Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I always have issues with what people say to me when I'm in a bad place but I don't feel as though I can correct them, feels too demanding or something

anyone who feels like learning how to drive/getting permit was hell on earth wanna talk

[QUOTE=Systema;49809070]anyone who feels like learning how to drive/getting permit was hell on earth wanna talk[/QUOTE]I still haven't bothered, I don't like the statistics of driving and how likely it is that I'll hit someone and kill them and ruin my and their families' lives forever

[QUOTE=Systema;49809070]anyone who feels like learning how to drive/getting permit was hell on earth wanna talk[/QUOTE] I have a fear of driving because I don't trust other drivers noticing me.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49797764]Well, think about it. Meditation has three focuses: 1.) Clearing your mind 2.) Analyzing your emotions as identity as not existing 3.) Achieving something greater than reality [/QUOTE] The mindfulness meditation classes I went to weren't about that at all. I'm not sure [I]any [/I]sort of meditation is about that, unless you're going into hardcore monkhood, in which case the practice and goals are entirely different. Mindful meditation is about drawing your attention away from anxious, angry, sad or otherwise distressing thoughts and practicing the ability to live in the moment. Anxiety and other unhelpful mental patterns have a tendency to take control, and you quickly get into a vicious circle. Mindful meditation aims to give you the skills to escape from that loop. Essentially all you're doing when meditating for mindfulness is [I]trying [/I]to focus on a single thing - whether it's your breath, the sensation of your feet on the floor, the sounds you can hear, etc. It's about experiencing one of those things and not attaching meaning to it - just letting it be there and noticing it. It's also about [I]trying[/I] to let any thoughts that are unrelated to your chosen focus pass by. You [I]try to[/I]acknowledge the thought, then let it go. The 'try to' is especially important - the point of meditation is not to sit for 15 minutes with a blank mind. The point is to spend that 15 minutes practicing the skill of letting thoughts happen, then letting them go without holding onto them or analyzing them. So the end result is that you'll more easily be able to let anxious thoughts happen and then pass on without clinging to them. Another important part of the class was simple relaxation techniques - deep breathing, etc - which sound rubbish at first until you learn about the inherent links between muscle tension, posture, discomfort, etc, and your mental state. They effect one another, so sometimes a good way to ease some of the mental stress is to take care of the physical stress. None of it is meant to be an absolute cure - obviously it's something you should talk to your doctor about. Note that this is my understanding of the course and shouldn't be taken as gospel

yeah i don't care about either of those. i think i would be a fine driver i'm just so inept to learning that i can't get past the permit test so i really just wanna talk with someone who understands the trouble

[QUOTE=Maloof?;49809547]The mindfulness meditation classes I went to weren't about that at all. I'm not sure [I]any [/I]sort of meditation is about that, unless you're going into hardcore monkhood, in which case the practice and goals are entirely different. Mindful meditation is about drawing your attention away from anxious, angry, sad or otherwise distressing thoughts and practicing the ability to live in the moment. Anxiety and other unhelpful mental patterns have a tendency to take control, and you quickly get into a vicious circle. Mindful meditation aims to give you the skills to escape from that loop. Essentially all you're doing when meditating for mindfulness is [I]trying [/I]to focus on a single thing - whether it's your breath, the sensation of your feet on the floor, the sounds you can hear, etc. It's about experiencing one of those things and not attaching meaning to it - just letting it be there and noticing it. It's also about [I]trying[/I] to let any thoughts that are unrelated to your chosen focus pass by. You [I]try to[/I]acknowledge the thought, then let it go. The 'try to' is especially important - the point of meditation is not to sit for 15 minutes with a blank mind. The point is to spend that 15 minutes practicing the skill of letting thoughts happen, then letting them go without holding onto them or analyzing them. So the end result is that you'll more easily be able to let anxious thoughts happen and then pass on without clinging to them. Another important part of the class was simple relaxation techniques - deep breathing, etc - which sound rubbish at first until you learn about the inherent links between muscle tension, posture, discomfort, etc, and your mental state. They effect one another, so sometimes a good way to ease some of the mental stress is to take care of the physical stress. None of it is meant to be an absolute cure - obviously it's something you should talk to your doctor about. Note that this is my understanding of the course and shouldn't be taken as gospel[/QUOTE] Yup, I'm aware of mindful meditation. That's what I alluded to with saying "focus on your emotions and your problems". It's not shelling it away. It's not about getting high off of shutting off your brain. It's about learning how to realize your situation, put things on the shelf, and focus on them one at a time. Meditation, as it's often referred to, is this [I]otherworldly connection with the universe[/I]. The spiritual meditation is bad. When you can process your thoughts and feel comfortable with them - that's where you should be at. I don't think a lot of meditation aims for that.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49809863]Yup, I'm aware of mindful meditation. That's what I alluded to with saying "focus on your emotions and your problems". It's not shelling it away. It's not about getting high off of shutting off your brain. It's about learning how to realize your situation, put things on the shelf, and focus on them one at a time. Meditation, as it's often referred to, is this [I]otherworldly connection with the universe[/I]. The spiritual meditation is bad. When you can process your thoughts and feel comfortable with them - that's where you should be at. I don't think a lot of meditation aims for that.[/QUOTE] Mindfull meditation is just to bring you back to the here and now. During it you just let whatever happens, happen and not label it. Just acknowledge that it happened and move on. It also takes more than one attempt before you even start to notice any real effects. This is a technique to try and prevent you going for some medicine to get you through a situation. Processing the anxiety comes with a therapist and talking about it and why it causes it so she it happens you can say, this is dumb, this thought process is dumb, and move on without it shutting everything down.

I took twice the lethal dose of my anti-psychotic medication on Monday and I'm still here. I feel like there's really nothing left for me here, and all I've been able to do the past few days is just lie in bed and think about how much I want to jump out my third story window or drop a live wire in my bathtub.

I roll and thrash around in my sleep so badly sometimes that I wake up feeling sick and I hate it. I wish I knew what exactly the problem is so I can fix it.

[QUOTE=Draze;49823288]I took twice the lethal dose of my anti-psychotic medication on Monday and I'm still here. I feel like there's really nothing left for me here, and all I've been able to do the past few days is just lie in bed and think about how much I want to jump out my third story window or drop a live wire in my bathtub.[/QUOTE] Love you man, don't hurt yourself.

insomnia is back, thought it was gone for good but boy was i wrong

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49809863]Yup, I'm aware of mindful meditation. That's what I alluded to with saying "focus on your emotions and your problems". It's not shelling it away. It's not about getting high off of shutting off your brain. It's about learning how to realize your situation, put things on the shelf, and focus on them one at a time. Meditation, as it's often referred to, is this [I]otherworldly connection with the universe[/I]. The spiritual meditation is bad. When you can process your thoughts and feel comfortable with them - that's where you should be at. I don't think a lot of meditation aims for that.[/QUOTE] Unskillful meditation doesn't aim for anything. Practicing meditation for the sake of achieving otherworldly connection with the universe is stupid. Meditation without spirituality is nonsense.

Damn i feel like i have the emotional depth of a puddle. Not even my favorite sad album or anything touching can make me cry or move me anymore.

[QUOTE=Draze;49823288]I took twice the lethal dose of my anti-psychotic medication on Monday and I'm still here. I feel like there's really nothing left for me here, and all I've been able to do the past few days is just lie in bed and think about how much I want to jump out my third story window or drop a live wire in my bathtub.[/QUOTE] Keep reaching out to people like this, you will always find them being friendly, accepting and comforting. Which is what you seem to need right now.

I can hear voices of people I don't know in my house so I haven't been able to leave my room and eat anything all day, I just want them to leave

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49827338]I can hear voices of people I don't know in my house so I haven't been able to leave my room and eat anything all day, I just want them to leave[/QUOTE] If they don't know you, they wont expect anything. If they know who you are, they still get what they expect. Personal growth is going out there and learning what you would want people to expect. A sense of identity requires trial and error, uncertainty creates fear. So who are you? The avoidant, or the pursuer?

So I think I've completely lapsed over being cripplingly depressed into numbness. I don't know how to feel about this.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49828194]If they don't know you, they wont expect anything. If they know who you are, they still get what they expect. Personal growth is going out there and learning what you would want people to expect. A sense of identity requires trial and error, uncertainty creates fear. So who are you? The avoidant, or the pursuer?[/QUOTE]I'm clearly the avoidant because this shit happens all the time

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49828302]I'm clearly the avoidant because this shit happens all the time[/QUOTE] What would happen if you pretended to be the pursuer, just for once?

I have been thinking lately. It has occurred to me that I have no intention of reproducing as I do not wish to pass on the schizophrenia that runs in my family and punish my own possible kin with hallucinatory episodes and drug problems... And I also really do not intend on dating or getting married as doing such would most likely make having my own kin inevitable. It's because of these things that I have considered traveling to Oregon and attempting to voice for my right to a doctor assisted suicide. It's a preferable alternative to just committing suicide and leaving a simple note. At least through the route of being euthanized, I would have some time to explain my reasons to my family and try to comfort them with the reality that I just feel like I shouldn't exist if all I'll do is take up resources and just go fishing. I apologize if this seems really pessimistic, I just wanted to get this off my mind for a bit.

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;49828368]I have been thinking lately. It has occurred to me that I have no intention of reproducing as I do not wish to pass on the schizophrenia that runs in my family and punish my own possible kin with hallucinatory episodes and drug problems... And I also really do not intend on dating or getting married as doing such would most likely make having my own kin inevitable. It's because of these things that I have considered traveling to Oregon and attempting to voice for my right to a doctor assisted suicide. It's a preferable alternative to just committing suicide and leaving a simple note. At least through the route of being euthanized, I would have some time to explain my reasons to my family and try to comfort them with the reality that I just feel like I shouldn't exist if all I'll do is take up resources and just go fishing. I apologize if this seems really pessimistic, I just wanted to get this off my mind for a bit.[/QUOTE] You could always adopt. There is no reason you couldn't one day help another kid turn his life around. There are plenty of adoption homes filled with kids who would want nothing more than to have someone there for them.

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;49828368]I have been thinking lately. It has occurred to me that I have no intention of reproducing as I do not wish to pass on the schizophrenia that runs in my family and punish my own possible kin with hallucinatory episodes and drug problems... And I also really do not intend on dating or getting married as doing such would most likely make having my own kin inevitable. It's because of these things that I have considered traveling to Oregon and attempting to voice for my right to a doctor assisted suicide. It's a preferable alternative to just committing suicide and leaving a simple note. At least through the route of being euthanized, I would have some time to explain my reasons to my family and try to comfort them with the reality that I just feel like I shouldn't exist if all I'll do is take up resources and just go fishing. I apologize if this seems really pessimistic, I just wanted to get this off my mind for a bit.[/QUOTE] You're depressed. I'm glad you're expressing these thoughts because then the non-depressed part of the world can validate your need for love and compassion. What more is the people around you, that know you, they need to feel that you are indeed feeling loved and cared for. Love is an unconditional force in the world, there are future circumstances that are unknown to you today.

Plus, if you're absolutely certain you don't want to reproduce, getting your tubes tied could potentially improve your sex life. And as Zenreon117 said, adopting is really doing a great service for the world.

So, I'll probably be going back on antidepressants... I thought that the depression would go but it's coming back, I got out of bed at 5:45pm because I had no motivation to get up and go anything. I have no friends and so nothing to do on weekends/time off. I sit in the internet for 16 hours at a time. My brain has just given up on studying. I've come to accept that I just need these pills to make me feel sane.

-snip-

Feeling depressed right now for no reason really. Been getting depressed the past few days

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;49829549]Feeling depressed right now for no reason really. Been getting depressed the past few days[/QUOTE] Why might you think your mind defaults to depression? Do you think your mind is convinced that something is wrong?

So a friend of mine messaged my mom on Facebook yesterday and told her about how I've been increasingly depressed and joking about suicide in the group chat lately. He also mentioned that "they" (my friend group) had been worried about me, not just him. I'm not used to anyone caring this much about me, so I messaged him to thank him for caring and asked specifically which friends he was referring to, and he said I wasn't supposed to know and now he won't respond to any of my messages. I feel like I've fucked up.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49830512]Why might you think your mind defaults to depression? Do you think your mind is convinced that something is wrong?[/QUOTE] What is this? Secular samadhi/quasi-psychology? [QUOTE=Crpto2007;49829549]Feeling depressed right now for no reason really. Been getting depressed the past few days[/QUOTE] Has something in the social environment changed so that you no longer receive the same positive reinforcement on who you are? [editline]28th February 2016[/editline] FUCK, I just spilled beer all over my desktop. [editline]28th February 2016[/editline] Let me rephrase that: Buddha has granted me a sacred task of practicing cleanliness. I am at peace.