Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I'm no regular here, and maybe this could come off as trivial, but small things really, [I]really[/I] take a grasp on my mood. For reference, I had been without a car for the past month because my lovely import was in the shop that whole time. It started off with cautious optimism, "It'll be done this week." And that happened for over 4 or 5 weeks. As soon as I got it back just days ago, everything seems to have snapped back into a lighter mood. The whole time I didn't have my car, though, I was a miserable person and had been pushing friends away and the likes. Why would something so subjectively minor as an issue make me into a miserable person? Not asking for a concise answer, just something to ruminate on.

[QUOTE=BandClassHAH;49783380]I'm no regular here, and maybe this could come off as trivial, but small things really, [I]really[/I] take a grasp on my mood. For reference, I had been without a car for the past month because my lovely import was in the shop that whole time. It started off with cautious optimism, "It'll be done this week." And that happened for over 4 or 5 weeks. As soon as I got it back just days ago, everything seems to have snapped back into a lighter mood. The whole time I didn't have my car, though, I was a miserable person and had been pushing friends away and the likes. Why would something so subjectively minor as an issue make me into a miserable person? Not asking for a concise answer, just something to ruminate on.[/QUOTE] I'm going to analyze you, with my buddhist super powers. Hehe. You're using slightly formal speech in a casual discussion forum, signs of having learned to attempt to control the social situation, usually this is a result of abusive/neglecting parents or bullying in school. You have bad luck in life because you expect things to go wrong and tell yourself they wont just to humor yourself. You're addicted to materialistic desires and it messes you up when you don't get what you so strongly project yourself to possess. What you need is to learn how to let go of things. Just relax, everything is out of control. True happiness is realizing we are never in control of our lives. Let life consume you, just not by possessive means, work on changing who you think you are, because it might actually change who you are.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49782211]My lack of ability to get joy out of experiencing things and not have anxiety about stupid shit. Alcohol temporarily solves both. The world is more colorful and everything makes me feel good. [editline]20th February 2016[/editline] Group hug![/QUOTE] What bothers you about going out? When I get home I'll post about my weirdness so I'm not leaving making this while thing one sided.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49783472]I'm going to analyze you, with my buddhist super powers. Hehe. You're using slightly formal speech in a casual discussion forum, signs of having learned to attempt to control the social situation, usually this is a result of abusive/neglecting parents or bullying in school. You have bad luck in life because you expect things to go wrong and tell yourself they wont just to humor yourself. You're addicted to materialistic desires and it messes you up when you don't get what you so strongly project yourself to possess. What you need is to learn how to let go of things. Just relax, everything is out of control. True happiness is realizing we are never in control of our lives. Let life consume you, just not by possessive means, work on changing who you think you are, because it might actually change who you are.[/QUOTE] I can't really disagree, honestly. I think you're right. I always tell myself to move on but it really sticks to me and just nicks away at my mood unless I address it in some sort of retaliating way or something. And I don't think I've been abused as much as I think I've been neglected. I look at it kind of objectively and realize I don't have what my siblings do, and grew up in the worst phase of my parent's relationship up until the divorce. It sucks. Thank you, though. For real D:

[QUOTE=kijji;49780892]I don't deserve love or affection[/QUOTE] Who decides this for you? Do you believe in some sort of superficial being controlling your life? If no then think about it. You are the one only who can choose what's gonna happen in your life. Think about it as a Dark Souls level. It's super hard and takes some retakes to get it right, but then you will succeed. And you will get the love and affection you wanted. There's no such thing as "someone deserves this or that", there's only what you have worked for. I too wish for some magic to make love happen to me, but be honest, it won't happen if I don't try to do anything. There's this girl that I've been talking about on facepunch so long, I guess I am super clingy when I get crush on someone. While I couldn't get to even date her, we are still friends like we did since years ago. If I want to make my thoughts worsen, I could try to make conspiracy theories on why she didn't make time for that to happen, because I couldn't believe how she doesn't have any time while she claims she has been drinking every day since she lives in a flat close to her uni... why cannot she tell me just no. And now what do I see? She made her profile picture really similar to my profile picture on the valentine's day. If I take our profile and put them next to each other then we could get a full human face, it just fits... You see, we have to stop at some point and move along, because there are more things we can do.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49783472]I'm going to analyze you, with my buddhist super powers. Hehe. You're using slightly formal speech in a casual discussion forum, signs of having learned to attempt to control the social situation, usually this is a result of abusive/neglecting parents or bullying in school. You have bad luck in life because you expect things to go wrong and tell yourself they wont just to humor yourself. You're addicted to materialistic desires and it messes you up when you don't get what you so strongly project yourself to possess. What you need is to learn how to let go of things. Just relax, everything is out of control. True happiness is realizing we are never in control of our lives. Let life consume you, just not by possessive means, work on changing who you think you are, because it might actually change who you are.[/QUOTE] Is this Memnoth?

[QUOTE=elevate;49783858]Is this Memnoth?[/QUOTE] I have returned.

How much ritalin can you take before developing an addiction? I have to break the cycle. Also, what does accepting who you are mean, is it some hipsters crap?

I let everything get the better of me last night. Felt like everyone was purposely trying to anger me and in turn I was a little snappy and impatient. Feeling kind of shit about it now. But I'm not even sure if an apology would do any good, since I'm not sure if the people I snapped at even have any interest in talking to me. Might just leave it for now. On the plus side, that guy I've been texting texted me last night which was nice. Might've just been busy the last few days.

Seriously close to turning to alcohol to deal with my problems, or just lift them off me a bit, it's taking all my willpower not to though, as I know I'll end up alcoholic from it, but I don't know how long I can hold out, as all my mental energy is normally spent dealing with my back pain, but now I've got PTSD, anxiety issues, panic attacks, abandonment issues and being extremely succeptible to just flat out breaking down if i see, hear or even think of a lot of things thanks to the how and why of my ex dumping me, which is ironic as it wasn't that long before I got dumped that she told my mother she'd never hurt me, funny how things turn out. I'm a serious wreck from it, even more withdrawn than i used to be.

had a friend over today, that was nice. ate some dinner, talked some, and suddenly the great couple that we're friends with wanted to meet us. this couple is the couple that hated me and my friend for tasting some food at home on new years eve and carried a grudge for over a month while cutting us out of their lives. things were okay between us all now so why not. this at 7pm or something, I don't know. they picked us up, we went to town to fetch some kebab since they were hungry. on the way down to the kebab, I told my friend I wanted to tell her something. something private. I pulled her back, told her something that bothered me a lot in my personal life, and went back in. didn't expect this at all, but suddenly the girl in the couple accused me of not having any trust in them at all. she was noticeably upset and suddenly she said she needed air so she went out. I made sure to tell her I meant no harm or said anything behind their back before she left but that didn't help. spoke some with the boyfriend, he seemed relatively unharmed by this, but he went out to fetch her after some minutes. they came back in and both of them sat down at another table outside of listening range. I got super stressed, my friend got stressed and I also think mad at me, then they just suddenly left after I tried to call them back to talk. nice

I have no idea what I'm doing with life and I don't really care. Currently first year compsci at university and things are going decent at the moment but only because it's easy enough to breeze through and I'm worried as soon as things require actual work I'll flunk immediately. I just have no motivation to bother doing anything and everything feels like a gigantic effort and I've been slowly dropping in attendance on days where I just can't be bothered to go or I've been too tired because my sleep schedule has gone down the shitter. The thing is it just isn't fun, but then nothing really is other than wasting my life playing videogames and watching tv shows, but then I just feel worse after spending loads of time doing that. I know that it's my fault and really and my life is really too good for me to have the right to complain but I just feel so dissatisfied and uninterested with my life, and I just can't be bothered to do much anymore. Sorry if this is the wrong place, I know it's not really anything proper but I just needed to vent somewhere because it drives me insane thinking about it.

As stupid as it is, I get really anxious and feel bad about posting in the wrong thread especially since I've started using Ticker when i'm bored to read new posts and shit and I wo'nt even realise where I am x.x I thought I was in social advice thread aaah fuck me

How the fuck do I get over this girl. I think I'm good and then I see a picture of her on social media. Kill me please Luckily it was her friend that posted it so I shouldn't have to go through that too often but damn fuck this timing [editline]22nd February 2016[/editline] Does anyone else get that instant pang of hurt, like, heart hurt, when something like that happens? Be it a picture, or someone telling you something major, I just get this sudden rush of my heart beating and my thoughts being cloudy for a few seconds. Do any of you know what I'm talking about?

I tried to see another therapist apart from the one I'm already seeing. The experience I had just completely changed my mind and I think I'll stick with my current therapist. I'll go straight to what happened. So I go into the doctor's office and he just asked me the basic stuff, but once I started telling him about my stuff and such, he just focused on my dad. First, I already know I have problems regarding my dad, when he left me, all the financial issues we had because of him, all the yelling and trouble I had to deal at home because of the stuff he just would refuse to do, all the bad influence he would give to me, I had to make sure he didn't steal stuff from home. All the stuff that happened it's something I've been working on, it's not easy, but I've seen progress. I never really think about my dad until other people tell me about him or the stuff I see reminds me to him, like the week before I got fired from my job and this one asshole costumer was making fun of me for being new, at some moment he asked me "What's the name of your dad?" "Hector, but he doesn't live with me anymore, why does it matter?" "Huh, nothing, I used to know some retarded guy in high school and your face reminds me to him, I thought he might be your dad" What I have been focusing on with my current therapist was my personal life because I think that's where the real problems start. The problem isn't college, I'm not a bad student, It's not what happens in college, the problem is that I already arrive to school and other places angry, I already arrive not liking myself, feeling bad, but the other therapist didn't understand it. I don't care for my dad anymore, I loved him but now I gotta move on with my life and the problem isn't my dad, the problem is inside me. I'm violent, I have low self-esteem and depression problems. I try to hide it, I try not to let stuff get into my life, but there are moments where I just want to attack people around me, there are moments where I want to kill myself and there are moments where I just feel like all my work is pointless, when I told him I wanted to focus more on my personal stuff instead of my dad he just told me "That's just your personality, I can't help you with that, you are violent, reckless, you're good at school, that's probably the only thing that will save you" I know he wasn't meant to make me feel like shit, but I felt like shit when he said that. I went into the assumption that I'm just beyond helping, because at that point everything he told me was about school, school, stay in school, school and more stuff about school, the thing is that the problem isn't fucking school, I don't have trouble with going to school, I don't give a fuck if I have to kill someone, I don't care if I have to take an entire year trying to make cash and pay the rest I have left to pay in college, I'm gonna finish school, but that's not the problem, the problem is that I feel like a shitty person, I feel like shit and telling me about school doesn't help, I want for once forget I am more than just a fucking student number and that I have a life and a personality just like the rest of the people I know and not just the fucking, silent guy who everyone sends on errands, the shitty guy that no one likes to be with unless he has cash or gives something to them in return, the guy who always did everything just to earn the little amount of respect from his peers that his family never gave to him at home because they're all a bunch of dicks who like to joke about everything and never take anything seriously. But he didn't want to focus on that, he got me nervous after he locked the door and began telling me more stuff about my dad and school. I tried to talk and he put his hand like "No, let me talk", I felt scared and just went silent again. He then gave me a task to complete (something I already had done) and told me not to come back until I completed it. But obviously I'm not coming back, I just didn't like being there.

What the actual fuck happened to this thread?? Also I'm pretty much at a point where I am no longer scared of being homeless. I no longer speak to my parents, I completely cut contact with them, my friend is letting me stay with her for the time being. Legally I cannot live here. I can visit until mid March, and whenever I want, however her and another friend of mine have been hanging out and found the possibility of me working at this farm that provides residency to its employees. So I think that's pretty badass, I'm looking forward to it, honestly I'm not scared of the shit life throws at me anymore, I was so scared of being homeless and now that I actually am, It's not as scary as I thought. The uncertainty of where I may end up sleeping still makes me uncomfortable, but I mean, if I can't stay in a homeless shelter I can stay at my friend's place. It's too bad her mother decided to rat us out. Whatever. I'm very thankful for you guys and girls at facepunch letting me vent while I dealt with all of this crap. I appreciate the advice and help you guys gave me, it means a lot to me. I hope us people who struggle with depression can get to a point where it's manageable, to a point where we can take in the good things as they are, and ride that high instead of get sucked down into a slump. Depression sucks, kick it in the ass. Honestly I'm not mad at people who are complaining or venting about problems that are lesser than others, you all have a right to feel/vent. It Dosent bother me, unless it's like, you're upset over having a Samsung instead of an iPhone, or a shitty graphics card... I kinda draw the line at that.

i'm feeling really shitty and idk why i mean my life's pretty good

Ever just load up a virtual machine of an old operating system to remind you of the good ol' days?

[QUOTE=xZippy;49790142]Ever just load up a virtual machine of an old operating system to remind you of the good ol' days?[/QUOTE]Just loading up various operating systems in general is interesting and relaxing, their idiosyncrasies are beautiful.

[QUOTE=NixNax123;49789562]How the fuck do I get over this girl. I think I'm good and then I see a picture of her on social media. Kill me please Luckily it was her friend that posted it so I shouldn't have to go through that too often but damn fuck this timing [editline]22nd February 2016[/editline] Does anyone else get that instant pang of hurt, like, heart hurt, when something like that happens? Be it a picture, or someone telling you something major, I just get this sudden rush of my heart beating and my thoughts being cloudy for a few seconds. Do any of you know what I'm talking about?[/QUOTE] I've been through that before. The solution is: 1.) Unfriend 2.) Install FB Fixer to remove posts mentioning that person, or optionally block them so they never show up in your feed anyway 3.) Give yourself space, invest your energy into something else 4.) Eventually re-friend if you're up for it That might sound harsh or a weakness of itself, but it's not. By regularly exposing yourself to her you rip your wound open again by reinforcing your negative trains of thought. [editline]22nd February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=IJNOMED;49789671]What the actual fuck happened to this thread?? Also I'm pretty much at a point where I am no longer scared of being homeless. I no longer speak to my parents, I completely cut contact with them, my friend is letting me stay with her for the time being. Legally I cannot live here. I can visit until mid March, and whenever I want, however her and another friend of mine have been hanging out and found the possibility of me working at this farm that provides residency to its employees. So I think that's pretty badass, I'm looking forward to it, honestly I'm not scared of the shit life throws at me anymore, I was so scared of being homeless and now that I actually am, It's not as scary as I thought. The uncertainty of where I may end up sleeping still makes me uncomfortable, but I mean, if I can't stay in a homeless shelter I can stay at my friend's place. It's too bad her mother decided to rat us out. Whatever. I'm very thankful for you guys and girls at facepunch letting me vent while I dealt with all of this crap. I appreciate the advice and help you guys gave me, it means a lot to me. I hope us people who struggle with depression can get to a point where it's manageable, to a point where we can take in the good things as they are, and ride that high instead of get sucked down into a slump. Depression sucks, kick it in the ass. Honestly I'm not mad at people who are complaining or venting about problems that are lesser than others, you all have a right to feel/vent. It Dosent bother me, unless it's like, you're upset over having a Samsung instead of an iPhone, or a shitty graphics card... I kinda draw the line at that.[/QUOTE] That's how my cousin rediscovered himself - working on a farm, working in a fishery, and then promptly joining the military. [editline]22nd February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=wauterboi;49783550]What bothers you about going out? When I get home I'll post about my weirdness so I'm not leaving making this while thing one sided.[/QUOTE] I promised to talk about my weirdness, and so I'll mention my weirdness. I've been doing a lot of research into Transcendent Meditation and cults. Some of the symptoms they describe sounds a little similar to some of the stuff I've felt in the past. Ever zone out to the point where you feel locked in your head and you can't get out? And then you start really investing yourself into your thoughts to the point where you kind of "become" them and forget about reality? That's kind of what happens to me, and it's really in these moments I have felt the most pain. It's a specific type of overthinking and zoning out that generates loneliness and confusion that borders on losing touch with the world. It seriously does feel like condensed confusion and not being able to wake up from a dream. Before recognizing it and really declaring it a problem worth fixing, it interfered with actual driving and general motivation. As time has progressed, however, it's become more of a bittersweet pain as I've become more and more able to enjoy my own company and think about the world around me given my better methods of thinking. Where the pain comes from anymore is wanting to share my headspace with someone, which can be hard to find. With that said, I'm better than ever with socializing with others. I'm not as nervous and really good at improvising. It's something you practice at. But even then, I still have trouble finding people that I would care for as they would care for me. I want a stronger connection but no one to share it with. Really though, that's just something I've become able to let sit in the background as I kill time with others, but it comes back to the forefront when I zone out really hard. Bringing it back to TM just for the fun of it, meditation is a really bad idea if you're going to not focus on your problems and not focus on your emotions. TM teaches you to disassociate with your emotions and continuously access this trance state that your brain is not meant to be in, causing serious body spasms over extended periods of time along with depersonalization and derealization. tl;dr meditate correctly, Facepunch!

I've been out of work awhile now and it's been more depressing than I thought it would be. At least I quit alcohol and don't want to drink

I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably never be able to work a job because of my mental condition and perhaps not being able to finish my bachelor because of it. im merely prolonging the inevitable suicide by following a 4 year course, then finding out i'm unable to work. 5 years of psychotherapy in combination with medication didn't bear fruit or anything, which is to be expected. On top of that I am a little bit worried I might be developing a taste for heroin and other opiates. getting a bachelors degree is something to cling onto at least and gives me some space to think (not necessarily time). also wondering if my ex still browses here and see what kind of a degenerate I've become. lol [QUOTE=IJNOMED;49789671]What the actual fuck happened to this thread?? Also I'm pretty much at a point where I am no longer scared of being homeless. I no longer speak to my parents, I completely cut contact with them, my friend is letting me stay with her for the time being. Legally I cannot live here. I can visit until mid March, and whenever I want, however her and another friend of mine have been hanging out and found the possibility of me working at this farm that provides residency to its employees. So I think that's pretty badass, I'm looking forward to it, honestly I'm not scared of the shit life throws at me anymore, I was so scared of being homeless and now that I actually am, It's not as scary as I thought. The uncertainty of where I may end up sleeping still makes me uncomfortable, but I mean, if I can't stay in a homeless shelter I can stay at my friend's place. It's too bad her mother decided to rat us out. Whatever. I'm very thankful for you guys and girls at facepunch letting me vent while I dealt with all of this crap. I appreciate the advice and help you guys gave me, it means a lot to me. I hope us people who struggle with depression can get to a point where it's manageable, to a point where we can take in the good things as they are, and ride that high instead of get sucked down into a slump. Depression sucks, kick it in the ass. Honestly I'm not mad at people who are complaining or venting about problems that are lesser than others, you all have a right to feel/vent. It Dosent bother me, unless it's like, you're upset over having a Samsung instead of an iPhone, or a shitty graphics card... I kinda draw the line at that.[/QUOTE] I've been reading about your misadventures almost since the beginning and i agree about what you said. just throwing that out there. I hope things turn around for the best. you seem like a strong person!

do any of you get those moments where you suddenly "realize" that you're a person like everyone else? obviously I'm aware of that but it's something I never really give much thought. it's odd to think that just like me, everyone else has their own struggles, good things, and so on. everyone has their own opinions and views on things. I'm just one of many which I find to be a comfortable thought. it's often easy to forget that everyone around you are people too sometimes, more often than not it just feels like everyone else are robots while I'm the only human having issues alone. yet again, I know that's bullshit but the thought of being one of many humans in the world doesn't strike me in everyday life other than these random moments. it's a great thought. I like to know that everyone else, just like me, probably have a lot of the same issues. at the same time, everyone else, just like me, appreciate to have a certain few people in their lives. I don't really think people are that unique. sure, everyone has their own things and everyone is definitely one of a kind, but I find that there are a lot of things that reoccur in people. behaviors I keep seeing, views that keep popping up and bla bla bla. yet again, I like this thought, it gives me a sense of being "normal" I suppose.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49791172]do any of you get those moments where you suddenly "realize" that you're a person like everyone else? obviously I'm aware of that but it's something I never really give much thought. it's odd to think that just like me, everyone else has their own struggles, good things, and so on. everyone has their own opinions and views on things. I'm just one of many which I find to be a comfortable thought. it's often easy to forget that everyone around you are people too sometimes, more often than not it just feels like everyone else are robots while I'm the only human having issues alone. yet again, I know that's bullshit but the thought of being one of many humans in the world doesn't strike me in everyday life other than these random moments. it's a great thought. I like to know that everyone else, just like me, probably have a lot of the same issues. at the same time, everyone else, just like me, appreciate to have a certain few people in their lives. I don't really think people are that unique. sure, everyone has their own things and everyone is definitely one of a kind, but I find that there are a lot of things that reoccur in people. behaviors I keep seeing, views that keep popping up and bla bla bla. yet again, I like this thought, it gives me a sense of being "normal" I suppose.[/QUOTE] everyone has issues. they just deal with them in a different way. some people are just unable to handle certain stresses well while others flourish in them. some people have eyes on certain interests and happenings, which is why people are unique in that aspect. "normal" people just have "normal" interests. being able to relate to a person purely based on the surface is difficult

Had a good day today, for a change. My brother now has a job (after his first and only interview, the lucky son of a bitch) and I've won £50 on a scratchcard. 'Tis a good day! :v:

I've been feeling pretty down lately and don't really wanna do anything anymore.

[QUOTE=kijji;49791629]I've been feeling pretty down lately and don't really wanna do anything anymore.[/QUOTE] Here's what you should do: 1.) Take a break from everything and make some [url=http://allrecipes.com/recipe/228483/best-100-calorie-blueberry-muffins/]blueberry muffins[/url]. 2.) Eat the blueberry muffins. 3.) Bow to me, your new baking overlord. This was the first thing I baked and they came out really great and permanently moist. Baking can be a fun, moist escape.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49791687]Here's what you should do: 1.) Take a break from everything and make some [url=http://allrecipes.com/recipe/228483/best-100-calorie-blueberry-muffins/]blueberry muffins[/url]. 2.) Eat the blueberry muffins. 3.) Bow to me, your new baking overlord. This was the first thing I baked and they came out really great and permanently moist. Baking can be a fun, moist escape.[/QUOTE] can't I just dig a hole and sit it in and take a break from everything that way

[QUOTE=kijji;49791712]can't I just dig a hole and sit it in and take a break from everything that way[/QUOTE] If this is your attempt to simulate a blueberry desperately trying to be enveloped by the delicious, moist crust of a blueberry muffin, then yes, you have my permission.

really though, I want a break from everything, is that even possible