Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

In a really weird mood, been getting pretty anxious about going to sleep and sabotaging my attempts to try. Been awake since Tuesday

[QUOTE=paindoc;49673975] Hi I'm paindoc welcome to the ballpark can I see your tickets please? thanks. how are you guys doing? good da- wait fuck[/QUOTE] You work in a ball park? How did you get that job?

I fucking hate my life right now. My coworker is a fucking man-child, he asked me if I emptied the garbage on the sidewalk, I didn't hear him so I said "what?" He responded by asking the question very slowly, as if I was deaf. Then around half an hour before my shift was over, I offered to give him the walkie-talkie (we're supposed to have a walkie-talkie for safety and work-related reasons, if a customer needs help to their car, etc) and he said to just put it back on the charger. I said "what if someone needs help to their car or something?" and he said that he "doesn't wanna do favours anymore." I punched out and found him, and again offered the walkie-talkie. He said to go hang it up and I said "no, take it," the security guard on duty offered to put it back on the charger and I said that he (my coworker) needs it, coworker again refuses and I forcefully handed him it and said "take the damn thing." On top of that, my mom has stage 3 kidney disease. My grandfather, who is her father, has stage 4+ and is in home hospice. Lot of stressful, aggravating shit going on right now and I dunno what to fucking do :scream:

[QUOTE=Daysofwinter;49674400]You work in a ball park? How did you get that job?[/QUOTE] I applied for it when looking for jobs, it was like one of 20+ I applied for and the only one that called me back for an interview. The interview was a group interview, and based on how well you socialized with people. There were a number of positions open all across the stadium, but I got put on gate (which is apparently what lots want). I manage to get pretty cool jobs, somehow. It is Safeco Field though, so it's for the Mariners. Who aren't as hyped as the seahawks, lol. The radical changes to our management though should be interesting, looking forward to seeing the team play this year.

Seeing as the 4th February in the UK is the Time To Talk Day campaign (in a nutshell, Time To Talk is to raise awareness for mental health in the UK), and I've decided to slowly come out of my shell and write a blog post loosely explaining what the day was about, as well as some of my experiences concerning mental health. It just seemed like the right day to do it as well. Took a LOT of courage.

hey guys I'm atomicsans and I like to party see, not that hard

Tonight my parents had possibly the biggest argument I've ever heard them have, so much to the point it broke my little brothers. They finaly understand why I am trying to get away from this poverty-striken, stagnating, drug-filled, broken household. So I spent maybe an hour trying to have a serious talk with both of them, they were crying, they want to move to my father's house. While my dad's side of the family is very sexist, homophobic, and racist as well, my brothers realize that it's a little safer for them there, considering it's not as ghetto in that town and there's work available for them, an uncle of mine can make them apprentices and set them up with a decent hands-on job. I feel bad because all of this is happening two/three weeks before I have to leave, and I never got the real chance to be that role-model older sister to them, all they've seen from me is a crying, sometimes yelling, mess that was riddled with mental illness (depression). But now they're starting to see things how they really are, which makes me super happy and super sad at the same time, because now they are stuck and have to figure out life on their own. I set up skype for them on their new laptop they got for christmas so hopefully they will stay in touch with me when they need someone to talk to. Spending my last few weeks playing video games with them to leave a good impression on them when I leave.

[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;49675649][video=youtube;6Zbi0XmGtMw]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Zbi0XmGtMw[/video] i'm awkwardly reminded of this[/QUOTE] fuck you this is going to be in my head for weeks last time i listened to a silly catchy song i kept replicating the groove in my own music :v

so with my psychiatrist's blessing i took a double-dose of my medication this morning currently hyperventilating, pulse pounding, severely depersonalized and feeling extremely irritable/suicidal

[QUOTE=_jesterk;49675860]so with my psychiatrist's blessing i took a double-dose of my medication this morning currently hyperventilating, pulse pounding, severely depersonalized and feeling extremely irritable/suicidal[/QUOTE] Not sure what you're taking but if you're getting side effects like that you should go to the hospital. My best guess is serotonin syndrome which you really don't want to wait out something like that.

[QUOTE=_jesterk;49675860]so with my psychiatrist's blessing i took a double-dose of my medication this morning currently hyperventilating, pulse pounding, severely depersonalized and feeling extremely irritable/suicidal[/QUOTE] Call your doctor or get to the hospital, this is at least unfun enough that should get some help. [editline]5th February 2016[/editline] 40m later WiFi comes back and I reply Uber late I hope Jesterk is okay :c

Back when I was seeing psychiatrists and stuff a few years back I was diagnosed with OCD among other things and I kinda assumed it wasn't a big deal since my doctors didn't mention it much. But I think it affects my mental health and general life more than I thought. I used to think that because I didn't do a lot of the hallmark signs of OCD like compulsive hand washing and stuff I assumed what I has wasn't [I]really[/I] OCD. But a lot of the things that do go on with me that are related to it really do affect me and feed into anxiety and depression and stuff. I've never really talked about it with anyone because I've never really thought it was actually that serious, let alone what to even do about it.

[QUOTE=TheBrokenHobo;49676438]Back when I was seeing psychiatrists and stuff a few years back I was diagnosed with OCD among other things and I kinda assumed it wasn't a big deal since my doctors didn't mention it much. But I think it affects my mental health and general life more than I thought. I used to think that because I didn't do a lot of the hallmark signs of OCD like compulsive hand washing and stuff I assumed what I has wasn't [I]really[/I] OCD. But a lot of the things that do go on with me that are related to it really do affect me and feed into anxiety and depression and stuff. I've never really talked about it with anyone because I've never really thought it was actually that serious, let alone what to even do about it.[/QUOTE] It is serious when it disrupts your life. You decide that, no one else. You go to a professional if it worries you, and they advise you from there. Anxiety is rough, and dangerous and annoying as fuck and it has tons of physiological side effects. Depression fucking sucks and that's about all I can say about that. In your case, feeling like you're managing your OCD better can relieve your other symptoms. I sorta did the same thing - when I'm under stress, I start getting compulsions and getting really obsessive about my appearance. Stoves are my biggest thing, I have to like touch the knobs several times or I worry. And there are the mental compulsions, too. I thought most it was normal until I told my therapist. ADHD is the root for me, but if uncontrolled it leads to anxiety and depression and those snowball rapidly and become worse theb OCD compulsions come out etc. Gotta stop the source, as best as you can. Talk about it a bit, with someone you trust. Tell them how you it makes you feel. And consider speaking to a professional. The former is relieving and helps you recognize it better and the latter can lead to better management

[QUOTE=paindoc;49676493]It is serious when it disrupts your life. You decide that, no one else. You go to a professional if it worries you, and they advise you from there. Anxiety is rough, and dangerous and annoying as fuck and it has tons of physiological side effects. Depression fucking sucks and that's about all I can say about that. In your case, feeling like you're managing your OCD better can relieve your other symptoms. I sorta did the same thing - when I'm under stress, I start getting compulsions and getting really obsessive about my appearance. Stoves are my biggest thing, I have to like touch the knobs several times or I worry. And there are the mental compulsions, too. I thought most it was normal until I told my therapist. ADHD is the root for me, but if uncontrolled it leads to anxiety and depression and those snowball rapidly and become worse theb OCD compulsions come out etc. Gotta stop the source, as best as you can. Talk about it a bit, with someone you trust. Tell them how you it makes you feel. And consider speaking to a professional. The former is relieving and helps you recognize it better and the latter can lead to better management[/QUOTE] Yeah I guess I've always just downplayed it because a lot of the stuff I do sounds so stupid when I say it out loud and I recognize that. But there's a lot of obsessive thoughts and mental compulsions where obviously I'm the only one who knows what's going on.

Going to a funeral this Saturday. Friend from high school took his life last week. Like me, he was depressed. It was something we used to talk about. My mind has been foggy since I found out.

[QUOTE=TheBrokenHobo;49676549]Yeah I guess I've always just downplayed it because a lot of the stuff I do sounds so stupid when I say it out loud and I recognize that. But there's a lot of obsessive thoughts and mental compulsions where obviously I'm the only one who knows what's going on.[/QUOTE] Yeah, people stereotype the big four mental disorders too much and trivialize it so that it's easy to convince ourselves that we're just being dramatic or something. But that's not for anyone else to decide, and we can never truly understand kr feel what another person feels. What makes you think it sounds stupid, or what about it sounds stupid?

[QUOTE=paindoc;49676561]Yeah, people stereotype the big four mental disorders too much and trivialize it so that it's easy to convince ourselves that we're just being dramatic or something. But that's not for anyone else to decide, and we can never truly understand kr feel what another person feels. What makes you think it sounds stupid, or what about it sounds stupid?[/QUOTE] If I'm listening to music, watching tv, etc I have to have the volume at an even number. Not even just that, if I'm changing the temp of the AC, playing a game and grabbing items, buying things, adding items to a list, pretty much everything. It's always gotta be an even number or it really bothers me to the point where it's hard for me to concentrate. Even as I was typing that I was thinking through all those things to remember if I left them all right. If I tap my hand on something I have to tap the other. If something brushes against the left side of my body I have to touch the other side. A lot of stuff like that. I used to get a lot of flack for it from my family and stuff but they're a little more understanding now. But I just feel like it's all me being dramatic and that it doesn't really bother me as much as I think it does or it's not serious as I think it is. But that stuff combined with a lot of super-obsessive thinking can really affect me mentally.

[QUOTE=TheBrokenHobo;49676580]If I'm listening to music, watching tv, etc I have to have the volume at an even number. Not even just that, if I'm changing the temp of the AC, playing a game and grabbing items, buying things, adding items to a list, pretty much everything. It's always gotta be an even number or it really bothers me to the point where it's hard for me to concentrate. Even as I was typing that I was thinking through all those things to remember if I left them all right. If I tap my hand on something I have to tap the other. If something brushes against the left side of my body I have to touch the other side. A lot of stuff like that. I used to get a lot of flack for it from my family and stuff but they're a little more understanding now. But I just feel like it's all me being dramatic and that it doesn't really bother me as much as I think it does or it's not serious as I think it is. But that stuff combined with a lot of super-obsessive thinking can really affect me mentally.[/QUOTE] Dude, that sounds stressful and irritating. It's not stupid, and even if its something like secondary OCD it seems to be disruptive enough to be an issue. Are you hesitating because of family stigma, or their reluctance for you to seek help? I can understand the terror, if that's the case. It's really hard to he vulnerable and talk about this when your family has made you feel like shit about it. And have you considered that worrying excessively about whether it's real or not is an obsessive thought as well? If not, it still amps up anxiety. Like I said, if it disrupts your life it is at least enough of an issue to investigate further. The "itch" of the compulsions is really tough, and what I've experienced isn't even the full brunt. So don't doubt yourself.

[QUOTE=paindoc;49676628]Dude, that sounds stressful and irritating. It's not stupid, and even if its something like secondary OCD it seems to be disruptive enough to be an issue. Are you hesitating because of family stigma, or their reluctance for you to seek help? I can understand the terror, if that's the case. It's really hard to he vulnerable and talk about this when your family has made you feel like shit about it. And have you considered that worrying excessively about whether it's real or not is an obsessive thought as well? If not, it still amps up anxiety. Like I said, if it disrupts your life it is at least enough of an issue to investigate further. The "itch" of the compulsions is really tough, and what I've experienced isn't even the full brunt. So don't doubt yourself.[/QUOTE] A little bit of all those reasons I think. I haven't been to a therapist or anything in a couple years now and I kinda wish I had brought that up more when I had been going. You make a really good point about the whole worrying about it being serious or not in the first place. That is probably an obsessive thought in itself and does tie in to other obsessive thoughts I have already. It really does amp up anxiety. I have a tendency to obsess over every little thing and let it eat at me and I never really thought about it being related to all that. It's something that's been going on with me as long as I can remember. Even when I was a little kid to an extent.

i feel like i'm slowly starting to lose my mind. i dunno what else I can do. i need to figure out a way to get out of here or something because if I stay here I'm really going to go insane or something. it feels like actual pressure on every part of my body.

Now you guys got me wondering if I have OCD because I'm always washing my hands whenever they feel sticky and I always have to check to see if I locked the door, shut the fridge, turned off the stove atleast twice. I don't think that's OCD I think it's just double checking.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49678172]Now you guys got me wondering if I have OCD because I'm always washing my hands whenever they feel sticky and I always have to check to see if I locked the door, shut the fridge, turned off the stove atleast twice. I don't think that's OCD I think it's just double checking.[/QUOTE] It depends. We're not psychiatrists, but my point was less that it doesn't matter what it is, really. If it has been bothering you and you'd like to fix it, see a professional and see what they think and the like. Don't demean your issues, or let others demean them. And don't call them stupid, and really don't stress about "it isn't real". I still have thoughts of "what if my ADHD isn't real", but I've learned to let those thoughts go and not get em snowballing

You are just being cautious and don't like sticky hands.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49678172]Now you guys got me wondering if I have OCD because I'm always washing my hands whenever they feel sticky and I always have to check to see if I locked the door, shut the fridge, turned off the stove atleast twice. I don't think that's OCD I think it's just double checking.[/QUOTE] I do the same and as you suspect, I just think you're double checking. you washing your hands when they feel sticky is most likely because you just find it a little gross and want clean hands. I double check things a lot too since I often get thoughts "did I really just do that?" then I get unsure if I actually did it or not. I suppose one view of it is, who cares if it's OCD or not if it's not actually bothering you? thinking of it, does it really matter if a person has a disorder if it doesn't actively bring the quality of life down?

[QUOTE=PredGD;49678384]I do the same and as you suspect, I just think you're double checking. you washing your hands when they feel sticky is most likely because you just find it a little gross and want clean hands. I double check things a lot too since I often get thoughts "did I really just do that?" then I get unsure if I actually did it or not. I suppose one view of it is, who cares if it's OCD or not if it's not actually bothering you? thinking of it, does it really matter if a person has a disorder if it doesn't actively bring the quality of life down?[/QUOTE] It shouldn't matter at all. But when it causes undue distress in your life and inhibits your ability to do things, then it's a problem. Checking to see if the stove is off, not a problem. Leaving and returning three times to touch the stove and check it then being late to work a number of times? Yeah, that's sort of an issue.

I think people get hung up on the label of OCD and how it's the apparent only way to validate a life-altering set of behaviors. OCD is not very specific in what it entails beyond obsessive, compulsive behaviors, but you don't need a diagnosis (by a professional, or otherwise, a self-diagnosis) to determine whether or not a set of behaviors is something you need to seek help for. I'm not overly fond of people using OCD to describe every little compulsion because it begins turning the word into something that means "haha i can't stand when these colored pencils aren't straight on my desk" rather than something that can actually lower the quality of someone's life. Seek help for it if you feel like you need to, diagnosis or otherwise, and by doing so, open up the avenues for people to feel more comfortable with seeking help for behaviors and conditions that have not been or do not require an official diagnosis.

I was so close to finally fucking offing myself last night. And it turns out no one actually would give half a fuck if I were to, on top of that I think I just lost two of my friends who I thought were good people (one was one of the best friends I thought I had). Which also totally helps with my loneliness. Im seriously amazed I haven't killed myself yet, future has been looking incredibly shitty also for a while. And all I can do is complain to a fucking internet forum lmao

You know, I have mixed feelings about killing yourself. For complex reasons. Look for all those who want go kill yourself (for reals and not for attention) here is an idea: Go do something where you might end up risking life or limb that benefits other. Become a test subject for some medical experiments, go volunteer as a fire jumper, smuggle yourself into the ranks of ISIL, learn how to use a suicide vest then give your new comrades a "hug". Do something. Go out in a blaze of glory. If you survive then maybe you get over it. If you don't hey great. At least make sure you are of use.

Well, the days of winter is almost over so I guess this is why you give tasteless advice. Stop. [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] Every human living is worth more than what we can measure. You never know what this or that person becomes or does something so important to the world it's even more priceless. Most of the people reach their high at ~40 where they may create a beautiful piece of literature, music, craft, art, cancer killing medicine or whatever they have decided to do in their life. Even in a suicide bomber, there's a wasted opportunity for a poet who brings new emotions to the world.

[QUOTE=Daysofwinter;49681350]You know, I have mixed feelings about killing yourself. For complex reasons. Look for all those who want go kill yourself (for reals and not for attention) here is an idea: Go do something where you might end up risking life or limb that benefits other. Become a test subject for some medical experiments, go volunteer as a fire jumper, smuggle yourself into the ranks of ISIL, learn how to use a suicide vest then give your new comrades a "hug". Do something. Go out in a blaze of glory. If you survive then maybe you get over it. If you don't hey great. At least make sure you are of use.[/QUOTE] This is a fucking awful and extremely damaging thing to say, joke or otherwise. EVERYONE on this planet has worth. Everyone. I don't care who you are or what you do, but you have something inside of you that can bring good to the world. Whether you choose to show it or not, you have it no matter what. People who are suicidal are usually feeling like they have little to no purpose when it's not true in the slightest. Even if you sit at home and do nothing, you still serve a purpose. And if you still feel like you don't, then you WILL later on down the line. Telling someone to give up and become reckless with their life is an absolutely moronic thing to do. The "blaze of glory" thing is bullshit because ten times out of ten, killing yourself will have a very bad effect on those around you No matter what you may think of yourself, [B]someone[/B] out there will care and be negatively impacted. There's too many people on this fucking planet for there to not be someone who cares deeply. All it will do is hurt people and make their world a little more bleak. Everyone has worth. Do not kill yourself. Period.