[QUOTE=Ohforf;19061731]Oh dear god, I laughed.
Your dog is fucking amazing[/QUOTE]
[url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=831055[/url]
I find it hard to blame him.
hnnnnnnng
This is one of the reasons I sit down on the toilet when pissing.
That doesn't sound too pleasant, on the bright side, you still have it.
Now i know to wash my hands before i play with it.
I'm sorry.
I laughed at your pain.
But, speedy recovery and all that.
That must had been painful, but that was so funny.
[QUOTE=j-richardson;19041439]At least it's not as bad as this
Warning the below image is pretty fucking bad
[media]http://drewpickles.com/files/1246413940441.jpg[/media][/QUOTE]
Can someone tell me what the fuck happened there?
[QUOTE=The Mighty Boatman;19040901]Yesterday I went out fishing with a friend and his dad, aww cool by sea. Where I live you can get huge fish pretty much any time of the year with a little luck. So we set up our rods, cast them and waited. Nothing for 2 hours or so when my friend's dad felt a tug and pulled. The fish got away and we were pissed. An hour later we gave the fuck up and went home. First we had to rub off (lol) the lines my friends dad said it's because all kinds of filthy shit gets on em. I pulled a iece of seaweed off and "rubbed it down."
He dropped me off at my house and I really needed to take a leak so I whipped out Pvt. Richards in the bathroom and aimed at the toilet. I pissed and was feeling relieved. Suddenly my member felt itchy. I scratched my crotch area.
"FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" was heard throughout the neighborhood. My dong was in extreme pain. It was fucking agony. My mom and dad came in to see me pissing over the wall and screaming like a fucking banshee. "HEALP SDFAFDAES" I yelled. "HELP MEEE DEAR GOD" The dog walked in and I swear I could see the poor bastard laugh.
I rolled on the ground, cock flapping in the metaphorical wind for half an hour, with the dog just wagging it's tail and grinning an angry dog grin the whole time. My parents just left embarassed as fuck and I managed to crawl into bed, Joe the dog headbutting my ballsack all the time, taking pleasure in my flailing hurt.
I reached for my phone and screamed into it rather unclearly, "MY COCK IS ON FUCKING FIRE." I didn't even know which number I dialed but the guy said back to me "Whit?" then hung up. I went to my personal directory and phoned a random number. "HELP ME OH GOD HEELPPP KILL MEEE." My friend (The one from the fishing trip) replied by asking me what the fuck I was talking about, so I told him about my intense agony and even the dog smashing its cranium into my ballbags.
"Oh, that sounds like Jellyfish cock."
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AAAAAAGH"
"The stuff that's on the jellyfish tentacles gets onto your hands when you rub down the lines. There were probably a few in the water. When you took a leak, well..."
"YOU MEAN MY POLE IS COVERED IN JELLYFISH POISON? AAAAAAAGH GOD"
"Just rest, try not to walk for a few days."
"YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT?"
Guys in the background burst out laughing. "No, your penis is going to feel like its got a spear stuck in it to be honest."
"OH GOD NOOOOO"
"Phone a doctor man, we don't know what kind of jellyfish that was."
And that's how it happened. I've had a two days to recover now and I can now piss without use of special medical techniques. My penis no longer feels like it has a spear lodged in it - Now it only feels like a moderately large sword! On the bright side my dog is cheering up for the first time in quite a while.
tl;dr dick covered in possibly deadly poison, flail in pain in while pissing on a wall.[/QUOTE]
:ccb:....:derp:
[QUOTE=The Mighty Boatman;19040901]
I reached for my phone and screamed into it rather unclearly, "MY COCK IS ON FUCKING FIRE." I didn't even know which number I dialed but the guy said back to me "Whit?" then hung up. I went to my personal directory and phoned a random number. "HELP ME OH GOD HEELPPP KILL MEEE." My friend (The one from the fishing trip) replied by asking me what the fuck I was talking about, so I told him about my intense agony and even the dog smashing its cranium into my ballbags.
[/QUOTE]
[img]http://i47.tinypic.com/1760zt.jpg[/img]
I'll wear gloves next time I rub down my lines. Seriously.
So you set your rod up a second time and got... sharkbait :smug:
One more reason to never go fishing. I bet your parents are pissed about the piss on the wall.
:huh:
Can't believe your parents just stood there and watched.
Your parents are asses.
ITT: :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
By the way, you probably haven't tried this, but urine/vinegar takes off the jellyfish stingers very quickly.
Your parents are assholes.
Jellyfish cock you say? Yes...
[img]http://www.breaktaker.com/albums/pictures/animals/SexyJellyfish.jpg[/img]
that's not a jellyfish
My response: FDSDFAFADAAAHGSGSHAGA
I've never laughed so much.
Edit: Oh and by the way your parents must be thinking that you masturbated too much.
I laughed so hard, I started to cry OP.
Damn.. I can't really imagine it.
Quite fun to read though :buddy:
Cut that fucker off.
[QUOTE=SantanaDVX;19040974]You have the worst luck ever.[/QUOTE]
I wonder if he caught any fish...
Poor dog... Listening to you screaming like that it must be terrified
[QUOTE=a-cookie;19098556]Poor dog... Listening to you screaming like that it must be terrified[/QUOTE]
No, he was laughing.
This is the thread of the fucking year. Seriously, I laughed so goddamn hard.
try fapping and see if you can make your own jellyfish poison now
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