The SCP Foundation - "Send in the D-Class!" - General

[QUOTE=booster;35971507][img]http://i.imgur.com/86TqI.jpg[/img] Really reminds me of 682[/QUOTE] [url]http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1408[/url] First SCP. I think it sucks but give me some good criticism.

[QUOTE=Awegner;36025970][url]http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1408[/url] First SCP. I think it sucks but give me some good criticism.[/QUOTE] Don't want to sound like a grammar nazi but your spelling and grammar needs a lot of work.

Wrote down an idea I had for SCP-973 [B]Addendum-4:[/B] 23/██/20██ - A disguised fugitive in a stolen New ██████ Police SUV drove into SCP-973's containment area during the designated containment time, SCP personnel only were able to halt the ongoing pursuit, however Satellite imagery showed no signs of SCP-973 manifesting in the area as the fugitive passed through. Questioning of the suspect further hardened personnel's suspicions that SCP-973 ignored the police vehicle passing through it's containment area and did in fact not manifest that night, regardless of speeding. Further testing suggested.

[QUOTE=Awegner;36025970][url]http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1408[/url] First SCP. I think it sucks but give me some good criticism.[/QUOTE] And finally Australian SCP readers have a reason to be very afraid. I don't have many criticisms, other than some misspellings (memetic, not mimetic; below, not bellow) and it could have some more effort put into giving it the tone of an SCP (try things like "here on out" rather than "after this", for example). And it's not THAT scary, although not many SCPs are. And another thing: if possible, try to edit the image so it looks more like camera footage.

Also typically in a multiple instance SCP all instances are labeled, in that case I'd think the room should be referred to as SCP-1408-1.

[QUOTE=Awegner;36025970][url]http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1408[/url] First SCP. I think it sucks but give me some good criticism.[/QUOTE] Seems like you shoved too much into it and the whole thing becomes a bit confusing to read. I like the idea but clean up the delivery.

Roger doger.

[QUOTE=asteroidrules;36021489]We do already have an SCP or two that cannot be contained, [url=http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-990]one of them is actually pretty similar to G-Man[/url]. There's also 401, those butterflies were never fully recontained after Duke till Dawn, and memory serving 239 conjured up a Santa Claus that the foundation can't catch either. [url=http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-343]Then there's God,[/url] he's only there because he wants to be.[/QUOTE] there was also that giant sea creature that was made out of human organs and shit, all they did was send a team in and when half of them died horribly [sp]and the leader got raped and turned into a zombie[/sp] I think they just gave up on trying to keep it contained

[url]http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-835[/url]

[QUOTE=Cone;36026370]there was also that giant sea creature that was made out of human organs and shit, all they did was send a team in and when half of them died horribly [sp]and the leader got raped and turned into a zombie[/sp] I think they just gave up on trying to keep it contained[/QUOTE] That's not exactly what happened. [sp]the "zombie" was another instance of 835, it happened to both the lieutenant and the corporal, and the rest of the team was alright[/sp] And they do mostly have the thing contained, just the keter class form of contained: a haphazard setup that could fail and doom the entire world at any minute. There is that one sea creature that's too large for them to even tell what it is, let alone contain.

[QUOTE=halflambada;36003862]I think my favorite SCP of right now has to be [URL="scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1548"]scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1548[/URL][/QUOTE] [B]I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS THIS HURTS YOU[/B] Anyway I didn't like that one, badly written imo, and too generic. Something like that star horror manga (Fuck I forgot what it was called) would be a lot more interesting, and more vague descriptions and mystery.

[QUOTE=Awegner;36026363]Roger doger.[/QUOTE] I'm not too sure on this line. [quote]SCP-1408 is one of those demountables, the furthest back we can track SCP-1408's movements after manufacturing is the first shipment belonging to its serial number was listed in a batch circulated for rural Queensland schools.[/quote] Seems a bit too informal, I personally feel that saying 'the earliest record of SCR-1408's movements after manufacturing' would fit better with the general SCP formality.

[t]http://c.mhcdn.net/store/manga/5355/01-005.0/compressed/nremina166_167.jpg[/t] Found it. [editline]20th May 2012[/editline] automerge break :(

[QUOTE=CheeseMan;36026389][url]http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-835[/url][/QUOTE] To me that's gotta be the worst part of working for the foundation. Not the chance of dying, the possibility of becoming one of those, [i]things[/i]. "The tentacles burst out of its face a moment after. It grabbed me… and it started licking me, Bill. The thing was running its tongues all over my face and body, over the suit, and I could hear the kid's voice, whispering to me. He was whispering that he loved me." *shivers*

[QUOTE=booster;35971507][img]http://i.imgur.com/86TqI.jpg[/img] Really reminds me of 682[/QUOTE] Fuck this thread, I will never get back here anymore. ... No, seriously, can someone upload this to 687s database with the description of "SCP 687 In containment breach with half of his body functions recovered."?

[IMG]http://filesmelt.com/dl/gm_infected_corridor0002.jpg[/IMG] the D-Class have been sent in

[QUOTE=Cone;36027074]the D-Class have been sent in[/QUOTE] Where's the swastika tattoo? [editline]20th May 2012[/editline] Do all those addenda threatening punishment for improper use of SCPs constitute lolfoundation?

Redid my 1408 picture. Also I went around fixing bits and bobs. I'm probably going to go to sleep but I give anyone on here full authorization to change pieces of the article for the better.

I was writing an SCP, but I'm not to sure about it now. I think it's too similar to the "Desert in a can" SCP Take a look if you care, its no where near done so there will be mistakes: [url]http://sandbox.scp-wiki.net/scp-heater[/url]

[QUOTE=sirdownloadsalot;36028044]I was writing an SCP, but I'm not to sure about it now. I think it's too similar to the "Desert in a can" SCP Take a look if you care, its no where near done so there will be mistakes: [url]http://sandbox.scp-wiki.net/scp-heater[/url][/QUOTE] I really like it, nothing was to cheesy (except for maybe the last joke) and it seemed like you explained every situation pretty well. Then again I know nothing about writing.

It's got good writing and is well presented, however it's wasted on a pretty ordinary/dull idea imo

[QUOTE=CheeseMan;36028257]It's got good writing and is well presented, however it's wasted on a pretty ordinary/dull idea imo[/QUOTE] I agree. Would you say that's the only part disagreeable about it? Any criticism helps me out here.

snip

[QUOTE=sirdownloadsalot;36028619]I agree. Would you say that's the only part disagreeable about it? Any criticism helps me out here.[/QUOTE] I'd cut out the addendum 3, "wacky / silly things the foundation staff are doing being reprimanded by O5s" addendums give the site staff headaches these days from what I've seen

[QUOTE=CheeseMan;36028857]I'd cut out the addendum 3, "wacky / silly things the foundation staff are doing being reprimanded by O5s" addendums give the site staff headaches these days from what I've seen[/QUOTE] What if it was cut down to: [I]"Please stop calling SCP-XXXX "The Keter-Heater". We have a naming system for a reason!"[/I] Or just cut it altogether.

I keep pronouncing "keter" as in "sweater". "keeter" sounds silly to me, like "keester". [editline]20th May 2012[/editline] I am british.

I'm only giving suggestions, there's a chance the staff won't mind it at all. Ultimately its their say, not mine. I've just found that in quite a few discussion pages I've seen, senior staff have bopped users on the head for adding things in the vein of that, though some have gone through okay. [QUOTE=geogzm;36028947]I keep pronouncing "keter" as in "sweater". "keeter" sounds silly to me, like "keester". [editline]20th May 2012[/editline] I am british.[/QUOTE] Keter's actually pronounced "Kether". It's Hebrew for "Crown".

[QUOTE=CheeseMan;36028954] Keter's actually pronounced "Kether". It's Hebrew for "Crown".[/QUOTE] I guess that makes the addendum kind of useless then if it doesn't even Rhyme. I'm going to try making a different SCP sometime soon. I'll leave the Keter Heater up there if you want to see.

[QUOTE=sirdownloadsalot;36028619]I agree. Would you say that's the only part disagreeable about it? Any criticism helps me out here.[/QUOTE] Frankly I don't like the idea too much, it doesn't really have much potential for experimentation. The desert tetrahedra didn't really occur to me while reading it. It's very original, but if I'd have to compare it to something I would go for the treadmill of disco-ball. I really liked the recovery log, it was the best part. It is generally well written and presented. There's a few typos I noticed. I'm sorry I can't provide anything more substantial but here you go: [quote] SCP-XXXXs effects depend on which number the temperature knob is switched too;[/quote] There needs to be an apostrophe between XXXX and s, because the SCP has effects. The semicolon should be a colon, and too should be to. [quote]The device will expand for 30 minutes, afterwards, Temperature level will increase to level 2 and will spread out at the same rate as Level 1[/quote] I should assume you meant the radius or range of effect. This could be split into two sentences, the second beginning with afterwards. Temperature shouldn't be capitalized in either case. Since you're talking about what is happening during the event, verbs should be changed to match that tense. So, during an event, the device heats up. Level 2 is not capitalized, but for some reason Level 1 is. [quote]Addendum XXXX-3 "If I hear one more person rhyme "Keter-Heater, Keter-Heater" I swear I'll stick one of you in there on Level 5! This isn't a damn school-yard!" -Dr ████[/quote] I'm thinking this is just another form of Keter duty, which, as I understand, is generally frowned upon. It breaks the clinical, detached style of the rest of the article and isn't particularly funny. I'd just delete this entirely. [quote]Yo hold up fool no content here yet mo' fo' straight up fiddy fiddy. [/quote] SCP is an English site, be sure to translate this. [quote]of a freak heatwave and locals collapsing due to dehydration.[/quote] Freak heatwave doesn't seem the type of phrase a foundation document would use. I'd either put that in quotes or change it to bizarre or severe. Furthermore, this sentence doesn't really seem to indicate why the foundation saw that as anomalous and necessary of a large recovery team. Perhaps you could make the heatwave in December or something? [quote]Once team located residence containing SCP-XXXX, the effect had raised to Level 3[/quote] You need to shove a little definite article up there. [quote]Postmortem examination corresponds to Dehydration and muscular atrophy, but Female middle aged Caucasian showed signs of severe bruising and a broken arm.[/quote] Dehydration and female shouldn't be capitalized. [quote]2 members of Recovery team collapsed due to effects of SCP-XXXX, 3 remaining team navigated upstairs of the residence to find SCP-XXXX unplugged in the master bedroom[/quote] Shouldn't there be four remaining? [quote]Personal[/quote] This occurs four times in your SCP and they should all be replaced with personnel. [quote]Acquirement[/quote] It is an item, change this to acquisition. Obviously, I'm just nitpicking. I'm guessing it doesn't need much more than input from the site proper and a thorough proofreading.

Thanks man, this all helps a bunch. I have a really bad habit of Capitalizing random words that Don't need it in Any way. And I have no idea how I fucked up basic 1st grade maths that badly. But anyway, you've helped me spot a few common errors I generally make that I can fix up on. Thanks man!