Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

lots of girls don't GET with assholes, so much as they get with someone who TURNS OUT to be an asshole, and leaving a relationship that contains an abusive aspect is not always easy which, in turn, lends the belief to these "nice guys" that the woman is actively trying to date assholes that and also the fact that most "nice guys" aren't actually nice ! it's not so black and white as magazines and tv dramas make you believe and blaming women for the supposed personality faults of men is not really the way to justify your own relationship shortcomings

[QUOTE=paindoc;49548191]Have you seen them or told them since you've noted it's apparent ineffectiveness?[/QUOTE] That's the thing, I only get these bad thoughts when it's late at night and I'm the only one awake. I feel 100x better today. I'm not sure if it's the meds or just the dosage. I don't even remember how I felt last night. I had some pretty strange dreams: the first one, I was in a huge-ass grocery store and couldn't find what I needed til a friend called and wanted to hang out, and the second one, I was on a beach and couldn't find a place to put my beach towel, and next to me was like this little fort with barbed wire n shit. Even though I'm not in danger of harming myself or others, are there any benefits to a (very) short-term stay in a psych ward?

Can you try different sleeping techniques? Maybe there's a way for you to get to sleep without going through a dark phase.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49551294]Can you try different sleeping techniques? Maybe there's a way for you to get to sleep without going through a dark phase.[/QUOTE] Like what?

[QUOTE=Pigsy;49550859]You get girls complaining about guys being dicks but they seem to still be into them >_<[/QUOTE] Let me ellaborate on this, because I know what you mean. My best friend is really smart when it comes to boys, but last night a mutual friend added this douchebag to the call and he started acting douchey to me, but not to my friend. He was establishing a subtle "Hey stop hanging out with this chick she's a fuckin buzzkil" vibe, because whenever he would be an ass to me (I was able to joke most times, but he was really pushing it) and whenever I spoke up, he said "RELAX ITS JUST A JOKE BRUH!" He was playing the "pitty" card on my friend to get her to feel sorry for him saying he was discharged from the navy for having ADHD, and how he didnt get shit for christmas (boo fucking hoo) I straight up acted bitchy towards everyone in the call because they were ganging up on me whenever I didn't find their shitty "adam sandler sucks lol" jokes funny. (They like to hate on popular things and then call people who like them sheep, but they're being sheep by doing so.) I warned my friend to not develop feelings for this guy because he's tried to flirt with me before and play the whole "ohh mannn my girlfriend dumped me im so single and so alone Im sad :( " My friend says she's smart enough to avoid guys like that, but sometimes "douchey" guys are tricky. [editline]17th January 2016[/editline] >They WANT a guy who knows how to socially be acceptable. >They WANT a guy who will be an asshole to everyone but treats the girl like a queen most of the time. >They WANT a guy who looks good. Typically "nice guys" dont have this. Believe it or not this is why I want to tune up my appearance and look my best and why I need to get away from my family. I can't be the confident me I'm supposed to be because they (friends AND family) keep shooting me down. I value my appearance and they always shit on me for being "too thin" and "not having big enough boobs" fucking idiots don't grasp the concept of me wanting to be trim, lean, and athletic.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49551413]Let me ellaborate on this, because I know what you mean. My best friend is really smart when it comes to boys, but last night a mutual friend added this douchebag to the call and he started acting douchey to me, but not to my friend. He was establishing a subtle "Hey stop hanging out with this chick she's a fuckin buzzkil" vibe, because whenever he would be an ass to me (I was able to joke most times, but he was really pushing it) and whenever I spoke up, he said "RELAX ITS JUST A JOKE BRUH!" He was playing the "pitty" card on my friend to get her to feel sorry for him saying he was discharged from the navy for having ADHD, and how he didnt get shit for christmas (boo fucking hoo) I straight up acted bitchy towards everyone in the call because they were ganging up on me whenever I didn't find their shitty "adam sandler sucks lol" jokes funny. (They like to hate on popular things and then call people who like them sheep, but they're being sheep by doing so.) I warned my friend to not develop feelings for this guy because he's tried to flirt with me before and play the whole "ohh mannn my girlfriend dumped me im so single and so alone Im sad :( " My friend says she's smart enough to avoid guys like that, but sometimes "douchey" guys are tricky. [editline]17th January 2016[/editline] >They WANT a guy who knows how to socially be acceptable. >They WANT a guy who will be an asshole to everyone but treats the girl like a queen most of the time. >They WANT a guy who looks good. Typically "nice guys" dont have this. Believe it or not this is why I want to tune up my appearance and look my best and why I need to get away from my family. I can't be the confident me I'm supposed to be because they (friends AND family) keep shooting me down. I value my appearance and they always shit on me for being "too thin" and "not having big enough boobs" fucking idiots don't grasp the concept of me wanting to be trim, lean, and athletic.[/QUOTE] I'm socially accepted and am an asshole to my all friends (but who can blame me xD) but I cant help but feel like third wheel. Like the girls I'm with all complain to me about their shitty ex's but then I see them texting them again. It feels like I'm only there to listen to their shitty stories about their weekends and how they want to get with guys they like (which are all assholes) and then bitch about not wanting a relationship again. But yeah, I agree with what you said.

[QUOTE=Pigsy;49551723]I'm socially accepted and am an asshole to my all friends (but who can blame me xD) but I cant help but feel like third wheel. Like the girls I'm with all complain to me about their shitty ex's but then I see them texting them again. It feels like I'm only there to listen to their shitty stories about their weekends and how they want to get with guys they like (which are all assholes) and then bitch about not wanting a relationship again. But yeah, I agree with what you said.[/QUOTE] It depends on the girl. I mean I'd hate to sound like I support the whole: "but but im a nice guy why wont they date me???" But it coud just be that they dont find certain guys attractive. It's partially preferrences.

A lot of pairing up with macho dudes can also be attribute to societal pressure and a gradual manipulation into thinking those relationships are healthy. That doesn't necessarily mean that a "nice guy" would ultimately be a better match, though. A big thing that a good majority of people want in a relationship is confidence and a lot of the time, that's what those guys give off. Even if it is by means of cockiness and rude behavior. But manipulation can be done by anyone. Jerks and nice guys alike. So putting one against the other is pointless because there are always examples of individuals in either subgroup who are fucking terrible.

An online friend of mine told me yesterday that she was baffled when one of her friends whom has suffered with depression; hooked up with a guy that said "people with depression are just weak". Wonder what the hell was up with that decision.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49551807]It depends on the girl. I mean I'd hate to sound like I support the whole: "but but im a nice guy why wont they date me???" But it coud just be that they dont find certain guys attractive. It's partially preferrences.[/QUOTE] Yeah, but I know exactly what it is. I know what it's like being used to make others laugh like you said. The reason is, most of the girls here are from my old school and I can't say I was popular there. Back there, you were either an asshole and picked on the weak or you were picked on. I don't judge guys but I can't say any of the more popular people were good looking. They were all twats and picked on weaker people and I just couldn't do it, so I became the one out of our friendship group that was used for 'one way jokes'. By that I mean jokes that aren't meant to offend me directly but still make me look bad for other peoples entertainment. I liked my friends but a lot of these 'jokes' were said around the girls in our school (obviously to make them laugh and gain their respect) and while it made the others seem funny and respected, it was a hard blow to me as they couldn't take me seriously and I looked bad in front of them. Always regret listening to anything that said "be yourself" because in my experience, it left me at the bottom since only assholes seem to be accepted. I've changed now but I doubt any girls opinion of me will any time soon.

[QUOTE=kijji;49551137]That's the thing, I only get these bad thoughts when it's late at night and I'm the only one awake. I feel 100x better today. I'm not sure if it's the meds or just the dosage. I don't even remember how I felt last night. I had some pretty strange dreams: the first one, I was in a huge-ass grocery store and couldn't find what I needed til a friend called and wanted to hang out, and the second one, I was on a beach and couldn't find a place to put my beach towel, and next to me was like this little fort with barbed wire n shit. Even though I'm not in danger of harming myself or others, are there any benefits to a (very) short-term stay in a psych ward?[/QUOTE] Regardless of how severe you think it is, it clearly bothers you. So bring it up! They want to help you and will do their best to do so. Be as succinct as possible, and think of any life style changes you've made recently. Like diet and sleep and posture changes and the like. Have you been stressed? Consider stuff like this. It's probably nothing severe, but maybe your dosage needs to be tweaked or needs to be switched completely. Who knows. If it bothers you though, time to use that psych for what you pay them for! [editline]17th January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Pigsy;49552066]Yeah, but I know exactly what it is. I know what it's like being used to make others laugh like you said. The reason is, most of the girls here are from my old school and I can't say I was popular there. Back there, you were either an asshole and picked on the weak or you were picked on. I don't judge guys but I can't say any of the more popular people were good looking. They were all twats and picked on weaker people and I just couldn't do it, so I became the one out of our friendship group that was used for 'one way jokes'. By that I mean jokes that aren't meant to offend me directly but still make me look bad for other peoples entertainment. I liked my friends but a lot of these 'jokes' were said around the girls in our school (obviously to make them laugh and gain their respect) and while it made the others seem funny and respected, it was a hard blow to me as they couldn't take me seriously and I looked bad in front of them. Always regret listening to anything that said "be yourself" because in my experience, it left me at the bottom since only assholes seem to be accepted. I've changed now but I doubt any girls opinion of me will any time soon.[/QUOTE] One, high school is fucking stupid. Two, be yourself is bullshit. Being yourself means being the core of who you are but doesn't mean presenting yourself as a complete knob in social situations. They don't only like assholes. That's your perception of them, and that's wrong. You don't even see the whole of the relation for one, and you're already discarding them and categorizing them as assholes. You do judge guys, even if it's not in terms of appearances. Also your perceptions of attractiveness may not be entirely fair. How do they dress? Are they clean shaven and well groomed? That's the sort of shit that adds up. And in terms of self depreciating humor, be careful. Too much of this isn't good for ones self esteem. Also if everyone around seems to be an asshole, maybe you're the asshole. [editline]17th January 2016[/editline] You shouldn't be being a nice guy out of the idea of being entitled to love anymore than someone should be extra douchey and overconfident, too. Pascall covered that situation fairly well.

[QUOTE=paindoc;49552138]Regardless of how severe you think it is, it clearly bothers you. So bring it up! They want to help you and will do their best to do so. Be as succinct as possible, and think of any life style changes you've made recently. Like diet and sleep and posture changes and the like. Have you been stressed? Consider stuff like this. It's probably nothing severe, but maybe your dosage needs to be tweaked or needs to be switched completely. Who knows. If it bothers you though, time to use that psych for what you pay them for![/QUOTE] My grandfather is pretty sick, doctors give him about a year left, I sitll dunno what to do with my life and I really don't like my job. I don't necessarily [I]feel[/I] stressed, but I probably am.

High school is, by default, terrible for developing actual social norms.

[QUOTE=paindoc;49552138] Also if everyone around seems to be an asshole, maybe you're the asshole. [/QUOTE] I can be. So can everyone else.

How 'bout you just don't be an asshole though.

I have disabled my facebook account to sort of separate myself from the [I]bad stuff[/I]. My sim card is also restricted (because of money issues) which means nobody can call me, but whatever. If someone knows my email address, good for them, but I don't even expect people to reach out to me even from Skype. I've talked with pretty much everyone on messenger for months like at least once in a week, but if I don't initiate chat at all then I am forgotten. Thinking about it, apart from being a little jealous at people who don't have to put any effort into it, there's nothing bad about it. In fact, I am free of any "oy dude check that gif out", and I am free to do what I want whenever I want. Why that connection with chat? Dunno, I am bad at explaining my thoughts that formulate through time as I type this. After being depleted from loving the girl who will not love me (which is a selfish/arrogant thing after all), I may chase new horizons. I want somebody to love me yes please, but I think it's not the sole purprose of life to find [I]the woman[/I]. I have the brains to think and dream about engineering for my own good, this shall be the stuff to be pursued. Writing this I get reminded about how I get worked up every day at night "I will do this and that and cure cancer with raspberry pies!!!" but then morning hits hard and cold. There's so much work and thinking to be done and so much procrastination cultivated the wrong habit for me over the years. Starting something is fine, continuing with discipline is harder. Finishing something... er, apart from half-assed youtube videos, I have not finished anything at all.

[QUOTE=Pigsy;49552420]I can be. So can everyone else.[/QUOTE] When? Give me specific examples when people have been absolute and outright assholes to you. So far, you've spoken nearly entirely in vague generalities. These do not an argument make, and they do not make a justification for behavior either. Yeah, people can be assholes, but not everyone is. Generalising is the easy way. Realizing that it usually comes down to specific acts or people is harder, but is more correct. And even those people may have situations you don't understand, and tough home lives. I know what it feels like to be the outsider. I moved a lot as a kid, every 1-2 years, and had a hard time ever fitting in or making friends. But I noticed that when I stopped assuming everyone was an asshole, and started acting better to most of those around me, I fit in better. It didn't stop the people who picked on me (I still remember their names, they liked to make me cry since it was ez), but I felt better overall. Don't use other peoples behavior to justify your own. [editline]17th January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Pascall;49552542]How 'bout you just don't be an asshole though.[/QUOTE] this is more succinct and is a tl:dr of what im sayin [editline]17th January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=kijji;49552272]My grandfather is pretty sick, doctors give him about a year left, I sitll dunno what to do with my life and I really don't like my job. I don't necessarily [I]feel[/I] stressed, but I probably am.[/QUOTE] This all counts. Stress can be hard to notice, and we often tune it out. But I would definitely bring all of this (as in what we've been over in the past page or so) up to your psych when you can

I'm tired, dudes.. Sick of being in this relationship, but I have to stick it out for another year until I finish School. The mutual interest is that we're both unable to financially support ourselves. I'm in School fulltime, and work fulltime at minimum wage. I consider today to be an 'off-day', as I don't have to be at work until 6:30 tonight, and there is no School today. She's abusive. She's coming down from meth and so she starts hitting me with the door open, it's 28 degrees outside (-2c). She's threatening to kill herself, breaking my things, punching holes in the walls. She beat me with a vase, so very sore for work tonight. I just wish this one year would pass by. I'm getting to be in a bad way. My depression has become 10 times worse since being with her

[QUOTE=paindoc;49552611]When? Give me specific examples when people have been absolute and outright assholes to you. So far, you've spoken nearly entirely in vague generalities. These do not an argument make, and they do not make a justification for behavior either. Yeah, people can be assholes, but not everyone is. Generalising is the easy way. Realizing that it usually comes down to specific acts or people is harder, but is more correct. And even those people may have situations you don't understand, and tough home lives. I know what it feels like to be the outsider. I moved a lot as a kid, every 1-2 years, and had a hard time ever fitting in or making friends. But I noticed that when I stopped assuming everyone was an asshole, and started acting better to most of those around me, I fit in better. It didn't stop the people who picked on me (I still remember their names, they liked to make me cry since it was ez), but I felt better overall. Don't use other peoples behavior to justify your own. [/QUOTE] -SNIP-

While I don't advocate for the allowance of bullying in school, it [I]is[/I] an unfortunately very common thing that happens to people. Especially in middle school and early high school. Teasing and bullying can result in lower self esteem, depression, anxiety, etc. etc. Once you're out of high school, the opinions of those people/bullies should become negligible as long as you maintain a responsible personality and act like the mature adult that you are by then. But if you respond to your past trauma by becoming an asshole in kind, you're helping absolutely no one.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49553115] But if you respond to your past trauma by becoming an asshole in kind, you're helping absolutely no one.[/QUOTE] I'm actually quite good friends with these 2 people now and we see each other often. One of them goes to my college.

That's good then. Most people grow out of that bully phase. Hopefully, anyway. If they don't, they're probably not people you wanna associate with.

[QUOTE=Pigsy;49553076]I really hate bringing it up, I like to sometimes pretend a lot of these didn't happen. About 3 years ago back in School I remember I forgot to get my bag and I spent 10 minutes looking for it. Saw 2 of my friends throwing it to each other and I though "oh there it is." I'm a lot shorter than those 2 and I basically couldn't reach and they ended up dropping it and the contents spilt out. They both kicked the stuff about and threw some around and put some of my snacks in the bin. I was weaker back then and basically a few tears fell down my face. They walked away laughing and I heard them whisper 'pussy' which broke me a bit. Some girls were there too, attractive ones. I'd like to think this is what brought everyones opinions of me down.[/QUOTE] I'm not at all trying to diminish your suffering, because being bullied really does fucking suck. It hurts on a deep level and fucks with a lot of other stuff, as pascall mentioned. But don't let that make you an asshole- be better than they were. You seem to be doing that on many levels, so keep it up and keep trying to be even better. It wasn't that incident that brought opinions of you down, or is the fault of that incident that you haven't had a terrible amount of luck dating. Dating in general is tough, and high school is when it seems no one really likes anyone else and the like. Dating also does involve putting yourself out there actively. Meeting someone through friends can happen, and so can just random encounters while doing stuff, but your best bet is still going to be attempting to actively date in some fashion. Are you in high school still or in college?

[QUOTE=paindoc;49553260]I'm not at all trying to diminish your suffering, because being bullied really does fucking suck. It hurts on a deep level and fucks with a lot of other stuff, as pascall mentioned. But don't let that make you an asshole- be better than they were. You seem to be doing that on many levels, so keep it up and keep trying to be even better. It wasn't that incident that brought opinions of you down, or is the fault of that incident that you haven't had a terrible amount of luck dating. Dating in general is tough, and high school is when it seems no one really likes anyone else and the like. Dating also does involve putting yourself out there actively. Meeting someone through friends can happen, and so can just random encounters while doing stuff, but your best bet is still going to be attempting to actively date in some fashion. Are you in high school still or in college?[/QUOTE] Education works differently here, Primary School, Secondary School, College, University. We start College at 16 and do a 2 year course. I'm in my first year right now.

today has been a pretty bad day. I haven't been "panicky" like I usually get when I suddenly drop in mood, but today has somehow been a lot worse than the other times. I woke up very depressed and that feeling has managed to stick with me all day. I suppose the panic feeling isn't present since there's no contrast to compare it with, today has just been shitty overall. right now, I feel exactly like I used to feel during my isolation. I'm so tired, so exhausted, I have no energy. every movement I make is 10 times slower, walking up the stairs takes me a minute or two compared to the few seconds I usually spend, it's surreal. there's no drive or energy left and it hasn't been present at all today. I really thought I was getting better, that everything would change, but I see now how easy it is to relapse. things are going down again, fast. the worst about it is that I become more careless. I can't control impulses, I can't prevent myself from eating or drinking, I can't control my money usage and so on. hygiene gets forgotten, no energy to keep the social stuff going, and on and on and on. I had completely forgotten how drained you get when severely depressed. I made myself a promise that if I ever were to return to isolation and lose the little social circle I have, I'd just go through with my last resort plan of ending my life. I can't really imagine spending another 2 years of isolation and recovery, maybe even longer, just to have a few months where everything is okay then relapse. as rude and bitter as it might sound, I really blame my friends for dragging me down again. I consider myself a fairly stable person but I'm at the same time easily affected by other people, what their mood is like and how they treat me. it's a death sentence for me to hang with people who have severe issues with no regard for others around them. I don't understand really, I have plenty of issues myself but I never let that go out on others. why do those I have around me feel a need to let their bad days go out on me, especially when they're so often? [editline]18th January 2016[/editline] it's kind of crazy to think about even if I know it. I'm just so incredibly insignificant. I'm just a person, an animal with a higher intellect than other animals just because I happen to be human. at the core, I'm still just an animal, am I not? controlled by emotions, hormones, chemical reactions, and so on. I can apply logical thinking to things since I am human, but that never changes what my feelings will feel. when I die, it won't matter. I'll just disappear, cease to exist, and I won't even know that I'm dead. since my brain dies, how can I comprehend what happens after? my perspective of the world gets destroyed and we all only have a single perspective. what exactly is there to life? when I do things, I don't do it purely because I enjoy it, but always because it's a way to make time pass. I might enjoy some of the things I do, but in the end it's mostly to pass time. why am I trying to make time go faster? it's not like there's anything I'm waiting for, there's nothing happening any time soon that I'm looking forward to. when this day is over, when I go to bed, I don't know what will happen. maybe I'll go see a friend the next day, or maybe I'll sit in front of the computer all day. either way, I don't enjoy any of these things. I prefer meeting someone to socialize over sitting at home, but it's never a very fun thing to do. when I ponder the question of why I'm trying to make time to go faster, I always come to the idea that I'm waiting for death. I'm just waiting until it's my turn to go. that makes me think, why should I wait if that's what I'm waiting for? it's possible to make that process a lot faster than waiting another 60-70 years. [editline]18th January 2016[/editline] if I were to die, would it even matter what pain I potentially inflict on others I know? to me, I'll cease to exist so I won't even know what people think so my consciousness will remain clean since it's not even there anymore. I won't know what reactions it'll cause so in the end, it would never harm me [editline]18th January 2016[/editline] all alone [editline]18th January 2016[/editline] "hey dude, don't look at people and think that they're normal, I'm sure most of them have issues on their own! you're not alone or weird!" oh nice, so it's normal to suffer from psychological problems. since it's normal to have issues, does that mean I'll never really recover?

No, predgd, having the kinds of problems you do is not normal, and you shouldn't slip into the trap of thinking that your problems aren't worth solving. I've noticed that a lot of people don't understand the concept of actual emotional/mental issues, and unfortunately, they're applying their non-understanding to your situation. Don't let their uninformed advice get to you. You know your situation better than anyone else in the whole world. A lot of what you're saying is actually pretty philosophically sound, but it shouldn't be getting you down like this. Depression is twisting those thoughts, making them real for you, so it can feed itself. I hope that you can gain some kind of awareness of how depression is coloring your emotions when you have those kinds of thoughts. I know it's certainly something I need to work on.

[QUOTE=Pigsy;49550859]You get girls complaining about guys being dicks but they seem to still be into them >_<[/QUOTE] [url=http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/episode-73/]If you don't put yourself out there and assholes do, then perhaps it has nothing to do with them "being an asshole".[/url] If you think you're better, put yourself out there. Otherwise, you're not better, they're not assholes, and you're the one creating your own problems. It's hard to face facts but the quicker you realize the real issue the better, as you gain the ability to solve the problem you previously didn't know existed.

fuuuuuuuck Depression really is like the flu. The worst feelings are the rapid mood swings where in a matter of minutes I feel my life draining from my body. And how the things I find enjoyable are becoming less and less enjoyable because they are feeling more like coping mechanisms instead of genuinely enjoyable.

[QUOTE=T.F.W.O.;49555966]fuuuuuuuck Depression really is like the flu. The worst feelings are the rapid mood swings where in a matter of minutes I feel my life draining from my body. And how the things I find enjoyable are becoming less and less enjoyable because they are feeling more like coping mechanisms instead of genuinely enjoyable.[/QUOTE] I find myself rewatching, rereading and replaying the stuff I like over and over again instead of checking out anything new anymore as new stuff feels like an unwanted risk

i have this amazing ability where everything i set out to learn never actually gets absorbed into my brain. the most luck I've had with is photoshop and maybe hammer. I tried learning unity, unreal editor (3 and 4), famitracker, blender, and basically anything involving networking (both local and internet) the most i've picked up on is jargon. [editline]17th January 2016[/editline] oh yeah and i tried learning to script/code too and that went literally nowhere lol