Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I just want to be happy and nothing makes me happy anymore.

Alcohol is basically the only thing that makes me happy now and I'll admit that I've been WAY overdoing it lately. I should probably be concerned for myself or something but I can't muster up the effort to care at all. I just do what makes me feel good. I don't have much capacity for foresight right now, I feel like I'm living moment to moment.

I visited my grandfather today and he doesn't look good, he's not really responding to external stimuli but his eyes did open a couple times and it seemed he acknowledged me and my parents being there. The visiting nurse came and, after checking his vitals, said that he could die anytime this week. Aside from my eyes watering a few times, I didn't feel anything. I feel a bit of sadness now but I feel like I'm not sad enough.

Cant stop crying for some reason. fuck this

Right now I feel very numb to what's going on around me. I feel like I'm almost detatched from my friends completely. I'm sad because I don't think I can ever get close to another human being ever again. I can sleep it off but when I wake up, knowing that I have no friends is still going to be there. I'll be incredibly surprised if I'm able to get over it fully and be perfectly fine alone. I have more options though, so this is pleasant. The unpleasant part is waiting for a response to make my choice. Option A.) Live with my friend. [B]Pros:[/B] I'm away from my parents. I'm with someone who gave me a new chance at life in a new place. I get to be partially independant. [B]Cons:[/B] I risk not being able to find a job. I don't know anyone else down there. If me and my friend butt heads I risk being kicked out. Option B.) Reshedule the ticket to california or las vegas, nevada and become a prostitute/stripper (if my friend decides to not let me live with her) [B]Pros:[/B] A lot of money, relativley quick. This is the fastest way. I would have to spend a couple years there working my ass off doing shady things. If I play it safe I can just flee and be set with money and live comfortably for awhile. [B]Cons:[/B] My reputation, life, and other things are at steak. I could be killed or raped. Or not paid. Option C.) Stay with my parents, take up kickboxing and completely immerse myself in it, get a fanbase and a sponsor and become a fighter for money. [B]Pros:[/B]I could have the body of my dreams, stay fit, possibly make new friends. I could use my depression to fuel my workouts and my determination to become a professional kickboxer. [B]Cons:[/B]I lost $200. I would be stuck with my parents. I would feel repressed and might get into arguments with them and risk getting kicked out or become even more suicidal. Unstable family relationship is not good to be around. Except to be fair, I think It's too optimistic and silly for me to think I'd become a professional.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49703238]Right now I feel very numb to what's going on around me. I feel like I'm almost detatched from my friends completely. I'm sad because I don't think I can ever get close to another human being ever again. I can sleep it off but when I wake up, knowing that I have no friends is still going to be there. I'll be incredibly surprised if I'm able to get over it fully and be perfectly fine alone. I have more options though, so this is pleasant. The unpleasant part is waiting for a response to make my choice. Option A.) Live with my friend. [B]Pros:[/B] I'm away from my parents. I'm with someone who gave me a new chance at life in a new place. I get to be partially independant. [B]Cons:[/B] I risk not being able to find a job. I don't know anyone else down there. If me and my friend butt heads I risk being kicked out. Option C.) Stay with my parents, take up kickboxing and completely immerse myself in it, get a fanbase and a sponsor and become a fighter for money. [B]Pros:[/B]I could have the body of my dreams, stay fit, possibly make new friends. I could use my depression to fuel my workouts and my determination to become a professional kickboxer. [B]Cons:[/B]I lost $200. I would be stuck with my parents. I would feel repressed and might get into arguments with them and risk getting kicked out or become even more suicidal. Unstable family relationship is not good to be around. Except to be fair, I think It's too optimistic and silly for me to think I'd become a professional.[/QUOTE] I would say stay where you are and try to find a job (or a better one?) and just do kickboxing as a sidehobby to get your body and mind into shape.

I work in hospitality and have been dealing with some pretty intense bouts of depression recently. I had to have a hearing with my managers about my apparent "attitude" with working which is pretty much depression/anxiety related and has numbed me to the point where I can't feel emotions. They straight up told me that apparently all my workmates have been talking about me behind my back about this and that my "attitude" puts my job position at risk, which really fucked me up. I can't really do anything about this depression right now so I'm just pulling some fake happy bullshit at work so I don't lose my job since I'm on a zero hour and they can drop me at any time. One of my friends who I was super close to then turned out to be not who they said they were all this time and basically hurt me and a lot of my friends and that sent me into some pretty deep suicidal ideation/self-harming. I'm trying to not let it fuck up my life any more than it already has so I'm trying to turn my life around in a big way. Work is pretty much all I do so I'm gonna spend more time doing creative stuff/reading/just generally doing stuff I enjoy rather than spending hours on end sleeping, browsing social media, and working. I'm feeling a little better about it already but it's gonna be hard. First time posting in this thread but endless love and luck to everyone in here dealing with depression, anxiety, etc or even just negative mental states. xo

[QUOTE=OctopusGuy;49704729]I had to have a hearing with my managers about my apparent "attitude" with working which is pretty much depression/anxiety related and has numbed me to the point where I can't feel emotions. They straight up told me that apparently all my workmates have been talking about me behind my back about this and that my "attitude" puts my job position at risk, which really fucked me up.[/QUOTE] I feel you man. I left a bad impression with some people at my internship a year ago, since they thought I had an attitude as well. Me feeling uncomfortable/depressed means me not initiating conversation or simply secluding myself, which gives people the idea that you have an "attitude". It fucking sucks.

[QUOTE=healthpoint;49704769]I feel you man. I left a bad impression with some people at my internship a year ago, since they thought I had an attitude as well. Me feeling uncomfortable/depressed means me not initiating conversation or simply secluding myself, which gives people the idea that you have an "attitude". It fucking sucks.[/QUOTE] Depression makes you do stupid shit. It [i]is[/i] true what they say about how little things can really change your attitude though. I had a double shift the other day, first half of the day I was seriously depressed and my managers took notice. I had a two hour break before my next shift so I went home, had a big meal, went for a short run, and listened to some [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBuwC4VJi50]semi-upbeat music[/url] on the way back to work. Music and exercise for me helps a ton. Music may not work for everyone but not matter what people say, [b]exercise is a miracle cure for depression[/b]. If you don't do it regularly, try to do it once a week at least even if it's just a short jog in the morning or evening. It'll suck the first couple of times if you're not used to regular exercise but those endorphins will straight up eat away negative energy.

Yeah exercising is great for depression. I picked up weight lifting a few months ago since my brother bought himself a powercage, and it really did make me feel better about myself. He moved to another city a few weeks back, and with that I kinda lost my ability to exercise... And since I'm barely able to even pay my rent, I can't continue my training at a gym or something. I guess I could try jogging though.

Jogging's great since you can still get a solid workout without signing up for a gym or buying equipment or whatever and it still pumps you full of endorphins. I'd definitely recommend buying a decent pair of running shoes though. Was using some shitty old knockoff Nikes that made my feet ache like hell after a run. Dropped about £25 on some reduced Karrimors and it's never felt better. tl;dr if ur sad go lift some weights or do a run or something

Too bad I'm too out of shape to exercise without feeling terrible about myself. I've tried exercising because everyone says it's some miracle cure but all it did was make me feel horrible for being so bad at it.

There's this phrases somebody said that is disturbing me, because its kind of true; "[I]She, you, and me, we'll all eventually come to think we should become ourselves. And, that is the moment we stop being us[/I]"

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49705415]Too bad I'm too out of shape to exercise without feeling terrible about myself. I've tried exercising because everyone says it's some miracle cure but all it did was make me feel horrible for being so bad at it.[/QUOTE] The first step to being good at anything is being utterly shit at it.

[QUOTE=healthpoint;49704769]I feel you man. I left a bad impression with some people at my internship a year ago, since they thought I had an attitude as well. Me feeling uncomfortable/depressed means me not initiating conversation or simply secluding myself, which gives people the idea that you have an "attitude". It fucking sucks.[/QUOTE] I do not want to talk to people because I have nothing to say. This gives the impression I am "stuck up".

Grandfather just passed a few minutes ago, RIP SSgt. Wilbert "Sonny" Kapp, Oct 3 1928-Feb 9 2016

[QUOTE=OctopusGuy;49704924]Jogging's great since you can still get a solid workout without signing up for a gym or buying equipment or whatever and it still pumps you full of endorphins. I'd definitely recommend buying a decent pair of running shoes though. Was using some shitty old knockoff Nikes that made my feet ache like hell after a run. Dropped about £25 on some reduced Karrimors and it's never felt better. tl;dr if ur sad go lift some weights or do a run or something[/QUOTE] GET SOMe EXERCISE-SPECIFIC FOOTWEAR Seriously I've been using just shoes for the longest time and spent $30 on a pair of Athletic/running shoes and holy shit they're so comfortable and I can run in them and land and it's much better. Also, it is true that working out can literally make you feel better so try it.

[QUOTE=OctopusGuy;49704924]Jogging's great since you can still get a solid workout without signing up for a gym or buying equipment or whatever and it still pumps you full of endorphins. I'd definitely recommend buying a decent pair of running shoes though. Was using some shitty old knockoff Nikes that made my feet ache like hell after a run. Dropped about £25 on some reduced Karrimors and it's never felt better. tl;dr if ur sad go lift some weights or do a run or something[/QUOTE] I love kickboxing, the problem is: I am dirt poor. I have no access to a gym, there's 4 feet of snow outside so jogging isnt possible. There is no space in my room or house to do situps or pushups.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49706214]I love kickboxing, the problem is: I am dirt poor. I have no access to a gym, there's 4 feet of snow outside so jogging isnt possible. There is no space in my room or house to do situps or pushups.[/QUOTE] Shovel snow. Great exercise. It seems you lack resourcefulness. Creativity has always been my strong suit. If you stuck and lost for ideas, just ask.

[QUOTE=Daysofwinter;49706560]Shovel snow. Great exercise. It seems you lack resourcefulness. Creativity has always been my strong suit. If you stuck and lost for ideas, just ask.[/QUOTE] I live in the ghetto. If I go out there I'll get yelled at or catcalled regardless of what im wearing. plus my hair looks ugly as fuck today so no im not going out there to be yelled at by neighbors.

[QUOTE=Zenreon117;49705632]The first step to being good at anything is being utterly shit at it.[/QUOTE]I really can't handle my parents/friends making fun of me for trying to exercise either so I've basically given up trying to get fit. It's just not worth feeling so bad about trying.

I got all dressed up and ready to go outside but my landlords already shoveled the driveway. If I go to neighbors house's they'd yell at me and say "GET OFF MY PROPERTY! OR IM CALLING THE POLICE!"

eh

I can now confirm I've lost one of my best friends an dI'm pretty sure I'm losing more. one of my best friends (and one of two IRL, rather) is also moving away in a couple of months I'm not fun nor interesting to talk to and if I try talking to anyone I just bother them and they leave but if I don't talk to them they leave too anyways lmao

Finally went to the Psychiatrist and had an ADHD assessment done. Turns out I'm ADHD-PI, so she prescribed me some Wellbutrin and scheduled an appointment in a month to see how it's working for me.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49706649]I live in the ghetto. If I go out there I'll get yelled at or catcalled regardless of what im wearing. plus my hair looks ugly as fuck today so no im not going out there to be yelled at by neighbors.[/QUOTE] So do I. My downstairs neighbor has a felony. He is broke. He makes it by. He hustles. He fishes and sells it, he learns tax code and helps others, shines shoes.....

i usually don't delete posts but this one was shit

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49706696]I really can't handle my parents/friends making fun of me for trying to exercise either so I've basically given up trying to get fit. It's just not worth feeling so bad about trying.[/QUOTE] This may sound callous, but you aren't doing it for them, really. Being put down by family/friends sucks, and frankly I can't relate, but you shouldn't let them stop you from self improvement whenever they take issue with it or are general assholes. If you want encouragement, words of advice, or just generally someone who doesn't put you down there are quite a few places on the web, facepunch included (Fitness Thread), where you won't get put down. Hell, you can message me if you want to. I don't mind. Same goes for you IJNOMED, or anyone really. [editline]9th February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Zezibesh;49708164] I just want out of here[/QUOTE] You too. I know the mentality of every man is an island. It's fucking hard because you don't want to burden other people. Message me if you want someone to listen and message back, it actually helps me to talk to other people so I welcome it.

snip

The more days i go on, the more worthless i feel. Fuck this shit. I feel that my depression never got away and just hid somewhere to pop back up.