• Facepunch Community Contest: Erotic FP Fanfiction! Hot Prizes!
    317 replies, posted
we're all gonna get banned for being creeps
[QUOTE=HWECQI;47094996]we're all gonna get banned for being creeps[/QUOTE] yup, thanks for playing, we appreciate your entries
Then it turns out 1st place prize is actually a ban for being too creepy.
[QUOTE=ToastedBread;47096487]Then it turns out 1st place prize is actually a ban for being too creepy.[/QUOTE] with gold member and a fresh new title! [editline]8th February 2015[/editline] yay!
Welp, no word from Rusty! So, [I]forget him![/I] Your winners have been chosen! Without any further [I]adieu[/I] slap your thighs together for the judges' favorites! The best of the best! The cream of the crop! Etc! [quote][B]TITLE: Garry's Modifications BY: TheHydra[/B] One morning at Facepunch Studios, Garry Newman sat at his computer surveying the forums he had created nearly a decade ago. As he read some posts, he began to feel a swelling sensation inside of him. Something like...pride, or no, something much more powerful than that. Something darker. Garry took a quick look around and proceeded to unzip, taking his rock-hard scepter in his hands and wielding it with a fatherly firmness and familiarity, like pop would hold a fishing rod. This was not, by any means, an abnormal occurrence for him. Quite the contrary. "Now then, let's get to work." With long preliminary strokes he began to jerk his dick, relishing the way his fingers nigh-automatically ran over his glans in just the right ways. He was a master of pleasuring himself, if anything, and he looked forward to a full itinerary of masturbation to start the day off right. As he rubbed himself, he slowly reached his free hand over to take hold of the mouse, and with this he began to ban in rhythm with his stroking. Ban, stroke, ban, stroke, a routine he had worked out ages ago. With each ban his breathing became heavier, his motions more rapid.• Garry always made sure to read the posts before he banned them, even if it was just a quick glance. He knew there would be some unhappy campers for the mods to deal with, and this just aroused him further. But in-between bans he began to notice a pattern: the users were angry about something. Normally this would be no cause for alarm, but the topic was all too familiar:• "Why did you change the forum?" "The new layout sucks!" "Change it back!" "Fuck you gayray!" Garry always loved redesigning the forums, yet the users still complained. They were never satisfied. But that didn't mean he couldn't be. He slowly stood up, his wood catching against the edge of the table and springing up like a doorstop in front of the computer monitor. He began to pull the screen closer. "You want to know how daddy makes a forum?" He began to push his cock into the internet itself, gasping at the sudden pressure the tubes exerted on his penis. It was a pleasure far beyond anything he could give himself. "It's not hard at all, really." He began to thrust into the screen, in and out, shaking the entire forum up. "You just sort of...cum inside..." His thrusts grew faster and more frantic, panting between words. "...until it HAPPENS!" As the tension mounted in his dick, Garry shot a furious load all over the forums, drowning everyone and everything in its wake. The boards were scattered all about, and the iconic logo was completely drenched in semen. With a sigh he slumped back into his chair, feeling completely spent...until he took a look at his second monitor, with Rust's code on full display. "...now let's make an update." [/quote] [quote][B]TITLE: Requiem for WTYO BY: Necessity[/B] "Yyeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss." A wide smile stretched across the dogfucker's greasy face. Whatever lay ahead was sure to turn him on the most. Beads of sweat damped his brow and soaked his asscrack. Blubber waves rippled over his body as he clapped his fat fucking thighs in anticipation. He could see it now: the infant Romulus and Remus fellating the octuplet phalluses of their she-wolf mother, the polished asses of a thousand buxom plane-girls, the horny giraffes writhing in a river of shit and death. He greedily licked the salt clean from his free hand and opened the thread. He braced himself for the scores of hot new posts. The disappointment nearly brought him to tears. Where there wasn't drama, there were arguments. Arguments about the porn, arguments about the law, arguments about the arguments. No amount of smut could drown out the constant bickering. He closed the tab and looked down at his wilting erection and the petroleum jelly and the chip bags and the empty two-litre sodas and the refilled two-litre sodas and he had one of those moments of clarity where he felt really badly about himself and his life. He replaced his sock, no more soiled than when he removed it, in the empty CD Drive.[/quote] [quote][B]TITLE: Bad News Comes Fast BY: Crazy Ivan[/B] "Extra, Extra!" The Newsboy at the corner of Sensational Headlines Junction yelled. He held up a paper with the picture of a snide looking frenchman on the cover. "[I]JE SUIS MAXDEBAGUETTE.[/I]" - Daily Mail The Newsboy, all slouched cap and sagging overalls, felt a sudden heavy palm on his shoulder. He looked back at the owner. It was a big dumb American. The Big Dumb American in fact. "Smurfy, son. Who published that paper?" The Newsboy looked at the news. He couldn't read. No one at Sensational could read. You just looked at pictures and got angry about what the other guys said. He looked at officer standing over him in his star spangled two piece. "You know son," the large stupid new-worlder purred. "Daily Maily's against the rules-y." Smurfy didn't know that. Comissioner Craptasket changed the rules. Last night. No one actually read them besides, and telling someone you knew the rules was against the rules. A supple slorch lead the officer peeling his striped speedo off globular thighs. Our newsie had been around the block a few times. He knew this was better than the refugee camp. He knelt then made lips that would have made a very nice lady proud. He didn't so much feel the protuberance against his lips as he knew it was there. A passing physicist, a one Professor Bradyns, would remark that the physics defying nub would spur his theory:• Cocksucking Uncertainty Principle. Some things are too small be observed in a physical plane without first arousing them which thereby presupposes they are there. It didn't take long before the blithe rotund patriot had finished his stiff warning. Smurfy got up and reached for his next stack of headlines. He held one up, "Extra, Extra!" The picture on the page was of a brownish man stabbing at a long-nosed, frock coated man in front of a bank. "[I]Palestinians Attack Russian Interests, Our Pogroms Say Putin[/I]" - Russia Today A hand fell on Smurfy's shoulder from the other side. It was Sargent Starpluck. "Looks like you've got some state media there without a corroborating source, zionist." Smurfy got on his knees. Sargent Starpluck was as firm as he was turgid. And sweaty, so very sweaty. The kneeling boy took his cap off, and Starpluck got grabbed his hair. He might have been able to satisfy the last officer quickly, but Starpluck was fond of really hammering home his point and finishing up with a gush. So much for the rest of the day. So the day went along, with Starpluck pounding against Israeli interests in Smurfy's face. A crowd had gathered to discuss the papers that had spilled across the street. Although Smurfy was tonguing his banning off, no one had actually seen fit to close the thread of discussion. A passing Russian said it was perfectly within Starpluck's right to defend Russia Today because the West simply didn't understand. He was found crushed beneath a pallet of cardboard boxes in an unrelated incident. [/quote] The winners will be contacted about their new titles and Gold Membership tomorrow. The narrations will be completed tomorrow or the next day (I've got work and school, after all!), and will be hosted by Craptasket as YouTube videos, or be available for download as audio files. All other submissions will be made available for download tomorrow as well, with a selection of my favorite runner ups spattered here in the thread for posterity. Congratulations to everybody! I had a great time reading all your filthy shit, and I can't wait to plan out our next contest!
Im sad I didnt make it. I was looking forward to gold. -EDIT- great now I have a boner too. A sad boner.
the bit about the cumsock in the cd drive was a nice touch i think
congratulations (you sick fucks)
Aw shoot, swore I could have made it. Oh well, better luck next time!
how did these HACKS make it in mine was movie-adaptation-then-later-porn-parody material
aww, was hoping I'd win. Oh well, I'll have to just practice and wwrite more and more homoerotic fanfiction for everyone to enjoy Those winners were amazing though holy shit
Damn :(
I hope nobody wrote their story about Rusty after he blew us off like that.
this thread is fucking gold and i can't believe i didn't find it sooner
Mine was a beautiful romance between Rusty100 and someone named "Craptastic." [sp]It was poetic license and not a dumb mistake, I swear.[/sp]
Hey can we get some honorable mentions?
Congratulations guys!
[QUOTE=QUILTBAG;47097256]I hope nobody wrote their story about Rusty after he blew us off like that.[/QUOTE] And I gave him the ability to extend his penis to become an exact copy of himself too, the selfish bastard.
Mine was about postal and garry and postals cock growing as he banned usrs in the rust subforums Ended with garry being torn in two as postals cock expanded too big
Are you serious? All the work I've put into my entry. I even put "Sweboner" in it for God sake!
Congratulations to the winners and all, but I've got to say, that was a bit anticlimactic.
[QUOTE]"Oh Swebonny! Give me all of that sweet Sweboner!" postal cried as he spread his wrinkly asscheeks for Swebonny. [/QUOTE] How the heck didn't this win? [editline]8th February 2015[/editline] Muh auto merge
[QUOTE=ToastedBread;47097535]Congratulations to the winners and all, but I've got to say, that was a bit anticlimactic.[/QUOTE] sorry, you have to climax yourself. we can only do so much
Mine was about Hezzy and Garry.
I came into this thinking I was finally gonna have a literary challenge, something that could test my ability to examine and censure grammar. Instead, I got to read things like "The boards were scattered all about, and the iconic logo was completely drenched in semen." I will say that my favorite part of all the entries - and yes, I read most of them completely - was this sentence. [quote][I]"He could see it now: the infant Romulus and Remus fellating the octuplet phalluses of their she-wolf mother, the polished asses of a thousand buxom plane-girls, the horny giraffes writhing in a river of shit and death."[/I][/quote]
[quote]As he drove his long arm of the law further into Postal's criminal underworld[/quote] Damn, I was sure this would win :v:
If the reason why I didn't win is because I didn't capitalize the 'p' in 'postal', then I have to say that that's BS. postal's name doesn't have a capital 'P' and he personally said if anyone does so, he'll permaban whoever is the one.
You guys are being really sore losers.
I don't think they are. Everyone just kidna wanted to see if they won. I dunno, they weren't as funny as i thought they'd be.
Congratulations to all the winners, my favorite is the one where Garry fucks the internet.
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