Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49402586]I did something I feel like I will regret later, I went through and started answering personal ads on craigslist, pertaining to "sugar daddy" type relationships. So far I haven't gotten a response. I feel terrible because even if I'm able to muster up the courage to go through with this, and if I'm able to do this safely, I'm using an older man for their money just so I can get by in life. It just seems wrong to me but I'm incredibly desperate for money, and if I can make an old guy happy, that's great.[/QUOTE] I'm not the best guy to talk about morals, but if you think there's no risk and you can go through it with no regrets, then go for it. From my point of view, if the person from the advertisement is explicitly offering you an amount for being with them then it's more of a service than a relationship and as long as they don't force you to do something that's against the law or makes you feel uncomfortable, there isn't really anything wrong, however, you could get used to getting money that way, which might not be a good idea in the long run. I did some illegal stuff to pay for college after I lost my scholarship and my father pretty much told me to go and fuck myself because his father did the same thing to him, but after a while I met people and found ways to get ahead in a much more legal ways and from there I moved into other things, right now I'm working at a car repair shop with some people I know, I get a nice weekly payment and it's all legal, plus I can still go to college. Like I said, if you think there's no risk involved and you won't regret it later, it's alright as long as you make it temporary.

i want to shoot myself but i don't have a gun my knife is too painful and i have nothing to OD on they have charcoal down the street tho only problem is finding a place to do it :weeb: [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] oh wait i can just flick off the smoke alarms in my basement WELP

HYPER MEGA PISSED RIGHT NOW FOund out through a mutual friend that my ex basically used and abused me as a rebound. [editline]27th December 2015[/editline] [media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R20f-TPKjzc[/media]

i am too full of pain and i want to die [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] i wish i had liquor [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] i want to hurt myself but i don't have any matches [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] i haven't wanted to live since i was 4

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49402794]I'm going nuts because its nerve wracking trying to set something up while being professional/safe/serious about it. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] I just wish people wouldn't be assholes and call me lazy when I've been actively applying and re applying to jobs for days/weeks/months. Whenever I hear my phone ring I nearly have a heart attack because I'm hoping to god it's an employer wanting to schedule an interview with me, but its a telemarketer or automated phone call trying to get me to buy some shit and then I feel like crying. You have no idea how much I want a fucking job I need to get out of my family's house. I don't appreciate people saying "WHY DONT U JUST GET A JOBBBB???" [B][B][I][I]BECAUSE NO ONE IS FUCKING HIRING ME![/I][/I][/B][/B][/QUOTE] Have you tried a temp-agency or any of those employment events? My college has a ton of employment events and I know that we have a lot of temp agencies in Vegas.

[QUOTE=_jesterk;49403574]i want to shoot myself but i don't have a gun my knife is too painful and i have nothing to OD on they have charcoal down the street tho only problem is finding a place to do it :weeb: [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] oh wait i can just flick off the smoke alarms in my basement WELP[/QUOTE] Don't hurt your self. You can go through most problems but you won't recover from permanent damage or death. I don't know what kind of things you are going through but trust me, you don't want this to be your last words. Find someone close to you to talk with, hell, you can even talk with me through steam, I'm available most of the time. Just don't do anything you'll regret later. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=wauterboi;49404865]Have you tried a temp-agency or any of those employment events? My college has a ton of employment events and I know that we have a lot of temp agencies in Vegas.[/QUOTE] This too. Try checking places around your city or town with job fairs or something like that, you can't be the only person looking for a job. Do you have neighbors or something? You could ask them to wash their cars or do some work for them, sounds simple but it's also a way to make money. Check the newspaper. Where I live there is a free-daily newspaper with job opportunities, while most require experience, there are plenty of places looking for new people.

Since I responded on my phone and was just waking up, I didn't go as in-depth as I should have. It's really easy to quit and validate your fears but a lot harder to change your mindset and critique what might actually be causing trouble. Are you looking for one type of job and not looking at, say, warehouses? Are you applying with a resume, and if so, is that resume top-notch? Are you in college, and if so, are you networking? If you aren't in college, perhaps you can take a look at unions and temp-agencies - have you tried that? There's so many different things to look at that you'd have to be a quitter in order to jack off dudes as a straight male. There's even the military. I'd rather choose the military than that. I'm not trying to accuse you of not doing anything, nor am I trying to make fun of you - I'm just hoping that you'll take a gander from a different point of view than the one you're currently having, because it sounds like you're training yourself to fail, and reinforcing those negative pathways in your mental thought process. You don't [I]have[/I] to sell yourself as a sex-object if you don't want to. You don't [I]have[/I] to fail.

At this point I could just probably kill myself and no one would bat an eye.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;49405176]At this point I could just probably kill myself and no one would bat an eye.[/QUOTE] Personally, I don't buy into the idea that you should stay alive to help other people maintain their sanity. It is my personal belief that after you die, there's nothing and no consequences, so mentioning a consequence that won't affect you doesn't make sense. Sure, it might help for the present while you're dealing with suicidal ideation and it is something to consider as a [I]personal[/I] reason to live, but you should not feel obligated to live for your friends and family. You are more important than others in some ways and this is one of them. This might sound like a new reason for you to commit suicide. It's not. It's just less obligations for you to worry about and more energy you can spend on worrying about you. You're here for you - at least you should be. Focus on what you want to do. Focus on what makes you happy. I'm willing to bet that at least some others do care about you, but let's pretend that they don't for the sake of argument: [I]so what[/I]? You still have you, and all human beings are capable of some form of greatness. You aren't exempt from this rule. You have the ability to make yourself happy. It's possible to get out of your mental rut. It isn't easy. It takes re-wiring your brain. It takes willpower. But it most importantly takes you - not them. In the unusual situation where they actually don't care about you and you aren't being a little bit biased with a negative mindset like I used to have, perhaps you should look at moving away and finding people that don't suck so much. That's what my cousin did when his family hit a new level of dysfunction, and now he's one handsome, peaceful but stern man of God and man of the military. He's cultivated his own success by being away from all the slimy shit in the world and giving himself some breathing room to care about himself. The other reason that you shouldn't be focused on others too much is if you're willing to prolong your own pain for them, when does it stop? Do you then get a specific job to make them happy? It's a slippery slope fallacy for sure, but obligations for others can create a negative mindset that keeps you failing. Freedom is what got me out of my anxiety and negative thinking, so that's why I'm against obligations. Obligations made me hate myself. Freedom made me love myself, because suddenly I'm not comparing myself to any standards. Freedom also makes suicide, the figurative door that people try to stack stuff in front of, completely open, and I am living life in spite of the fact that I can easily walk through the door. I live without deluding myself - living while understanding that any moment I could crash my truck into a wall. People might cling onto the fact that their friends and family are the reason why they don't commit suicide as a man who's trying to lock himself in a room might put a chair in front of the door, but these things can be undone - these things might fail them as they try to build an argument that can actually fail and influence their desires to commit suicide. And in situations I've seen in real life, those things can absolutely fail and for the sake of independence and not giving yourself the risk of crashing downwards, you might want to leave the door open and confront it as a personal situation. Why do [I]you[/I] want to live, as opposed to why would [I]others[/I] want you to live?

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49405065]Since I responded on my phone and was just waking up, I didn't go as in-depth as I should have. It's really easy to quit and validate your fears but a lot harder to change your mindset and critique what might actually be causing trouble. Are you looking for one type of job and not looking at, say, warehouses? Are you applying with a resume, and if so, is that resume top-notch? Are you in college, and if so, are you networking? If you aren't in college, perhaps you can take a look at unions and temp-agencies - have you tried that? There's so many different things to look at that you'd have to be a quitter in order to jack off dudes as a straight male. There's even the military. I'd rather choose the military than that. I'm not trying to accuse you of not doing anything, nor am I trying to make fun of you - I'm just hoping that you'll take a gander from a different point of view than the one you're currently having, because it sounds like you're training yourself to fail, and reinforcing those negative pathways in your mental thought process. You don't [I]have[/I] to sell yourself as a sex-object if you don't want to. You don't [I]have[/I] to fail.[/QUOTE] Having a sugar daddy doesn't always equate to being a hooker/prostitute, though they can sometimes go hand in hand. Also Ijnomed is a girl.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49405799]Having a sugar daddy doesn't always equate to being a hooker/prostitute, though they can sometimes go hand in hand. Also Ijnomed is a girl.[/QUOTE] Whoops, will keep in mind for future reference. However, let's not detract from the reality of the situation: [quote]I did something I feel like I will regret later, I went through and started answering personal ads on craigslist, pertaining to "sugar daddy" type relationships. So far I haven't gotten a response. I feel terrible because even if I'm able to muster up the courage to go through with this, and if I'm able to do this safely, I'm using an older man for their money just so I can get by in life.[/quote] I'm mentioning that whole thing not to insult or anything, but to emphasize the fact that there are other ways to preserve integrity. I'm all for both prostitution and "sugar daddy" mentalities, but only if there's a heart for it. I don't think IJNOMED would feel happy with herself and that the interactions could turn sour as a result simply based on what she said.

Oh well yeah, I didn't disagree with you there. Just pointing out that it's not always mutually exclusive.

I feel like everything is falling apart. it's not very "serious" yet, but still, things are not like they should. to begin with, I stopped taking my supplements (multi vitamin, omega 3 and vitamin D), then I stopped drinking my protein shakes, now I'm having issues getting to the gym, my sleeping schedule is as fucked as always, I haven't been able to follow my calorie deficit the past 2 weeks and now the social stuff is turning sour as well. I feel like I've been sitting home way too much lately, but I suppose it makes sense since its holidays and people are busy. I really need to fix myself a schedule. make sure I go to bed at the correct time, make sure I wake up, then I need to sharpen up with the gym again, then fix my calorie deficit (this part shouldn't be too hard), start taking supplements again and then drink my shakes. the social stuff can wait a little, but I'll try to maintain it at least. I just need to make sure I function first [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] sleep is so hard. I don't have issues with getting out of the house to go to the gym in the morning, but I do have issues with it later in the day because it's a lot fuller at those times. I don't really have that many problems with functioning with how things are right now, but it's not possible to function when I don't know when I'll fall asleep and when I don't know when I'll be awake.

Everything good plateaus so fucking quickly and then it's just a long downhill and breakdown until you find something else to distract you It's harder to find new things each time Everything seems to do this up and down pattern that slowly flatlines except my life which has been in the same cycle for a good decade now [editline]29th December 2015[/editline] Oh yeah also I feel this fucking stupid compulsion to play a role I've assigned myself when people get used to me and it's incredibly exhausting to carry that role day after day because for no good reason I get myself stuck in these situations. I can't present any new side of myself, probably because I'm afraid I'll break perceptions or something and people won't like the new side Due to the above I don't even feel secure posting here which is why I choose to mainly read and respond I know that several people I know post here or read this thread (and it's stupid to not expect this on a public forum) and I can't post candidly because of that perception thing. so I just post about unrelated things and once again bottle up thoughts. This is such a stupid and weak thing to even bitch about, who the fuck gets upset that they can't complain freely on an online forum?

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49405065]Since I responded on my phone and was just waking up, I didn't go as in-depth as I should have. It's really easy to quit and validate your fears but a lot harder to change your mindset and critique what might actually be causing trouble. Are you looking for one type of job and not looking at, say, warehouses? Are you applying with a resume, and if so, is that resume top-notch? Are you in college, and if so, are you networking? If you aren't in college, perhaps you can take a look at unions and temp-agencies - have you tried that? There's so many different things to look at that you'd have to be a quitter in order to jack off dudes as a straight male. There's even the military. I'd rather choose the military than that. I'm not trying to accuse you of not doing anything, nor am I trying to make fun of you - I'm just hoping that you'll take a gander from a different point of view than the one you're currently having, because it sounds like you're training yourself to fail, and reinforcing those negative pathways in your mental thought process. You don't [I]have[/I] to sell yourself as a sex-object if you don't want to. You don't [I]have[/I] to fail.[/QUOTE] Im looking for loads of different jobs, mcdonalds, subway, grocery stores, local buisnesses, a local sub shop, a local thrift shop, a pizza shop, a couple pharmacies... a lamp store, an ice vending store... Im not setting myself up to fail I've been trying for far too long and I can't holdon much longer. Believe me I tried talking to my neighbors, they're very angry and bitter. Wont help me out. I'm out of school. I dont want to do "sex work" but Im wasting my life being broke and money would really solve half of my problems. I need to get away from my family. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] I almost feel like the mental scars would be worth the money. You can make serious bank, charge the old man $1,000 to $2,000 a week. Wheras a minimum wage job would give me mayne $200 a week. I WANT a normal job but no one will hire me. I'm trying all sorts of odd places. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] Also yes I am a girl.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49408106]Im looking for loads of different jobs, mcdonalds, subway, grocery stores, local buisnesses, a local sub shop, a local thrift shop, a pizza shop, a couple pharmacies... a lamp store, an ice vending store... Im not setting myself up to fail I've been trying for far too long and I can't holdon much longer. Believe me I tried talking to my neighbors, they're very angry and bitter. Wont help me out. I'm out of school. I dont want to do "sex work" but Im wasting my life being broke and money would really solve half of my problems. I need to get away from my family. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] I almost feel like the mental scars would be worth the money. You can make serious bank, charge the old man $1,000 to $2,000 a week. Wheras a minimum wage job would give me mayne $200 a week. I WANT a normal job but no one will hire me. I'm trying all sorts of odd places. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] Also yes I am a girl.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Pascall;49402943]Ijnomed, is it possible for you to file for unemployment? They essentially provide a small income while also helping you look for work. There are some requirements, but I managed to get one unemployment payout before I was offered a job.[/QUOTE] Did you look into this? You really should.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49408137]Did you look into this? You really should.[/QUOTE] I dont know how to do that, I didn't even know I could do that. My parents always told me that I shouldn't because I have to pay a big fine. I have no idea how to do that or what it is.

You don't have to pay a big fine. The literal only requirement for me was that I had to be actively looking for work while I was receiving unemployment. If you want me to help, feel free to catch me on Steam.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49408305]You don't have to pay a big fine. The literal only requirement for me was that I had to be actively looking for work while I was receiving unemployment. If you want me to help, feel free to catch me on Steam.[/QUOTE] you mean to tell me this whole time Ive been searching for work I coulda been getting PAID??? Fuck the united states. Why don't I just saw off my leg and apply for disability?! [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] I can always build a fucking robot leg seriously I might just fucking lay on the fucking train tracks and get one of my legs taken off or something. Fuck everything.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49408324]you mean to tell me this whole time Ive been searching for work I coulda been getting PAID??? Fuck the united states. Why don't I just saw off my leg and apply for disability?! [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] I can always build a fucking robot leg seriously I might just fucking lay on the fucking train tracks and get one of my legs taken off or something. Fuck everything.[/QUOTE] You can also receive disability for mental illness or disorder but it requires a psychological evaluation so it's a little harder. You have to put forth the effort to look up and research this stuff though. When you're unemployed, there are a lot of resources that people either don't care about or don't know about. You have to use them to your advantage. Idk what state you live in but doing a quick google of the state and "unemployment" will generally bring you to the right website to look into it.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49408355]You can also receive disability for mental illness or disorder but it requires a psychological evaluation so it's a little harder. You have to put forth the effort to look up and research this stuff though. When you're unemployed, there are a lot of resources that people either don't care about or don't know about. You have to use them to your advantage. Idk what state you live in but doing a quick google of the state and "unemployment" will generally bring you to the right website to look into it.[/QUOTE] The only "mental illness" I was legit diagnosed with was depression. Will they give me disability checks for that? [editline]29th December 2015[/editline] Wait wont I have to pay back all the money I would be given by unemployment? My parents told me "WTF DONT DO THAT! U WILL HAVE TO PAY IT ALL BACK LATER ULL BE IN DEBT!" my parents scare me with things like that to prevent me from taking steps...this is half of the abuse I keep talking about, they CRAVE for me to be dependent on them because it gives them a power trip, only a small percentage of the abuse is physical, and they "make up for it" by promising me money or saying "U HAVE A ROOF OVER UR HEAD AND INTERNET WHAT MORE DO U NEED?" meanwhile they spoil my brothers.

No, you don't have to pay back the money. It's a paycheck, essentially. [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] The only thing you would ever have to pay back is if you took out a loan.

Great, Now Lemmy, my biggest idol, Died today. WOHOOOOOO gonna go through some albums and drink heavy for this cool dude!

Isn't depression a legit disability? I don't have major depression , just dysthymia, would it still count?

I know it can be a disability in some states. Even if I could file, I think I'm able to work still.

I also have a vision and hearing disability, why I wasn't advised to apply for disability in the first place is beyond me v:v:v [editline]28th December 2015[/editline] Oh, and to add onto your post, Mysterious, I am able to work

Depression has to be something that affects your ability to work in a normal environment in order to receive disability for it. Which is why they require psychological evaluation to confirm.

I'm glad it's in place, because more often than not, depression does affect you physically. It's just a matter of the severity.

I got to take a break early this year from work due to a "major depressive episode" (never came back, didn't get better, never heard from work again so I'm not sure if I still got my job), not sure if that counts as a disability? at the same time, my request for financial aid (not able to work due to my condition) was declined even though I have a proper diagnosis for major depression and social anxiety, as well as a schizophrenic diagnosis. the schizophrenic diagnosis was unfortunately put under questioning so it's not final anymore due to the previous hospital thinking I was a heavy user of illegal drugs. fucking bullshit if you ask me, I lived there for a little over 2 months, the staff didn't even know me nor do they know my history of drug use. I was never tested either. I told them my whole drug story which is fairly limited. I smoked weed frequently from February to May, threw everything I had away, smoked again in September once, took LSD once in September and once in October and that's my story up until they decided I was a heavy drug user. I don't understand how the staff at this hospital are allowed to remove such a serious diagnosis from someone? schizophrenia or not, I'm not able to function and I don't know what's wrong with me other than that diagnosis. I feel like they've fucked me up pretty badly, I seriously need an income of some sort and I'm not able to work [editline]29th December 2015[/editline] I seriously feel like the mental health care system has failed me pretty badly

It doesn't hurt to look at disability, but it's a lot harder to get aid for mental disorders than for physical ailments. It differs by state, so feel free to do research if you feel like that might help. People who are younger tend to not think of disability or unemployment as options, but they are.