Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

Things have been a bit tough for me. I find I get anxious too easily about certain shit and it holds me back from getting out there and meeting people, leaving me a lonely wreck at times. So I totally understand the mindset of being bitter about today but honestly shitting on other people isn't gonna do you any favors in the long run. Just try to enjoy the day like any other, maybe treat yourself to something special. For me, I'm gonna make some goodass ribs tonight for dinner, and it's even better because I get to have them all to myself! So yeah, please remember to treat yourselves guys, you've all been fighting hard and you deserve it.

good lord I fucking hate myself why can't I just be normal

I'd love to take Valentine's day seriously but when the guy you like and might have feelings for you lives quite far away and you've not yet met up with the best you can really do is just take a moment to remember all the people you ever loved and how much you appreciate them in your life with your own love. Happy "just another day" to you! (if you're not liking Valentine's day that much) I know monday is going to hurt, going to get mocked for being such a prude/single on valentine's day tomorrow at work :P

went the whole day now with no response from that girl, when i asked her out today who just 2 weeks ago we were on the phone laughing and loving each other for 4 hours straight guess that entire time with her was a waste then bye

Idk man I wouldn't be so quick to judge it. Maybe she just decided she's not interested. Maybe something happened and she can't get back to you. Maybe she just decided she wanted to be friends but she isn't sure how to tell you. There's so many possibilities that saying it was a "waste" just makes it seem like you were only in it to get something out of it. Gotta start going into relationships with the idea that a friendship is probably an important basis for a successful relationship. If you only saw the friendship as a means to get into a relationship, that cheapens it a lot, I think. If you find out that she's purposefully ignoring you and being an ass about it, then sure, you can fault her for that one. But it's hard to know what's going on on her end.

People are sad about not having girlfriends and here I am wondering if I'll ever get one because of how little decent looking lesbians that take care of their bodies there are... w/e. anyways, about valentines day, if you really think about it, its just another holiday, let people enjoy it. and hey candy is dirt cheap tommorow so that's a plus. also my relatives kicked me out lmao.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49742198]Idk man I wouldn't be so quick to judge it. Maybe she just decided she's not interested. Maybe something happened and she can't get back to you. Maybe she just decided she wanted to be friends but she isn't sure how to tell you. There's so many possibilities that saying it was a "waste" just makes it seem like you were only in it to get something out of it. Gotta start going into relationships with the idea that a friendship is probably an important basis for a successful relationship. If you only saw the friendship as a means to get into a relationship, that cheapens it a lot, I think. If you find out that she's purposefully ignoring you and being an ass about it, then sure, you can fault her for that one. But it's hard to know what's going on on her end.[/QUOTE] i asked her a few days ago, as to "what we are". i said "so are we talking, or just friends, or what?" and we both agreed we're just people that want to talk to each other more before we commit to anything. like, we still like eachother (she didn't want to say we were just friends), but we need to hang out and stuff more. she said this because the last guy she was with assumed they were more together than they actually were before she broke it off and she just wants both of us to be on the same page. anyways, i'm the one who started this downward slope with my anxiety. when we first hung out, i had no idea we would be together. but over the days we started talking and we got along so well, and we really enjoyed eachother. but i guess that doesn't matter [editline]14th February 2016[/editline] just. i missed out. on all of this. i could've had this. i did this. good fucking job you piece of shit. you ruined your one chance.

help she asked me to meet up this weekend. [editline]14th February 2016[/editline] i haven't gone out with friends in probably 5 years or more, i forget how this works.

[QUOTE=Qaus;49742251]help she asked me to meet up this weekend. [editline]14th February 2016[/editline] i haven't gone out with friends i probably 5 years or more, i forget how this works.[/QUOTE] Don't worry about it, you'll be fine. If you haven't gone out with people for ages you'll probably be nervous beforehand, but that'll go soon enough.

i sure hope so.

I wonder why paindoc requested a ban :saddowns:

Just had a little thing where I started breathing heavily and crying on and off. Like, breathing and then squinching my face so that tears came out, then repeat. I felt hopeless. Worthless. What was that? [editline]14th February 2016[/editline] I actually feel like the world's most useless sack of shit right now. I don't know anybody that actually loves me. I wasted my one shot at happiness for a long time. [editline]14th February 2016[/editline] It seems every time I try to make myself happy or do something I want it always backfires and makes me feel terrible about myself. [editline]14th February 2016[/editline] I can't stop wanting to break down and cry [editline]14th February 2016[/editline] I love how I feel so in control of my relationships with casual friends but once someone gets in my head, its downhill from there and I feel helpless and not in control. [editline]14th February 2016[/editline] I want to move far away [editline]14th February 2016[/editline] Things aren't even looking up in any aspect [editline]14th February 2016[/editline] I just want someone in my life who is there for me.

My broken heart is now even more broken. During middle school I deeply fell in love with this girl, we were always in the same class and she was so beautiful. We worked on lots of tasks together, we worked on the yearbook together, and I'll never forget the day I gave her chocolates on valentine. I was deeply in love with her, I almost changed where I want to go to high school just because of her (to be in the same school as her) and I am in the same high school as her. We kept becoming in the same class. In 10th grade, I had a embarrassing moment, We went out with some friends and I was left out. There's a guy who I went to the same middle school who's also here which she prefers more, she hugs him (something she'll never do to me), hangs out with him and her friends. When her friends would talk about life stuff, problem, they would talk to him, Why can't it be me?. In the 2nd semester of 10th grade, She met a guy, He's only close to her and her friends for like a month, and they dated. Why can't I be close to her and her friends? Why not me? He knows her for a month yet he meant more to her than I ever did in 3 years. Now, in 11th grade, We're in the same class again and I feel like I'm meaning less and less. She starts to meet this my friend, they only known each other for a month, but I'm fucking sure that he means more to her than I ever did, and ever will be. He's also closer to her friends. When she and her friends want to talk about friends from middle school, They'll talk to him, a guy they just met, and not me, a guy they went to middle school with. At this point I think someone who has only known her for 3 seconds probably meant more to her than I have ever did or ever will. I try so hard to be with her and have a good social with her friends, but I failed. And before you say she's just a slut or whore or something, don't. She's a very nice, smart, cute, and funny girl. During that time I tried to think that she might not be worth it (still contemplating) I started to get close and fell in love with another new girl I met. She's also pretty cute, so I started making my move. But she's really hard to tell when she likes someone or that's just the way she rolls (walking beside someone, going out, hands around shoulder) and no, she's not a slut either, she's almost the same as the aforementioned girl. On Valentines day, I planned on giving her chocolates and a card with Kirby on it (she loves Kirby). So I gave her the chocolate, she didn't say much. When I almost gave her the cards, I saw her hugging a friend (again, something I'll never get from girls I fell in love with like the girl earlier.) That sight stayed with me throughout the whole day. I threw away the cards. I just feel like shit. I don't think I'll ever be close to anyone to even mean anything to them. I feel like shutting the lights off, laying in bed and crying, felling asleep, then dying in my sleep. I don't mean anything to anyone, and just want to kill myself. Oh yeah, this week is full of tests, what a time to have a breakdown eh? I feel like crying tonight and not studying for the chem and math test tomorrow (in which if I even studied, I'll have a 85% chance of failing anyway, being the perpetual idiot that I am) but I'll probably won't even get some tears out tonight, even if that's the least I can do to let it out, thanks a lot, life.

I don't want to be rude but... The entirety of the way you wrote this is making you sound incredibly obsessive and incredibly creepy. That might not be true but!!! The whole "why not me" just doesn't sit right with me. These people who these girls are hanging out with have lives outside of school. They may have relationships with these other people that you don't know about. Making these snap judgments and then immediately assuming the role of the victim an assuming that you're more deserving of the attention of these women is the mark of someone who is obsessive, borderline entitled, and very very misguided. [editline]15th February 2016[/editline] On the advice front: I recommend taking some time and finding people to talk to. Be social and talk to people and get to really really know them. When you have a good friend, you shouldn't be left to wonder if they actually care about you. It sounds like getting more and more used to the prospect of a wider social circle would help you a lot.

That's not what I meant. I just find it unacceptable that how hard I fucking tried to fit in with them, I'm just another stranger, and that someone who only knows them for a while meant more to them than me.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;49746353]That's not what I meant. I just find it unacceptable that how hard I fucking tried to fit in with them, I'm just another stranger, and that someone who only knows them for a while meant more to them than me.[/QUOTE] More reason to always just be yourself. Don't try to fit in anywhere, just be you, spend time with people's company you enjoy and vice versa. A lot of relationships tend to start from a mutual spark felt between two people, from which it snowballs and either works out or it doesn't. The girls you mentioned in your post just didn't have that with you, unfortunately. Feeling scorned like this is part of life, but you will take solace from this experience. Trust me, it'll only get easier from this point on. I don't mean to pull the age card but you have a long life ahead of you. There's plenty of time to meet more people. You will find someone when the time is right and most likely you will share that mutual spark. I hope you feel better soon.

bizarrely, today is shaping up to be harder to get through than yesterday. My counselor told me that he's really reluctant to recommend that I be put on medication, and that really worries me. I don't feel like therapy on its own will do much for me and I think I need medication. But I don't want to say that because he's the one with the education and I'm not. :saddowns:

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49746618]bizarrely, today is shaping up to be harder to get through than yesterday. My counselor told me that he's really reluctant to recommend that I be put on medication, and that really worries me. I don't feel like therapy on its own will do much for me and I think I need medication. But I don't want to say that because he's the one with the education and I'm not. :saddowns:[/QUOTE] Honestly I'd just keep giving the therapy a go, medication should always be a last resort as some of them have some serious side effects. A friend of mine was on Welbutrin and actually ended up having a seizure and breaking his nose because of it, thankfully it happened to him right before he was gonna get in his car to drive up to a job interview. He wasn't allowed to drive for 4 months after the incident. If you do end up getting prescribed meds, be sure to inquire possible side effects just to be safe. Hoping your day goes better. :smile:

I have to say, I'm not liking therapy so far, it's intensely uncomfortable and I always come out of it stressed to the core and feeling terrible. I hope it gets better soon because right now it's a net detriment to my life.

finally got a city subsidized apartment offer after being five years in the line, but turns out I can't accept it because I can't afford it. time to wait until 2021 or more I guess, it'd be nice to move out before I turn 30

Had my first day of this semester today. Apart from traveling to uni at 7:20 and then getting home at 20:00 (waiting 30 minutes for bus and the sum of one-way traveling itself takes at most 2 hours), hoo boy I sure missed the university. What helped is that I met some familiar faces from previous semester and had some talk with them, made them laugh, sat in the same classes etc. While I couldn't stay for a get-drunk-party sponsored by the engineering faculty at a local pub, I think I had a good time. Compared to yesterday, today was a good day.

I'm pretty happy for a change, but so, so frustrated at the same time. spent today with uh, friend still I think? I'm not sure what she is, she's definitely no friend but we're not together either, but anyway, was an amazing day. we ended up watching Deadpool together and it was amazing to see it with her. everyone around us sees us as a couple and I suppose we somewhat are too but it hasn't really been agreed on or even talked about yet between us. we planned to meet on Wednesday and Saturday as well, I can't wait. I'm very frustrated at the same time since I want to meet her right now but that's not possible. tomorrow will be a long day. at the very least I have two days to look forward to where I know I'll be able to meet her.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49748432]I'm pretty happy for a change, but so, so frustrated at the same time. spent today with uh, friend still I think? I'm not sure what she is, she's definitely no friend but we're not together either, but anyway, was an amazing day. we ended up watching Deadpool together and it was amazing to see it with her. everyone around us sees us as a couple and I suppose we somewhat are too but it hasn't really been agreed on or even talked about yet between us. we planned to meet on Wednesday and Saturday as well, I can't wait. I'm very frustrated at the same time since I want to meet her right now but that's not possible. tomorrow will be a long day. at the very least I have two days to look forward to where I know I'll be able to meet her.[/QUOTE] Glad to hear some positive stuff from you man. I don't post a whole lot in this thread, but I still read most of it. I'm meeting up with a girl on wednesday as well, and that's only if they don't schedule me in for work in the evening on that day... Won't be until next week before we get another chance to meet up. Waiting sucks, but we'll get through it man!

Started thinking about/seeking therapy. I don't know if it's a new low because the numbness and sadness only reaches a certain level where it can't possibly get any worse. I'm envious of people who don't suffer this pain

These past few weeks have felt like a dream. [B]I am officially homeless. Right now I am spending a night in a hotel, I had to change my flight to the 17th (this week the day after tommorow) I had to look up cabs to get to the airport, etc [/B] What led me to this rock bottom point in my life? My parents found out I'm gay... and then tried to throw me into a mental institution. They called the cops and made up a story, I didn't get arrested but the cops wanted to get me out of there. I talked with the paramedic woman and she let me sit next to her instead of being strapped down. (I didn't give the cops a reason to take me out of the home) I legally had to spend a night in the hospital because 6 people against 1, took forever to get out, the staff was incredible cooperating with me and they are actually very disturbed with my life's story and see a lot of potential in me. They think my family is nuts. I had to call a police escort to help me get my belongings safely without me getting hurt and without my family pointing fingers at me and accusing me of false stuff. I barely got to pack my stuff I just have the essentials, my laptop and documents, clothes, etc. The police officer even gave me a ride to the cheapest motel I shook his hand. I was originaly going to stay at a homeless shelter for 11 days until my flight, however just my luck, the homeless shelters were all full. So now I'm at a motel, however I'm only allowed to stay one night because I'm not 21 and I mentioned I was homeless, and its negative degrees outside so the guys was being nice. I was doing my reasearch and got resourcefull and found a hotel that allows 18 year olds, and is super cheap, cheaper than this motel, and its nicer. It's right near the airport. Its all set up. I'm just trying to relax and go with the flow and if life throws hurdles at me I'll swiftly jump over them like I have so far. You have no idea how hard it is to advocate for yourself when your entire family wants you locked up for being gay. [editline]16th February 2016[/editline] [url]https://www.gofundme.com/9fh85sea[/url] Incase anyone has any spare money, I dont mean to sound selfish. But I'm tight on it right now and I'm going to make it by the skin of my teeth.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49749163][editline]16th February 2016[/editline] [url]https://www.gofundme.com/9fh85sea[/url] Incase anyone has any spare money, I dont mean to sound selfish. But I'm tight on it right now and I'm going to make it by the skin of my teeth.[/QUOTE] That's a hell of a story, sorry to hear that your family is so ignorant and full of hatred that they'd try to have you locked up for something completely normal. I wish I had something to give you but I have like a dollar in my account rn so ech Good luck, for what's it worth. If you want to get the word out I could try and help.

I relapsed into self harm, I am infuriated with myself and I feel incredibly helpless But damn did it feel good

I litteraly do not even have time to cry. I can't stop and feel sorry for myself. I have to push through and get out of here. I will. I am, soon. This wednesday I am free.

I've been feeling a little bit happier since my grandfather died, I have nooooooooo idea why :s:

I have no idea how to be a person anymore (not implying that I ever knew), I've been in a sort of self-imposed isolation for maybe a couple of years now and I haven't been taking care of myself at all I'm surprised my vocalizations haven't just devolved into grunts and squealing