Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

This is almost absurd. I didn't sleep at all last night and now I've somehow managed to pass my window of opportunity with being tired for this night :scream: Insomnia is funny in a totally not funny way.

I don't understand how to make time pass alone. I'm really reliant on the social stuff I notice. I become a sloth as soon as I'm alone for a day, everything is a chore.

one year closer to my wizard powers. can't wait tbh.

what the hell maaaan. the girl I posted about above had been complaining she had nothing to do all day, so I figured I'd toss her a message 00:21 asking if she was okay in all the boredom and that I too was feeling broken since nothing was happening. she replies telling me she'll talk to me in a second which was odd, so I just say okay. some time passes, and she says she was at a friend of hers who I barely know through her, met him once at his place with her. she said he had been mean to her. they were watching a movie, and she asked for a neck massage since her neck was hurting and he was good with that, so she took off her sweater since he was going to use an oil. I believe she usually wears a sweater with nothing under, so she was most likely sitting there in just her bra and pants though she didn't make a mention of that, but I think that's the case. eventually she fell asleep, and when she woke up again this guy had pulled off her pants along with her underwear, and he had also taken off his own clothes. like what the fuck man. this girl was raped almost exactly a year ago, and then this happens. I asked if he actually did something, as in raping, groping, anything, and she told me he was about to do it but she woke up in time. naturally I sorta freak out since that's not okay, so I tell her that's not fucking okay of him and that she can't hang out with that guy anymore. obviously I can't force her, but man, if she does I'm going to be upset and paranoid since this guy has a history. I ask her what's up tomorrow and if she wanted to meet since I was feeling incredibly uncomfortable for her and felt a strong need to meet her to ensure she was alright. I also asked how she was feeling in general. she replied saying she was meeting another friend of hers tomorrow, but completely ignored everything else. I said that was okay of course, but that I'd love to meet her soon since this wasn't cool at all. I tossed another message asking again if she was feeling okay, but she ignored it. read it, was active, didn't answer. 10 minutes pass, so I send her another message. "Well, if anythings up, I'm here for you at least, don't forget that! I'm hurting on the inside after hearing what happened to you, it's not okay at all! You know you're always welcome here, and I'll always be backing you in other ways as well when things are rough". why won't she let me help. I'm feeling awful after hearing that, and there's no way for me to remedy that because the issue is external and that external part isn't receiving any of that help.

I must be channeling my inner Sith. My anger at my ex has given me new meaning in my life. I haven't felt this way in years. Hell, since before the military. I'm currently looking into getting a synthetic trainer sword so I can get my swordfighting prowess back.

[QUOTE=kyle877;49436513]I must be channeling my inner Sith. My anger at my ex has given me new meaning in my life. I haven't felt this way in years. Hell, since before the military. I'm currently looking into getting a synthetic trainer sword so I can get my swordfighting prowess back.[/QUOTE] My agitation at not being able to produce music means I'm actually producing something for the first time in ages. I'm just fucking pissed that I've put all this effort in to learn theory and how to write harmonies and I can't fucking come up with shit! Its actually got me really anxious because I've started to make a career out of this and if I can't start writing I'm [I]fucked[/I]. I haven't been this anxious since before I started therapy+medication, but at least now the anger is motivating me into doing something (vaguely copying other's works to improve my compositions) do what kiwi says

I got a feeling that I will die next week, and that my last hours must count but I don't know how to use them. I got difficulties with my breathing and feeling paranoid. I get scared by just pressing the stop button on the bus. I want to die but I also want to live. Anyone else feel like this? I've had it for a couple of years now and it seems that the longer I hold it in the worse it has gotten. Soon I'll reach my limit.

hey guys, i'm new here, my friend recommended me to come here basically i have crippling depression and anxiety and i'd like to meet some friends that can relate to what i'm going through, just to talk or play games or whatever i don't have many people in my life to talk to about it so it'd be nice to have somebody add me on steam or whatever: [url]http://steamcommunity.com/id/mxwhite/[/url]

[QUOTE=paindoc;49436631]My agitation at not being able to produce music means I'm actually producing something for the first time in ages. I'm just fucking pissed that I've put all this effort in to learn theory and how to write harmonies and I can't fucking come up with shit! Its actually got me really anxious because I've started to make a career out of this and if I can't start writing I'm [I]fucked[/I]. I haven't been this anxious since before I started therapy+medication, but at least now the anger is motivating me into doing something (vaguely copying other's works to improve my compositions) do what kiwi says[/QUOTE] I've also been using this feeling to write new music. I've been writing a lot of death-metal style riffs and trying to piece them together into a song.

Is it possible to force yourself to fall out of love? I'd rather go back to not feeling anything, since my depression/mood swings/whatever has only gotten worse after I fell in love with this girl I've been seeing.

[QUOTE=healthpoint;49440115]Is it possible to force yourself to fall out of love? I'd rather go back to not feeling anything, since my depression/mood swings/whatever has only gotten worse after I fell in love with this girl I've been seeing.[/QUOTE] I don't think avoiding her would help imo. Personally, I would seek support from friends and maybe even this girl if the connection was strong.

Well I caught a cold. That's just great. I was going to go running today and get my shit together. Surprisingly I am getting over this relatively quickly. I could go to the pawn shop down the street and pawn off the jewelry my grandmother gave me when I was little. I think I can get like, $200-$300 for a 14 karat gold necklace. That will help me towards my goal of being able to afford a car.

Having no friends feels so hopeless. I am tired of this venomous household and all this screaming and bitterness and shit. Just divorce already. Wish i could be gone out of here but that won't happen anytime soon. 3 more years of school and good luck finding a job afterwards with this shitty degree. Why do i even bother at this point.

Seven months and no job still. Everyone keeps telling me: [B]"Oh! You'll get a job! Don't worry! They'll call you back eventually! Maybe you're not trying hard enough! Maybe your're messing something up! Maybe its your fault, Haley! It's your fault you can't get a job!"[/B] When it [I]fucking isn't my fault.[/I] I am going insane because I need to get out of this house and start my life right now. I can't because I NEED MONEY TO GET OUT OF HERE. Man I wish I had a job right now.

Sell weed. No seriously don't

whenever i come to facepunch, I get really bad anxiety and depression.. its cause people always rate me a fucking box:speechless:

[QUOTE=The bird Man;49441816]Sell weed. No seriously don't[/QUOTE] At this point I WOULD IF I KNEW WHERE TO GET IT. [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] Being in the closet is driving me insane. I can't come out to my family because they'll hate me even more. They're so fucking homophobic. It hurts to know they'll DISOWN me if I come out. I can't stand it anymore.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49441776]Seven months and no job still. Everyone keeps telling me: [B]"Oh! You'll get a job! Don't worry! They'll call you back eventually! Maybe you're not trying hard enough! Maybe your're messing something up! Maybe its your fault, Haley! It's your fault you can't get a job!"[/B] When it [I]fucking isn't my fault.[/I] I am going insane because I need to get out of this house and start my life right now. I can't because I NEED MONEY TO GET OUT OF HERE. Man I wish I had a job right now.[/QUOTE] Lol try being unemployed for three years :v:

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49441851]At this point I WOULD IF I KNEW WHERE TO GET IT. [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] Being in the closet is driving me insane. I can't come out to my family because they'll hate me even more. They're so fucking homophobic. It hurts to know they'll DISOWN me if I come out. I can't stand it anymore.[/QUOTE] I regress mentally when I'm with my family, and undo my progress in embracing my sexuality. Repressing my urges to check out dudes or talk about dudes hell even talk to my other about my shitty dating experience so far means I feel the murkiness and terror returning. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. It fucking sucks, and I feel for you :(

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;49441872]Lol try being unemployed for three years :v:[/QUOTE] Dude I feel wicked sorry for you. So im sure you understand where I'm coming from though. [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] I started a go fund me page but I'm worried that people might think poorly of me for asking for money. [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] Posting it anyways. At this point what have I got to lose? [url]https://www.gofundme.com/9fh85sea[/url]

I don't even want to get better any more, I just want to be dead when I have school I go and do a bare minimum of effort to do things I don't care about and when I don't have school I stay home and dick around on the computer all fucking day People say they care about me but they don't, they care about the idea of me, the me that I'm supposed to be, and they can't actually deal with what I really am. Which isn't their fault, it's mine, because I'm not what I should be. My life is literally worth jack shit, I contribute nothing to anybody's life and I am seriously considering just being done

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49442457]I don't even want to get better any more, I just want to be dead when I have school I go and do a bare minimum of effort to do things I don't care about and when I don't have school I stay home and dick around on the computer all fucking day People say they care about me but they don't, they care about the idea of me, the me that I'm supposed to be, and they can't actually deal with what I really am. Which isn't their fault, it's mine, because I'm not what I should be. My life is literally worth jack shit, I contribute nothing to anybody's life and I am seriously considering just being done[/QUOTE] And who are you really if not who you are to the people around you ?

a fraud who can't live up to expectations.

Who do you want to be?.

all i want is to be a functional human being and i cant even manage that what am i worth if i cant even do that

I don't even remember my dreams but when I wake up I always know I had some really bad ones. I need to fix my bad sleeping habits, too.

As stupid as it is, I'm really worried about the Facpunch password leak thing. I don't think I was online at all during the fiasco [I]and[/I] I have NoScript but I'm afraid to ask Postal or any mods because I don't want to bother them or seem stupid

Just change your password. It's not hard.

[QUOTE=kyle877;49445227]Just change your password. It's not hard.[/QUOTE] I did already.

Heh. 2015 was a giant load of shit. I fucked up, other people fucked up, I fucked up more, my anger got the best of me many times, I got a job due to luck, lost a job due to stupidity, lost friends due to stupidity, lost my place of residence again thanks to stupidity, now I have quite a few people with raging hateboners for me because I did stupid shit. People I'd [B]love[/B] to call out for being assholes (and if either of you two read this: go fuck yourselves), especially a someone who promises to ruin my 'reputation' - as if I haven't done a good enough job of that already. But, eh, fuck 'em. Trying to drop everything that went wrong in the past 12 months to start with a clean slate is pretty tough. I want 2016 to be the year I finally fucking succeed, that I make a good effort, that I don't make any more enemies, that I don't end up slugging a friend in the face like I did the last two years. But the more I look at it, the more I feel like that I won't be able to break this cycle of having to completely reboot my life every year. Seriously. Every. Fucking. Year. Since I moved out of my mom's place in November 2012. Parents divorced in 2009, woo. South Carolina for a few months, Maryland for a few months, failed to get a job because I was a lazy, socially anxious shit. Thought I could trust some asshole to fly me to Hawaii (he was happy to do that) and help me start my life up there, maybe move to Seattle after a year or so. Hah, nope. Fellout hard with him. Ended up stranded in Hawaii until December 2014. At least I got my GED there, and some work experience. Oh, did I mention I failed to graduate high-school in Pennsylvania? Yeah, go me. Hated going there, dropped out. December 25th of 2014: Finally managed to get back to my home state in Pennsylvania. May or so of 2015, ended up decking the guy that helped me off that shithole of an island because of a stupid argument regarding his new boyfriend who kept treating me like garbage. Thought we recovered from that, I got a job a little later, then lost it in September because I accidentally slept in one too many days. Another fine example of my incompetence. November 27th of 2015. Kicked out of the place I was at, made my former best friend hate my guts again (or maybe he had since May anyway? No idea.) and everything about me because I threatened one of his friends for making the decision to kick me out with no warning. That circle of friends is basically gone, now. Especially evident in the way they love to insult me on Twitter. Got picked up by another friend in New York, where I currently am... I don't know what to do with myself. I shouldn't have moved out of my mom's. Maybe I would've found a job there. Maybe I'd be having a decent life. Maybe I'd have a car. Maybe someone I could call my significant other. Maybe I'd even have my own apartment, and all the things I could ever want. But nah, I fucked it all up, as I always do. I squander all my opportunities, I make everyone hate me. Every. Fucking. Year. I'm a lazy fucking bum who can't do shit for himself. I'm mentally a stupid teenager still. I'm almost 22. I should be doing a lot better by now. I don't know how I've survived this long. Even this whole post is just a cry for attention, I guess. Waah, feel bad for me, or something. Ugh, I'm gonna go back to listening to post rock and trying to find something to entertain my stupid brain for a bit.