Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49780256]What is specifically disturbing about it? Are you disturbed by a possible addiction? [/QUOTE]Yes, I'm only really happy when drunk and when I'm not drinking it's almost all I think about, I should stop because I'm underage and it's not healthy but I just NEED some happiness in my life, no matter how I get it

[QUOTE=HumanAbyss;49780477]My dad's been dead for 6 months. I honestly thought I would be over my pain by now, but I'm not. Today, while at work, a customer was talking with his son(25 or something) while I was helping them out. They mentioned law school, so I started talking about that with them. I mentioned my dad was a lawyer, they asked my family name, and I gave it. He recognized it instantly. My father was a figure in this province in a way that even though I understood, I didn't really understand. This guy just knew of my dad because of the level of work he'd done here, the amount of high profile cases he'd taken on, the sacrifices he'd made over his work life. And I told him the story of how my family home before I was born(my brothers and father) was regularly attacked and defaced during a particularly bad case. He was shocked and surprised by it, as I imagine most people are by the idea of a lawyer being attacked for doing their jobs. Just having that little prod, brings back so much memory. My dad was one of those lawyers that didn't do things to try and make money off of you, he didn't try and extend your hours so that he'd get paid more. He did more cases pro-bono than we could afford to. He regularly gave legal advice and didn't charge for it, he helped people when they needed it. He devoted his life to a mantra that I only found out about once he was gone, one that I got tattooed next to my heart so I would always aim to live by it. The law society of BC had actually written about him, and about how he was one of a kind, a compassionate and loving man who was at the top of his craft and was always a happy, jovial figure in the profession. They have no idea how right that really is, he was such a jovial, and joy filled man. It's been 6 months since I've heard his voice, felt his warm hugs, been comforted by a person who really knew "this is what you should do", and was always a reminder to be a better person. I keep trying to find my own way, I know that's what he'd want me to do. But I need him. I honestly do. I can't seem to get over this, maybe it takes a lot longer than this, but I never felt I needed my dad as much as I have in the last month.[/QUOTE] You ve been blessed during the time you ve known him.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49780607]Yes, I'm only really happy when drunk and when I'm not drinking it's almost all I think about, I should stop because I'm underage and it's not healthy but I just NEED some happiness in my life, no matter how I get it[/QUOTE] Drinking as much as (I think) you do isn't healthy, do you think there's other ways you could acquire happiness?

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49780607]Yes, I'm only really happy when drunk and when I'm not drinking it's almost all I think about, I should stop because I'm underage and it's not healthy but I just NEED some happiness in my life, no matter how I get it[/QUOTE] Your drinking sounds like a detour from your thoughts - even your thoughts about drinking is a detour from your thoughts. What about reality bothers you?

I don't deserve love or affection

[QUOTE=HumanAbyss;49780477]My dad's been dead for 6 months. I honestly thought I would be over my pain by now, but I'm not. Today, while at work, a customer was talking with his son(25 or something) while I was helping them out. They mentioned law school, so I started talking about that with them. I mentioned my dad was a lawyer, they asked my family name, and I gave it. He recognized it instantly. My father was a figure in this province in a way that even though I understood, I didn't really understand. This guy just knew of my dad because of the level of work he'd done here, the amount of high profile cases he'd taken on, the sacrifices he'd made over his work life. And I told him the story of how my family home before I was born(my brothers and father) was regularly attacked and defaced during a particularly bad case. He was shocked and surprised by it, as I imagine most people are by the idea of a lawyer being attacked for doing their jobs. Just having that little prod, brings back so much memory. My dad was one of those lawyers that didn't do things to try and make money off of you, he didn't try and extend your hours so that he'd get paid more. He did more cases pro-bono than we could afford to. He regularly gave legal advice and didn't charge for it, he helped people when they needed it. He devoted his life to a mantra that I only found out about once he was gone, one that I got tattooed next to my heart so I would always aim to live by it. The law society of BC had actually written about him, and about how he was one of a kind, a compassionate and loving man who was at the top of his craft and was always a happy, jovial figure in the profession. They have no idea how right that really is, he was such a jovial, and joy filled man. It's been 6 months since I've heard his voice, felt his warm hugs, been comforted by a person who really knew "this is what you should do", and was always a reminder to be a better person. I keep trying to find my own way, I know that's what he'd want me to do. But I need him. I honestly do. I can't seem to get over this, maybe it takes a lot longer than this, but I never felt I needed my dad as much as I have in the last month.[/QUOTE] It's tough. I had a similar experience when my dad died a few years ago. He was a prominent artist in europe and in the vancouver film production community. I often would get stories about how crazy and talented he was, and how he inspired various people. The painful thing to realize is how much you missed out on - how much you could have asked. I can't really say it gets any less painful, and it will often feel unfair that you don't have his advice going forward whereas others do; Girls, Work, Morals, it is all left up to you. A mother is good, but you cannot talk to her in the same way. What I can say is that it will get to the point where thinking about him only inspires you to do better. It's a hard road, and I only hope that your dreams aren't as cruel to you as they were to me. After my dad died (On father's day of all days), I would constantly get dreams that he was still alive, I would run, hug him, and wake up.... If you need someone to talk to about it, I'm your guy.

[QUOTE=Zenreon117;49780965]It's tough. I had a similar experience when my dad died a few years ago. He was a prominent artist in europe and in the vancouver film production community. I often would get stories about how crazy and talented he was, and how he inspired various people. The painful thing to realize is how much you missed out on - how much you could have asked. I can't really say it gets any less painful, and it will often feel unfair that you don't have his advice going forward whereas others do; Girls, Work, Morals, it is all left up to you. A mother is good, but you cannot talk to her in the same way. What I can say is that it will get to the point where thinking about him only inspires you to do better. It's a hard road, and I only hope that your dreams aren't as cruel to you as they were to me. After my dad died (On father's day of all days), I would constantly get dreams that he was still alive, I would run, hug him, and wake up.... If you need someone to talk to about it, I'm your guy.[/QUOTE] I've had that literal exact dream. My dad used to read books in the sun a lot. I dream of seeing him sitting in his red patio chair, a cigarette in one hand, a book in the other, and that smile of his that never really went away, the sun just shining away as if it was just last summer and that was all still happening.

[QUOTE=HumanAbyss;49781004]I've had that literal exact dream. My dad used to read books in the sun a lot. I dream of seeing him sitting in his red patio chair, a cigarette in one hand, a book in the other, and that smile of his that never really went away, the sun just shining away as if it was just last summer and that was all still happening.[/QUOTE] I wouldn't hold my breath for him to address the situation. I've never had him act anything other than normal, even if I would ask him stuff like "Aren't you dead?". It sucks, I feel for ya. Eventually I just started taking it as a pleasant reminder of him, but at first I would constantly get that psychological shock of loss every time I woke up.

[QUOTE=Weirdness;49777952]I fucking hate myself.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=kijji;49780892]I don't deserve love or affection[/QUOTE] Conditioned beliefs delude the notion of self. Let go, and be free.

It's been a crummy few days, a girl I really liked rejected me and I didn't even get to give her the valentine I put together, the crotch button of my pants came off, the hands of my watch are out of sync with the digital time, and I wasn't even offered an interview for the front desk position on my dorm. What kind of qualifications do they need for someone to sit at the desk from midnight to 3am? My roommate left for the weekend, and even though I wouldn't burden him with my problems it's nice when he's around, consequently I'm just kinda alone in my room. I don't know what to do with myself, I dicked around with my raspberry pi a bit, brought retropie up to the latest version, tried some experimental things, but I didn't even play on it, just configured it some more.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49781079]Conditioned beliefs delude the notion of self. Let go, and be free.[/QUOTE]Relevant avatar :v:

Feeling probably unjustifiably angry and bitter tonight. And more than a little alone. Not really sure what to do about it. I'm not feeling like talking to anyone and yet I want someone to talk to me. I kind of hate it.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49782183]Feeling probably unjustifiably angry and bitter tonight. And more than a little alone. Not really sure what to do about it. I'm not feeling like talking to anyone and yet I want someone to talk to me. I kind of hate it.[/QUOTE] What do they call an electronic version of giving someone a hug? Doesn't matter. I'm giving you one.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49780786]Your drinking sounds like a detour from your thoughts - even your thoughts about drinking is a detour from your thoughts. What about reality bothers you?[/QUOTE] My lack of ability to get joy out of experiencing things and not have anxiety about stupid shit. Alcohol temporarily solves both. The world is more colorful and everything makes me feel good. [editline]20th February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Solodris;49782209]What do they call an electronic version of giving someone a hug? Doesn't matter. I'm giving you one.[/QUOTE] Group hug!

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49782211]My lack of ability to get joy out of experiencing things and not have anxiety about stupid shit. Alcohol temporarily solves both. The world is more colorful and everything makes me feel good.[/QUOTE] You're either depressed, have ADHD or both. As a recovering alcoholic, I have to inform you that shitting my pants and generally making people feel uncomfortable are unpreferred to medication.

I hear a lot that you have to have bad days to have good days. For me though, I have to have really bad days to have not-as-bad-days, and at least karma isn't out to get me.

As the night goes on I'm feeling progressively worse and have no idea how to mitigate it short of looking for pity which I don't want.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49782631]As the night goes on I'm feeling progressively worse and have no idea how to mitigate it short of looking for pity which I don't want.[/QUOTE] Oh who cares about you, specifically? We all know you're using reverse psychology to promote the idea of your ego getting fed to the point of a fat guy donating part of his liver to a fellow customer from the american food industry. I'm messing with you man, sorry I'm in a weird mood. You need to find the emptiness in your awareness that is between your thoughts, and concentrate on it. Letting go of anything that tries to stand in the way. Frustration only comes to mind when its linked to an outside object, don't let the object control your mind. Edit: The dumb ratings are making me anxious. Psychotic mood swings do generate complete bullshit, I agree.

I'm sorry but what.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49782713]I'm sorry but what.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Pascall;49782713]I'm sorry but what.[/QUOTE] Analyze the components of your mind. You have awareness, which is different from thoughts. Thoughts you can see come and go while your awareness pretty much remain the same, try focusing on your awareness without engaging in thoughtful perception. This is called mindfulness, it helps regulate emotions. [editline]21st February 2016[/editline] Yeah, I have a mood disorder.

I'm not understanding anything you're saying tbh but I appreciate the advice.

There needs to be a beginners course again after the expert course on topics in general because I keep giving people information in the wrong end of the spectrum.

[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;49783041]What fucking spectrum you're talking rubbish m8.[/QUOTE] Sorry, I'm buddhist and what I tried to describe was my perception of my meditative attainments. But meditative perceptions or jhanas can only be understood by someone also practicing meditation. I feel kinda stupid now.

It's been nearly seven years since I graduated high school and I've still accomplished literally nothing with my life. I haven't even gain any skill sets aside from what I've had to learn for work and a very, very basic understanding of C# that I can't find any motivation to expand on.

[QUOTE=Anderan;49783091]It's been nearly seven years since I graduated high school and I've still accomplished literally nothing with my life. I haven't even gain any skill sets aside from what I've had to learn for work and a very, very basic understanding of C# that I can't find any motivation to expand on.[/QUOTE] I have the same problem, the thing is I recently found out I have ADHD and I am going to be put on medication for it. I've read somewhere that this kind of medication can change your life. Maybe it's time to visit a mental health specialist?

It's more depression related than it is ADHD. I don't have any issue paying attention, just finding motivation to do anything that isn't playing video games.

[QUOTE=Anderan;49783117]It's more depression related than it is ADHD. I don't have any issue paying attention, just finding motivation to do anything that isn't playing video games.[/QUOTE] I discovered that ADHD can mimic depression, but the fact is not being able to motivate oneself is the same as not being able to pay attention to this aspect. It's been seven years, maybe it's not just depression? It can definitely be both too. What I discovered by the way was that my ADHD made it impossible to enjoy stuff, so I thought I was depressed too, turned out it was both.

[QUOTE=thecubanpimp;49777498]anyone had fluoxetine prescribed for depression? did it help?[/QUOTE] This needs to be said; I've been on it before, and it set my anxiety through the roof. Fluoxetine/Prozac is NOT suitable for those who have anxiety as well as depression.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49782699]Oh who cares about you, specifically? We all know you're using reverse psychology to promote the idea of your ego getting fed to the point of a fat guy donating part of his liver to a fellow customer from the american food industry. I'm messing with you man, sorry I'm in a weird mood. You need to find the emptiness in your awareness that is between your thoughts, and concentrate on it. Letting go of anything that tries to stand in the way. Frustration only comes to mind when its linked to an outside object, don't let the object control your mind.[/QUOTE] Incoherent, rambling nonsense followed by intense anxiety and obsessive insecurities. I've must've been in a manic phase when I wrote this. Shit, I think my bipolar got upgraded from type 2 to type 1, the more severe kind. I guess I will have to get used to the idea that sometimes people will get confused at me because my entire way of communicating has gone bonkers.