[QUOTE=cheetahben;51433662]I was in pretty deep denial of people watching Buzzfeed content until now[/QUOTE]
buzzfeed quizzes are how i determine my path in life
hello gays i'm gonna be involved here in this social gathering now
You are all false, she's a doll
[editline]26th November 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=cheetahben;51433662]I was in pretty deep denial of people watching Buzzfeed content until now[/QUOTE]
But yeah in all honesty buzzfeed itself is trash
A picture of where I live now is on the front page of leddit. Cool!
Last night I had a dream where one of my old professors that I admired very much came to me in a dream. I was standing at my desk at work and he walks up to me and says "What are you doing here you dumbass? You're so much better than this." Then the dream suddenly ended. That dream was not only very vivid but very motivational.
I've never personally experienced this so I've no idea what its like
but what do suicidal thoughts even feel like to you (who have dealt with it)? How do you even get beaten so low that you can't even feel pain anymore?
[editline]28th November 2016[/editline]
I see tons of lgbt people talk about how depressed they feel but I have literally no way of connecting with them at all because I've never dealt with these issues
I've even argued against transexuals in school before I was truly sure I liked dudes, but I'm over that stupid phase so much, especially since it was a teacher that told me why trans is acceptable.
[QUOTE=J!NX;51439522]I've never personally experienced this so I've no idea what its like
but what do suicidal thoughts even feel like to you (who have dealt with it)? How do you even get beaten so low that you can't even feel pain anymore?
[editline]28th November 2016[/editline]
I see tons of lgbt people talk about how depressed they feel but I have literally no way of connecting with them at all because I've never dealt with these issues
I've even argued against transexuals in school before I was truly sure I liked dudes, but I'm over that stupid phase so much, especially since it was a teacher that told me why trans is acceptable.[/QUOTE]
It varies by person. For me, my suicidal ideation was from a feeling of inadequacy. Not from my orientation. I didn't think i was smart enough to get through college because I was having a hard time adjusting to where I was. There were times in high school I thought about suicide but in comparison to how I felt last year, I must've just been looking for attention.
This time around it was lazier. I didn't want to put the effort into actually ending my life, just in case it was a bad idea. Instead, I felt completely okay with a fatal accident. I was driving home from work one day and I remember thinking "I really wouldn't mind driving my car into the ocean." When most people think of that happening, they talk about it as some sort of wild dream they had. For me, it sounded pretty okay. At least I wouldn't have to keep taking calculus over and over again.
So for some it's a nihilism thing that follows you around. For others, it is an actual desire to actively end your life. The latter is the more dangerous option because those are the people who you will have to keep an eye to make sure they don't hurt themselves.
-:snip: Actually, Adelle Zhu explained it much better-
To be honest, there is no real way to describe depression and suicidalism in words. It's one of those things where you have to experience your own version of it. When my anxiety disorder peaked, everyday I felt like my days were numbered. Like I was going to cause my own death but somehow against my better judgement.
I've been having a lot of dreams about suicide lately and it is starting to really worry me. I think I'm probably never going to do it, but I'll never know if that's actually true or not.
LGBT has a lot of suicidal and depressed folk probably because a lot of them are ostracized by their family/friends for being the way they are. There's also a lot of people, including myself, who feel like they simply don't belong anywhere and maybe don't deserve to be accepted by anyone.
[QUOTE=Mysterious;51440162]I've been having a lot of dreams about suicide lately and it is starting to really worry me. I think I'm probably never going to do it, but I'll never know if that's actually true or not.
LGBT has a lot of suicidal and depressed folk probably because a lot of them are ostracized by their family/friends for being the way they are. There's also a lot of people, including myself, who feel like they simply don't belong anywhere and maybe don't deserve to be accepted by anyone.[/QUOTE]
When you start surrounding yourself with the right people, it'll all resolve.
[QUOTE=J!NX;51439522]I've never personally experienced this so I've no idea what its like
but what do suicidal thoughts even feel like to you (who have dealt with it)? How do you even get beaten so low that you can't even feel pain anymore?
[editline]28th November 2016[/editline]
I see tons of lgbt people talk about how depressed they feel but I have literally no way of connecting with them at all because I've never dealt with these issues
I've even argued against transexuals in school before I was truly sure I liked dudes, but I'm over that stupid phase so much, especially since it was a teacher that told me why trans is acceptable.[/QUOTE]
I got beaten that low after my father called me lazy and unmotivated because I was seeking treatment for ADHD. I had been struggling in college for 2 quarters now, and my whole life my family had put tons of pressure on my grades and I hinged my entire self-worth on two silly things: my grades, and my family's opinion of me.
That was unhealthy enough as is, but my anxiety was so bad by that point that taking a big test would make me physically ill. I saw little point in living anymore: I wasn't walking around as a living and breathing existential crisis, and it didn't feel particularly dreary or sad, it just felt pointless. No matter how hard I wanted to, I couldn't get my act together when it came to academics.
I think the worst part of ADHD is that it leaves you [I]appearing[/I] extremely lazy and unmotivated. Technically, you are. But internally there is always a tremendous desire to do well and to please people and to longer be lazy. If your mind is a car with a manual transmission, ADHD is like being born without a clutch. You can see everyone else driving easily around you, and you SO BADLY want to be able to shift into gear and drive like everyone else, but you literally just can't. And ot everyone outside, it looks like you're just choosing to not shift. To them, the solution to your problem is simple. Just choose to shift into gear and get driving! So, you get used to being called lazy and unmotivated.
So when my father outright called me lazy and unmotivated, I hit rock bottom. I felt I had been called out. My secret discovered. I was nothing but a sham, a lazy, unmotivated, wreck of a person that could never succeed. It just wasn't for me. I was also beginning to discover my sexuality around this time, and that wouldn't have been received well either. I felt like a failure, and with the confirmation of that from my parents I decided I was, as a whole, a failure. And that nothing could change this - it is what I would always be, deep inside.
If I was going to be this forever, I would never realize my dreams of getting my degree. I would never find somebody to share my life with (although, at this time, I was imagining the worst kind of love i.e dependency lol). I wrote a suicide note, had picked out the where, when, and how of my death, and wanted to do it. Very nearly did do it.
It felt like a void. It wasn't some whispering thought of "kill yourself dude" it was wanting to end the immense pain I felt, to get rid of what felt like the huge gaping void in my soul and being. I guess it owuld be more accurate to say it was a strange mix of really really intense emotional pain and the lack of emotion in general that drove me there. Its the only thing that's made the tiniest inkling of those thoughts surface since.
It may be different for some, but my suicidal thoughts weren't because I was beaten so low that I couldn't feel pain anymore. It was because I was beaten so low that all I felt was pain.
Damn Paindoc, that was such an eloquent and beautiful description of ADHD. Kinda amazing that anyone would have an experience so similar to my own with it. I tested up.
Your experience feels really familiar Paindoc. Maybe I should really look into this stuff. Thankfully my family is really supportive and honestly I couldnt ask for more, but my Mom in particular is very wary of overdiagnosing stuff like ADHD and always gave off the impression that she really didnt 'believe' in mental health issues if that makes sense. Like, she thinks that they're real but cant conceptualize that anyone in her life would have them (me and my dad) and would rather just go with the explanation that we're just lazy or whatever. Makes it very hard to reach out to care.
I scheduled some appointments with my Uni's counseling FINALLY but they dont do evaluations here and they're hella booked for everything. Looks like it's going to be very hard and expensive to get anything figured out which is what I was worried about in the first place. Quite frankly I'm worried that my Mom is right and maybe I am just looking for excuses and self-diagnosing myself with things that arent there but idk man I feel like whenever I read these stories and symptoms its like looking into a mirror.
Need guidance!!!
[QUOTE=Duck M.;51441305]Your experience feels really familiar Paindoc. Maybe I should really look into this stuff. Thankfully my family is really supportive and honestly I couldnt ask for more, but my Mom in particular is very wary of overdiagnosing stuff like ADHD and always gave off the impression that she really didnt 'believe' in mental health issues if that makes sense. Like, she thinks that they're real but cant conceptualize that anyone in her life would have them (me and my dad) and would rather just go with the explanation that we're just lazy or whatever. Makes it very hard to reach out to care.
I scheduled some appointments with my Uni's counseling FINALLY but they dont do evaluations here and they're hella booked for everything. Looks like it's going to be very hard and expensive to get anything figured out which is what I was worried about in the first place. Quite frankly I'm worried that my Mom is right and maybe I am just looking for excuses and self-diagnosing myself with things that arent there but idk man I feel like whenever I read these stories and symptoms its like looking into a mirror.
Need guidance!!![/QUOTE]
ADHD is underdiagnosed and undertreated to a severe degree in adults. I'd try using the metaphor I mentioned to explain what ADHD feels like, that helped me explain to my family what it's like and why its so frustrating.
Even if it isn't ADHD, mental health issues like Anxiety and Depression can cause ADHD-like symptoms. Hell, even OCD can display ADHD-like symptoms. Its really tough to figure out what is going on if you're not a medical professional, so reaching out to one of them is the right choice. I'd avoid self-diagnosing too much, as that can quickly stray into engendering confirmation bias.
Your mom sounds just like my dad, though. Ironically, my Dad is a doctor to boot. But, w/e.
I'd look at finding someone like an ARNP that specializes in diagnosis and medication management, and combine that with consistent visits to a therapist specializing in whatever you are diagnosed with. I see a therapist regularly still, but at a much lower frequency than I used to.
As I said with the car thing, ADHD means you lack a clutch pedal. Medication gives you that clutch pedal, but it does not drive the car or win the race for you! Therapy is like getting driving instruction, teaching you methods for using the new tool you got. Above all, remember that medication is a tool and [I]not[/I] a crutch.
Yeah I've heard p much all of that stuff, I will try to look into an ARNP though. Really I'm just trying to keep an open mind when it comes to this stuff and will probably go into any prospective medical care with the attitude of getting help IF I NEED IT and if I dont that just means that I can get rid of any of these dumb attitudes floating around in my head. No harm in checking it out I guess!
kinda how I feel in the LGBT community sometimes
[video=youtube;6xNPjCZKxGo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xNPjCZKxGo[/video]
i love u gays
[QUOTE=a-cookie;51444092]i love u gays[/QUOTE]
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/abmu66P.png[/IMG]
lmao
[QUOTE=SenhorCreeper;51444116][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/abmu66P.png[/IMG]
lmao[/QUOTE]
How tf is cebuano pronounced "ugay"
[editline]29th November 2016[/editline]
Also its 330am and i can't sleep
[editline]29th November 2016[/editline]
Hi tommy
[QUOTE=SenhorCreeper;51444116][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/abmu66P.png[/IMG]
lmao[/QUOTE]
now listen here u little shit
[QUOTE=inebriaticxp;51444203]
[editline]29th November 2016[/editline]
Also its 330am and i can't sleep
[/QUOTE]
Join the club. I'll either be in that weird "I haven't slept at all but I'm not really tired" phase by my 9:30 class, or I'll just be dead.
[QUOTE=inebriaticxp;51444203]How tf is cebuano pronounced "ugay"
[editline]29th November 2016[/editline]
Also its 330am and i can't sleep
[editline]29th November 2016[/editline]
Hi tommy[/QUOTE]
it's about the Cebuano word "ugay" [url]https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ugay[/url]
I'm starting to get tired of people I know (guys especially) constantly blurting homophobic jokes/comments like it's going out of style. You know, the "haha, x person is gay" or the "you seriously listen to <insert artist here>? don't hit on me though hahaha you gay" comments. I know they aren't meant to be harmful or anything, but if only these people knew how uncomfortable these things make me feel... I guess that's what you get when you choose to remain closeted to most of the world.
These are fully grown people, by the way. With children. I don't know why they have to diss homosexuality, even when it's in a "lighthearted" way. Do they feel like they need to prove how macho and straight they are?
That's another thing that irks me:
-First of all, if a guy enjoys feminine things or has feminine traits... who the fuck cares? It's their life, mind your own fucking business. Stop acting like feminine things are awful and unwanted by everybody.
-Second, since when are feminine men automatically gay? Why is this stereotype still a thing? When a really masculine guy comes out of the closet, why is the first thing people say "oh, I had no idea, you don't look gay!!!"? Straight men can be feminine too, you know.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. When I come out publicly (which I'm planning on doing sometime in the near future), I'm gonna call them out. It's stupid that some people have to rely on putting others who are different from them down just to get some laughs.
Don't bother calling them out publicly, they'll die of shame even more if you DON'T call them out on it and roll like nothing happened. Makes you the better person, but on the inside you can bath in the satisfaction of knowing how bad they feel lol
Tbh, as long as I know they aren't doing it maliciously they can make as many gay jokes as they so please, it's just banter.
Though I understand that can make some people uncomfortable.
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