Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

Parents toned down a little but It's still immensely unstable here. Walked into another pizza place that was hiring only to be told: "Sorry we're looking for someone with more experience." >ITS A PIZZA PLACE >WHAT EXPERIENCE DO YOU FUCKING WANT?

Got like 3 hours of sleep last night so when I got home I fell asleep but I woke up after an hour or so unable to breath properly, like pressure on my chest and I felt like I was going to vomit, I was filled with anxiety, it was weird I was literally terrified. For some reason I ran downstairs, I guess I was looking for someone to help but then I just went back upstairs immediately I was worrying about everything at once (I have so much shit going on right now and none of it is going well at all) but it felt like I was worrying about nothing and it was just pure terror that made no sense. It this an anxiety attack? Should I get help? [editline]14th January 2016[/editline] I also then broke down and cried for an hour because life just keeps shitting on me

Sounds more like a panic attack. Anxiety attacks can affect you physically, but the sensation of not being able to breathe is more connected to panic attacks. Could've been a culmination of both. Anxiety and panic attacks aren't a lifelong disease or anything and can happen to almost anyone at any time. They just happen more frequently to people undergoing stress or who deal with anxiety, depression, or PTSD. I would seek help though, if you could. You could find some really good methods for dealing with oncoming anxiety or panic attacks and be able to face them head on instead of letting them go full force on you.

[QUOTE=Qaus;49529191]it needs to be illegal for celebrity icons to die or something[/QUOTE] We all die in the end. Death is the one thing that unites all of us.

its one of those days where I feel my mental state slowly deteriorating. I can't tell if it's gonna go further down but it's what I kinda expect judging from the other times. need to somehow lift myself up, but I don't know what I can do to do that. I'm scared of contacting anyone in the fear that I'll just be brushed off like last time and that'll just make things even worse. maybe this'll be one of those days where I'll just walk and walk and walk and walk. I'll see if I reach that point where I become desperate to get myself up again or if I can just live with it. empty and hopeless, I seriously need someone to back me up.

Got really sick at work today. Ate something from one of the snack machines we have, and ended up only about thirty minutes later vomiting my guts up. Ended up going home, and now chilling in my bedroom while occasionally spitting up shit. Aside from that though, everything has been pretty relaxing at work. Was one of the only employees in earlier and ended up helping my boss bring everything into our prepping and docking areas on my own.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49530610]I'm not really looking for online relations though, I need someone I can meet, do things with and talk to. [/QUOTE] Meeting people online and meeting people in person are not separate from each other. People claim that those two concepts should never entangle, but I've yet to see a good reason why that isn't senseless fearmongering. [editline]14th January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=IJNOMED;49530847]Parents toned down a little but It's still immensely unstable here. Walked into another pizza place that was hiring only to be told: "Sorry we're looking for someone with more experience." >ITS A PIZZA PLACE >WHAT EXPERIENCE DO YOU FUCKING WANT?[/QUOTE] Maybe the city you live in has too much competition. Perhaps there's job listings for places in nearby cities.

I want to end my life right now. There's no point in living when I have no dreams/goals, currently in a situation where I have no money and can't apply to jobs without a phone number, still seriously loving that girl who will not ever reciprocate that feel which is fine for my rational consciousness but my subconscious is torn by this (I have dreams of her), people being unresponsive or not caring at all, I keep giving up everything. I had a single thought of joining the military so I could at least die as a soldier, but the country isn't at war... I had another thought of just packing my shit up and travel south by foot, or I dunno. I love watching videos of JMantzel the mad scientist who lives offgrid with his family in Mexico inside a huge boat he has made himself all alone, claims that he always lived below poverty so he could achive his dreams, and now he owns an island. The point is I may find these things cool and I may want a workshop where I could make all kinds of shit like Matthias Wandel does, but I don't have the determination to stick by a thing, even tho I had no problems working in a factory, but I feel I can't learn a thing or my mind isn't as sharp as others' seem to be. I massively underestimate what I can do, which results in a vicious cycle of not doing anything at all. The current situation doesn't help things at all, and all I am is just a waste of time and resources. I feel bad because some people believe/expect me to be jesus christ riding a chainsaw with tons of money in the future, while nobody has asked me what I would like to do. It's all disappointment which they don't know about, and I don't see an escape, so it might help to end the suffering. I simply want to disappear out of life that nothing should remind anyone about me. Sorry for the incoherent jumble as I'm typing it on my mobile, but I hope I sleep this shit away. Fuck feelings. ;_; I am a dead man ;_; who may end up on the streets ;_;

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;49531403]We all die in the end. Death is the one thing that unites all of us.[/QUOTE] I understand what you are saying, but I have to ignore it. If not, I'll probably kill myself to get to them, because I really don't care of my life right now...

i feel like I've definitely disconnected with everyone lately. I can barely talk to anyone anymore it seems. amazing what seasonal depression can do to you.

The last four years have turned one of my most beloved childhood memories into a prison that I'll have a hard time looking back on with joy when I get older.

Do as I, convert yourself to Mahayana Buddhism and praise devotion and harmony.

so... the only opportunity i had to reach out and see if there was any parties or gatherings etc i could go to with other people i knew at work involved me taking one of their shifts. and if i wanted to go i'd have to not take their shift and in turn fuck them over. i have no clue honestly. manuvering society is difficult when ur socially inept

I don't really feel like living anymore

[QUOTE=kijji;49547913]I don't really feel like living anymore[/QUOTE]Neither do I, friend. But if either of us pass on, lots of people will be sad. So let's push on, even though everything hurts. :smile:

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49547937]Neither do I, friend. But if either of us pass on, lots of people will be sad. So let's push on, even though everything hurts. :smile:[/QUOTE] Who's going to care though? How do I know that it's genuine?

Look, I know this doesn't seem sincere, but it is. I see you post a lot, and I know what you're going through. If a fellow facepuncher found out that you died, or anybody else in here, that really would be quite the blow to me and a lot of other people. Just because I don't know you in real life doesn't mean I don't care. And that's not considering your personal life. Depression colors your perceptions and it's sneaky. I'm absolutely willing to bet that people irl care very much about you, even if you have a hard time with the concept. Just please stay safe any way you can.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49547979]Look, I know this doesn't seem sincere, but it is. I see you post a lot, and I know what you're going through. If a fellow facepuncher found out that you died, or anybody else in here, that really would be quite the blow to me and a lot of other people. Just because I don't know you in real life doesn't mean I don't care. And that's not considering your personal life. Depression colors your perceptions and it's sneaky. I'm absolutely willing to bet that people irl care very much about you, even if you have a hard time with the concept. Just please stay safe any way you can.[/QUOTE] Thanks. I just sometimes feel I should be hospitalised for a little bit, even though I'm not actively suicidal or harming myself.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;49537313]i feel like I've definitely disconnected with everyone lately. I can barely talk to anyone anymore it seems. amazing what seasonal depression can do to you.[/QUOTE] I'm sorta here as well- but if its really getting to you its not just SAD alone. Have you talked to anyone else about this? SAD is less severe than its made out to be, damn near everyone gets it and gets through it fine but it can become the scapegoat for a period of worsened depression or feelings. If you're feeling really terrible, talk to someone you can trust about it. Get started on fixing it, or make little steps to cope with it better. I did the same. I've been trying to figure out why I've felt so blah for so long. So many symptoms sorta line up- no interest in my hobbies, anything I make for music sounds like shit and is uninspiring, my libido + interest in relationships is dead, visiting with friends is too much energy, classes don't really inspire me, random bouts of emotional pain, random bouts of urge to sob (sorta silly tbh), etc. I thought it was the the time of year alone but I'm pretty sure its actual depression, idk what set it off and why I didn't realize it earlier but I'm emaling my ARNP tonight and telling her how I feel. I saw her recently, actually, and just told her some of these symptoms but thought I could manage them myself. Think I was wrong. Its been like this for two months, but the past week it has gotten really bad. I've even noticed my little OCD tendencies that I had reeled in breaking out- I had a near fit today because I couldn't do my hair right, and panicked because I hadn't turned the lights off "right". Oh well. The chances of me having episodes like this is pretty high, ADHD has a 70% depression comorbidity rate and I had been lucky to (mostly) avoid it since I started treatment last year. Once I get the chance to see my ARNP and change/modify my medication routine things will pick up. My little coping technique for today is to go make cookies at 10pm :v: [editline]17th January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=AtomicSans;49547979]Look, I know this doesn't seem sincere, but it is. I see you post a lot, and I know what you're going through. If a fellow facepuncher found out that you died, or anybody else in here, that really would be quite the blow to me and a lot of other people. Just because I don't know you in real life doesn't mean I don't care. And that's not considering your personal life. Depression colors your perceptions and it's sneaky. I'm absolutely willing to bet that people irl care very much about you, even if you have a hard time with the concept. Just please stay safe any way you can.[/QUOTE] Absolutely agree with this. I forget Kijji- are you talking to anyone for whats going on? Depression morphs our perceptions of reality and makes us ridiculously irrational. Think through this, and keep this in mind when you make decisions about what to do. Self-harm is not the solution, nor is suicide. That is depression talking. Don't listen to it.

I am seeing a therapist, but I don't see him again til Wednesday.

I'm having that odd feeling again, I have very little idea of what's really going on. I'm just alive you could say, but what is there really to that? what do I even want to do? what should I do? what's the difference between living poor compared to rich? will that even make me happy? what's the difference between being isolated and having friends? in the end, I'm still just me, what difference does all of these factors make? who cares if my sleeping schedule is off track, why should I do something that makes me unhappy and not satisfied, like going to sleep when not tired? why should I inflict short term dissatisfaction on myself when I can just continue living like I do? I feel like I have very little grip of what's going on. I remember before, I always had something to grab onto when things got odd, but that's completely gone now. I struggle with seeing meaning I guess

[QUOTE=kijji;49548038]I am seeing a therapist, but I don't see him again til Wednesday.[/QUOTE] For just therapy, or medication management + therapy?

[QUOTE=paindoc;49548069]For just therapy, or medication management + therapy?[/QUOTE] He's not a psychiatrist, but I am also on fluoxetine

Hey, just wanted to make a post here to get stuff out there before I move back into my dorm for uni. Going to be super busy and I don't want all these thoughts fucking around in my head. Basically around junior year of high school I went through a pretty bad depression and that lasted until my senior year, but eventually I guess I just kinda grew past it. Recently though I've been feeling similarly to my time in high school, just thinking too much about the future and stressing about stuff. Right now I'm just stressed about taking a bunch of harder classes and possibly throwing work into the mix. I need money to reach some of my (unlikely) wants but at the same time I don't want to stress myself out too much. Recently I've been planning to save up to buy a cheap car and drive around and meet some online friends from other states, but that's only if I actually pull through getting a job. I also think it sounds kinda stupid to prioritize that over lots of other things. On top of all of this, I have a knack for never following through, so I might just be as lazy as possible this semester and fuck up all of my big goals and get nowhere and cry every night like in high school. I'm usually pretty quiet and laid back and okay with everything, but I guess I'm sort of slipping back into being anxious about things. Sorry if this post is all disjointed and jumps everywhere, just lots of stuff and I suck at words.

[QUOTE=kijji;49548079]He's not a psychiatrist, but I am also on fluoxetine[/QUOTE] Have you seen them or told them since you've noted it's apparent ineffectiveness?

Fuck everything, I'm so fucking done with my life. I've got no social interaction with my friends, and no one ask me to do anything. I feel like I'm nagging them, because I've asked quite much. One my bestfriends got drunk when we were hanging out and went into a phase where I think she felt silly, and now she doesn't answer my texts. Also another one of my friends I used to hangout with doesn't reply or say: I'm busy, message me next week." Her cousin and I also go out for drinks, but since the place we went to, bumped it up to 20+, I can't go there yet. So I rarely talk to her too... And I bought a christmas gift to my bestfriend after the incident last year, when I bailed the band and got replaced. I've been trying to make an appointment with him, I still have the Christmas gift, because he never have time for me. I also told him like in September "can we please hang this year? For old times sake." And the answer was no. So I'm literally done. I don't care if I die now. People would actually fucking bat an eye when they found out I died. That would be much fucking better then this shit life I'm in now...

I thought I was getting a bit better or school would make me happier, and I know it's only been a week but I just am feeling the same if not worse some days I have this new developed aversion to going home because it just depresses me to be there, but most of the time my friends are busy so I just sort of sit around downtown Where do people go to meet people or do fun things I've never really tried. I just want to stop being miserable all the time

Why is it the assholes are respected and the nice ones are hated. Society is fucked.

[QUOTE=Pigsy;49550675]Why is it the assholes are respected and the nice ones are hated. Society is fucked.[/QUOTE] what do you mean by this

[QUOTE=Pascall;49550774]what do you mean by this[/QUOTE] You get girls complaining about guys being dicks but they seem to still be into them >_<