomed, is it possible for you to file for unemployment? They essentially provide a small income while also helping you look for work. There are some requirements, but I managed to get one unemployment payout before I was offered a job.