I believe RayvenQ wants to commit suicide!!! Can someone please contact and help him !!

[RayvenQ]

[QUOTE=Asgard;48999616]Rayven, remember when me and Tera_ tried to set up a fundraiser for you. I wish the donations were higher but hey, we were just some dudes with a PayPal address. Honestly the amount of donations we got were staggering considering that. I think we eventually got you WH40K Space Marines for that? I can't say that it's better than surgery, but eh.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that was gotten after it wasn't enough to reach what was needed, as a distraction. If I remember rightly, at first when the target wasn't reached, I said pretty much to give it to charity, rather than me, but we had trouble finding someone who would accept it, and then someone on FP posted about their friend having a huge bill for a bike accident, so we ended up giving it to her after she'd verified it, which, iirc, helped out with a large chunk of her hospital bills. Hell, even if we had reached the target, I'd have given her enough to cover the cost of her hospital bills.

It's just one big gut wrenching paradox, I want to die so badly, it hurts, but theres stuff I want to live for too, I also don't want to hurt anyone but I don't want to suffer anymore. Hell, the whole hurt and turmoil of it is almost as painful as what makes me want to die in the first place. It's just an unbelievably complex conundrum that has been making me wage war with myself for nearly two decades. Even when I was at my worst, a couple of nights ago, I was warring with myself so badly I just fucking collapsed. Back before, with all my mental supports I could get through it, just, but now it's made an impossibly difficult situation that more diffcult.

Hell, you know me, I only even mention these things because someone made the thread, and in a weird way, if it causes someone else to seek help, even if i can't, then it makes it slightly worth it.

If anyone is interested [url=https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1111011]This[/url] is the thread Asgard is reffering to.

[EqueL]

Mate, I don't want to be that guy, I had something similar happen. Which led me to paths of some anger and eventually self improvement, which led to some "bad" places people call them. Although to some greater ones, like listening to podcasts which are life changing, and I wish I had found them earlier. If you want I can share some via PM.

But the most important thing is, you have to put your happiness above that of others RayvenQ. You know when you're in a plane and they say that you have to put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF first, and then on the child. Because you can't help anyone else if you're in no state to take care of yourself.
And if your state of happiness depends on another person, well you witnessed first hand what can happen.