[QUOTE=paindoc;51392649]I still think there is a [I]huge[/I] problem looking for "the one" though.
You don't find THE ONE, as in someone who is literally perfect for you. If you consider the tremendous amount of circumstance that has lead any of us to where we are today, let alone the circumstances leading to ANY of us existing, it is silly and a bit egotistic to think that said circumstance would place you in the path of someone who is your "one" by chance.
That's not to say there aren't people out there that we could have better relationships with than others, but in that case there are several "ones" out there.
And the best relationships aren't going to be about finding "the one" ultimately: its about finding someone that oyu like enough (or dislike less than everyone else ;p) that you'd like to build something greater with them. You will both grow and change during the relationship, and the person you first met may not (usually is not) the same person you might marry, for better or for worse.
It ultimately comes down to both partners being able to communicate well, being able to be accountable for their actions and feelings, and being willing to work together to keep the relationship going. You don't find the one, you make someone your "one" and hope to make something greater than the sum of your parts together.[/QUOTE]
Exactly. I'm just depressed because I can't even find someONE and this is what many people fail to understand. I don't expect the girl of my dreams, I expect a relationship that's somewhat helpful and makes me feel less lonely. A girl I can truly relate to. I may never find this.
[editline]18th November 2016[/editline]
I feel so alone and can't relate to anybody.
[editline]18th November 2016[/editline]
Did I also mention I have no friends?
Like I don't even have close friends anymore. Not one.
That one straight girl... I don't know how to feel about her. I feel close to her but I'm sad because I don't think she's as close to me as I was to her and it hurts.
I just got told im cute by a twink :excited:
[editline]18th November 2016[/editline]
And btw I look as good as Andre The Giant with a short haircut.
So, go me i guess?
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51392691]Exactly. I'm just depressed because I can't even find someONE and this is what many people fail to understand. I don't expect the girl of my dreams, I expect a relationship that's somewhat helpful and makes me feel less lonely. A girl I can truly relate to. I may never find this.
[editline]18th November 2016[/editline]
I feel so alone and can't relate to anybody.
[editline]18th November 2016[/editline]
Did I also mention I have no friends?
Like I don't even have close friends anymore. Not one.
That one straight girl... I don't know how to feel about her. I feel close to her but I'm sad because I don't think she's as close to me as I was to her and it hurts.[/QUOTE]
You took that the opposite of the way I had hoped, sorry D:
My point is that while your lonely now, there's nothing wrong with that. It is very possible that you will find someone, since it isn't like you are searching for a literal "one". You absolutely CAN find this, but searching is really hard and tough I know!
Let yourself feel lonely, because it's okay to feel like that. There's nothing pathetic, sad, or abnormal about your feelings or experiences.
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51392520]Currently I'm stuck in Massachussetts living under my family again because I had to beg them to let me come back after my friend decided she might want to live with some boy.[/QUOTE]
Honestly, the area you live in determines how difficult your dating life is. For example, I'm bisexual but lean to girls. So I would be looking for girls and guys with a specific personality. If there are none of those types of personality in the area I live, obviously my dating life would be difficult. The same applies to actual mutual ability for attraction. Living in suburban Massachusetts would provide a much smaller population of lesbian/bisexual girls than say a major city like Boston or New York.
TL;dr move to a majorly gay city like NYC.
Also, I've been single for almost three years now. Depending on how you view attention from other people, this may or may not be an okay thing for you. I also know some really strange motherfucking people who got married against all logic. There's someone for everyone darling. And you're cute af. You'll be okay.
I've given up on dating sites after a year. I reached out to a lot of people, quite a lot answered back. We chatted for a while and if we clicked we'd share Skype to it was easier to chat. I haven't met [b]one[/b] guy who haven't just taken advantage of my gullible self. Every single one have only been in it for the sex even though I make it very clear that I'm not looking for one-nighters, only serious romantic relationships.
I'm on a break for now. It's too exhausting to keep getting lulled into a false sense of security by randies. :pudge: Finding love is hard.
[QUOTE=Adelle Zhu;51392792]Honestly, the area you live in determines how difficult your dating life is. For example, I'm bisexual but lean to girls. So I would be looking for girls and guys with a specific personality. If there are none of those types of personality in the area I live, obviously my dating life would be difficult. The same applies to actual mutual ability for attraction. Living in suburban Massachusetts would provide a much smaller population of lesbian/bisexual girls than say a major city like Boston or New York.
TL;dr move to a majorly gay city like NYC.
Also, I've been single for almost three years now. Depending on how you view attention from other people, this may or may not be an okay thing for you. I also know some really strange motherfucking people who got married against all logic. There's someone for everyone darling. And you're cute af. You'll be okay.[/QUOTE]
Sorry, I mean I understood what you meant but I still feel like shit for being single my whole life. I live one quick train ride away from boston and sometimes once and awhile I used to take day-trips there just to sit at coffee shops there or check out stores and window-shop... But I figured it was a waste of $14 to meet nobody. I hope I meet someone. I doubt it. [I]But sometimes I feel like those people who find people despite all odds only did because they settled for less and their relationship lacks emotional and spiritual and just all around depth.[/I]
[editline]18th November 2016[/editline]
"99% of the world isn't who you will/want to date, the special ones are scattered throughout"
[I]This makes me want to choke on bleach and tylenol because I am trapped.[/I]
[QUOTE=Berman Slick;51392933]an all-too-common problem.. just hitching onto somebody to have [I]someone[/I] is unhealthy, my parents did that x-x keep your head up, as fruitless as your ventures have seemed so far, you've got plenty of time. I know you don't want to wait, but "the good things come" yadda yadda, love doesn't happen overnight. Fuck, by the amount of heartbreak I've had in my life, I'm overdue x-x just keep your eyes out and your heart open, but don't just accept anyone because you found someone. Keep your eyes open, because finding someone can make you love-blind to the issues that will cripple you down the road. I make love sound terrible :D[/QUOTE]
[I]I am going to die alone. [/I]
[editline]18th November 2016[/editline]
I tried to kill myself over the fact that I'm single back a couple weeks ago and now I wish no one stopped me. I hate being alone. I can't even find friends I feel close to anymore. I have no one.
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51392951][I]I am going to die alone. [/I]
[editline]18th November 2016[/editline]
I tried to kill myself over the fact that I'm single back a couple weeks ago and now I wish no one stopped me. I hate being alone. I can't even find friends I feel close to anymore. I have no one.[/QUOTE]
:c Have you tried getting help? I know for myself that my psychiatrist almost single-handlely (however you write that) saved my ass from going over the hills. Please, get help, we don't wanna lose one of us. And we know that you can make it. We all believe in you.
[QUOTE={TFS} Rock Su;51392999]:c Have you tried getting help? I know for myself that my psychiatrist almost single-handlely (however you write that) saved my ass from going over the hills. Please, get help, we don't wanna lose one of us. And we know that you can make it. We all believe in you.[/QUOTE]
I have no health care and no access to therapy.
[QUOTE=Berman Slick;51393022][I]Nothing[/I] is ever that certain, and that's what makes life difficult :/ the waiting is the worst part, and it feels like it's taking forever, I know. But by giving up, you're making certain that you never [I]wil[/I] find anyone, and that's not fair to yourself, friend. They say the grass is greener when you cross over, but there's no grass. I've been there, there's nothing waiting for you there.
Life is rigged from the start, it's designed to mess with your head and make you fight for what you want. It'll hurt, it'll fucking suck. Some people have it good, but that's just their journey. And in the end, when you pass and achieve and get to the point you want to be at, life goes "how the fuck did you do that?! Here" and bestows upon you all of its splendour. You will look back and be even more grateful for what you have achieved and what you have, knowing you've been where you are now. It's a cruel fucking thing, but it's worth fighting for. We want you around. You're worth going on, prove yourself wrong
And well, if you like I could add you on Steam? I'm an internet person, sure, but I'm new and it seems we could both use friends on here.
[editline]18th November 2016[/editline]
I'm also just an internet guy, by no means am I professional. I'm sure there are resources available for you for free, phone-lines and the like. It's worth it to talk to somebody, however you can. We care, there's help[/QUOTE]
See I've developed and learned that even if I keep fighting I won't get what I am fighting for and that in itself makes me want to hang myself. Just life in general has been god awful and yet I am so appreciative of the little things.
I wish I could add you on steam but I cannot log into my steam account and haven't been able to for a long time.
Speaking of finding friends on the internet, here (the forum, not the thread) I found one of the best possible people I could have. I geniunely feel that the Internet gods have blessed me for that time.
we need a little more psychology from tim in this thread
[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7re72mp-OU[/media]
you're very correct that being gay makes it harder to find someone, but I hope you take some amount of comfort in the idea that there are many possible people right for you rather than one specific type
being alone is painful, but we are very young
keep making the "right" choices, even if you don't believe in them or don't think they'll help
i'd like to spitball the idea that you should hang out with several people you'd really rather not
meet up with some of the those people you don't really feel comfortable around, and pick a few to try spending a whole day with one-on-one
i'm not saying to go on a date with them, but there's value in breaking your routine and learning about other people and what they're like once isolated from their groups
I'm a little late to the selfie train but here.
[t]http://i.imgur.com/npX4E6u.png[/t]
I need a haircut.
[QUOTE=Berman Slick;51393146]You can't ever say you won't get what you're fighting for, it might show up tomorrow. But you see, you have the capacity to see and enjoy life, there's reason to keep going. Even when it seems entirely fucked, there's reason out there. Enjoy the whole ride. Love may find you, or you, it. Isn't it worth it all at least to try? You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Thanks, Wayne Gretzky
Well, you can DM me here all you like. At work so responses are spotty, but I do try. It's slow today :v[/QUOTE]
[B]I just don't want to reach 30 years old and find out I still haven't found anyone. By then my youth would be gone and I'd be lonely and miserable and all my friends will have children and be married. I plan on killing myself after my 30th birthday anyhow if I haven't had at least a handful good deep relationships by then.[/B]
IJNOMED, don't say that. Please. Suicide is not worth it. It's never ever worth it.
[QUOTE=Berman Slick;51393307]My dad is 64 and finally found the love of his life a couple of years ago, and all the years leading up to it have been preparing him for that. He enjoyed the rest of it, but he wasn't happy before. Don't let not having a person ruin your life, there's so much more you can do with life on your own. Partners are a bonus, just keep fighting. Who knows if I'll ever find anyone, I'm positive and that eliminates like, 90% of partners at least, from a very small pool of dudes that date dudes. I'm prepared for that eventuality, where I just live in the hills when I'm 70 and chill by my lonesome because nobody came along. But, that doesn't mean somebody won't come along at some point who accepts me for who I am and loves me. We'll see. But giving up in any capacity isn't fair to yourself[/QUOTE]
I don't want to waste that much time of my life alone. I need phyical affection from a likeminded girl and I don't think I'll ever get that. I probably won't even live to be 60 with all the health and heart problems that run rampant in my family.
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51393332]I don't want to waste that much time of my life alone. I need phyical affection from a likeminded girl and I don't think I'll ever get that. I probably won't even live to be 60 with all the health and heart problems that run rampant in my family.[/QUOTE]
Then be atleast fair to yourself and give your life another shot.
Sure, life is a very rocky thing, but don't let that discourage you.
[B]Please seek professional medical help immediately and call a suicide hotline.[/B] Suicide is NOT a solution and I guarantee you that if you work at it with the right help and support you WILL overcome these feelings.
This is an unpopular opinion, but I'm gonna voice my concerns about this. This doesn't apply to specifically IJN0MED, but everyone, even myself. I'm no perfect human being and I've done, and still do mistakes.
Unfiltered pure love can feel great, sure. There's always that moment of bliss and 100% confidence that you want to be with this person, or that person, or yada yada. And if that's the case, great, live together, have fun, etc. But if you base your entire life and your [B]will to live[/B] over being with someone else, you might want to re-think your priorities.
This shit goes down to the fact that if you feel negative about yourself, and want to feel pity and complain about it and do nothing to better yourself (be it that you can actually improve this thing), then why do you expect someone else to unconditionally love you when you can't even love yourself?
There's so much about this, and there's certainly no guide-lines on how to live your life. I might sound harsh and perhaps even rude, but stuff ain't gonna resolve itself without action.
I feel like I've been part of this thread for a long-ass time. I love this thread and I love the guys in it. I've seen people come and go, but I rarely post because I don't feel much of a need to post things unless I really want to actually discuss or convey something. I felt this subject is something I want to enter, despite having tried to keep myself out of it previously.
The psychological aspect of depression and suicide is serious, and it's no joking matter, but more often than not if somebody talks openly about it, actually thinking of the immense, horrifying thought of taking your own life, it is more often than not just a plea for attention and pity. As rude as it sounds, I believe it to be true. It doesn't make somebody a bad person, but it's a habit that can't fester.
Bottom line is, interaction and getting help will only get you so far, but what one needs to do to truly get help is to help yourself.
[QUOTE=Ax3l;51393382]This shit goes down to the fact that if you feel negative about yourself, and want to feel pity and complain about it and do nothing to better yourself (be it that you can actually improve this thing), then why do you expect someone else to unconditionally love you when you can't even love yourself?[/QUOTE]
This needs to be taught more. Getting in a relationship is not the solution to fix your depression. Trust me that will make the relationship MUCH WORSE if that's the only reason you're in one.
Agreed. I try to live by the code of thinking about your own needs and feelings above others. Obviously not on such a level that you don't feel some sort of compassion or mercy, but your life is your life and nobody else. Don't suffer and make yourself a doormat for somebody else's happiness.
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51393278][B]I just don't want to reach 30 years old and find out I still haven't found anyone. By then my youth would be gone and I'd be lonely and miserable and all my friends will have children and be married. I plan on killing myself after my 30th birthday anyhow if I haven't had at least a handful good deep relationships by then.[/B][/QUOTE]
dont normally read/post in this thread but i felt like i had to post this
you know i felt quite similar to how you do about 2 years ago
march 2015 i had a belt around my neck ready to try and commit suicide
for reasons that arent relevant, my life has completely changed from how it was in early 2015.. i had been depressed for years and years, the only time i remember being happy before 2015 was 2011, from there my life was just a massive depressing blur
things CAN change and i believe that you CAN and WILL overcome your current situation, life CAN and WILL get better
it seems so fucking hopeless and bad but you're so unbelievably young
in 2015 i was 18 and i felt like my life was wasted and that i might as well be dead, now that things are good at 20 i feel like my life hasn't even begun.
i had planned to kill myself when i was x years old and that kind of negative attitude towards yourself is UNBELIEVABLY unhealthy, you seriously cannot even imagine how quickly your situation can change.
idk if this is helpful but i felt like i had to post since i could relate so heavily with your initial post.
[QUOTE=Ax3l;51393382]This is an unpopular opinion, but I'm gonna voice my concerns about this. This doesn't apply to specifically IJN0MED, but everyone, even myself. I'm no perfect human being and I've done, and still do mistakes.
Unfiltered pure love can feel great, sure. There's always that moment of bliss and 100% confidence that you want to be with this person, or that person, or yada yada. And if that's the case, great, live together, have fun, etc. But if you base your entire life and your [B]will to live[/B] over being with someone else, you might want to re-think your priorities.
This shit goes down to the fact that if you feel negative about yourself, and want to feel pity and complain about it and do nothing to better yourself (be it that you can actually improve this thing), then why do you expect someone else to unconditionally love you when you can't even love yourself?
There's so much about this, and there's certainly no guide-lines on how to live your life. I might sound harsh and perhaps even rude, but stuff ain't gonna resolve itself without action.
I feel like I've been part of this thread for a long-ass time. I love this thread and I love the guys in it. I've seen people come and go, but I rarely post because I don't feel much of a need to post things unless I really want to actually discuss or convey something. I felt this subject is something I want to enter, despite having tried to keep myself out of it previously.
The psychological aspect of depression and suicide is serious, and it's no joking matter, but more often than not if somebody talks openly about it, actually thinking of the immense, horrifying thought of taking your own life, it is more often than not just a plea for attention and pity. As rude as it sounds, I believe it to be true. It doesn't make somebody a bad person, but it's a habit that can't fester.
Bottom line is, interaction and getting help will only get you so far, but what one needs to do to truly get help is to help yourself.[/QUOTE]
This is what I don't understand. I wish someone would break it down. How do I love myself if no one has ever loved me? I don't understand. I don't understand and it drives me insane and I have lost friends over this and then I get sad because I don't understand how someone can be so angry at me for not loving myself. I wish I wasn't this miserable and I wish it was a choice to feel happy. I have tried. I have been trying to help myself. I do what people tell me to, I go to the gym, I improve myself, I try to be kind to people I try to reach out for help and I keep getting let down. How do people feel happiness out of nowhere? I feel as if it's a copy paste thing people say to me. What is the point of living when you have no one to share it with?
[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;51393436]I did that for so long with my family and it fucked me over. The recent events were an excellent example of why I should of just focused for myself rather than them.
I mean I love my family but fuck em for walking over me.[/QUOTE]
I've had the luck of learning from my mistakes. I spent a lot of time online when I was younger. More than I think anybody should, and while I wasn't part of much of this childish internet drama that a lot of people seem to be so fond of, I've been through a lot of shitty stages with new people over the years, and I feel that I've gotten a little bit of experience each time and as of now I feel that I can accept and make amends for my faults. Thinking stuff like "Think of yourself first" might seem kind of cold, but I think most people might also misunderstand the concept of it. I know I did at first.
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51393332]I don't want to waste that much time of my life alone. I need phyical affection from a likeminded girl and I don't think I'll ever get that. I probably won't even live to be 60 with all the health and heart problems that run rampant in my family.[/QUOTE]
Is there any hipster bar in your town? A LOT of lesbians (and gay men too) go to these places round here
[QUOTE=DatHarry;51393424]dont normally read/post in this thread but i felt like i had to post this
you know i felt quite similar to how you do about 2 years ago
march 2015 i had a belt around my neck ready to try and commit suicide
for reasons that arent relevant, my life has completely changed from how it was in early 2015.. i had been depressed for years and years, the only time i remember being happy before 2015 was 2011, from there my life was just a massive depressing blur
things CAN change and i believe that you CAN and WILL overcome your current situation, life CAN and WILL get better
it seems so fucking hopeless and bad but you're so unbelievably young
in 2015 i was 18 and i felt like my life was wasted and that i might as well be dead, now that things are good at 20 i feel like my life hasn't even begun.
i had planned to kill myself when i was x years old and that kind of negative attitude towards yourself is UNBELIEVABLY unhealthy, you seriously cannot even imagine how quickly your situation can change.
idk if this is helpful but i felt like i had to post since i could relate so heavily with your initial post.[/QUOTE]
Ultimatley no matter how much I try to get out of my situation and get my own life that I want... I have aspirations and goals... but I cannot achieve them despite my efforts. So far all I've been able to control was my weight loss and appearance change. (I've been trying to get away from my abusive family for years and it's all gone downhill and gotten worse each time despite my efforts)
[editline]19th November 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;51393475]You can't share your love for someone when you can't even love yourself. I've been there. You just end up getting hurt. Think about it
Your potential SO wouldn't want you to hate yourself and degrade yourself just for them. They'd want you to love yourself before loving them.[/QUOTE]
How do I love myself when I haven't been loved yet though? I do not understand.
[editline]19th November 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;51393475]You can't share your love for someone when you can't even love yourself. I've been there. You just end up getting hurt. Think about it
Your potential SO wouldn't want you to hate yourself and degrade yourself just for them. They'd want you to love yourself before loving them.[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't degrade myself if I had a girlfriend because then I wouldn't feel so alone.
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51393462]This is what I don't understand. I wish someone would break it down. How do I love myself if no one has ever loved me? I don't understand. I don't understand and it drives me insane and I have lost friends over this and then I get sad because I don't understand how someone can be so angry at me for not loving myself. I wish I wasn't this miserable and I wish it was a choice to feel happy. I have tried. I have been trying to help myself. I do what people tell me to, I go to the gym, I improve myself, I try to be kind to people I try to reach out for help and I keep getting let down. How do people feel happiness out of nowhere? I feel as if it's a copy paste thing people say to me. What is the point of living when you have no one to share it with?[/QUOTE]
I think it differs from person to person. The word love doesn't have to mean romantically. People can love each other for more than that. I don't know how I got to be where I am, so I can't tell you what or how to do it. But I personally think it stems from just understanding how to be socially and defeating your fears. And as far as happiness goes, no one is every always happy. I suffer from bouts of mood swings and sadness almost daily. I can't remember when I was truly "happy", but at the same time I just end up not caring too much. It's all different per person, again.
You wrote about going to the gym to improve yourself. I don't know if you do it because you feel that a goal will make you feel better or if you feel that you aren't good enough physically, but whatever you do, you should do for yourself. Perhaps spending time and emerging yourself in a hobby that you love might make you feel better? Hours and hours of mastery at something is almost zen-like. It's a state of balance and acceptance of who you really are and can be if you put your heart into it.
I too have a problem with this wording.
"Love yourself" is meaningless and unhelpful, unless you're Narcissus.
What I think people really mean when they say this, is to not [I]hate[/I] yourself for being alone.
And I think you're right; there isn't any point in living without others to live for, if you're looking for a deeper meaning to life. Those others don't need to be romantically involved with you for you to find a purpose, though.
I don't think I'd kill myself if I were the last person alive on Earth, despite this. There wouldn't be any purpose in dying either, but there would be endless time for creation and my thoughts.
[editline]a[/editline]
Just remember that depression is a disease. You can have very good reasons for being depressed, but depression itself can physically stop you from feeling happy. You can forget what it feels like and what you're really fighting for.
People love confidence and people who aren't afraid of themselves. It is something I have struggled with as well, but I have come to understand that if someone is positive about themselves, they empower others to be positive about themselves too. A positive person is going to thus attract more people to be around them.
Because remember, if you can't love yourself, despite knowing your faults and everything you do, how can you love another who you can't know the thoughts of? It is a strange thing to be sure, but trust me, if you can learn to love yourself and be willing to change the parts you dislike about yourself, you will attract others to you.
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