Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

So I lost an entire group of friends today after they found out about something personal that happened between me and someone in the group almost a year ago. Got kicked from our skype chat two days ago and I was in the dark until today when someone came out and let me know what happened. Sounds like a stupid thing to be depressed over, i know, but I was really close with everyone in this group and it's all fucking destroyed now because of something I did in the heat of the moment without thinking. Like the guy who explained everything to me let me know that if I shaped up, I could come back, but that's the thing, my relationship with everyone in that group will be marred by what was discovered. I can't go back to a group of people that I loved and cared about and it's just completely tearing me apart inside.

[QUOTE=Spastik2D;49764269]So I lost an entire group of friends today after they found out about something personal that happened between me and someone in the group almost a year ago. Got kicked from our skype chat two days ago and I was in the dark until today when someone came out and let me know what happened. Sounds like a stupid thing to be depressed over, i know, but I was really close with everyone in this group and it's all fucking destroyed now because of something I did in the heat of the moment without thinking. Like the guy who explained everything to me let me know that if I shaped up, I could come back, but that's the thing, my relationship with everyone in that group will be marred by what was discovered. I can't go back to a group of people that I loved and cared about and it's just completely tearing me apart inside.[/QUOTE] What did you do?

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49764359]What did you do?[/QUOTE] I'd rather not share, just know it was really, really bad and it's something that I feel guilty for every time that I think about it.

Whatever it was, it's absolutely fine to feel down about it. Suddenly losing swathes of friends would be hard on anyone I imagine. I've lost individual friends over the years and that's made me feel depressed (without being it, of course). It's important not to stay down, however. You need to get back up. Can't you talk with them?

I can't live with myself. Whenever I start feeling remotely good, I immediately start thinking about 7th-9th grade and how much of a fuck up I was, ruining friendships and generally being a cringe-inducing piece of shit. No matter how much I've improved since then, even if I'm still a fuck up in a slightly different way, this stuff will haunt me forever. I can't walk around in my home town out of fear of being spotted by someone from my old school. Maybe it'll get a bit better when I get out of this degenerate shithole full of the repulsive, inbred people who helped shape me into the miserable coward I am and probably always will be.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49764180] If you're looking for a place to move, Colorado has some seriously cheap places to live and you get surrounded by the beauty of Colorado. Check it out! Colorado also has a 1/50th chance of including your family.[/QUOTE] I already mentioned I made it to my friends place safe and sound, however... Now a new problem came up: her mother Dosent like gays and is withholding my friends money from her so now my friend can't pay the bills because her mom thinks that I'm turning her daughter gay. I feel awful that because I'm living with my friend, my friends own mother hates her because she thinks my friend (her daughter) is becoming gay. Last night we found out and drove over to her moms place and tried to talk and reason with her, and she threatened to call the cops on us for being on her property, my friend is a mess and needs me more than ever right now. She's going to drop out of college and get a job and I'm getting a job too. We're going to move out of here and into a studio apartment. It might not be as nice as the place we're living at now... But my friends mom is about to make both of us homeless. And it's not okay because the bills are due soon. Wow why do homophobes have so much control over my life??? This isn't cool. I'm not even worried I'm just taking it as it is. I'm just disgusted that homophobes hate me because I'm gay, I'm a very polite respectable person.

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;49764717]Whatever it was, it's absolutely fine to feel down about it. Suddenly losing swathes of friends would be hard on anyone I imagine. I've lost individual friends over the years and that's made me feel depressed (without being it, of course). It's important not to stay down, however. You need to get back up. Can't you talk with them?[/QUOTE] They all hate me. No exaggeration, they're disgusted with what I did and none of them will respond. I feel so fucking empty and dead.

It's 2016, you'd think that people would be more supportive of gay people. That isn't the case at all. Homophobia is real and is a very scary thing. All of these old-fashioned adults who are in control of the youth are psychotic assholes wanting to make people like me suffer and just commit suicide. You do realize I've become a statistic: one of the many gay people who have been shoved out of their own homes by freakishly awful people. Yeah life is going to keep throwing problems at me. I accept that, not going to let is depress me. I'm still going to live my life. I think I'm legitimately over my depression. I'm clinically diagnosed with it; and I simply do not care anymore. I made it this far, if I weren't supposed to survive I wouldn't have made it out of that mental hospital. But I did. I convinced the staff I was sane by telling the truth. I had an incredible officer help me do the research I needed so I wouldn't have to sleep on the streets that night. He helped me get to a motel. I owe that officer a huge thank you.

I don't get it. We were fine. I don't know what I did. If you just stop communicating with me I have no idea what the hell is going on. First it's "we should slow down but I still want to go out with you and get to know you" and now what??? I have a mug I bought you for Valentine's day that I still haven't got the chance to give you. You still have my favorite hoodie that I gave you so you'd be warm. It can't end like this. All of this happens on exam week too. So that affects my school productivity and motivation so that's fun. Why does this happen to me.

Maybe she just decided she wasn't interested.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49766328]Maybe she just decided she wasn't interested.[/QUOTE] Maybe she did! But how does that excuse her from not even giving a shit about telling me or even giving my shit back? [editline]18th February 2016[/editline] So fucking done.

[QUOTE=NixNax123;49766340]Maybe she did! But how does that excuse her from not even giving a shit about telling me or even giving my shit back? [editline]18th February 2016[/editline] So fucking done.[/QUOTE] Dude slow down, have you done anything over the past few days other than obsess over this girl. Your last post you've started talking about her having your hoodie like its a personal attack against you. You seriously need to give some space and put your mind on something else.

[QUOTE=RainbowStalin;49766378]Dude slow down, have you done anything over the past few days other than obsess over this girl. Your last post you've started talking about her having your hoodie like its a personal attack against you. You seriously need to give some space and put your mind on something else.[/QUOTE] Well I haven't communicated with her when I realized she needed space (Monday) so I've been doing good in that regard. It's just that sometimes I'm all chill about it and other times I want to hurt myself.

[QUOTE=NixNax123;49766440]Well I haven't communicated with her when I realized she needed space (Monday) so I've been doing good in that regard. It's just that sometimes I'm all chill about it and other times I want to hurt myself.[/QUOTE] Therein lays the problem, my dude. You can't put so much investment in these kinds of things because they have adverse effects when you don't get the results you want. You already knew she wanted to take things slow, which essentially means to ease up a bit. Your persistence beyond that has probably turned her off and tbh once you give someone something (especially giving an article of clothing to someone you're interested in), expecting to get it back is probably kinda useless. I have at least like... six jackets and four shirts from ex-boyfriends and past crushes I've had. Shit's gone, dude.

So I don't quite know what to do. My friends mom is homophobic and so is her attorney, now they are withholding all of her money so she won't be able to pay bills. I'm legally not allowed to live with my friend because of homophobes. So now me and her risk being homeless. Or I have to be sent home... And I'm not welcome home so tbh not quite sure what to do.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49767512]Therein lays the problem, my dude. You can't put so much investment in these kinds of things because they have adverse effects when you don't get the results you want. You already knew she wanted to take things slow, which essentially means to ease up a bit. Your persistence beyond that has probably turned her off and tbh once you give someone something (especially giving an article of clothing to someone you're interested in), expecting to get it back is probably kinda useless. I have at least like... six jackets and four shirts from ex-boyfriends and past crushes I've had. Shit's gone, dude.[/QUOTE] ok [editline]18th February 2016[/editline] i wasn't even persistent or even overly clingy. i just asked her on valentine's day weekend if she wanted to hang out and get dinner. i asked her on sunday, no response, and then monday, no reponse, and that's it. sorry for wanting to hang out with her and see her at least once before i go to uni again.

Her mother is being manipulative. Trying to get me kicked out...Holy shit is the world really against me??? What else is going to happen?'

wish i would've known about that 2 texting limit suggestion beforehand. would've saved me many problems. oh well. good thing i'm 20 and never had a mature relationship with someone so instead of both my partner and i learning together i just have to make bad judgements based on inexperience and get dumped with no second chance. i'm glad my first 2 year relationship was based on manipulation and immaturity to the point of giving me insane relationship anxiety in any future relationship since she decided to just stop loving me out of the blue. good i want to go back and redo all of this [editline]18th February 2016[/editline] plus the fact that my anxiety has led to poor performance on all of my exams. i actually broke down crying today on one of my midterms! had to put sunglasses on to stay cool. [editline]18th February 2016[/editline] and i kind of fucking like clothes! i cherish my wardrobe and i don't like wasting money. clothes make me feel better about myself. [editline]18th February 2016[/editline] if she meant "ease up a little" instead of "we should slow down" then why not just say that??? i don't understand [editline]18th February 2016[/editline] i mean i guess i learned -don't make your feelings towards someone obvious ever -act like you don't care about people you like, but care when it matters -don't be a bitch -don't get attached

No need to get dramatic over it at all, sometimes no news is good news because perhaps they're having a busy time with perhaps their exams as well? Valentines day doesn't have to just be about showing affection to your partner, go show your friends + family some love in the meantime and just remember to stay positive through out it all so that if relationships do end up sour you're not exacerbating or contributing to it's destruction. Perhaps they'll approach you later and sort it out with you if they do love you. It nearly dare I say it; sounds like a classic case of sucking too hard on a lollipop.

I was pretty positive the whole time. She doesn't have school. There we no negative emotions against her that weekend and I didn't show her any. I also have like one good friend haha What does that analogy mean? I've never had a lollipop

Idk dude you keep saying you weren't clingy but if your posts here are anything to go by, you definitely show that you get obsessive too fast. There's a difference between being attached and being dependent. I'm attached to plenty of people but I don't freak out when they don't text me after 2-3 days. People are busy. People do shit. People got lives. Shit, even I don't text back for like a week sometimes but people I know understand that I just kinda suck at texting back and other times I'm just doing other stuff. When someone isn't replying, that's usually a sign to leave them be. Doesn't mean they've stopped caring or you have to stop caring. But sitting here letting your brain go to every single worst-case scenario (which, her being generally uninterested is not the worst case scenario that you might think it is) doesn't do you any good. You have to learn boundaries and limitations and the fact that personality types and mannerisms vary a shitton. What one person might consider normal communication, another person might see as way too much or way too little. Take it as a lesson learned, not a damning experience that means you're doomed not to love ever again.

I've been swimming in the river for a long time now, and every time I try to get to the surface, it's frozen. I know what I have to do, and how to punch through to the surface. I think I'm going to do it, but if I don't make it I think I know in my heart I'm. I'll be back on fp on Monday, and if I'm not, then I won't be logging onto the site again. Reading through this, it sounds so sinister. It really isn't though, and while I've failed time and time again, I oddly trust myself to make it through. There really is a such thing as too deep a depression, and when it gets too bad, you really do become a different person. Hopefully when I look into a mirror again soon, I'll see the person I used to be. I think everything will be ok. Love you guys, IJNOMED, I hope shit gets better, long term for you. You're beautiful and smart, I think you'll do great things in life.

I admit I was a little too obsessive. I learned that before anything got too out of hand though, and I know to not act on my anxiety. My problem is being attached too easily. I never do this with any of my other friends, gender irrelevant. Thanks for the advice. Makes me a little more optimistic about the situation.

i'm pretty sure i suffer from major depression for the past 3 years i felt like i was going to fail life due to horrible grades at school, and last year when i finished school it hit me that i essentially lost contact to [I]all[/I] my real life friends i have no friends my grades are horrible i'm lonely and disgusting as sin and then i sometimes have thoughts about jumping from the 2nd story flat head-first onto the concrete ground because this shit overwhelms me greatly and then there's this problem of mine feeling so horribly neglected by everyone too

I feel like I'm not very far off from taking my life. The only reason I stick around is for my partner, he always says that nobody understands him like I do and that he feels comfortable around me. I almost regret ever dragging him into my shitty world, but I helped him through some hard times near the beginning of our relationship, so I guess it wasn't all bad. I feel really bad giving up on him when he never gave up on me, but I just don't really have any reason other than him to keep on going, and as sad as it is the pain is starting to outweigh the benefit. I'm confident and hopeful that he can find someone else to make him happy. Just a stupid venting post I guess.

Talked to my doctor about my depression + anxiety issues, and he gave me some Lexapro to start taking for the next few months. He said it doesn't sound like chronic depression so I most likely won't be on it long-term, so hopefully that will help improve my mood and things. I think I'm going to take a semester or two off from school since almost all of my anxiety is directed towards classes worrying about my future, I think I just need a few months to get a job, get my own place and clear my head of all the BS relating to college. So, I guess I just need the medication to help me through the rest of this semester so that when (if) I decide to return to college I won't have a bunch of shitty grades to my name Wow, and I just got my tax return! I can finally start upgrading my computer! Seems like things are starting to look up.

I had a friend who helped me get over my suicidal thoughs a while ago. But she ended up killing herself not too long ago and I couldn't stop her. I feel like a piece of shit like it was my fault she killed herself. I just fuck everything up. Im a stupid piece of shit and I'm also an idiot. I feel like dying so I cant hurt anyone else.

-snip

My own mother thinks I am an idiot I just want to die, but Im too scared to commit suicide I have testicular cancer, so maybe that will kill me

I lost my brother, he had been addicted to Heroin for the better part of a year and I just found out tonight that he overdosed and that, he's gone, my brother is dead, and I keep thinking I can cope with it, but every time I think of him I just burst into tears, It's only been 2 hours but it feels like it's been a week.