Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

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[QUOTE=I Am Dumb;49570882]I don't have a dream job and all of my hobbies end up pissing me off, I'm really just a horrible person. I'm sick of being surrounded happy people, fucked as this might sound the time of my life was spent in jail.[/QUOTE] Just start trying everything that you get the chance to do. You'll find a job you want to stay at and hobbies that don't piss you off.

Unrequited love sucks balls. But she's a bitch so she's probably not worth it.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;49572332]Unrequited love sucks balls. But she's a bitch so she's probably not worth it.[/QUOTE] You don't wanna be with someone who'll make you miserable

[QUOTE=kijji;49572344]You don't wanna be with someone who'll make you miserable[/QUOTE] The problem is this: I know that she suffers from mild depression and that could be the cause, but I can't be for sure. We had some interrest towards each other once, but that died and she became a lot more "not herself".

[QUOTE=The bird Man;49572397]The problem is this: I know that she suffers from mild depression and that could be the cause, but I can't be for sure. We had some interrest towards each other once, but that died and she became a lot more "not herself".[/QUOTE] Maybe try to help her out as a friend as see if it goes anywhere? I know jack shit about girls or romance :v:

[QUOTE=kijji;49572424]Maybe try to help her out as a friend as see if it goes anywhere? I know jack shit about girls or romance :v:[/QUOTE] I've tried several times to talk to her about it, safely asking about how she's doing and stuff. All she've said is "Family issues, there's nothing you can do"; after that she refuse to talk about it and I believe I have to respect that. We've went to the movies and other stuff just to keep her on track with a social life, but no progress so far.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;49572437]I've tried several times to talk to her about it, safely asking about how she's doing and stuff. All she've said is "Family issues, there's nothing you can do"; after that she refuse to talk about it and I believe I have to respect that. We've went to the movies and other stuff just to keep her on track with a social life, but no progress so far.[/QUOTE] Speaking from experience, people with depression try their best to hide it and not talk about it. I suggest you be there for her regardless.

So my grandmother is indefinitely bedridden. This is the end.

[QUOTE=Qaus;49572566]So my grandmother is indefinitely bedridden. This is the end.[/QUOTE] Mine has just started to forget my name (now everything). It feels like it doesn't matter how much you meet her, it's like a waste of time (from her side atleast).

My grandfather's sick too, his kidneys are fucked up, and doctors give him about a year. He's really stubborn though, let's hope he continues to be.

what exactly is happiness? it's not being rich, it's not having a large social circle, it's not having good looks, it's not being perfect in general, so what is it? even those who have everything tend to be depressed. isn't it odd. I've seen people who are so ugly with physical disabilities who say they love life and are very happy with it and I can't see why they are happy. it sounds incredibly rude from me, I don't think any challenges they have is anything to laugh at, it just boggles my mind that they manage to live happily when I have a strong feeling I wouldn't have been able to live happily if I were them. these people lack the looks, they lack the ability to work and maintain a rich lifestyle, they have disabilities which prevent them from having a perfect body or lifestyle and I have a feeling they're not exactly the most attractive option of being a friend in peoples eyes, especially if these disabilities affect how their brain works as well. so what makes these people so happy? they lack nearly everything what your general population would consider a necessity to be happy. is it because happiness is not what people think it is?

[QUOTE=PredGD;49574916]what exactly is happiness? it's not being rich, it's not having a large social circle, it's not having good looks, it's not being perfect in general, so what is it? even those who have everything tend to be depressed. isn't it odd. I've seen people who are so ugly with physical disabilities who say they love life and are very happy with it and I can't see why they are happy. it sounds incredibly rude from me, I don't think any challenges they have is anything to laugh at, it just boggles my mind that they manage to live happily when I have a strong feeling I wouldn't have been able to live happily if I were them. these people lack the looks, they lack the ability to work and maintain a rich lifestyle, they have disabilities which prevent them from having a perfect body or lifestyle and I have a feeling they're not exactly the most attractive option of being a friend in peoples eyes, especially if these disabilities affect how their brain works as well. so what makes these people so happy? they lack nearly everything what your general population would consider a necessity to be happy. is it because happiness is not what people think it is?[/QUOTE] Happiness is the effect of having liberating insight on what causes you suffering. A behavioral pattern where the end result is realizing who you really would want to be, not what you are currently conditioned into being.

[QUOTE=TheFilmSlacker;49573777]PGunnii wants to do a podcast with me sometime in the future and I would fucking love to. I've been feeling terrible lately and I want to actually get together with people and fucking talk about how much I appreciate games. But as narcissistic as it sounds, I feel like I couldn't do it due to the possibility of people digging up old pictures/posts/videos of me from years ago when I was even more depressed than I am today. My hair was always extremely greasy (also I had a fucking mullet for like a year and a half and didn't even care enough to cut it, and I rarely washed it. Sounds hilarious until you realize that you hated yourself and how you looked the whole time but never put in any effort to change yourself because you were suicidal), my attitude was always very negative and condescending, I was a fucking dick and I hate who I used to be. I just want to focus on the future and being the kindest, most likable person that I can be. But I feel like there's already too much damage that's been done in the past and I feel like someone somewhere would eventually care so much about me that I'd end up getting doxxed and my entire past would be thrown right in my face again. I dwell on the past way too much as it is, and I don't think it's unfounded to say that I've made my fair share of stupid/humiliating posts on here in the past. I'm self-aware, at least to an extent. As far as I know, someone could have been keeping track of my posts for years, but whenever I think about that, I just think about how full of myself I must be to think that someone could possibly care that much about what I do or what I say. Along with the fact that there's millions and millions of people who have it worse than me. I know it's not a competition, but I feel like I'm complaining over nothing in comparison to so many people with [I]real[/I] problems. Fuck, I hate myself.[/QUOTE] Slacker, I know how that feels as well as anybody else. I used to be the worst sort of asshole, like the same people who I dislike this day. I've gotten myself permabanned from four forums online, and I was a cynical, unsociable bastard in real life. It took an episode of major depression for me to start to set myself right bit by bit, and then only because I realized that if I continued down the road I did, I would just end by destroying myself. You should understand though, it's going to be impossible to please everybody. There's always going to be assholes around to make one's life miserable for no other reason that they can. Remember this - we can either allow them to dictate the terms by which we can lead our lives, or we can ignore their empty actions and do what makes us happy instead, focusing on the good of a situation. They do what they do because they have no fulfillment in their own lives, and take out their frustrations as a result on others for the most minor things. They only care about others to break them down and destroy them piece by piece because they can't countenance the idea of anybody simply being who they are if they don't conform to "their" idea of what makes a good poster or individual. To them I say; there are all sorts of folks in the world, you can either live with them, or keep away from them if you dislike them that much, because being a dick only makes you worse than they could ever be. Do what you want to do. Don't be afraid of worthless no life morons on the internet. Fear strangles us as people more than anything else ever could. Life's about facing one's fears and overcoming them, and I hope you can serve as such an example. [editline]21st January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=PredGD;49574916]what exactly is happiness? it's not being rich, it's not having a large social circle, it's not having good looks, it's not being perfect in general, so what is it? even those who have everything tend to be depressed. isn't it odd. I've seen people who are so ugly with physical disabilities who say they love life and are very happy with it and I can't see why they are happy. it sounds incredibly rude from me, I don't think any challenges they have is anything to laugh at, it just boggles my mind that they manage to live happily when I have a strong feeling I wouldn't have been able to live happily if I were them. these people lack the looks, they lack the ability to work and maintain a rich lifestyle, they have disabilities which prevent them from having a perfect body or lifestyle and I have a feeling they're not exactly the most attractive option of being a friend in peoples eyes, especially if these disabilities affect how their brain works as well. so what makes these people so happy? they lack nearly everything what your general population would consider a necessity to be happy. is it because happiness is not what people think it is?[/QUOTE] To be frank, there's multiple accepted definitions of the quality of happiness as such, but it's a fuzzy concept. It means different things to different people. For some it could be their favorite food, others the pleasure of time spent with a family pet, and so on. An acronym for the things which make humans happiest goes by PERMA (Pleasure, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishments) which more or less has all your basic reasons for happiness covered.

So I've been drinking and consuming drugs quite heavily over the last two days but here's the deal. So a guy punched me at work the other day. I kinda deserved it but I wasn't expecting the incident to escalate beyond the usual throwing of hard objects at me. Going against my gut instinct (pun not intended) I reported it to management which I naturally did not want to do because I don't like showing up on their radar. Normal people don't hang out with management like this multiple times a year. Anyways, this guy is WAY more experienced and productive at work than I am. We lose him and we lose a major guy in the backroom. I don't want to think about what the others will say when they find out I got him canned. I don't want to go to work. Like literally, I fear major backlash from my coworkers. I just want to drink but it's not making it any better. I go in on Friday night and either the world keeps turning or I get lynched behind the trash compactor.

[QUOTE=pentium;49575904]I wasn't expecting the incident to escalate beyond the usual throwing of hard objects at me.[/QUOTE] what the hell lol so whys he throwing shit at you again? and if hes been throwing heavy shit at you you shouldve reported him way sooner tbh regardless of how good at their job being able to behave is all a part of the excellence

I don't wanna get him fired. We have enough trouble retaining employees as-is. I'll take a few bruises to keep the store functioning and on schedule. IF I just stopped everything and just reported everything the crew did to me every night we'd have an 80% turnover in two months. I don't want to get involved in this. I just want to have the finances to support myself and try to do something better with my life.

I'm starting to spiral down into a bipolar obsession about my insecurities, it makes me lie to people, skip meetings concerning my mental health, constantly question my moral standpoint on things and feel crippling anxiety towards speaking to people that expects me to be sober. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and he told me he is going to increase the dosage on my mood stabilizing medication immediately, but I won't be getting the higher dosage until next week because I pick up stored medication on a daily basis for reasons of suicide prevention. It's 9 AM, time to get drunk.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49574916]what exactly is happiness? it's not being rich, it's not having a large social circle, it's not having good looks, it's not being perfect in general, so what is it? even those who have everything tend to be depressed. isn't it odd. I've seen people who are so ugly with physical disabilities who say they love life and are very happy with it and I can't see why they are happy. it sounds incredibly rude from me, I don't think any challenges they have is anything to laugh at, it just boggles my mind that they manage to live happily when I have a strong feeling I wouldn't have been able to live happily if I were them. these people lack the looks, they lack the ability to work and maintain a rich lifestyle, they have disabilities which prevent them from having a perfect body or lifestyle and I have a feeling they're not exactly the most attractive option of being a friend in peoples eyes, especially if these disabilities affect how their brain works as well. so what makes these people so happy? they lack nearly everything what your general population would consider a necessity to be happy. is it because happiness is not what people think it is?[/QUOTE] After reading about the Hedonic treadmill I started wondering if people with chronic depression have a broken happiness equilibrium. [url]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill[/url]

I think I love my anti-depressants. No more feeling "why the fuck am I sobbing at 3am" But I don't fap anymore. I don't even think about fapping either. Weird huh.

I sent a snap to my friend earlier asking whatsup today which she didn't open for a while but that's okay since she hadn't been active on facebook for a while either. I was also pondering how our friendship had been the past few weeks and I figured, maybe I wasn't showing the same kind of signs as I used to? I had become rather care with her and not supportive because of my thoughts, so I was thinking I should maybe give her a sign from me that things are okay. so I sent her a "love you" just in the norwegian way of saying "love you" towards a friend. english is odd since you can't differentiate between love you in feelings or love you as friend. hasn't read it but that's okay still since she's gone. I think an hour + some more went by, and then I saw that she had opened my snap. then I saw she was active on facebook. okay, she's alive, nice. and nothing. she didn't answer the snap and she never opened my message on face but she has probably read it without opening it. 17 minutes has passed and I haven't heard from her. one simple question and one friendly message which she hasn't answered. I'm rotting away on the inside right now. I'm not feeling well at all. I just want to go to bed and sleep. feeling so lonely. [editline]21st January 2016[/editline] according to her I'm one of the two people she considers her closest friends. if that's true, why is this happening? I don't feel like I'm her closest friend if she consciously makes an attempt to hide that she has read my messages to give herself an excuse to not answer even though it's blatantly obvious she has read it if she's active on facebook, of course she knows there's a message sitting there, waiting for her with a small preview that's big enough to cover the entire message I sent which means she doesn't need to open it. in the super unlikely event that she has somehow not read the message, she still did see my snap which she hasn't replied to either. I don't expect people to reply to snaps in general as there's rarely much to reply to, but when there's a question directed at her I sort of expect a response since we're apparently best buddies. I hurt so much on the inside right now and the worst part is I can't tell her this since what I'm feeling is the number one cause behind broken friendships and relationships so I suppose I just gotta live with it [editline]21st January 2016[/editline] the worst part about all of this is that I don't trust my emotions at all, not the slightest. everything I'm feeling right now, I have no idea if I'm justified in feeling it since my perspective becomes incredibly biased when emotions run wild, just like everyone else I assume. I have no idea if my emotions have a realistic reason to pop up like this or if it's just a series of illogical thoughts connecting non-existing dots to create a negative image of the situation. there COULD be a reason why she's not replying too, but I honestly can't see one, and with my general impression of our relation to each other the past few weeks I sort of suspect that she doesn't want to reply. [editline]21st January 2016[/editline] I'm so incredibly scared of losing people that it sometimes makes me think this is the reason I'm losing people, my insane scare of losing them in the first place. I try not to show it to the best of my abilities, but it's really hard to fake well-being. it's so hard to properly engage in conversations, care about others, and so on when the person you're talking with makes you feel unwell due to that scare of them leaving you. that in turn, makes me feel like they're actually leaving me. I don't even know if my speculation that people are leaving me is true, but my emotions are utterly convinced that everyone is sort of drifting away [editline]21st January 2016[/editline] fuck its 4pm and I'm gonna go sleep

[QUOTE=pentium;49575920]I don't wanna get him fired. We have enough trouble retaining employees as-is. I'll take a few bruises to keep the store functioning and on schedule. IF I just stopped everything and just reported everything the crew did to me every night we'd have an 80% turnover in two months. I don't want to get involved in this. I just want to have the finances to support myself and try to do something better with my life.[/QUOTE] You should stand up for yourself, and find a new job. As any place that has conduct like that isn't a place you should work at. At the end of the day store isn't worth it at the cost of your health.

Thought I was getting somewhere only to realise was fucking. Every time I try something, I come to the realisation that I'm a fucking useless moron, who do anything right. I don't want to do anything that involves any thinking. I just want a job with no responsibility that I do until I die. I give up on everything, finding a girlfriend,, getting into the VFX, industry, having any seemly bright idea and anything where I have to complete with people. I just want my entertainment and a job in small shop or service station. I serve as proof that a moron like me can't aspire to be anything more than the complete and utter fuck up he is.

[QUOTE=Echofish;49576947]I think I love my anti-depressants. No more feeling "why the fuck am I sobbing at 3am" But I don't fap anymore. I don't even think about fapping either. Weird huh.[/QUOTE] Talk to therapist, this is very common and easily fixed. The second most common application of stimulants like adderall is usage for giving people on antidepressants their libido back, and thankfully if they give you anything like that for this you can take it only when needed and otherwise not take it.

[QUOTE=paindoc;49579047]Talk to therapist, this is very common and easily fixed. The second most common application of stimulants like adderall is usage for giving people on antidepressants their libido back, and thankfully if they give you anything like that for this you can take it only when needed and otherwise not take it.[/QUOTE] Luckily my partner lives away during the semester and we see each other once a month. The sex is there when we are together, but in between? Im like a fucking robot.

[QUOTE=DELL;49577992]You should stand up for yourself, and find a new job. As any place that has conduct like that isn't a place you should work at. At the end of the day store isn't worth it at the cost of your health.[/QUOTE] I'm not working here because I want to. I'm working here because nobody else would hire me. You transcend into a special depth of hell when even McDonalds doesn't want you.

[QUOTE=Echofish;49579196]Luckily my partner lives away during the semester and we see each other once a month. The sex is there when we are together, but in between? Im like a fucking robot.[/QUOTE] The space at least helps build a bit of tension for now, just keep the various options open for if/when you live closer or see each other more often. My libido being zero'd is one of the reasons I think depression is hangin around... A 20yr old dude on stimulants should not be this dead in that respect. I keep over sleeping and missing classes. My whole body feels drained, and the only emotions I've felt have been negative. I can't get out of bed, but I need to go to the library and study. And I need to write articles for my job but I have no drive about that, I can't be bothered to email my ARNP or therapist, and I generally feel empty. I know some things off but I'm so tired and terrified of being misdiagnosed or prescribed something like wellbutrin and getting cystic acne or getting worse or something.

Depression for 6 years and here's my advice: Medication is the last resort (unless you're so fuck'd up you're in danger).

[QUOTE=The bird Man;49579351]Depression for 6 years and here's my advice: Medication is the last resort (unless you're so fuck'd up you're in danger).[/QUOTE] Disagree in many respects, as the stigma and undue worries around medication caused my family to withhold any ability for me to get help for years. Mental illnesses are most effectively fought with lifestyle/holistic changes and medication. I've been trying lifestyle changes for a few weeks now - better habits, upbeat thoughts, using anxiety journals when really stressed, improved diet, more active movement and activities and the like. For my ADHD, I take vitamin supplements (B12, magnesium) to cover what the medication deprives me of, also try to eat healthy, establish schedules, use work flow improving habits, keep track of all activities in a huge list, work in ways that are easier for me, and generally try to stay organized. I'm already fighting all that, and anxiety/OCD shit that threatens to break out. I can't do it completely unassisted, and I'm not going to be taking medication for depression forever. Just long enough to get me through this spell and get restabilized. I'm also under time pressure with school, as if my GPA fails to gp up this quarter I won't get into my department and besides being devastating I'll have to take on more loans and do an extra year. I can't afford this distraction right now. Medication is not a cure all, but it is a highly effective solution. I feel that there is a selection bias here, as for people whose depression was effectively treated with medication they are no longer as bad off, and don't need to post here. For the people who unfortunately do not respond well, they are still stuck suffering and needing a thread like this.

I don't know if I have an anxiety disorder, but I do get pretty anxious in social situations and I got humiliated in front of my class today so that's no fun. I mean I understand why my teacher was mad, but instead of asking me to stop, he straight up for about a minute and a half humiliated me. Story goes as is: I am sitting in welding class(we are still learning procedures and shit) and our class is really small (about 15 people) everyone is quiet, being respectful, teacher is talking. Teacher then brings out an Oxygen Cylinder, and starts talking about safe procedure with it. He then mentions that if the cap broke or something it would wreck everything, he compared it to a rocket and said that it could travel at least 100 feet in the air. Me being pretty curious about this, I raise my hand and ask him "What if you put like some fins on the O2 cylinder so that if it did break it would just go straight up instead of flying everywhere?" Granted it was kind of a stupid question, but still. The class is dead silent as he looks over to me (hes about 7 feet away from my desk) and just starts staring my ass down and giving me [I]that[/I] look. This goes on for about 20 seconds before I realize that maybe he thinks I am just trying to be a smart ass, so I tell him 'no i am serious I am just kinda curious if that would work" and then he says "that is NOT a [B]serious[/B] question" I then again refute that I am being absolutely serious, and then he continues to talk about how dumb of an idea that is because if you tried to weld something onto the cylinder you would kill yourself and it is a dumb idea and that question is completely inappropriate and not safety, that this class is super serious and needs to be safe. He then makes a gesture of his arm being a rocket flying everywhere and started asking me if I really thought it was a good idea. He continued on after another 40 seconds of saying that was completely unacceptable and some other stuff I don't remember since I was kind of shaking a little bit. (He wasn't talking to the class during all of this either, he never looked at the class during those two minutes just talking to me in that asshole tone, like at least take me out into the hallway for that BS) Maybe I am overreacting but I dunno if I like being talked to like that for just asking a "stupid" question. :/