Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

People who generally have a shit opinion about suicide or suicidal tendencies have likely never felt or experienced anything remotely like those feelings/emotions. And yet they boast themselves as experts or say that they have "personal reasons" for their shitty opinion and it's like cool, you still have no clue.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;49683088] Everyone has worth.[/QUOTE] Not me, it would be a miracle if I could contribute to something, but you know how miracles never happen to me.

Another friend from out of the circle was introduced and they decided to cause drama and be an absolute asshole to one of my closer friends, exclude them, and talk shit about them behind their back. My friend I'm moving in with only joined in because she had feelings for this fat, narcisistic, australian asshole. snip. I called the asshole out and now there's a shit storm fml.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;49662512]cross posted from GCT but i don't give a shit So i guess my sister is now in jail again. this time, it's probably going to be for a long time, too. for something that happened years and years ago. her father, who is a repugnant excuse for a human being, decided to call the cops on her because he didn't like her presence in "his house" (not even remotely his house btw) and got her and her boyfriend taken away by the cops. of course my mongoloid grandmother in law is siding with him simply because he's her son and she doesn't want to be alone, so any sort of retaliation against her is probably gonna result in us getting kicked out and living on the street. one of my nieces is in custody of my brother and his fiance currently, who already have one kid to look after, and my other one is in custody of someone who I barely know but is apparently a drug dealer. My dad had a heart attack 2 years ago and I really don't want him to have another one over this fucking travesty of justice. i'm laying here in bed and the only thing on my mind right now is my sister and my nieces. saying that I want to die is an understatement at this point. every part of my body is shaking and i think I'm gonna puke pretty soon. i dunno what else I can do except adapt. i'm so fucking ready to call it quits right now and end everything. everything has been so shitty ever since we moved up here 5 years ago and it just keeps getting worse. sorry if this is yet another bitch post but it seems like anything good that happens in my life is superseded by a million other awful things. nowhere else to turn to so there it is. if I just stop posting for a while, that'll be the reason. fuck everything.[/QUOTE] Holy fuck man, you know I love you, I'm sorry I haven't seen this until now. I don't really post in these threads so I just happened across it. I feel terrible about what's happening to you, shit sucks. I've had to be the person to resort to physical actions to remove the criminals in my family, and sentence them to jail myself. Shit sucks and I know after you finish you can never trust anybody again, and you know you're gonna do some shit later on. I don't really know what else to say but I hope you can get through it, and you know I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk. Just try to remember that this shit don't last forever. Don't do anything crazy like cutting or pills or some shit, cause once you start shit gets worse and you start bustin people too. My prayers are with you man. I hope we can talk soon.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;49683088]This is a fucking awful and extremely damaging thing to say, joke or otherwise. EVERYONE on this planet has worth. Everyone. I don't care who you are or what you do, but you have something inside of you that can bring good to the world. Whether you choose to show it or not, you have it no matter what. People who are suicidal are usually feeling like they have little to no purpose when it's not true in the slightest. Even if you sit at home and do nothing, you still serve a purpose. And if you still feel like you don't, then you WILL later on down the line. Telling someone to give up and become reckless with their life is an absolutely moronic thing to do. The "blaze of glory" thing is bullshit because ten times out of ten, killing yourself will have a very bad effect on those around you No matter what you may think of yourself, [B]someone[/B] out there will care and be negatively impacted. There's too many people on this fucking planet for there to not be someone who cares deeply. All it will do is hurt people and make their world a little more bleak. Everyone has worth. Do not kill yourself. Period.[/QUOTE] Like I said I had complicated feelings on the matter. I've been suicidal for a while, suppressed the urge and put it off. Suppressing that urge influences a person in subtle ways. Good ideas seem like bad ideas and vice versa. What happened this led to a series of coincidences where everything in my life got laid to waste and it accidentally wrecked some other people's lives too. In a way I got my desire, but in the worst way possible. I didn't literally die but everything else got wrecked. Now I regret my depression and compared to now, I want my old life back.

[QUOTE=Daysofwinter;49684606]Like I said I had complicated feelings on the matter. I've been suicidal for a while, suppressed the urge and put it off. Suppressing that urge influences a person in subtle ways. Good ideas seem like bad ideas and vice versa. What happened this led to a series of coincidences where everything in my life got laid to waste and it accidentally wrecked some other people's lives too. In a way I got my desire, but in the worst way possible. I didn't literally die but everything else got wrecked. Now I regret my depression and compared to now, I want my old life back.[/QUOTE]I'm sorry but what you said isn't any less damaging. Please try to think about how your words affect the sensitive people here. Some thoughts might help you but be better left unsaid.

[QUOTE=Daysofwinter;49684606]Like I said I had complicated feelings on the matter. I've been suicidal for a while, suppressed the urge and put it off. Suppressing that urge influences a person in subtle ways. Good ideas seem like bad ideas and vice versa. What happened this led to a series of coincidences where everything in my life got laid to waste and it accidentally wrecked some other people's lives too. In a way I got my desire, but in the worst way possible. I didn't literally die but everything else got wrecked. Now I regret my depression and compared to now, I want my old life back.[/QUOTE] This is fucking stupid and stop shit posting this damaging drivel

Almost all of my anti-depressants just decided to stop working over the last week. I feel like everything is just going down hill at a much faster rate then ever before.

I'm absolutely fucked. I'm leaving february 26th and I don't have shit, no money, or anywhere to go. Honestly going to fucking kill myself.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49685299]I'm absolutely fucked. I'm leaving february 26th and I don't have shit, no money, or anywhere to go. Honestly going to fucking kill myself.[/QUOTE] Try looking for a job and crash with friends. A lot of people are in the same position. Hell, I'm scared shitless about what I'm gonna do after high school, but it can only get better. I can talk to you if you need someone.

[QUOTE=LTJGPliskin;49685554]Try looking for a job and crash with friends. A lot of people are in the same position. Hell, I'm scared shitless about what I'm gonna do after high school, but it can only get better. I can talk to you if you need someone.[/QUOTE] I have no other friends. And no one is hiring. That's half the reason I'm fucked.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49685597]I have no other friends. And no one is hiring. That's half the reason I'm fucked.[/QUOTE] People are always hiring. You just gotta try everywhere. Trust me.

Anyone who dosen't understand my situation already, I'll give a brief description (sorry to anyone who's heard me vent about it a million times) I live with racist, messed up homophobes that would kick me out if they ever found out I was a lesbian. My family does innapropriate, disgusting, warped, and illegal things contantly 24/7 and I live in the ghetto, I have been applying for jobs for over 8 months now and have had shitty luck. I have made countless efforts and taken action to fixing my life and getting out of here, but to no avail; I am stuck here and need to escape them. My father is dying because of his congestive heart failure and has been since I was a kid, he dosen't have long to live, my step dad is a drugged up, abusive, cheating asshole. [I][B]I have absolutely no friends or family to count on[/B][/I], the closest friend I have is states away and she and I have but heads multiple times. I am reaching my breaking point, and have been for some time. These are my options: A.) Push through living with my broken family for the next two and a half weeks until my flight, go to my friend's anyways and hope for the best. (try to get a job down there and be her roomate) B.) Cancel my flight, reshedule it and go out west where prostitution is more legal and easy to get away with, sell myself for money and start a new life. C.) Kill myself because I have no fucking money, no luck, and no hope. The problem with option A is that it's most likely not going to happen because my friend and I keep getting more distant with each argument. The problem with option B is that it's fucking dangerous and stupid and will either make me wind up with a lot of money or dead. I want fast results, my ultimate goal is to have a stable income and a stable life where I don't have to depend on anyone for money. Money is my answer, the problem is I cannot get money. [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=LTJGPliskin;49685637]People are always hiring. You just gotta try everywhere. Trust me.[/QUOTE] HAHAHAHA NO THEY ARENT. [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] [B]IVE TRIED! EVERYONE THINKS I HAVENT TRIED BUT I HAVE TRIED! IVE TRIED SO FUCKING HARD!!!! TRIED EVERYWHERE! TRIED EVERYTHING I CAN! NO HELP! NOTHING HELPS! HOMELESS SHELTERS AREN'T GONNA HELP ME MUCH!!!! [/B] Option C.) REVISED: Apply for homeless shelters and become filthy and lice ridden and wind up getting kicked out a month later because they only let you live in them for certain amounts of time, some you can live in for a day or two, others you can live in for a month. I'll be in and out of homeless shelters for the rest of my life. Honestly I'd rather kill myself than live a life like that.

IJ, I want fast results too, but unfortunately we have to work hard and bust our asses to get what we want. I admit I haven't been doing much in the "improving myself" area either, but if everyone says that it gets better etc, there has to be [I]some[/I] truth to it, right? I'm poor at giving advice :(

Homeless shelters are not filthy and lice ridden and to consider them so by default is pretty messed up. But in regards to helping you: There are some that give you actual assistance in finding employment. You have access to the internet, so it would benefit you to find local shelters specifically for young people or specifically for women. If not finding shelters in your area, look for some where you're flying out to. Do EXTENSIVE research. Just googling "homeless shelter in ____" will only yield so much.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49685690]Homeless shelters are not filthy and lice ridden and to consider them so by default is pretty messed up. But in regards to helping you: There are some that give you actual assistance in finding employment. You have access to the internet, so it would benefit you to find local shelters specifically for young people or specifically for women. If not finding shelters in your area, look for some where you're flying out to. Do EXTENSIVE research. Just googling "homeless shelter in ____" will only yield so much.[/QUOTE] Yes but most homeless shelters only let you stay for a certain amount of time before they kick you out. It can be days, weeks or months at a time. But I will have to keep finding a new place and the uncertainty of not knowing where to go after each time I have to leave will make me go insane. I can easily go to a mcdonalds or starbucks and use internet access there to look up my next shelter, but how will I pay taxes if I never have a job and dont have any money? There's fines that homeless people have to pay if they get caught sleeping in the streets because guess what??? Being homeless is illegal.:suicide: [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] Another problem with homeless shelters: loads of rape happens in the mixed-gendered ones. I don't feel like being a rape victim.

I am aware. I live close to the border of Mexico and the downtown area of my city is consistently filled with homeless people. Several of my more Southern-born cousins are homeless, themselves. But it's not something that can't be overcome. Not that everyone has the opportunity to overcome it, but if you make use of the resources you have at your disposal sooner rather than later, you may be able to avoid the worst-case scenario. Like I said, do research. Homeless shelters vary in their policies and dropping a blanket statement over all of them without actively double checking doesn't help you.

It seems that option A is the best. If your area isn't hiring then perhaps a relocation to where your friend lives might be for the best. Things seem fucked but you clearly have a lot of strength in you. If you can push through these next couple weeks, get help from facepunch when you can, you never know what opportunities wait for you. Who knows, maybe after all this is said and done you could even be in a position to help people like yourself. The world needs good people, even if they are all a work in progress.

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;49685257]Almost all of my anti-depressants just decided to stop working over the last week. I feel like everything is just going down hill at a much faster rate then ever before.[/QUOTE] this happened to me like last year and i dont know why my meds suddenly stopped working

I hope I'll get into uni so I can escape this shithole that is my current life...

I wish I could afford college. I can't even get into a college because I'm developmentally delayed in math and I have no money, student loans almost always never help, I am in no place to be in debt when I have no money as is. suicide seems so welcoming.

I wonder if I'm delayed in math too, I suck at anything beyond basic algebra. I can't afford college either; oh the woes of living in a "third wold country"

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49685923]I wish I could afford college. I can't even get into a college because I'm developmentally delayed in math and I have no money, student loans almost always never help, I am in no place to be in debt when I have no money as is. suicide seems so welcoming.[/QUOTE] Don't bother with suicide. Seriously. The endless black void of death is far more scary than living in poverty. Where are you living right now? There have got to SOME jobs in your general area, just go up to a local fast food joint or supermarket and ask if they're hiring. Hell, I thought the same way you did for a while, but the more I looked, the more oppurtunities I found. Hell, even if you look within a 3 mile radius, just get a job you can walk to, and look for apartments on Craigslist.

[QUOTE=LTJGPliskin;49685966]Don't bother with suicide. Seriously. The endless black void of death is far more scary than living in poverty. Where are you living right now? There have got to SOME jobs in your general area, just go up to a local fast food joint or supermarket and ask if they're hiring. Hell, I thought the same way you did for a while, but the more I looked, the more oppurtunities I found. Hell, even if you look within a 3 mile radius, just get a job you can walk to, and look for apartments on Craigslist.[/QUOTE] What do you think I've been doing for the past 8 months??? I've been activley seeking jobs, applying shit tons to shit tons of places. [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] what part of I have been looking for a job for over 8 months do people not get? I've tried over 40 places now. [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] For fucks sake I have no options anymore my parents are all drugged up and drunk all the time and dont fucking understand shit. I want results now and I'm impatient staying in this toxic household.

Does anyone else get light-headed and jerk when they focus on certain tasks like reading, writing, math or drawing? Or have their jaw spazz out while talking? I have had these for a long time, but they seem to be more frequent, and more intense since I have started taking Welbutrin. My psych thinks they could be motor tics and that I should continue with the medication. [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] Took a magnesium supplement some time ago, and the tremors have been greatly reduced. Still jerking though.

I've got some scary pent up anger and violence in me that I can't get out unless I do kickboxing or something, but there's no space in my room or house to excersize. I'd do a shitload of sit ups or push ups and use the fuel that way but there's no space... no gyms that I can afford...

[QUOTE=T.F.W.O.;49686670]Does anyone else get light-headed and jerk when they focus on certain tasks like reading, writing, math or drawing? Or have their jaw spazz out while talking? I have had these for a long time, but they seem to be more frequent, and more intense since I have started taking Welbutrin. My psych thinks they could be motor tics and that I should continue with the medication. [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] Took a magnesium supplement some time ago, and the tremors have been greatly reduced. Still jerking though.[/QUOTE] Twitches and tremors happen with wellbutrin. Hydrate, continue supplements (if they're not magnesium citrate, stop and get citrate instead but do not take it with wellbutrin), keep anxiety low and DO. NOT. GOOGLE. I did that about tremors and it was the worst mistake I've made in years. It'll go away with time, and it's nothing to worry about. Worrying or googling will make it worse. Your psych has your back

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49686019]What do you think I've been doing for the past 8 months??? I've been activley seeking jobs, applying shit tons to shit tons of places. [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] what part of I have been looking for a job for over 8 months do people not get? I've tried over 40 places now. [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] For fucks sake I have no options anymore my parents are all drugged up and drunk all the time and dont fucking understand shit. I want results now and I'm impatient staying in this toxic household.[/QUOTE] There's gotta be money to be made [I]somehow[/I]. What about odd jobs? Like lawn mowing and shit. [editline]7th February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=T.F.W.O.;49686670]Does anyone else get light-headed and jerk when they focus on certain tasks like reading, writing, math or drawing? Or have their jaw spazz out while talking? I have had these for a long time, but they seem to be more frequent, and more intense since I have started taking Welbutrin. My psych thinks they could be motor tics and that I should continue with the medication. [editline]6th February 2016[/editline] Took a magnesium supplement some time ago, and the tremors have been greatly reduced. Still jerking though.[/QUOTE] I get tired when I do math. But that's for a different reason.

[QUOTE=paindoc;49687720]Twitches and tremors happen with wellbutrin. Hydrate, continue supplements (if they're not magnesium citrate, stop and get citrate instead but do not take it with wellbutrin), keep anxiety low and DO. NOT. GOOGLE. I did that about tremors and it was the worst mistake I've made in years. It'll go away with time, and it's nothing to worry about. Worrying or googling will make it worse. Your psych has your back[/QUOTE] I really hope so. I feel like a crazy person, but I am going to start capturing these twitches on video to show my psych. My main concern about these twitches is that I have had them for most of my life, and they are triggered by drawing. I don't want to have to give up drawing.

My uncle passed away tonight. I wasn't especially close with him, but I can empathize with how my dad is feeling. Kind of brings a whole cloud of gloom over the house. My dad was in such a good mood this morning. Feel like crying, if only because of that.