Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

Im honestly just kinda sick of living. I don't really want to kill myself, I just wouldn't really mind not being alive. Every time I try to succeed at something or fix something that's wrong with my life, five more things go wrong and I fail at half the things I try to do. Sometimes I even feel like my problems aren't as bad as those of others, which makes me feel even more worthless and shitty. I'm really tired of getting up and lacking any energy or motivation, feeling like none of the effort I've put into my life has actually gotten me anywhere. I'm really not fond of the idea of even living past 30 if I'm just going to be unsatisfied with my life forever.

Do you guys know of any drugs or any way or accelerating the learning process so I don't keep having to go back and trying things again. I hate being inferior to everyone.

[URL="https://www.reddit.com/r/nootropics"]/r/nootropics[/URL]

I constantly feel like I'm losing everyone by upsetting them, annoying them, pissing them off, or just because I can never keep in contact with them well. I would try to justify it after I get out of these moods by 'they're obviously okay with me because x!' but there is no obvious sign. It just seems like I'm losing everyone that was and/or is important to me.

I'm feeling a lot better today. I spoke with the girl I've posted a lot and just asked her what's up, what signs I had seen, what I was thinking and so on. she reassured me that nothing was wrong, but she did agree with me that something had felt "different" since new years eve. she told me she understood me so she showed sympathy which I appreciated a lot, that's the kind of thing I was missing from our friendship, sympathy and understanding. I'm feeling better for now, but I have a feeling it will pass at one point. I got the words, I got the reassurance today, but I'll most likely not experience what she's saying but I just think that's who she is. I gave her the opportunity to cut the friendship out of our lives, but she didn't take it and if she genuinely didn't like having me around I assume she would have taken that chance. I still find it rather difficult to balance between being with people and giving people space unfortunately. my way of coping is to be social and I generally also have excess energy to spend on being social. if I'm not social, the thoughts hit hard and my energy is left unused which fucks with a lot of things. I need a bigger selection of friends so I can vary more. anyway, I've lost a total of 35 pounds now, nice. I'm seeing the changes very clearly when compared to my first progress picture. maybe I need to put a lot more focus on this weight loss thing? I imagine it'll help with the thoughts to dedicate more energy to it. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do that however, how am I going to do a better job than I already am when I've been within my calorie deficit? if I go any longer, I'll just risk starving my body which will just get in the way of this. I should probably dedicate my entire life now to making sure I get to the gym. I'll make an attempt to revolve everything around the gym, maybe that'll get me going there again. not forever, just to get started again. [editline]19th January 2016[/editline] my mother told me earlier that my sister had told our grandfather that she was afraid she'd end up like me in terms of mental illness, shit. I can see why she worries when both me and my mother has struggled a lot and still are, she's kind of the next in line you could say. her friends are really nasty as well, coming with insulting remarks, ditching each other, generally a bad crowd from what I've gathered. not a lot of thought is put into each others well being.

Hey everyone, so I was homeless for a while! I hit the lowest point I've ever been, sleeping in a shelter, ex hooking up with someone new, no family wanted to take me in, I got to have my birthday at the shelter too! Things have turned around a lot since then, I moved in with my Grandparents in a small town and something feels different now, I've been able to see how stupidly I used to look at everything and come to terms with a lot of very unrealistic expectations I had. I still feel really alone a lot of the time, but I'm starting to get comfortable with it now, or at least starting to see that I'm better off like this. Hell relationships are a waste of time anyway considering in the end its guaranteed one person is going to get hurt bad My perspective about a lot has changed

just gotta make another post about how happy I am right now, it's pretty odd. right now I feel exactly like I felt in october which I'd consider the peak of my happiness where a lot of change was happening. I think it helped a ton to get that weight off my shoulders regarding my friend. motivation to get a rocking body has also come back, so I think I'll spend a lot more energy on making sure I get to the gym now. I'm a little worried that I won't be able to lift that much anymore since I've been gone for as long as I have, but if I delay it any longer that strength will just continue fading.

I hate not being clear-minded enough to tell whether I'm wrong in a situation or other people are. I always just default to hating myself for no reason.

I've been getting so frustrated I'm not instantly getting happier, which is silly, but I'm a silly guy. I don't know, I was thinking today I was finally getting over the ex but the more I think about it just the sadder I get. I don't know how to make myself happy again and it's stressing me out. Performing hasn't been making me happy, school is just sort of bland, and being home makes me miserable. I spend all of my time with friends which is pretty good I guess but I just feel like I'm distracting myself instead of being happy. Does anyone have any advice, I don't know.

So my granddad died yesterday morning. Dad called me up in tears at 8am. I can't believe he is gone. He was my hero, hes had dementia for 5 years and to me.... he was gone when that started. My granddad was the one who raised me pretty much, i wouldn't be who i am without him. I miss him a lot now. I honestly think we would have been the best of friends if he was still here.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49560696]I hate not being clear-minded enough to tell whether I'm wrong in a situation or other people are. I always just default to hating myself for no reason.[/QUOTE] You're anxious about finding out what other people think of you, this is called learning. Clear-minded or not, normal feelings are usually justifiable. You are a rational human being, you can't always be right or always be wrong, and neither of them are a defining statement of who you are. Treat yourself as you would a good friend, none of my friends have ever told me, "You're wrong. I hate you." and even if they did, that would make them not my friend and who cares what evil strangers think. [editline]19th January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;49562336]I've been getting so frustrated I'm not instantly getting happier, which is silly, but I'm a silly guy. I don't know, I was thinking today I was finally getting over the ex but the more I think about it just the sadder I get. I don't know how to make myself happy again and it's stressing me out. Performing hasn't been making me happy, school is just sort of bland, and being home makes me miserable. I spend all of my time with friends which is pretty good I guess but I just feel like I'm distracting myself instead of being happy. Does anyone have any advice, I don't know.[/QUOTE] Getting rid of the ex gives you an opportunity to work on yourself before a better upgrade shows up. Imagine life as a road, you walk along it and stumble upon your ex, then you break up and suddenly you're not as happy anymore. What did you drop on the road when you were walking with her? You sure need it now to keep you going towards the next female encounter. [editline]19th January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=greeley;49563368]So my granddad died yesterday morning. Dad called me up in tears at 8am. I can't believe he is gone. He was my hero, hes had dementia for 5 years and to me.... he was gone when that started. My granddad was the one who raised me pretty much, i wouldn't be who i am without him. I miss him a lot now. I honestly think we would have been the best of friends if he was still here.[/QUOTE] The difficult lesson about life is its impermanence. The remaining collective memories of him are a gift, the relationship you have with these memories is in a way keeping him alive, as we are mostly products of our memories ourselves. My sincere condolences. [editline]19th January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=RoboChimp;49557535]Do you guys know of any drugs or any way or accelerating the learning process so I don't keep having to go back and trying things again. I hate being inferior to everyone.[/QUOTE] Trust me, drugs is not a way of life. I've been in the deserts, with the hungry ghosts eternally seeking to clench their thirst and quell their hunger, but there is never enough. I found my way back, which was one of the most difficult things to do, now I will always be part ghost, hungry. If there's a psychiatric issue bothering you, I would recommend consulting a mental health professional. If you can't function in society properly, their job isn't done.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49563689]You're anxious about finding out what other people think of you, this is called learning. Clear-minded or not, normal feelings are usually justifiable. You are a rational human being, you can't always be right or always be wrong, and neither of them are a defining statement of who you are. Treat yourself as you would a good friend, none of my friends have ever told me, "You're wrong. I hate you." and even if they did, that would make them not my friend and who cares what evil strangers think. [editline]19th January 2016[/editline] Getting rid of the ex gives you an opportunity to work on yourself before a better upgrade shows up. Imagine life as a road, you walk along it and stumble upon your ex, then you break up and suddenly you're not as happy anymore. What did you drop on the road when you were walking with her? You sure need it now to keep you going towards the next female encounter. [editline]19th January 2016[/editline] The difficult lesson about life is its impermanence. The remaining collective memories of him are a gift, the relationship you have with these memories is in a way keeping him alive, as we are mostly products of our memories ourselves. My sincere condolences. [editline]19th January 2016[/editline] Trust me, drugs is not a way of life. I've been in the deserts, with the hungry ghosts eternally seeking to clench their thirst and quell their hunger, but there is never enough. I found my way back, which was one of the most difficult things to do, now I will always be part ghost, hungry. If there's a psychiatric issue bothering you, I would recommend consulting a mental health professional. If you can't function in society properly, their job isn't done.[/QUOTE] You do words good

[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;49551849]An online friend of mine told me yesterday that she was baffled when one of her friends whom has suffered with depression; hooked up with a guy that said "people with depression are just weak". Wonder what the hell was up with that decision.[/QUOTE] Depression consumes positive thinking about oneself. It would be pretty logical, although sad, that someone who have been in the depths of self-loathing, and experienced the crippling self-esteem level that entails going through a depression, would identify with someone who just happens to have this highly questionable opinion. - They're weak. - I know, I've felt it.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49563689]Trust me, drugs is not a way of life. I've been in the deserts, with the hungry ghosts eternally seeking to clench their thirst and quell their hunger, but there is never enough. I found my way back, which was one of the most difficult things to do, now I will always be part ghost, hungry. If there's a psychiatric issue bothering you, I would recommend consulting a mental health professional. If you can't function in society properly, their job isn't done.[/QUOTE] I don't really understand your analogy, but I assume you're speaking of addiction, I'm not talking about cocaine here. The therapist said there was something called borderline asperges which is more a social issue, I'd love to get rid of it but's its something I'm stuck with, like tinnitus. But it's not my personality that needs to change, I need to be smarter so I can get work, my attention to detail is bad and my memory isn't good enough, I can't pick the tasks in a faster manner. I don't need a mental health professional, I need a means of being smarter. I mean, everyone is better than me at everything, I try to find jobs and things to no avail, no job = worthless human, I need a job and to get a job I need to outsmart all the other people going for one and to do that I need an advantage, otherwise I'll be fighting people. There are really stupid people that have jobs everywhere, so if I don't have a job I must be stupider than they are, therefore I need a something make myself more intelligent.

im addicted to my pc at this point because i need something to numb myself to everything and its always just what ive done. but again im spending too much time as i just lose track and am starting to fail again. if i fail this class again im probably gonna just drop out or something because im clearly not prepared for this shit

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;49553037]I have this thing when i have social interactions with other people. I start to become very hyperactive and feel like my head is going to explode, like it's really busy and after a few minutes to hours of continuous hyperactivity i feel like shit. As if i am really exhausted and sad. I have ADHD i don't know if that has anything to do with my hyperactivity outbursts. Any ideas?[/QUOTE] Most likely the ADHD or you've got some anxiety, they could both be causing it as well. If you're not medicated you may want to look into that as it helps. Make sure you're getting enough exercise as well as it helps with ADHD a lot. Everyone get exercise it will help with your shit. Also do not give up as I personally know it can get a hell of a lot better to the point where everything is awesome. I shall leave you with my favorite advice "Don't take life too seriously"

[QUOTE=Solodris;49563958]Depression consumes positive thinking about oneself. It would be pretty logical, although sad, that someone who have been in the depths of self-loathing, and experienced the crippling self-esteem level that entails going through a depression, would identify with someone who just happens to have this highly questionable opinion. - They're weak. - I know, I've felt it.[/QUOTE] I thought that it would either be that: A): She's educated that guy on the realities of depression and he has apologized and changed his opinion to a healthier one regarding depression. B): She suffers from a low self-esteem and has fallen for someone whom has what seems like a somewhat domineering attitude (judging by how he expressed himself regarding depressed people). Unfortunately the latter seems more likely as my friend told me that she has felt anxious about the whole relationship despite it not having begun entirely yet. _______________________________________________________________________________ I don't know if it's a combination of having a morning daze, too little sleep and depression or is it real: But my mom has started to sound a lot more agitated when waking me up in the mornings, especially if I have a hard time waking up. The thing is that I've been so dazed in the mornings that I have a really hard time telling if I'm hearing her tone correctly.

After realizing I don't enjoy my hobbies anymore, and taking stock of all my other symptoms I still sorta want to start antidepressants (light dose, only for how long I need them). My ARNP already gave me the offer and I'm really tired of generally feeling apathetic, plus the episodes of emotional pain so bad I have to lay down aren't fun either (come down off stimulants with w/e else is going on). I just don't want to tell my parents. They won't approve and don't believe depression is real, and that anything I feel is the result of adderall, diet, sleep, or my desire for attention/validation. And I can't do this without them knowing, our insurance got fucked so now we have to pay straight for prescriptions and my general stuff already had them bitching because I had to use their credit (since I can't afford $300). No doubt that the thing my ARNP wants me to try would be expensive and require that and they would see it. Also, most of all, I'm just worried that it's not really depression and that it wouldn't help. I know that ADHD has a 70% comorbidity rate for depression, but I also know I'm a hypochondriac. And I really just want to do this so that I stop hating the music I make (and stop feeling uninspired) plus hope maybe I'll like school or be happier or something. That doesn't seem like a real reason to me, and doesn't seem like depression. And what about dependency on these pills more than I already depend on the dopamine flood of adderall? I don't know what to do.

I hate living in bumfuck nowhere - apparently it'll be two months or so before I can be admitted as a patient literally anywhere in my county, and then some weeks after that before slots open up and I can actually begin. I'm quite scared for my safety in the intervening time, I've been going downhill very quickly.

Forced into having a low week due to being put back on my meds to treat my illness that I've had for seven years and counting. The meds are known to cause depression which is kind of a bummer since I already have on again and off again depression without them. The best way I can describe it is I take every little thing to heart which causes me to reflect on all the bad parts of my life, which then devolves into me hating every part of my life, and then not wanting to eat. Not to mention from the moment I wake up I already feel demotivated. I'm trying to find ways to keep my mind preoccupied, but not a lot is working at the moment. Maybe after I workout I'll feel a bit better. I'll let you know.

I'm not ready to be an 'adult'. The more the time goes the more I'm getting dull and jaded.

I'm starting to think that my isolation has started yet again. a month or two ago I'd often wake up to both snaps and messages, now I don't. people would contact me, now they don't. last time I was out of the door was on Friday, I've been stuck inside since then. this is the longest I've been home in months. my energy is different from before. anxiety has started kicking in more. sleeping schedule is literally flipped on its head, I woke up a few minutes before midnight. this isn't looking good and it reminds me more and more of my situation back in 2014. I don't want to go back to this, but at the same time I'm not feeling much will or motivation to make an effort to turn this around. I just don't care I guess. I don't even know what makes me happy, and does it even matter if I'm happy [editline]20th January 2016[/editline] I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get better as in a full recovery. I see so many people in their 40s and 50s who still struggle and their struggle begun during childhood. I'm pretty confident I'll be among those, those who never manages to put the struggle behind them. this struggle has always been part of my life, it popped up early enough to be part of the shaping of my personality and who I am. does that mean it's literally fused into me, as a person? I have a feeling it is. this battle is part of my foundation and that foundation turned solid years ago. it's not something I can change, it's something I must learn to live it.

Starting to believe that suicide is the right choice, my life is going straight down the shitter.

My bestfriend was going to work, and then I ended up being the one that has to work today. Without knowing it, I screwed her for a shift, and I'm so close taking my life because I feel so fucking guilty about it

[QUOTE=I Am Dumb;49569569]Starting to believe that suicide is the right choice, my life is going straight down the shitter.[/QUOTE] What gives weight to your belief? Suicidal thoughts tend to stem from a really warped place in the mind. It's like there's a creature that holds blinders and assures that down the cliff into an endless abyss is the only viable route to take, despite many choices being possible by correct handling. As they say: Suicide is never the answer. The rare case where it is actually viable and rational is if you have a terminal illness that guarantees a painful ending. If you take your life now, then you have revoked your chance to get things better and guaranteed a painful ending. [QUOTE=Torjuz;49569633]My bestfriend was going to work, and then I ended up being the one that has to work today. Without knowing it, I screwed her for a shift, and I'm so close taking my life because I feel so fucking guilty about it[/QUOTE] But why do you need to feel so extremely guilty about it if you didn't even know? With depression: extreme unwarranted guilt is a common symptom. So try to face it from a cognitive perspective. Be direct with your best friend and I'm sure that she's cool with what happened. No one in their right mind would get pissed at someone for something like that.

My [I]entire[/I] fucking life was a waste, and I don't amount to anything. Maybe fifteen years aren't enough to make an opinion, maybe it's too early, but I've felt completely awful constantly for almost four years now, and life feels absolutely painful and worthless. I wanted to die for so long, but I never actually had the balls to do anything about it, and every passing day is worse and worse. I feel like i'm beyond help.

To put it simply, I have no self confidence. I'm a 25, soon to be 26 year old virgin. I haven't been able to get this woman off my mind for years now, and I just found out she's dating a very good friend of mine. They didn't tell me, she hasn't talked to me in months. I found out because I'm a pathetic loser who creeps on her twitter every now and then. My mom's brother is dying and she's also incredibly depressed, so I'd rather not weigh her down with my bullshit. My mother is the only person I have left, all my friends have moved out of state and are either getting married or have been dating someone for years. I'm a pizza delivery driver who was smoking bud, drinking, doing LSD and mushrooms just to get the fuck away from myself. It took me all too long to realize how futile that was. I'm tired dude, every day I wake up it's a tiring fight through the day with nothing but my failures and insecurities to focus on. To top it off I just feel like a whining bitch, I realize I should focus on something positive, but at this point in my life, try as I might, I can't find it.

[QUOTE=I Am Dumb;49569970]To put it simply, I have no self confidence. I'm a 25, soon to be 26 year old virgin. I haven't been able to get this woman off my mind for years now, and I just found out she's dating a very good friend of mine. They didn't tell me, she hasn't talked to me in months. I found out because I'm a pathetic loser who creeps on her twitter every now and then. My mom's brother is dying and she's also incredibly depressed, so I'd rather not weigh her down with my bullshit. My mother is the only person I have left, all my friends have moved out of state and are either getting married or have been dating someone for years. I'm a pizza delivery driver who was smoking bud, drinking, doing LSD and mushrooms just to get the fuck away from myself. It took me all too long to realize how futile that was. I'm tired dude, every day I wake up it's a tiring fight through the day with nothing but my failures and insecurities to focus on. To top it off I just feel like a whining bitch, I realize I should focus on something positive, but at this point in my life, try as I might, I can't find it.[/QUOTE] If you REALLY want to get out, you need to force yourself to get out of that funk mate. People can only help you so much, you need to help yourself first, it isn't easy, it really isn't fucking easy. Its hard as fuck. But you can do it, its possible and we're all capable of doing it. What are you dreams? What is your desired job? Fix that first, if you don't know what you want to do, then find what your hobby is and try and make it your job with having the temporary delivery driver job as a money filler. You can either continue to feel this shit and not progress, or you can push yourself for progress. Do it as a big FUCK YOU to everyone who saw you gong down this path

A part of me is okay with dying, and doesn't care if anyone will be sad about it.

I don't have a dream job and all of my hobbies end up pissing me off, I'm really just a horrible person. I'm sick of being surrounded happy people, fucked as this might sound the time of my life was spent in jail.