I'm having a hard time understanding how Melody is a contradiction.
And as I've said earlier, rewriting it is out of the question.
For the accents I may need some work on that, and as for the medic "being the brain", I'd say he's the most intelligent of the group.
The thing is, it gets better later on.
And I just realize the pokemon connection, oh god. :byodood:
Your reaction is expected. :v:
I'm glad it gets better later on, gets the reader to keep reading.
Also first nice comment from someone other than suttles :unsmith: (I think.)
In regards to the spy joining the military, it was to conceal his identity, but continue his previous work as a mercenary. (I'm still sort of thinking this one out, but you can sort of see where I'm going with it.)
oh fuck.
damn grammar
FUCK MY COMPUTER
[editline]09:21AM[/editline]
it freezes every so often
Same thing over here, not sure why.
needs more fluff
Alright, bumping because I added a chapter.
Feel free to bombard me with some more critique.
Another bump for a new chapter, finally.
:v:
"its a tf2/pokemon crossover"
stopped reading there. no such thing as good fanfiction. your writing is bad (probably!) and you should feel bad.
[QUOTE=professor cool.;25575570]"its a tf2/pokemon crossover"
stopped reading there. no such thing as good fanfiction. your writing is bad (probably!) and you should feel bad.[/QUOTE]
At least you were nice enough to add "probably" :jerkbag:
no problem dude i dont want to be a total fag that everybody hates!
It's not all that bad.
It gets better.
I read it cos it has TF2 in it. And I have to say, its better than the Sailor Moon/TF2 crossover, and definatley better than TF2/twilight.
[QUOTE=r1ck;25612274]I read it cos it has TF2 in it. And I have to say, its better than the Sailor Moon/TF2 crossover, and definatley better than TF2/twilight.[/QUOTE]
It's also the longest out of the tf2 crossovers. :v:
I plan on writing up the next chapter by the end of the week, it's mostly about getting the idea more than writing it since if I do have an idea for a chapter it only takes about an hour or two to write it.
good!
I really like it so far!
Although, as previously said, I dont really get the TF2 vibe... even the sailor moon crossover did that better... (maybe even the twilight one)
---EDIT---
wait... I got to the dinosaur part...
[QUOTE=r1ck;25659677]good!
I really like it so far!
Although, as previously said, I dont really get the TF2 vibe... even the sailor moon crossover did that better... (maybe even the twilight one)
---EDIT---
wait... I got to the dinosaur part...[/QUOTE]
I'm working on fixing that, and no one ever told me what was wrong with the dinosaurs.
Too cliché or what?
[QUOTE=r1ck;25659677]good!
I really like it so far!
Although, as previously said, I dont really get the TF2 vibe... even the sailor moon crossover did that better... (maybe even the twilight one)
---EDIT---
wait... I got to the dinosaur part...[/QUOTE]
If you haven't read the whole thing, the link to TF2 gets stronger.
Although I suggested he drop the link with TF2 and do the whole damn thing over again. But it was pretty good.
[QUOTE=Psycho_Shadow;25670500]I'm working on fixing that, and no one ever told me what was wrong with the dinosaurs.
Too cliché or what?[/QUOTE]
Well I guess its alright but its just... meh.
Also, dont drop the TF2 thing, it makes the story fun.
Working on the 22nd chapter as we speak, though I have this problem with working out way further parts of the story, so as soon as I finish up to about, dunno, chapter 26-27ish I'll go lighting speed.
so... does the spy use the Ambassador or the normal revolver? :v:
Also:
[quote]"Fuck that, let's just google it."[/quote]
God I lold for a bit
He uses the Ambassador, I noted the engraving in the 7th chapter I believe.
[QUOTE=Psycho_Shadow;25724722]He uses the Ambassador, I noted the engraving in the 7th chapter I believe.[/QUOTE]
yes you did! never mind then...
Also,
[quote]Nien[/quote]
I dont know if typo, but its "nein"
ALSO
MAKE MORE!!!
Read all the way to ch 21 and Im cold turkey now.
Working on it, the halloween update has been taking up a lot of my time.
Also, whatever chapter that is in I'll get on fixing that typo.
Chapter 22 is up.
Still looking for that typo.
write quicker goddamnit.
Like I said, I'll write [i]a lot[/i] faster once I reach a certain point in the story.
I guess I'll start brainstorming for this chapter a bit more, I'm at 57 words as we speak.
Okay, chapter 23 is up, and work on chapter 24 has begun.
It feels a little, TL;DR type of story... I agree with posts before hand stating you need to give a little more color to the bad guys.
[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;25953821]It feels a little, TL;DR type of story... I agree with posts before hand stating you need to give a little more color to the bad guys.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I'll probably have that accomplished with the next few chapters I write.
It's a pretty long story, but I try my best to make it worth the time.
[QUOTE=Psycho_Shadow;25953248]Okay, chapter 23 is up, and work on chapter 24 has begun.[/QUOTE]
finally!
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