Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Appox;49794470]sometimes i feel down so i buy myself shit[/QUOTE] That's bordering on addiction. Usually when people listen to me talking about addiction they get the wrong idea. You might not be addicted now, but if the behavior continues, buying stuff will make you feel less and less satisfied. Also, I'm talking years here. At least consider finding something more healthy, or talk to someone about it.

do you remember the times when you were genuinely kind of happy and contented? I remember one evening at uni after my housemates and I had finished our final exams in the summer - it was still light, around 7 PM and we were hanging around the TV just kind of chatting shit and suddenly one of us pipes up: "man, I really badly want to get an ice cream." and someone responds "the co-op is still open, you could run down there." "holy shit, I want ice cream too." "shall we just- " "YES" we all instantly got up and [I]sprinted[/I] to the co-op like madmen under that sunset and got some cornettos. feels like this winter is never going to fucking end

Buying stuff isn't always a horrible thing. It can be a very good means of finding a way to love yourself, by treating yourself to things that you might not have otherwise. Obviously, it takes some manner of financial responsibility and it's not an adequate method for everyone, but I buy myself things on my worst days because it gives me a little reminder that maybe I deserve a nice thing from time to time.

[QUOTE=Turnips5;49794561]do you remember the times when you were genuinely kind of happy and contented?[/QUOTE] I think that was like, 10 - 12 years ago. Now I visit the hospital on a regular basis and take drugs all the time. At least the love of my life loves me too and wants to be with me. [editline]23rd February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Pascall;49794748]Buying stuff isn't always a horrible thing. It can be a very good means of finding a way to love yourself, by treating yourself to things that you might not have otherwise. Obviously, it takes some manner of financial responsibility and it's not an adequate method for everyone, but I buy myself things on my worst days because it gives me a little reminder that maybe I deserve a nice thing from time to time.[/QUOTE] Of course buying stuff isn't a horrible thing. It's the emotional attachment that can get toxic if you depend on it to feel better. You seem balanced but I sense anxiety in you, you emphasize loving yourself as if you can't feel that you can find this connection with friends or family. You express that you have learned to build awareness when it comes to not wasting too much money. Buying things when depressed doesn't change your mood, it changes the pleasure-center of the brain which tricks you into believing you have something to do when in actuality it's fruitless.

I feel like I have an abnormally low amount of energy, which is probably a part of why I lack motivation to do much. I've previously had low levels of D vitamins in my body, and that is probably currently the case. even with prescription-doses of additional D vitamins to try giving me a 'normal' level of D vitamins, I still don't get the motivation I feel I need to do what I want. I just want to talk to somebody about my life and what I should do, but I don't want to talk to anybody in my family, or anybody else.. I actually do not know what to do right now.

Everything is changing and damn is it nice, now to figure out that career I want to go after and maybe just maybe get myself a lady. Only problem left is figuring out the right dosage with the doctor.

anyone got any experience with omega 3 and vitamin D causing better mood in general? I was a pretty happy person between October and December, but after that which also happens to be the time where I quit going to the gym and taking my supplements, my overall mood has been much lower. I'm reintroducing supplements to my daily routine now as I suspect that these supplements actually helped out with my well being by quite a lot. no idea if that's right, it might be that going to the gym is the sole reason I was happy during these two months. I'm going to get that back into my schedule as well, plan is to begin on Monday once everyday life sets back in. [QUOTE=cynaraos;49795022]I feel like I have an abnormally low amount of energy, which is probably a part of why I lack motivation to do much. I've previously had low levels of D vitamins in my body, and that is probably currently the case. even with prescription-doses of additional D vitamins to try giving me a 'normal' level of D vitamins, I still don't get the motivation I feel I need to do what I want. I just want to talk to somebody about my life and what I should do, but I don't want to talk to anybody in my family, or anybody else.. I actually do not know what to do right now.[/QUOTE] I've had way too little vitamin D in my body for a very long time. getting those levels back up is really a pain in the ass, it takes a very long time. I have no idea what dose was on these, but there were a decent few months where I took 3 pills of vitamin D daily. after that, still not where it should be. did however down the dosage to 2 pills at some point so it was getting higher. this dosing began in September 2014 and by August 2015, I still had way too little of it. now today, I'm still not where I should be but I haven't taken vitamin D for a very long time either (2 months?).

[QUOTE=Solodris;49794784] Of course buying stuff isn't a horrible thing. It's the emotional attachment that can get toxic if you depend on it to feel better. You seem balanced but I sense anxiety in you, you emphasize loving yourself as if you can't feel that you can find this connection with friends or family. You express that you have learned to build awareness when it comes to not wasting too much money. Buying things when depressed doesn't change your mood, it changes the pleasure-center of the brain which tricks you into believing you have something to do when in actuality it's fruitless.[/QUOTE] I know my friends and family love me. That's not what I buy stuff for. For years I treated myself like garbage, insisted that I didn't deserve anything I had and continued to put others before myself in every single instance until I had a financial, emotional, and mental deficit because I gave and gave and gave and never offered things for myself or my own emotional health. Yes, you can sense anxiety in me. Because I post about it constantly here. It's not a secret. I don't buy things when I'm depressed, I buy things when I start to believe that I'm undeserving of things. I prove myself wrong and I treat myself with things with MY hard earned money that is extra and left over and it acts as a reward and a means of showing myself that yes, I do deserve things for myself every now and again. Sorry, but your posts seem to heavily undermine everything I say as if you're the expert on my mental state moreso than me and it's a little bothersome ! ! ! !

[QUOTE=Pascall;49795156]I know my friends and family love me. That's not what I buy stuff for. For years I treated myself like garbage, insisted that I didn't deserve anything I had and continued to put others before myself in every single instance until I had a financial, emotional, and mental deficit because I gave and gave and gave and never offered things for myself or my own emotional health. Yes, you can sense anxiety in me. Because I post about it constantly here. It's not a secret. I don't buy things when I'm depressed, I buy things when I start to believe that I'm undeserving of things. I prove myself wrong and I treat myself with things with MY hard earned money that is extra and left over and it acts as a reward and a means of showing myself that yes, I do deserve things for myself every now and again. Sorry, but your posts seem to heavily undermine everything I say as if you're the expert on my mental state moreso than me and it's a little bothersome ! ! ! ![/QUOTE] Oh, I'm so sorry about that, I basically grew up in an environment where I had to have absolute dominance in all conversations or I would get taken advantage of. I'm really trying to change. I guess I felt like I should know about this because of my practice in buddhism and therefore started to act arrogantly. So sorry about that. I want to tell you that you deserve more than you think. Modern psychology states that people with social anxiety are more likable because they are more prone to change. So you're a good person, I don't want you to think less of yourself. I guess there was a conflict in my head because my buddhist doctrine tells me to not want non-essential things.

That's cool. I don't judge people based on religious preference or practice or anything. But just keep in mind that it's not applicable to everyone and everything.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49795229]That's cool. I don't judge people based on religious preference or practice or anything. But just keep in mind that it's not applicable to everyone and everything.[/QUOTE] My faith disagrees. But I'm learning to communicate the teachings better.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49795240]My faith disagrees. But I'm learning to communicate the teachings better.[/QUOTE] I've been quite amused with how you post things. Though my question is how can you gather all these facts through just text without people directly telling you?

Yes, but your faith is not followed by everyone, nor will it ever be. Same can be said about every other religious faith out there. Faith is not an adequate means of giving advice in a place, like this forum, where there are people of multiple beliefs or none altogether. Your advice won't be taken seriously or won't have the impact that you desire. Like I said, I don't judge, but at the same time, you have to take into account practicality. By a similar vein, if a Satanist tells me that all I have to do in order to overcome my issues is to pray to Satan, or to some other deity or follow some doctrine that I disagree with or don't [I]want[/I] to follow, then that advice means absolute zero to me because I cannot apply it realistically to my life. If you want to personally advise someone from the influence of faith, they need to request it or actually show interest. Otherwise, you'll only be talking to a wall and dissuading people from taking you seriously.

[QUOTE=DELL;49795253]I've been quite amused with how you post things. Though my question is how can you gather all these facts through just text without people directly telling you?[/QUOTE] My dad decided that a computer would be a better parent than him, so he put me in front of one when I was 4 years old. Now I'm 25 and I really like to read through wikipedia. [editline]23rd February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Pascall;49795255]Yes, but your faith is not followed by everyone, nor will it ever be. Same can be said about every other religious faith out there. Faith is not an adequate means of giving advice in a place, like this forum, where there are people of multiple beliefs or none altogether. Your advice won't be taken seriously or won't have the impact that you desire. Like I said, I don't judge, but at the same time, you have to take into account practicality. By a similar vein, if a Satanist tells me that all I have to do in order to overcome my issues is to pray to Satan, or to some other deity or follow some doctrine that I disagree with or don't [I]want[/I] to follow, then that advice means absolute zero to me because I cannot apply it realistically to my life. If you want to personally advise someone from the influence of faith, they need to request it or actually show interest. Otherwise, you'll only be talking to a wall and dissuading people from taking you seriously.[/QUOTE] You're right, a monk called Ajahn Brahm said, try not to just mention that you are buddhist, show people how it makes you a happier person. Just one thing; There are no God's in Buddhism, it focuses entirely on understanding the mind and suffering, I guess I just get too literal sometimes.

The only reason I haven't killed myself now is a promise I'd made to my ex. I'd do anything to have her back at my side.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49793037]It is possible. It's called samatha meditation. You begin by lying or sitting comfortable, closing your eyes. At this stage, you've pretty much programmed your brain to think, contemplate and obsess perpetually and this is what meditation is supposed to make you unlearn. When you feel a thought entering your mind when you try to meditate, just let it go, like you were holding a fish above water and you just release it into the ocean. Don't force anything though, if your thoughts are more persistent than your willingness to let go of them, just let them be, and when you see this persistent thought, it's always better to just let it form in your mind. Sooner or later it will dissipate anyway, just go with the flow. Some beginners in meditation try to focus on their breathing to elude these thoughts, this is probably a good way to start. I've religiously been practicing meditation for 4 years. Because when you meditate enough, you experience and discover indescribable sensations and perceptions.[/QUOTE] That's really bad. If you meditate without the intentions of focusing on your emotions and looking at your thoughts and feelings as "alien" and "something not worth dealing with", you're not dealing with your emotions and you can cause yourself to disassociate with both reality and yourself. It "feels" good because it's idleness, and it can become fleeting to return to not dealing with your emotions or feelings. This is what I was talking about - if you enter this trance state often you can psychologically destroy yourself. [editline]22nd February 2016[/editline] This might sound mean, but it's better to meditate with the intentions of working out problems and allowing yourself to feel your emotions. It's not unique to Transcendental Meditation - it's something I've read Buddhists dealing with too - some of whom assured others that these routine "out of body" experiences that cause identity problems are normal. [url]http://www.buddhismwithoutboundaries.com/showthread.php?2869-Can-meditation-cause-you-to-feel-dissociation[/url] [url]http://www.suggestibility.org/surprise.php[/url] A side note: I love reading about cults, and cults often use the trance state to get you to accept things without thinking about it. It's all the more reason to not let yourself meditate out of reality.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49795888]That's really bad. If you meditate without the intentions of focusing on your emotions and looking at your thoughts and feelings as "alien" and "something not worth dealing with", you're not dealing with your emotions and you can cause yourself to disassociate with both reality and yourself. It "feels" good because it's idleness, and it can become fleeting to return to not dealing with your emotions or feelings. This is what I was talking about - if you enter this trance state often you can psychologically destroy yourself. [editline]22nd February 2016[/editline] This might sound mean, but it's better to meditate with the intentions of working out problems and allowing yourself to feel your emotions. It's not unique to Transcendental Meditation - it's something I've read Buddhists dealing with too - some of whom assured others that these routine "out of body" experiences that cause identity problems are normal. [url]http://www.buddhismwithoutboundaries.com/showthread.php?2869-Can-meditation-cause-you-to-feel-dissociation[/url] [url]http://www.suggestibility.org/surprise.php[/url] A side note: I love reading about cults, and cults often use the trance state to get you to accept things without thinking about it. It's all the more reason to not let yourself meditate out of reality.[/QUOTE] Both types of meditation have their places. Yes it's important to deal with your problems but you should also have time spent not dealing with anything, because you may find that clearing your mind will allow you to focus on the more important issues in a sea of smaller ones that could drown it out. There's all sorts of different types of meditation, none is better than the other, each deals with certain or broad issues. It is important to practice many, and I don't think Solodris was implying that that one type of meditation is the only kind of meditation worth doing.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49795888]That's really bad. If you meditate without the intentions of focusing on your emotions and looking at your thoughts and feelings as "alien" and "something not worth dealing with", you're not dealing with your emotions and you can cause yourself to disassociate with both reality and yourself. It "feels" good because it's idleness, and it can become fleeting to return to not dealing with your emotions or feelings. This is what I was talking about - if you enter this trance state often you can psychologically destroy yourself.[/QUOTE] No, it's rather liberating actually. Feeling every aspect of what constitutes me as an individual with a personality, just completely shattered. The more I meditate, the more I can experience this even while not meditating, and it is so relaxing. One of the things that separates humans from animals is the ability to perceive ones own persona, identity. When I shatter all the different notions of who I am, I get reborn: My programmed and conditioned behavior ceases. This is how buddhists maintain happiness, if we don't like the situation, we change how our mind perceives it.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49796779]I get reborn: My programmed and conditioned behavior ceases. [/QUOTE] The problem I see, and I took a few classes on buddhism, is that their ideal state is a state of utter cessation - of nonexistence. It seems like a cop out. It certainly has a very interesting and useful take on suffering and non-egocentric ethics, and a lot of insight into the mind, but, ultimately, it seems to rely on an inherent metaphysical connection between mind and existence. In that it is not satisfied that there are any true divisions because any divisions thought up by humans are contingent. They make a logical leap from all known things being conventional to all things being conventional that I am not comfortable with.

[QUOTE=Zenreon117;49796847]The problem I see, and I took a few classes on buddhism, is that their ideal state is a state of utter cessation - of nonexistence. It seems like a cop out. It certainly has a very interesting and useful take on suffering and non-egocentric ethics, and a lot of insight into the mind, but, ultimately, it seems to rely on an inherent metaphysical connection between mind and existence. In that it is not satisfied that there are any true divisions because any divisions thought up by humans are contingent.[/QUOTE] In my opinion, it's straight up not dealing with reality. Instead of becoming stronger by experiencing negative emotions, they opt to work around it so they don't have to feel bad. They alienate the emotion and say, "You know, that's not me. This is not me. These emotions aren't mine." And that's the fast track to depersonalization and derealization as well as ignoring your problems. [quote]time spent not dealing with anything[/quote] It's okay to put stuff on the shelf, but you generally wanna do that with something that keeps your mind occupied and not stuck in this trance state where you're busy disassembling reality to beat it. The more you focus on otherworldly things and achieving something better with reality, the more you don't want to live in it, imo. That's the basis for drugs, alcohol, and all kinds of addictions.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49796878] the fast track to depersonalization and derealization as well as ignoring your problems.[/QUOTE] Literally it is a buddhist teaching that the self doesn't really exist (along with everything else, because it is conventional), or, if it does, it does so only conventionally (as opposed to ultimately). It is basically 180* at odds with that worldview to make an argument based on benefiting the ego or person as such.

[QUOTE=Zenreon117;49796903]Literally it is a buddhist teaching that the self doesn't really exist (along with everything else, because it is conventional), or, if it does, it does so only conventionally (as opposed to ultimately). It is basically 180* at odds with that worldview to make an argument based on benefiting the ego or person as such.[/QUOTE] Oh, okay. I get it now. Buddhism is really bad teaching then.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49796905]Oh, okay. I get it now. Buddhism is really bad teaching then.[/QUOTE] What's with the prejudice? Vajrayana Buddhism fills my life with a constant sense of adventure and purpose. Because I change who I am all the time. Enlightenment is letting go of everything that you think you are, so that you can have the freedom to do anything.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49797090]What's with the prejudice? Vajrayana Buddhism fills my life with a constant sense of adventure and purpose. Because I change who I am all the time. Enlightenment is letting go of everything that you think you are, so that you can have the freedom to do anything.[/QUOTE] Prejudice? I'm not pre-judging anything. Does it tell you don't exist or not? Does it tell you to "let go" of your identity or not? If anyone else were to do that religious or not I would say they have a problem. I'm not going to withhold my condemnation simply because you're Buddhist. That sounds dangerous and in no way good for you, and I'm not fucking around with /r/atheism-style superiority. I'm being serious. That's not to say that I think [I]you[/I] are stupid or bad or anything, but if I were to give you my two cents I'd stop that stuff immediately and start focusing on reality. We don't have to be connected in this other-worldly way for our surroundings to be wonderful. Spending time disassociating from your body, your problems, and your emotions with the understanding that you don't exist is unfortunate psychological abuse and I sincerely think you should stop. [editline]23rd February 2016[/editline] [url]https://www.good.is/articles/when-meditation-is-bad-for-you[/url] Seriously guys, I really recommend against this stuff. If you're battling depression and what not, [B]do not opt into meditation[/B]. Do not opt into spirituality. Do not opt into anything other than [I]solving your problems[/I]. It might seem like I'm being an asshole and, hey, I'll be straight up with you, I don't talk about my religious opinions a lot for a reason. But when it comes to shit like this, you can seriously hurt yourself and become delusional, worsening your mental state in horrible ways. If you're going to meditate, meditate correctly by focusing on reality, your surroundings, your body, yourself, and [B]feel your emotions[/B]. Don't look at them as this abstract concept that doesn't apply to you. Don't look at yourself as non-existent. You do exist. What you're feeling isn't weird or abnormal. You should allow yourself to feel. You should allow yourself to cry. Crying isn't bad. There's no thought crimes. Crying isn't weakness. You build yourself up by [B]focusing on how you think[/B] and not crafting your perfect escape. Meditation is often that built up escape, often with the promise that you will become more than this world. It's appealing for all of the wrong reasons, and it can destroy you. I don't want that to happen to anyone on here.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49797231]Prejudice? I'm not pre-judging anything. Does it tell you don't exist or not? Does it tell you to "let go" of your identity or not? If anyone else were to do that religious or not I would say they have a problem. I'm not going to withhold my condemnation simply because you're Buddhist. That sounds dangerous and in no way good for you, and I'm not fucking around with /r/atheism-style superiority. I'm being serious. That's not to say that I think [I]you[/I] are stupid or bad or anything, but if I were to give you my two cents I'd stop that stuff immediately and start focusing on reality. We don't have to be connected in this other-worldly way for our surroundings to be wonderful. Spending time disassociating from your body, your problems, and your emotions with the understanding that you don't exist is unfortunate psychological abuse and I sincerely think you should stop. [editline]23rd February 2016[/editline] [url]https://www.good.is/articles/when-meditation-is-bad-for-you[/url] Seriously guys, I really recommend against this stuff. If you're battling depression and what not, [B]do not opt into meditation[/B]. Do not opt into spirituality. Do not opt into anything other than [I]solving your problems[/I]. It might seem like I'm being an asshole and, hey, I'll be straight up with you, I don't talk about my religious opinions a lot for a reason. But when it comes to shit like this, you can seriously hurt yourself and become delusional, worsening your mental state in horrible ways. If you're going to meditate, meditate correctly by focusing on reality, your surroundings, your body, yourself, and [B]feel your emotions[/B]. Don't look at them as this abstract concept that doesn't apply to you. Don't look at yourself as non-existent. You do exist. What you're feeling isn't weird or abnormal. You should allow yourself to feel. You should allow yourself to cry. Crying isn't bad. There's no thought crimes. Crying isn't weakness. You build yourself up by [B]focusing on how you think[/B] and not crafting your perfect escape. Meditation is often that built up escape, often with the promise that you will become more than this world. It's appealing for all of the wrong reasons, and it can destroy you. I don't want that to happen to anyone on here.[/QUOTE] Meditation increases sensitivity to your emotions and impulses, making you able to change them. It's not about escaping reality, but to embrace it to its fullest. We obviously have completely different opinions about what this practice actually accomplishes. I'm sorry about that but I've been practicing for so long and it gives me indescribable insight into my own consciousness and how it works. I feel less anxiety, less anger and feel generally at peace.

I'm entirely against the idea of meditation, personally. It's done nothing but make my problems worse.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49797325]Meditation increases sensitivity to your emotions and impulses, making you able to change them. It's not about escaping reality, but to embrace it to its fullest. We obviously have completely different opinions about what this practice actually accomplishes. I'm sorry about that but I've been practicing for so long and it gives me indescribable insight into my own consciousness and how it works. I feel less anxiety, less anger and feel generally at peace.[/QUOTE] But [I]how[/I]? How does "clearing your mind" make you more aware? And how do you explain these sources? I keep harping on about trains of thought, and meditation seems to be the sledgehammer to the problem. "Don't think" is as much of a solution to depression as "don't eat" is a solution to ulcers. If you don't practice thinking better and relieving anxiety consciously (or aid it with medications), you won't ever get better.

[QUOTE=kyle877;49797342]I'm entirely against the idea of meditation, personally. It's done nothing but make my problems worse.[/QUOTE] Maybe you were practicing it wrong? It takes very deep devotion into understanding how meditation is actually done. After that follows years of experience. [editline]23rd February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=wauterboi;49797357]But [I]how[/I]? How does "clearing your mind" make you more aware? And how do you explain these sources? I keep harping on about trains of thought, and meditation seems to be the sledgehammer to the problem. "Don't think" is as much of a solution to depression as "don't eat" is a solution to ulcers. If you don't practice thinking better and relieving anxiety consciously (or aid it with medications), you won't ever get better.[/QUOTE] Meditation is a way to engage in creating experiments in your mind to see what works and what doesn't. For example: If you clear your mind, there is nothing else but your feelings to focus on, and that's where you start learning how to manage them.

The more I read into it, the more it seems like depersonalization [B]is[/B] the goal. Apparently, with Buddhism, because of interconnectedness and the idea that you aren't reading the words on your screen plus the idea that you're literally everything (your chair, your desk), the goal isn't to become one with your emotions. The goal is to become something that feels nothing and is no longer aware. It's about being sucked out of life. Oh, and if you develop problems because of meditation, it's because you didn't "understand" meditation, and you weren't "experienced". Notice the blame-shifting there? I won't blame it on Solodris - every religious person does this. They're taught to do this. They're taught that failure can only be personal and never a result of the religion they subscribe to. Imagine if we treated anti-depressants the same way: "Oh, you're still depressed? Well it's because you didn't understand the medication, and you weren't experienced with it." There's literally no way I could question Buddhism that wouldn't simply make me the inferior misunderstanding man. There's never going to be any give for me on this. I'm always going to be wrong. But that's okay I guess, because ignore my sources and keep arguing faith and experience. This has always been my problem with religion, and it will never change. There's no way to ever question this stuff without people either saying it's not an issue or deflecting it onto others. [QUOTE=Solodris;49797358]Meditation is a way to engage in creating experiments in your mind to see what works and what doesn't. For example: If you clear your mind, there is nothing else but your feelings to focus on, and that's where you start learning how to manage them.[/QUOTE] If I might ask, what's stopping me from doing that now? I already do that. It isn't meditation. It's conscious thought. Meditation is when trance is involved, and it becomes incredibly dangerous when you block out everything and halt your thoughts as you mentioned previously.

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