A quite unpleasant bathroom visit - with temporary blindness! - General

[QUOTE=cecilbdemodded;13950648]I wouldn't worry too much about not putting paper down first. I bet the sheer speed of the poopdrop caused a cyclonic vacuum of fetid colonic gas to draw any germs down into the bowl of water, [i]away[/i] from your vulnerable buttskin. I bet those microbes were dead before the soft caress of the first backsplash tickled your anus. am i rite?[/QUOTE] u r rite

[QUOTE=pyrofiliac;13950668]u shuld sue 5 hour energy[/QUOTE] why, this entire series of events was my own damn fault Edit: Oh, that's right, no more auto-merge. Fuck. Edit: [QUOTE=christarpv2;13950624]Beautifully crafted sentence structure[/QUOTE] That better not be sarcasm. [img]http://sa.tweek.us/emots/images/emot-argh.gif[/img]

The way you wrote it makes it about 10 times funnier.

Excellent thread, 5 stars, would imagine unpleasant images again

[QUOTE=Furioso;13950707]why, this entire series of events was my own damn fault Edit: Oh, that's right, no more auto-merge. Fuck. Edit: That better not be sarcasm. [img]http://sa.tweek.us/emots/images/emot-argh.gif[/img][/QUOTE] no it's not sarcasm, i seriously thought it was great just because of the language used, if you used any other language and / or vocabulary then the story would've been like 20x more boring.

Reminds me of the thread I made when I was sick and had the same thing happen. I know how you feel, it sucks.

Oh holy fuck i nearly shit myself laughing! The way the sentences were written was great.

[QUOTE=Viginti Tres;13950981]Oh holy fuck i nearly shit myself laughing! The way the sentences were written was great.[/QUOTE] Buh dum dshh

I did that same thing.. but with Jolt Gum. I ate the whole pack at once. I didn't know what it did. I was in 7th grade then.. I am now in 12th. I remember that day.. and my friend does too. He remembers me telling him in gym "I'm going to shit myself if I don't get to a bathroom". If anyone wants the science behind it.. part of this is that caffeine boosts the metabolism.. turning your garbage disposal into the Binford Blender 5000. It will liquify and overprocess.. everything. And then it goes LOLZ EMPTY THE TUBES and you get that grumble. That weird bubbling in your stomach. You all know the feeling. The one where you get it.. and you know you have 30 seconds to find a bathroom or tape your ass cheeks together because it's coming whether you like it or not.

Took twelve laxatives and had a similar experience except it was that way all night

Well, thanks for the warning.

Serves people right for buying into that bullshit. Glad to know you survived.

take pictures

You should read my thread, it will help you greatly! [url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=701217[/url]

Awesome read.

Everyone told me it was for nothing, i knew it would save someone

Writing sounds like your trying too hard

LOL [b]EDIT:[/b] Best read all week. Relevant to the thread: I was watching the Colbert Report while reading this and he said that he "Suffers from temporary blindness." fucking win.

[QUOTE=Furioso;13949158]There was now nothing to stop the torrent of energy-drink-laced intestinal contents.[/QUOTE] My favorite line ^

[QUOTE=Frayyyy;13951637]Writing sounds like your trying too hard[/QUOTE] Your writing sounds like you aren't trying at all [quote=KingJoose]You should read my thread, it will help you greatly! [url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=701217[/url][/quote] ITT people advertise their own threads

[QUOTE=JeffAndersen;13951107]I did that same thing.. but with Jolt Gum. I ate the whole pack at once. I didn't know what it did. I was in 7th grade then.. I am now in 12th. I remember that day.. and my friend does too. He remembers me telling him in gym "I'm going to shit myself if I don't get to a bathroom". If anyone wants the science behind it.. part of this is that caffeine boosts the metabolism.. turning your garbage disposal into the Binford Blender 5000. It will liquify and overprocess.. everything. And then it goes LOLZ EMPTY THE TUBES and you get that grumble. That weird bubbling in your stomach. You all know the feeling. The one where you get it.. and you know you have 30 seconds to find a bathroom or tape your ass cheeks together because it's coming whether you like it or not.[/QUOTE] I have never seen anyone reference Home Improvement on this forum except for "I don't think so, Tim". Good work.

Posted a bonus in the OP.

[quote][img]http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i170/potsm_master/goatseinbiology.png[/img][/quote] *Sniff* that's beautiful.

[QUOTE=VaultBoi;13949473]what, you ran to the bathroom, but you hit your head a tree on the way? Did I skip a line?[/QUOTE] They have trees in the middle of hallways now. It's this new eco-friendly fad going around.

I know how you feel, but my pain wasn't induced by energy drinks. In the 6th grade, I was at recess and I live in the desert, not like "Oh it's kinda hot but it's ok." desert, I mean "HOLY GOOD GOD WHAT THE FUCK I'M MELTING!" desert. So, I was kinda feeling shitty, literally and metaphorically. So I asked one of the duty people out at recess if I can go to the bathroom. Well, to my delight it turns out I had a sun stroke, because right when I unleashed chemical weapons on the toilet, I passed out on the floor. I woke up like, 30 minutes later and my teacher was like "What the fuck were you doing you little shit?" and I told him this story. He didn't believe me.

Know what's weird, I drink Coca Cola's religiously, I spend $75 a month on 12 packs, I'm 6'1 and 150 lbs, and I've NEVER had to do a #2 more than twice a week, nor have I EVER been backed up... some of you people need a serious plumber But don't use the 5 hour thing

Holy shit this story was intence! This was even better than the last book i read!

[Quote]Finally, when I felt that my work was complete, [B]I lifted myself off my throne.[/B] Noticing that my vision had since returned, I paused to smirk at my intestines' failed attempt on my sanity. I also realized that I had neglected to neatly place paper on the seat before sitting, to cushion my ass, and also to shield it from the world of pathogens and microbes, but at that point, I didn't care. As I cleansed the battleground of carnage and destruction I had wrecked upon that poor toilet, [/Quote] You forgot to wipe.

I had that happen to me once, after drinking a huge can of red bull in the morning without breakfast. I didn't have to go to the bathroom. I was in the gym and we were practicing graduation drills and all and I started losing my vision. I sat down for a few minutes and it disappeared.

aka Goatse lol..