Stimulant comedowns are brutal. I can't even imagine the desire to redose something like meth because of it
//Rant
Summer is really boring being alone in this big house and working. I make plans for the sake of having plans on the weekends, but am consistently disappointed with the outcome, being not any better than staring at my screens and zoning out in tf2 mannpower when I'm not at work.
For example last weekend I decided I wanted alcohol and saw an opportunity to get alcohol and hang out with a friend(John Doe) from high school. But I realized how little I have in common with him anymore and the group of people he chooses to hang out with are total shit. First everyone had to size me up. Then like 5 minutes after I got someone to buy the alcohol I wanted getting the alcohol I witnessed a fight that both people's mouths got pretty bloodied, I couldn't believe how it got so escalated over stupid shit. After it sort settled down before my friend had packed up and was ready to leave, I turned my phone on after it was charging. And find out that my family over 1000 miles away was freaking out about not being able to get in contact with me after I texted earlier in the day and was in the middle of calling the police.
This weekend I arrange a date with a girl I knew from high school that also goes to my college. She comes out to my house and we do some canoeing and 10 minutes in I learn she has a boyfriend after the last time I talked to her (3 weeks) there was no mention of it despite talking about her ex. After talk of John Doe comes up, I witness first hand how people not on base level have let little empathy for people not in their kind/circle of how she came up with a bullshit rationalization of how he is a bad person from what sounded like was inept text chat and I feel sorry for him. So the talk turned into me sitting there drowning in my blood that's boiling from listening to her ignorance and my own resentment as she complains about too many people texting her. I get hungry and decide to make dinner. Half way through making dinner I learn that her father was planning an early dinner that she wanted to eat. As much as I want to eat now, I pack up my spaghetti and meat sauce. As I can't just awkwardly eat my meal leisurely when she's not eating and wants to be home. I drive her back and learn that I definitely don't want to be involved with her after I learn that she's totaled 2 cars and been in other crashes.
I decide to head from there to my fraternity house at college to drink. But first I eat the spaghetti. I down a bottle of a red mescatto(longer story) and head out long boarding to a near by parking garage. That was the highlight of my night and might have made up for the day. I need that rush of adrenaline as I race down the 8 story garage, that is what brought me to peace. I wouldn't mind someone else going out skating with me then if they could keep up, but everyone's too much of a bitch to go skating that late, so if I'm pretty fucked if I slip out and eat shit, but I can't just sit around.
So I don't think going to be as outgoing to make plans as things seem to work out best when I did my own thing instead of accommodating others, but I refuse to just smoke weed and stare at my screens as that's almost all I did last summer.
[video=youtube_share;gY9C0ItyO0k]http://youtu.be/gY9C0ItyO0k[/video]
[QUOTE=Banandana;47850270]Stimulant comedowns are brutal. I can't even imagine the desire to redose something like meth because of it[/QUOTE]
that part comes well before the come down, usually after the peak euphoric effects wear off and people think it's not 'working' anymore
once you get to the comedown, all desire to re dose goes way out the window for most people
[QUOTE=FFStudios;47847653]tbh the way we teach kids to pledge their whole lives to a piece of fabric abstractly representing a country at the start of each school day and pretend it's something totally normal is very Hitler Youth-y. for how much we condemn the Middle East, we sure do indoctrinate our own...[/QUOTE]
your post reminded me of this photo
[Img]https://40.media.tumblr.com/a49b422445a87538d752f672a6554fc0/tumblr_nflg0okQ961sxurpdo1_500.jpg[/Img]
[editline]1st June 2015[/editline]
[QUOTE=Cpn Crunch21;47846618]We all make mistakes bruh, but its all about getting back on the horse that matters. Don't give yourself the expectation that stuff is going to immediately 180 and you'll be happy in no time, these things take time. Remember that relapses like that happen, and isn't a sign of failure but a sign of you working through it one thing at a time. I know this may seem cheesy as fuck but my friend sent me this a while ago when I was directionless, terrified about where my life was going and the complete mystery of it.
[t]http://i.imgur.com/TikvPK6.jpg[/t]
Just keep working at it dude, don't let this slip up define who you are, cause when you have the time to sit down and think you really are a good dude at heart you actually care about the consequences of your actions, an important quality and not many others can say that.[/QUOTE]
thanks dude!
i know that i'm a good dude at heart, and the way i've been acting isn't anything like the normal me. i know i can amount to so much more than this.
i just need to focus, i can turn things around.
[QUOTE=/B/rother;47851061]your post reminded me of this photo
[Img]https://40.media.tumblr.com/a49b422445a87538d752f672a6554fc0/tumblr_nflg0okQ961sxurpdo1_500.jpg[/Img]
[editline]1st June 2015[/editline]
thanks dude!
i know that i'm a good dude at heart, and the way i've been acting isn't anything like the normal me. i know i can amount to so much more than this.
i just need to focus, i can turn things around.[/QUOTE]
[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuHfVn_cfHU[/media]
you'll be fine champ just stay focused on the positive things and the things you wish to be doing with your life, don't take any shit from yourself and don't let yourself stand in your own way
Finally got everything kind of settled with the move. I don't know how much I've talked about it here but my family and I were evicted from our home. Currently my one sister and I are living with our father in his two-bedroom trailer, so we're sharing a room. My mother, step-dad, and two sisters are living with my cousin in the next town over while they look for another home for us. My grandma is giving us around 20k dollars to get a bit of a start, so I believe they are looking for a new trailer to purchase. I don't mean to be guilting anyone but this just really sucks. I had no problem with any of it until I dropped some acid on Saturday night. I just really kind of thought about everything and realized I really was not content with my current life. I came to three huge realizations during the trip and I'm glad they carried over afterwards:
1. I don't know why I've been talking to other girls, my current girlfriend is genuinely amazing and I'm such an ass for even thinking about leaving her.
2. I am absolutely not content with anything going on in my current life. I need a job, I'm probably depressed, among much more things.
3. I have some really good friends.
I believe I'm going to take a break from everything for a bit, at least until I get a job. I really need to flip my life around and I need to become happy. I'm going to start meditating and focusing on becoming more mentally stable. I really just needed to kind of let this out a bit. Sorry if it seems rushed, I have to make it to class. I'll post more later.
[QUOTE=zach1193;47848141]I still will never understand why someone would use the synthetic cannabinoids rather than just weed. If you don't have access to it, spice is not a sound alternative, it's just a fairly crummy drug that just doesn't measure up and kinda makes you a retard. May I ask why you use it?[/QUOTE]
I have an interest in research chemicals in general, and 5F-AKB48 was getting a fair amount of praise over on bluelight, so I thought I'd check it out. It's not a replacement for weed by any means, but for about £15 I can get roughly 90g of this stuff. You might be thinking quantity over quality is what i want, but I'll be honest, it actually gives a really nice high when you smoke it. Its quite hard to put into words, its not really comparable to being stoned, this is more harsh and dissociative. Usually when I'm baked I have these sort of "And I'm still really high" moments, realizations that I'm still high, a snapping back to reality kind of thing (eminem joke) whereas with this I actually think i'm sober, then I look around and realize I'm far from it. If I smoke enough of both I get that kind of numb feeling, with weed its more comfortable, and although this sounds unpleasent (it isnt) with the RC it feels like im being seperated. That said, you end up with a quite harsh high for a short amount of time, smoking half a blunt will get me wrecked for about an hour and a half, then I'll feel this strange after high, and go and smoke some more. The only thing I have problems with is the after high, because you feel as though you should be sober, but you arent, its like you know youre sober, and want to be, but you just dont quite have the ability to be sober.
In defense of it though, I would have been in the same situation if I was baked, its that "im out of my depth and high and i dont know what to do" fear, rather than anything brought on by the RC itself, if anything there's less paranoia than I get with weed.
Also another issue with this is that it is addictive from what I've read, and having 80g+ lying around isnt a great thing, I'm probably going to bin a fair amount of it. This is something that I've tried once, and have no intention of constantly doing, or buying again any time in the near future.
I remixed shia lebouf for shits and giggles
[media]http://soundcloud.com/petebound/shia-leremix[/media]
a heaps popular snapchatter hit me up for a link to the remix after posting a snippet on snapchat,
that was unexpected
I wish i could sing.
Also conciousness, i miss having you on snapchat. What's your new one?
cs:go released a new operation
it's really good
best one yet
[QUOTE=The Aussie;47852441]I wish i could sing.
Also conciousness, i miss having you on snapchat. What's your new one?[/QUOTE]
theplates
I got paranoid a while back because of drugs again lol
[QUOTE=Creid;47852467]cs:go released a new operation
it's really good
best one yet[/QUOTE]
Blackgold(CORRECTION: Breakout, no idea why i typed Blackgold) was the best one imo, even if the maps weren't exactly the best competetive maps, Black Gold, Overgrown and even Castle were a lot of fun to play ranked on... And then there was Insertion which has to be the dumbest but best map ever.
Vanguard was kinda shitty imo though.
Should be trying salvia today, as well as ordering some poppy seeds off amazon if I go to my bank and get a new card.
I took my Wellbutrin at 2:30am after a big meal from wawa, no stomach cramps yet, keeping my fingers and toes crossed.
Could Bob's Red Mill poppy seeds be germinated? I was thinking about growing some. I read that it could take a year for the poppy to sprout out of the soil, then once it grows seeds it will spread like a weed.
First day of summer calc starts today. And for only 800 dollars! :suicide:
[QUOTE=CoilingTesla;47853022]Should be trying salvia today, as well as ordering some poppy seeds off amazon if I go to my bank and get a new card.
I took my Wellbutrin at 2:30am after a big meal from wawa, no stomach cramps yet, keeping my fingers and toes crossed.
Could Bob's Red Mill poppy seeds be germinated? I was thinking about growing some. I read that it could take a year for the poppy to sprout out of the soil, then once it grows seeds it will spread like a weed.[/QUOTE]
lmao yes they can those are the ones that sprouted all over my yard!
[QUOTE=/B/rother;47851061]your post reminded me of this photo
[Img]https://40.media.tumblr.com/a49b422445a87538d752f672a6554fc0/tumblr_nflg0okQ961sxurpdo1_500.jpg[/Img]
[/QUOTE]
I made this point on Facebook and explicitly explained that Hitler Youth weren't sent to a "1984" type facility and forced to watch Fuhrer re-runs [i]Clockwork Orange[/i] style and now my family is mad at me.
Whatever, man. As that news reporter said in that one fail video that one time, "keep fuckin' that chicken"
[QUOTE=zach1193;47853096]lmao yes they can those are the ones that sprouted all over my yard![/QUOTE]
So what you're saying is throw them into my asshole neighbor's lawn?
They love opium, I'm sure. They might even know what poppy pods are good for, if they ever mow their lawn to see them, that is.
Scratch that, I wouldn't want their kids to mess with them while they're running around unwatched. That'd be fucked up if one of the kids figured out what you can do if you scratch one of them.
[QUOTE=CoilingTesla;47853242]So what you're saying is throw them into my asshole neighbor's lawn?
They love opium, I'm sure. They might even know what poppy pods are good for, if they ever mow their lawn to see them, that is.
Scratch that, I wouldn't want their kids to mess with them while they're running around unwatched. That'd be fucked up if one of the kids figured out what you can do if you scratch one of them.[/QUOTE]
lol I doubt children are gonna eat some random latex from a plant, and yea planting em is literally that easy you just sow em in with the soil. the kicker is it takes about 2 weeks to germinate, so don't be discouraged if they don't germ right away like cannabis seeds.
[editline]1st June 2015[/editline]
[QUOTE=FFStudios;47853168]I made this point on Facebook and explicitly explained that Hitler Youth weren't sent to a "1984" type facility and forced to watch Fuhrer re-runs [I]Clockwork Orange[/I] style and now my family is mad at me.
Whatever, man. As that news reporter said in that one fail video that one time, "keep fuckin' that chicken"[/QUOTE]
Well that's not the best analogy considering hitler youths were being trained for war eventually, we aren't really doing that with our kids. And every country pretty much has the society from a young age push nationalism, but it would make sense, as a government why would you want your people to doubt your country, and to not respect it. People can still think for themselves, it's just the gov't's way of trying to get youth to have some nationalism.
[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwbowi-8Yoo[/media]
Fucking love this song, the feel of it is so goddamned beautiful. even the bass is fancy
This math class is gonna suck but im glad i manned up just to get it out of the way asap
Nothing like codeine after work to make all that sore just disappear.
Even better I have a doctors appointment tomorrow gonna get bursiprone refilled and see what else might help. Still get nasty anxiety from being around large amounts of people and during my mood swings from hell.
I'll update after that.
Fucking BTC dealers, only way I have of getting cash to them doesn't work, and it just pissed me off beyond belief.
Seriously fucking hope this piece of shit works tomorrow, so I can get some fucking Ketamine/Speed before this fucking weekend, else i'll be seriously pissed off.
Already managed to break my keyboard and almost broke my phone cause of this stupid fucking shit not working
Just popped a few of these "Sleep pills" I got prescribed, hopefully they'll knock me out and I can wake up to some good news, doubt that, though, since docs around here don't ever want to prescribe the shit that actually works, i.e. Benzo. So I have to self medicate with alcohol and a bunch of other fun shit.
[QUOTE=The fox;47856473]Fucking BTC dealers, only way I have of getting cash to them doesn't work, and it just pissed me off beyond belief.
Seriously fucking hope this piece of shit works tomorrow, so I can get some fucking Ketamine/Speed before this fucking weekend, else i'll be seriously pissed off.
Already managed to break my keyboard and almost broke my phone cause of this stupid fucking shit not working
Just popped a few of these "Sleep pills" I got prescribed, hopefully they'll knock me out and I can wake up to some good news, doubt that, though, since docs around here don't ever want to prescribe the shit that actually works, i.e. Benzo. So I have to self medicate with alcohol and a bunch of other fun shit.[/QUOTE]
Self medicating is a very bad route that leads to nothing good unless you know some pharmacology. Alcohol will not help at all it will only make things worse and based upon your anger towards not being able to get drugs suggests that it is a bad idea for you to engage in it. I do not recommend you do that maybe try meditation, exercise, healthy diet, and having a sleep schedule.
I believe cigarettes have been causing me headaches recently, wake up feeling great and that carries on for a while, but then after I have my first smoke for the day it progressively gets uncomfortable, headache sets in, mood goes kinda crappy and I don't feel as though I can focus properly
I'm cutting back, going to try to give them up again soon but for now trying to stick to like 3 or 4 a day tops, got up to that half a packet point again probably the reason why
shatter to make ur teeth chatter
omg so high
I accidentally destroyed my Ubuntu install like a retard and now i'm trying to grab as much data from it before i nuke it and start over.
half a pack again today...
I think it's time to just take a full day off of em
booked my first driving lesson, so i'm excited for that,
but at the same time i've been starting to feel a little uneasy about things recently, not necessarily in a bad way, just err
hope it's not anxiety creeping back into my life, either way, going to keep on truckin because fuck letting it take over again
actually it's probably a lack of food, always seems that if i'm hungry up late I don't really feel the hunger just feel like meh,
then I eat and i'm okay
I love weed. It helps so much, I have no idea how I would be able to cope with this grief and pain without marijuana, family and friends to make me happy. Honestly, I never knew losing a loved one could hurt so much but cannabis helps either way
i've finished my exam assignment before time today, and it feels really good.
the only problem now is that, since i'm not under pressure and got no stress, my mind is free to wander. and let me tell you, it's agonizing. i simply can't help but to feel sad, because of all the shit going down lately.
i had a mate call me earlier, asking if i wanted him to bring me some hash. he told me about this one dealer here in town, who has just started slinging again. he told me we would be getting fat sacks for cheap, so i agreed.
i know i shouldn't have, but i couldn't help myself.
I had a dream last night that I ate a gram of shrooms and smoked some weed and then everything turned into symmetrical flowing patterns
I haven't smoked since last Wednesday and after smoking a lot in my dreams last night and getting pretty high I don't really think I need to smoke in reality
Maybe I'll get back into lucid dreaming and explore dream drugs
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXnhxzqbsNM[/media]
Gloomy music for a gloomy day
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