Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

I think I need some advice on uh, love. You see, I've been like 2 and a half months with a girl I met at uni, and it's honestly been pretty damn good, she respects my boundaries and all that jazz. Good stuff. The thing is, we've recently started doing some kind of sexual stuff (kind of tame stuff like grinding), and I feel very comfortable doing that stuff with her, it's all good there. Now, note that this is my second relationship, and on my first one we startes doing that stuff pretty fast and I did not feel comfortable at all but she kept pushing me constantly. The thing is, I don't want to go very far on that field with her if what I feel and what she feels is not love. I've set some limits and she understands. But honestly, I don't know for sure how can I know if it's love and not the typical hormonal stuff that makes the honeymoon period. I mean, I think love is accepting the other person with all that flaws and taking and active role (and compromise) on being a good partner for them, aka making them fall for you every day. But how can I really know if I feel that way and that I am ready to take such compromises? Such a hard question that I am asking right now. [editline]8th November 2016[/editline] I've known for like 9 months already, but we've been together since the end of july

[QUOTE=plunger435;51325802] You say that, but it doesn't seem like your friend was even belittling you for not getting laid, in fact it looks like the opposite, that you're looking down on him, even saying the reason he acts that way must be some kind of deeper psychological issue for him. If you're really fine ignoring the hookup culture like you say, then you shouldn't have a problem with other people enjoying it. You see?[/QUOTE] I haven't even touched the surface on how that guy treats women. It's not just me who sees it- it's a lot of people. I don't take issue with how he gets laid all the time- I take issue with the shitty things he does to girls and how he centers his life around it to the point where it's obvious it's the only thing he cares about. I know plenty of people who "enjoy" the hookup culture and still manage to treat women with respect. I have no problem with those people. [editline]8th November 2016[/editline] And also, he's not the one personally belittling me. In fact, nobody in particular is personally belittling me. I just think, perhaps erroneously, that's it's society's expectation of college men to go out every weekend and get laid, and if you don't do that you're a waste of space. And I take issue with that. Again, I'm not saying I'm better than anyone for not actively trying to do that all the time, I'm just saying it seems that by not doing so, I'm seen as a lesser man. Could just be my imagination, though. I posted all this to start a discussion, not to vent or complain or try to put myself above anyone else. Cheers.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51326620]I go to college, have seen zero expectation of me to have sex[/QUOTE] i found myself not giving a fuck about sex (lol) Sex, for me, was great while the love was there. At first, i did have sex with my gf but i didnt love her to that point, and it felt very empty and boring. Now, i have had the chances of getting one night stands and some other stuff but i know i would feel bad after it, too much to handle. Its going to be a year without sex soon and i dont really care. Sure, i miss it, but i see it more of a consequence of love more than something on its own. I kinda envy people who can enjoy it as a single thing, it would make things easier to be honest, but it doesnt matter, we all feel on our own pace. Dont rush it, it will come on its own.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;51325357]Man I really hate how our society seems to weigh a man's worth by how much sex he's having One of my friends is in a fraternity, he's a decent guy and a fun guy to be around but he's constantly talking about girls he's fucking, he even showed me a video one time of this girl literally riding him (yeah, he's kind of an absolute scumbag when it comes to women) and all this other shit. In his case, it's probably some deep-seated need to fit in and feel accepted or something, and part of me wishes it was a problem only he had, but really, it isn't. I'm not a virgin, I've had a girlfriend before etc. but sometimes I really feel that society looks down upon me because I don't go out to the bars all the time to fuck random girls. I'll ocassionally go out and party and if I get talking to a girl and something happens I'm all for casual sex- but I seem to be one of the few (college-aged) men around me who doesn't constantly actively look for hookups and shit. It's just not my style, and on top of that there's a bunch of shit going on in my life and I'm still not 100% over my ex so I'm just laying low right now, If a nice girl comes along I'll go for it but for right now I'm content not being in a relationship or even pursuing sex at all. I know what I'm doing is perfectly fine and acceptable, I just wish I didn't feel like I loser for doing so.[/QUOTE] Keep keeping on dude. It can be hard for a multitude of reasons, but it's information nobody can look down on you for if you don't think less of yourself for it. My living situation isn't great for sex at the moment, I'm not really over my ex yet, and I'm not very smooth or good at the casual sex scene anyway. I feel you. And on the plus side, I've got a few good friends who don't care about shit like that unless it's bugging me. Never hurts to try and find people who share similar views, at least. The people who lose a race are following. If you're doing what's right for you these days, sounds to me like you're running a strong lead.

[QUOTE=redBadger;51325479]Decided to give tinder a go but damn I got almost no pictures of myself. And the few are have are awful.[/QUOTE] Honestly if you don't have any good pictures of yourself, take a small biking trip with a friend or whatever, and just take some pictures in some nice scenery. My girlfriend and I decided to put up Tinder accounts for fun (didn't want to miss out on the positive affirmation, you know), and honestly your pictures don't all have to be masterpieces that show your artistic soul. They just need to be well-lit and look like you know how to have fun. I used [url=http://i.imgur.com/mBnMykh.jpg]this[/url] as my main one, and you don't have to be Brad Pitt to know that I look like a complete idiot. Obviously if you have some that prove that you don't look like an idiot all the time, include those. Then write a profile text where you don't mention that you "like to watch Netflix" like everyone and their mother, and you're good to go. As I see it, you basically have two options for a Tinder account - one that legitimately has a bunch of good pictures of you with some nice, descriptive text that make you look like an interesting person to be with, or one that shows that you can take the piss. Maybe I'm wrong, but "generic mirror shot with Netflix appendage"-account #15677 doesn't seem like it'll grab anyone worthwhile's attention. Obviously that depends on your definition of worthwhile, and seeing as I put up my account for shits and giggles, I may have overdone it - but what I'm saying is that you need to stand out in [I]some[/I] way.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51315007]Ok, she did re-schedule for wednesday, so maybe something nice will happen[/QUOTE] Just kidding she canceled for the third time now. I'm now going to sit in my room until the desire to send a passive-aggressive reply is all gone

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51330351]Just kidding she canceled for the third time now. I'm now going to sit in my room until the desire to send a passive-aggressive reply is all gone[/QUOTE] Honestly, I would just tell her something like "If you don't want to do this, then just say so." That's not passive agressive, 3 cancellations is definitely suspicious

i just wanted to let you guys know that after ages i finally found a girl again never give up homies

[QUOTE=Liota;51330452]i just wanted to let you guys know that after ages i finally found a girl again never give up homies[/QUOTE] you are the man

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51330433]Honestly, I would just tell her something like "If you don't want to do this, then just say so." That's not passive agressive, 3 cancellations is definitely suspicious[/QUOTE] it is, but dont do this, as tempting as it is, just let it all float away, there's better shit out there than the mess youd create here. You know she doesnt want to now. She has shown that, just move on without the drama buddy.

[QUOTE=metallics;51330817]it is, but dont do this, as tempting as it is, just let it all float away, there's better shit out there than the mess youd create here. You know she doesnt want to now. She has shown that, just move on without the drama buddy.[/QUOTE] Yeah I'll probably just say nothing in the end. I pondered some bitchy responses just for fun but I'm not a big enough bitch to send them. Two of these three times, she's canceled because work asked her if she wanted to take extra hours, so my favorite bitchy response was "You should say no to the manager instead of me for once." Which would probably be the cleverest way I've ever ended a friendship, if I ever went through with it. :v:

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51331292]Yeah I'll probably just say nothing in the end. I pondered some bitchy responses just for fun but I'm not a big enough bitch to send them. Two of these three times, she's canceled because work asked her if she wanted to take extra hours, so my favorite bitchy response was "You should say no to the manager instead of me for once." Which would probably be the cleverest way I've ever ended a friendship, if I ever went through with it. :v:[/QUOTE] That sounds like a terrible idea.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;51332161]If it's clear someone doesn't give a dogs dick about me, I'll just stop communicating. If they reach out again, I'll reciprocate but nothing more until they start giving a dog dick. And if they don't then they can just fade away. At least it's not as awkward when you run into them again sometime in the future.[/QUOTE] this is what i decided. why clog your life full of people that don't want to talk to you? i've stopped talking to those people straight up and started talking a lot more to my friends that actually choose to initiate conversation and I dont regret it in the slightest honest to god, it is an incredibly shitty feeling when you are talking to someone that feels like they dont want to talk to you back

[QUOTE=plunger435;51331463]That sounds like a terrible idea.[/QUOTE] It is, that's why I'm not gonna do it. :v: Thankfully I'm not enough of a shit to say things like that to people, but when somebody's bugging me I like to imagine the most biting shit I could possibly say to them.

This girl I've been hitting it off with, it seems to be going pretty well. It's gone a little slow because I'm just not good with words and people but she seems to get that. I didn't think I did that great on our first 2 dates (which were just coffee and walks in the park to get to know eachother), but she asked again a while ago if I wanted to go to a Christmas parade with her, so I must be doing something right. But that's on the 19th, so I asked if she wanted to do something this Friday. What's a good place for a 3rd date in my situation? I suggested a movie but nothing really interesting is playing. I'm going to research it too obviously but I'm curious about your opinions instead of some vague dating site/forum. We're both college students with no cars so yeah Also, all I've gone for so far was a hug, which was at the end of the 2nd date. I think I'm ready for hand holding and maybe even a kiss at the end if it goes well. Do you ask "is it alright if I do this" before/after a hand hold? Or would it be better to just say nothing and see what happens?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51336200]It would be super cute to ask "do you mind if I hold your hand?" As for dates, maybe pizza and go rent some shitty movies to make fun of?[/QUOTE] haha that does sound cute, I'll probably go for that my dorm is super shitty and tiny though, I don't even have a TV.

It has recently come to my attention that I am an asshole, and I foresee this as being a major obstacle towards building relationships. Is there any way I can fix this?

stop being an asshole, stop living in your head, think about how your actions will affect other people, have a more positive and optimistic outlook on life, spend some time doing things for other people (charity, volunteer work, helping your neighbor mow their lawn) without expecting anything in return.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51338845]It has recently come to my attention that I am an asshole, and I foresee this as being a major obstacle towards building relationships. Is there any way I can fix this?[/QUOTE] Probably don't talk like that in real life for one.

Hey guys, I somehow met someone on OkCupid (she messaged me first miraculously) and we've been talking for a little over a week now. She seems to like me, and I like her, so I think we're getting along well. How soon is too soon to ask her out? I was thinking about asking her to dinner and a movie this weekend. I know movies are bad for first dates but my area is super boring as far as I know and I'm unsure what else we could do. I figure having dinner first kind of makes up for it. We also both want to see Doctor Strange.

[QUOTE=riku2211;51340596]How soon is too soon to ask her out?[/QUOTE] A week is fine, with online dating you don't wanna wait too long since it might result in the other losing interest. [QUOTE=riku2211;51340596]I was thinking about asking her to dinner and a movie[/QUOTE] To be honest I wouldn't recommend going for long and expensive activities on a first date. Even though you might hit it off on a chat, you never know if you like her and she likes you in real life. If it is not the case, your date will end up in a drag for one or both parties. Getting coffee sound really generic, but it is a great way to quickly get to know someone and test the waters. If the date ends up being amazing, you can always extend it! On another topic, one of my old friends is ignoring me lately and I have no idea why. We used to hang out quite a lot, and always had a lot of fun. After the summer vacation she suddenly started to ignore me when I saw her at school and she completely stopped texting me. After I sent a text, she wouldn't reply. I decided that she might wanted some space so I waited a couple of weeks. When I realized that she wasn't gonna send me a reply, I asked her what's up and why she is ignoring me. She immediately responded that she had issues she had to deal with alone, that she felt depressed and that she was seeing a therapist. I responded with a long text (really stupid, learned from that) in which I told her that if she needed any help she could always talk to me if she needed any help. No reply. Waited 2 months, and texted her 'hey how are you doing'. No response again. Should I just give up and give her the room she apparently wants? I kinda wanna ask her why she is ignoring me but I know that it wouldn't help anyway. It's so weird that some people just go ghost mode with no clear reason at all. I do believe that she has real issues, but she isn't pushing everyone away, just me. Such a waste of a good friendship. But ah well, I guess she has her reasons. [editline]9th november 2016[/editline] Reading through this thread made me realize that there is no point in making a drama out of this anyway. I'll just move on. Damn, what a waste.

[QUOTE=thermobaric;51343601][B]Should I just give up and give her the room she apparently wants?[/B] I kinda wanna ask her why she is ignoring me but I know that it wouldn't help anyway. It's so weird that some people just go ghost mode with no clear reason at all. I do believe that she has real issues, but she isn't pushing everyone away, just me. Such a waste of a good friendship. But ah well, I guess she has her reasons.[/QUOTE] "Apparently?" She told you she wants space. So give her space.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51336376]Movies at a theater are generally bad for progressing relationships since they're sort of isolating. It really just depends what local events or activities you have. Speaking from a rural area, all we have is drinking and movies [editline]9th November 2016[/editline] So I just want to share this, maybe it'll help somebody, but mostly this post is for me to feel better. I'm not normally a person who cries. I can count the number of times I've cried in the past few years on one hand, usually because of a death in the family. But today was the first day I cried because of stress. College just feels so overwhelming right now and I feel so awful all the time. I feel as if my heart rate is constantly up. This spring, I took 18 hours while working 15 hours a week. I took more-than-normal amounts of summer classes, and now I'm taking 21 hours of fall classes. I just haven't had a real break for so long. There's always something to worry about: the next test, presentation, keeping up with my friends, making time for my girlfriend, and this isn't even the long-term stress. Having to pass the CPA exam, having to get a job, having to do so much without any sort of guide. At this point, I'm not even sure what I'm doing. I want to propose to my girlfriend December 1st, our anniversary of 6 years, but I just don't have time to prepare. I feel like she's expecting it too, and will be disappointed when it doesn't happen. I just don't have the time. I've had thoughts about getting hit by cars on my way to class, usually just me making jokes to myself in my head (because that's what normal people do), but I'm afraid lately it'll turn into a legitimate goal. And I know it's silly, but I was in a student presentation about adopting pets and the speaker said something that made me tear up on the spot. "Your dog doesn't care if your GPA drops or if you failed that test." Probably because I only feel validated to my parents through my good grades and academic success. If I don't meet their expectations, would they even accept me? I don't know for sure. But this morning, I cried. I was driving in my car, listening to "Comfortably Numb" and I cried. Numb is a great way to explain how this long-term stress feels. I've forgotten what it's like to not be stressed, and I really hope I remember before I go crazy. But after I cried, I did feel better. Releasing all that emotion is not something I'm used to, but it felt empowering in a way. As if I was accepting that "yeah, life sucks right now" but acceptance is the first step to conquering it and I've done that. Feels good to type that out. I could delete this, but maybe there are others in my situation that need to know that someone else can relate.[/QUOTE] Never heard anything that deep from you before. All I can say is that I've vented to you several times, and now I feel like I owe you one. I'm always here if you need anything.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51345689]I know man, and I appreciate that, but all I really need is a calm weekend to myself, which I think will be coming up the weekend after the next[/QUOTE] I lost the ability to count the times i cried long ago. Since the breakup, i have experienced other forms of existentialism and nihilism from career to who i am, and now i cry almost everyday, even if its just a little bit. You could say im sick but i'been managing it better since a few weeks.

[QUOTE=mdeceiver79;51233428]Can't give much advice on what to do but definitely don't get jealous. [B]You don't even need a full on relationship, enjoy what you've got. Be secure in yourself and don't push things too hard. Remain that cool guy she can have fun with, be the strong, interesting person who she wants to spend time with.[/B] [URL="https://mettahu.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/love-is-appreciation.jpg"]this quote sort of applies to relationships/love if you get too controlling and possessive it ceases to be the thing you (both) enjoy[/URL] goodluck[/QUOTE] this is replying to a post from like the 2nd page of this thread but I just wanted to say thank you for this post. That quote in the picture really helped me with whats happened with my current relationship that is basically at the very last edge. If I want any chance for us to have the relationship we had before and for her to fall for me again I'm gonna have to learn to let her be and focus on myself whilst allowing her to see me for the person I want her to see me for, not just the person that wants to be in a relationship with her. I have to give her the freedom to find her own happiness whether it's with me or not. We'll find a way back together if it's meant to be. She's brought up my life in such positive ways that it's the least I can do for her. Just because I'm in love with her still doesn't mean she's obligated to fall in love with me again even if I do become a better man, and I've finally realized how true that is.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51332214]honest to god, it is an incredibly shitty feeling when you are talking to someone that feels like they dont want to talk to you back[/QUOTE] Welp, guess I owe an apologice to some friends, as I felt like intruding and cut conversations short, despite that not being the case. I like talking to people and I like listening to people, yet sometimes I get the unfounded feeling I'm not welcome, and thus I try to not take much space. Fuck that feeling, that harms me more than it helps.

Sometimes I'm having dreams about my ex, me and her, together spending time and hanging out. Nothing sexual though. I need help, I guess?

[QUOTE=Dahaka32;51353211]Sometimes I'm having dreams about my ex, me and her, together spending time and hanging out. Nothing sexual though. I need help, I guess?[/QUOTE] I don't think you need help, that kind of stuff is fairly natural. The only thing you need help with is moving on with your life.

cant control yer dreams bro. sometimes I get memories that id completely forgotten about from childhood in full detail

the other week the other receptionists complained that the clinicians don't respond to their emails. maybe its because i'm the only fucking one who actually reads and actions the emails at this place. it's so annoying coming into work in the morning and seeing emails from the previous morning on wards, unread and unsorted. then my personal inbox has a bunch of IT tasks to do, so i'm the only one here doing the scanning and filing, emails and on top of that i'm doing mostly things outside of my job description. there better be a pay raise coming my way.