Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I've always been a generally shy person, as I've gotten older I learned to deal with it and just talk to people. I've also always been very good at "reading" people. It's hard to describe but I've got a knack for reading emotions and the like. The problem is that more often than not certain people just flat out annoy me, and make me angry just by the way that they act. I feel like I see right through their "smoke and mirrors" when someone is pretending to be someone they aren't. Combine being really selective like this with being shy makes meeting people tough and makes my un-diagnosed anxiety (which i know i have) flare up at times.

But you can! That's the beauty. Are you breathing? Yes. Ok, you can fix it! Now I'm not saying its going to be easy. But knowing you are still alive and have the ability through sheer will to transform your life into where you want it to go is empowering.

[QUOTE=Nifae;48715860]I would like to add people on Steam if they wanna chat.[/QUOTE] Sure

Feel like shit most of the time. I could do with being cheered up, feeling really hopeless. If anyone's got any inspirational stories, advice and whatnot, it would be nice to read them. And feel free to add me on Steam, I'd literally talk to anyone about anything.

I keep thinking about suicide almost every day but I dont think I'll ever have the guts to do it.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48716134]CSGO is so psychologically bad for me, why do I keep playing it[/QUOTE] It's simply because of the suffering you put into it. You take your beatings, you win a few times, that high you get from winning makes you wanna win more, so you get frustrated until you win again and thus, that high. I had that issue with TF2 before I quit it. It's a hard addiction to bust, but it can be done. Just have to learn to pace yourself and do something to take the edge off when getting really upset. [QUOTE=Mighty Cow;48716353]I've always been a generally shy person, as I've gotten older I learned to deal with it and just talk to people. I've also always been very good at "reading" people. It's hard to describe but I've got a knack for reading emotions and the like. The problem is that more often than not certain people just flat out annoy me, and make me angry just by the way that they act. I feel like I see right through their "smoke and mirrors" when someone is pretending to be someone they aren't. Combine being really selective like this with being shy makes meeting people tough and makes my un-diagnosed anxiety (which i know i have) flare up at times.[/QUOTE] We all live in a world of masks and lies. We're afraid to open up or be ourselves because ourselves are usually not something we want to divulge to the public. Just an unfortunate part of our lives. Being shy, however, is a little harder to get used to. Meeting people will be awkward, but the more you do it, the less shy you become around people. It won't go away instantly and groups of people will make you uneasy, but its the little steps that make the difference. Just remember to get to someplace you can feel safe if you're too overwhelmed (open spaces for example). [QUOTE=Pigsy;48719691]Feel like shit most of the time. I could do with being cheered up, feeling really hopeless. If anyone's got any inspirational stories, advice and whatnot, it would be nice to read them. And feel free to add me on Steam, I'd literally talk to anyone about anything.[/QUOTE] I'd love to if I had any inspirational stories. I'm quite boring :v: [QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;48716082]My mental health has been getting worse each day and I want to attend therapy but I can't because I'm busy all fucking time. Shit doesn't help much, I'm drowning in college stuff, I need to study, then my stuff at home doesn't work (PS4 has a beeping/eject-disc issue and I lost the ticket so I can't get warranty), my PC has plenty of bugs and I haven't had time to upgrade to Windows 10. I wake up really early and sometimes I struggle with keeping myself awake in class. Then I get the pressure that if I fail I'm kicked out from the program, which means no escape from here, I'll be stuck here forever. My therapist said I have a problem controlling my impulses and that I tend to take things way too seriously, she says I should try to relax. But relaxing is impossible. I have seen hell, living here, my whole life, stuck here, doing the same thing over and over getting the same reward, not being able to go any further. It scares me the idea of living like that in the future, that's why every time I make a mistake, every single thing I don't know, I feel frustrated, because I feel like it increases the chances of it happening. It doesn't help my brain is like my own torturer. It just wants approval, but that's not right, I shouldn't be looking for approval, but it's pretty hardwired into that. It goes to the point where it makes me feel bad for not getting attention,then I end up angry and sad for failing at said task. I could be capable of doing great things, my brain just won't believe it unless someone tells me I am. I could look pretty good, it won't think it's true unless someone explicitly says it's true. It's low self-esteem, I know, but even when I try to think positively about it, I always feel the doubt "If I believe that I'm X, it doesn't mean it's true, so there is no way to be sure" and I end up feeling worse.[/QUOTE] Seems like a time management issue. Has your therapist advised making a schedule? Having your time managed in a way that you can control takes off a bunch of stress. Sure you'll miss a few marks the first time around, but the more you do it, the more you manage your own life. Seeking attention/approval is somewhat of a natural human instinct. That said, low self-esteem is a hard creature to combat. I suffer from it horribly when doing things, even worse when I fail at it. Just know that you're good at what you put your mind to. Dress well, but tell yourself something positive. "Damn I look good" for started. It's not easy, I won't delude you into thinking that. If it helps, keep yourself active. Letting your brain wander will let those bad thoughts fester. You look beautiful today and that's that <3 [editline]19th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Jericho_Rus;48719804]I keep thinking about suicide almost every day but I dont think I'll ever have the guts to do it.[/QUOTE] The result of depression, unfortunately. Have you sought out professional help on this? That last thing we'd want is for you to do this to yourself :c

I'm not really sure whether or not I have depression or something. It feels like I get really stressed really easily, you know? Like, right now I'm pretty happy, just sat around with nothing that I have to do and played vidjagams for a while. But like, two days ago I was stressed and two days before that I was stressed to the verge of tears. It feels like if I have too much on my plate at one time, my mind just brings up all these anxieties about school, my future, my current situation and any niggles it can come up with to wreck my self-esteem and I wind up freezing up and not getting anything done that I need to. I had to get an extension on two of my papers for College because whenever I sat down to write anything, I couldn't think of a single thing. After I got them both turned in, I almost instantly went from stressed and anxious -> perfectly calm and fine. Idk if that's depression or what, and whenever I think about talking to someone I feel like they're just going to say "oh you're a wimp that just can't handle things on his own"

I have done so much to numb the bad feelings that I can't feel any good feelings.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48716134]CSGO is so psychologically bad for me, why do I keep playing it[/QUOTE] Find a really chill friends who plays that game and play it with them so you're always together on voice call when pubbing competetive. That way you can just trash talk/laugh about ppl in your team being dicks over the call and you can calm eachother down if one starts taking it too seriously, also since you're with a friend it becomes less of playing to win than playing to have fun with, - and impress your friend.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48721561]I have done so much to numb the bad feelings that I can't feel any good feelings.[/QUOTE]I feel ya. I got so used to feeling like shit that when I feel good I'm uncomfortable and want to go back.

I feel kind of uncomfortable about bettering myself because I don't know what being productive, being a responsible adult, etc is like tbh I guess I'm complacent about being stuck in a rut

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48721723]Find a really chill friends who plays that game and play it with them so you're always together on voice call when pubbing competetive. That way you can just trash talk/laugh about ppl in your team being dicks over the call and you can calm eachother down if one starts taking it too seriously, also since you're with a friend it becomes less of playing to win than playing to have fun with, - and impress your friend.[/QUOTE]I'd do this but I hate all of my 'friends' and they're even more massive dicks online than in real life.

Fuck I think I have permanent tinnitus.

Can't personally vouch for this, but might be worth a try: [QUOTE]Place the palms of your hands over your ears with fingers resting gently on the back of your head. Your middle fingers should point toward one another just above the base of your skull. Place your index fingers on top of you middle fingers and snap them (the index fingers) onto the skull making a loud, drumming noise. Repeat 40-50 times. Some people experience immediate relief with this method. Repeat several times a day for as long as necessary to reduce tinnitus.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48721794]Can't personally vouch for this, but might be worth a try:[/QUOTE] hmmm, I think I did it right, and it sort've helps for me

I think airsoft would be a fun hobby for me to pick up, but the main problem would be finding transportation to get to a game, I don't think getting on a bus with a long case and a bunch of military gear on is a good idea :v: I think if I did it it'd help me get out and make friends and have fun, plus I always wanted to do it

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48721794]Can't personally vouch for this, but might be worth a try:[/QUOTE] Doing this is how I realized I had it haha. It makes the ringing go away but only very briefly, which is horrible because I get to hear proper silence for a bit and then I realize just how much hissing is normally going on. It's also worse now because I'm working hard and sleep deprived. I mean it's mild, but I'm young and a musician. It's just when I'm trying to sleep it really drives me insane. It's just so ridiculous because I've worn earplugs to practically every gig I've been to, but I've clearly not been careful enough with headphone volumes... At least it's only noticeable in complete silence.

I figure you probably already know this, but I hear that playing white noise helps you not go insane.

[QUOTE=kijji;48721869]I think airsoft would be a fun hobby for me to pick up, but the main problem would be finding transportation to get to a game, I don't think getting on a bus with a long case and a bunch of military gear on is a good idea :v: I think if I did it it'd help me get out and make friends and have fun, plus I always wanted to do it[/QUOTE] I used to play airsoft! It's incredibly fun and surprisingly social. Chances are you can find someone who lives near you and carpool. Most players are eager to help another. [editline]19th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=kijji;48721751]I feel kind of uncomfortable about bettering myself because I don't know what being productive, being a responsible adult, etc is like tbh I guess I'm complacent about being stuck in a rut[/QUOTE] Don't batter too much about being "the proper adult". The whole idea of that is hoopla. Watch Matt Smith's Doctor Who. Watch him be serious when he needs to be, but more importantly, watch him live life having fun doing what he loves. Watch him not care about what people think he should be. Seeing that really made me realize how useless it is to force myself to "grow up". I think we lose so much. Now, take care of responsibility. But that doesn't mean GIVE yourself responsibility you didn't have before, JUST to feel like an adult.

Hi, um, I wanted to share a bit but first, I wanted to thank you guys. I've lurked for a long time now, and seeing you all supporting each other has kinda kept me going through my troubles, knowing there are actually people who understand what others are going through. Now I've recently gotten anxiety medication, cause I'm an absolute mess when it comes to social interactions outside of my small group of friends. I go into a state where I get intense stomach pains, and I start shaking and sweating. I hate it, and for my entire life I've always wanted to just be, normal I guess. Go out, do stuff with people. But depression on top of my anxiety has always been a huge factor in my life as well. I thought for awhile once I got medication and my anxiety went away I would finally be happy. And it did for a few months. But whether it was placebo or not I don't know but I'm starting to go back into the loop where I feel like it would be easier to just not live. But I don't know, I've gone this long in my life pushing through so I hope I can keep doing that. Thanks again for listening to my shit, I tried not to write too much even though I could go on all day hah.

feeling pretty lonely right now. I find friend relations incredibly difficult to maintain. it's okay to take contact with someone and meet up, but after that I really struggle. how often should I contact them? am I being annoying? am I being too serious during conversations? I've often found they rarely ever contact me back making it pretty one sided which has to mean I'm doing something wrong, surely they'd contact me if they enjoyed being with me? maybe it's because we don't really have any common interests? I wonder what my interests are, I don't really have anything I particularly like doing more than other things. I contacted a girl I used to know who used to have a pretty big crush on me, was hoping she'd be keen to meet up but that doesn't seem to be the case. after sending her a message asking if she wanted to meet one day, she suddenly disappeared for 1 1/2 hours before replying again, saying she'd have to think some of it. I asked if there was a particular day that'd be best for her, which she spent ages replying to, saying a lot was gonna happen this week so she wasn't sure. told me she'd send a message once she knew. I honestly don't expect hearing back from her, the way she worded herself sounded like she was trying to avoid me without being direct about it. I really miss being social and I don't know how I'm supposed to start being social again. it's so hard.

I have massive social paranoia, I can have been friends with someone for years and years but as soon as they say something slightly critical or don't respond on Facebook I go into full "oh god they hate me now" mode. So I know how it feels. I can't maintain friendships because I alternately become super clingy and super withdrawn.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48721561]I have done so much to numb the bad feelings that I can't feel any good feelings.[/QUOTE] If it's because of drugs, I hear that, but generally the rule of thumb is for as long as you've been using a drug (once addicted) it's about that long until you feel normal again.

Sometimes, I feel like I just can't handle it anymore, and that I shouldn't be living because I'm too weak to handle life; that I'm worthless, and everyone would be better off if I went and offed myself. I really just don't know why I wake up every morning anymore. There's just this... I don't really know how to describe the feeling, but it gets to you and really makes you feel like you don't really matter, and that you don't have a place in the world. I'm depressed, but nobody believes me/cares, and laughs at me when I try to find help. I'm particularly bad at managing stress and I easily freak out a lot, and people like to make me freak out and yell at me, then yell at me some more when I start crying (I can't control it, it just kinda spills out) and try to make me stop, and then hit me when I can't. I don't know what to do, I feel worthless but I'm too much of a coward to kill myself because my life's not bad enough, and that I should be ashamed because there are millions out there who have shittier lives than me. I feel trapped, suffocated, and everything I do just seems to make everything worse. I'm almost at the breaking point and I'm scared, but I feel like it's the only way; I feel like I can't handle life anymore, and the longer I stay alive I'm making life harder for everyone around me. Heh. Look at me, asking for suicidal advice on Facepunch, of all things. I guess I'm just too scared to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline but I'm not scared enough to pour all my troubles out onto an online forum for strangers to laugh at. Or maybe I'm just plain stupid.

[QUOTE=Kaleidescoop;48726787]sometimes i feel like i just cant handle it and that i shouldnt be alive because im too weak to hhandle life and im worthless and everyone else would be better offi f i died and i just dont really know why i keep on living anymore everyone just yells at me until i cry for no reason and then yell at me when i cry and then and nobodt likes me i just i m not sure where do to im worthlessi feel worthess i feel trapped and nothing i do helps and i just cant take it any more hahah look at me, im llooking for help in Facepunch i just wnt some advice a[/QUOTE]I don't know how much saying anything will help, but please know that even though I don't know you, I don't think you're worthless and I want you to stay alive. Please feel free to PM or add me on steam, I'm sure several other people have standing offers for that too. :smile:

I don't think I suffer much from depression anymore! I've noticed the past few months that I've begun singing along to songs and getting a lot more joy in general from them. I don't really feel much down anymore and I get more joy from things.

[QUOTE=PredGD;48727187]I don't think I suffer much from depression anymore! I've noticed the past few months that I've begun singing along to songs and getting a lot more joy in general from them. I don't really feel much down anymore and I get more joy from things.[/QUOTE] I'm really glad you're feeling good! [editline]21st September 2015[/editline] let's make attempts to feel good lads

and we're back to feeling down. it's a different kind of down though. I was browsing through my emails and suddenly stumbled upon messages from Facebook sitting in my email. I was wondering why they were there and decided to read a few of them, and of course a lot of them were from my as of then girlfriend. she wrote things like how she felt we had such a great relationship to each other compared to others, about some great memories we have had together, how she missed me so much, how much she loved me, how she would definitely never love anyone more than she loved me, etc. makes me feel sad, especially when I start thinking of how the downfall of that relationship is mostly on me. in 8 months, it's gonna be 3 years since she broke up with me and I still miss her. there are so many things I regret doing in that relationship.

Oh fuck what am I going to do.

My depressions been taking an interesting turn lately. It's been hard for me to feel like anything matters, at all. And I mean anything at all. The concept of working seems pointless. The concept of entertainment seems so frustratingly pointless. I'd call them a waste of time but the term waste of time seems like an oxymoron to use because it implies that I think there's something that isn't a waste of time. I keep thinking about whether anything really does matter at all, and the best I can get out of myself is that the world is just something that you have to just buy in to, like suspending your disbelief. I can sit there and ask why, why, and why, and the eventual root of everything will eventually just land on I don't know, just because. That's where I feel like you have to buy in to it, and I find it harder and harder to. I mean, people buy in to things like Religion to give them that sense of comfort or purpose, or the basic idea of Karma. I don't, and that leaves me to ask myself what makes anything matter, with no supernatural entity or some shit to give me the answer. Some people tell themselves what they do here matters because it affects generations after they die even though they won't be there to see it, but I have a marginal blip of an impact and it ultimately won't matter if the universe does just die at some point and nothing is left to feel it's impact. There's a drive to find an answer but I'm looking for an answer as to why anything [I]does[/I] matter, and acting like there has to be one. Like that's the endpoint I have to arrive at. I don't know that I there does.