Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

I got lucky and met a ton of friends through work, they introduced me to their friends, and now I'm part of the clique

[QUOTE=uber.;52579160]On the topic of staying friends, I spoke to my ex yesterday since it's been four months now and I wanted to know whether anything changed. It didn't. She said the only feelings she has for me are purely on a friendship level. We kinda had a thing planned for the weekend, but honestly I don't feel like doing that anymore. It just hurts too much having her around me and being constantly reminded of what was and what could have been.[/QUOTE] I think if she wants to be friends with you then she would understand that you might need some time to move on from what you had, and it isn't wrong of you to want to take some time to try and do that.

friendly reminder that text is a shit medium for understanding someone (in terms of them being sarcastic / serious). just had a massive misunderstanding with a friend, where from his perspective, I seemed like an outrageous dick, whereas from my perspective, I saw him as someone making mountains out of molehills and couldn't understand why he was upset with me. then I saw it from his perspective and oh my god everything I said didn't seem at all like I originally intended (goofy joking about) and just came across as me being really callous and rude. what a fucking wakeup call. this is why I absolutely hate texting people, talking over the phone is so much better cause you can put all your feelings into it and it's way easier to interpret goofs and gaffs to actual rudeness.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52580599]friendly reminder that text is a shit medium for understanding someone (in terms of them being sarcastic / serious). just had a massive misunderstanding with a friend, where from his perspective, I seemed like an outrageous dick, whereas from my perspective, I saw him as someone making mountains out of molehills and couldn't understand why he was upset with me. then I saw it from his perspective and oh my god everything I said didn't seem at all like I originally intended (goofy joking about) and just came across as me being really callous and rude. what a fucking wakeup call. this is why I absolutely hate texting people, talking over the phone is so much better cause you can put all your feelings into it and it's way easier to interpret goofs and gaffs to actual rudeness.[/QUOTE] i hate texting/social media in relationships so much it makes everything so confusing and misleading

I wish I had the balls to approach girls I don't know. Today at the gym there were a couple of cute girls, one of them locked eyes with me for about five seconds, I threw in a little smile for good measure. But after that I didn't really know whether I should nor how I could try to break the ice. At some point they were doing squats with pretty poor form, I suppose I could have gone to them and help them correct it, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Gym regulars have done the same for me at times, so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary, but at the time I was just worried of being seen as a creep. And even if I welcome outside help myself, I'm under the impression some people at the gym just prefer to do stuff on their own. The thing is, it's an issue that I have in other situations, like if I go clubbing and see a girl I like I won't be able to make contact, mainly because I don't know how to. The only time I (successfully) approached a girl while clubbing, I was pretty drunk and regretted it afterwards. Perhaps that's why I met my ex on tinder in the first place. At least in there you're sure the other party is somewhat attracted to you, you don't have to look for clues which I'm particularly shit at reading, and once you're dating there's no ambiguity to the nature of the relationship that's being built. I don't know if it's the uncertainty or simply the fact I can't think of a way to start the conversation that prevents me from attempting anything, but I want to find a way to get my shit together and stop being so fucking passive.

i don't know if any of you remember but im the guy who broke up with his asexual girlfriend like a month back we've talked a couple times since then and she told me yesterday that she wanted to get back together because she thought she was in a much better place mentally. i told her that i know she improved but i didn't think a month was long enough to make enough of a difference, and that i really wanted to be with her too but i thought it would be better for both of us to wait for longer before we decide on anything. i feel like i did the right thing, and she said she totally understood and respected that. what do you guys think? she makes me really happy but the asexual stuff is a serious issue yknow

First of all, don't be too harsh on yourself because 95% of men find approaching hard. It's not something we usually do, if at all. It requires massive confidence to even give it an attempt, and a single failure is enough to set you back for months if you take it personal. There are a couple things to keep in mind to make it easier for yourself: -like everything, socializing (with random strangers) is a skill. Doing it more often makes it easier. You don't have to to full PUA, but getting out your comfort zone from time to time will massively benefit you in the future. Everyone has to start somewhere. Everybody makes mistakes and runs into awkwardness. Being succesful is all about how you deal with it. -Don't see a failed attempt as something bad. You're one of the few people who actively try! And you should be proud on that fact. Progress! -Don't go talk to random people (especially girls) if you want something from them. The only thing you should aim for is having fun yourself. The more fun you have, the more open you seem. People will want to share that and join in. -Girls are people too. If you can have fun with male strangers, you can have fun with random girls aswell. It's your mind who is keeping you back. Again: the more you do it, the easier it'll get. You can do it buddy! take a first step and keep walking, and don't let anyone including yourself convince you that you can't pull it off.

[QUOTE=The golden;52581651]You made the right move. A month is barely enough time to get over heartbreak let alone time to actually make decent self-reflections and improvements.[/QUOTE] thanks. it took a lot of self control but she was very mature about it and i don't regret saying what i did.

Yeah, approaching women you don't know (or strangers in general) is very difficult. It's a bit of an interesting issue, actually, because there are both evolutionary and social reasons for the anxiety. I know certain cultures are much more open to it in general, but at least in western society there's a lot of ingrained socialization concerning strangers and what is 'polite' to do. thermobaric really hit the nail on the head imo. Practicing and doing it a lot (with all types of strangers, not just women) is essential not just because it's a skill that you can get better at, but because exposure to those situations helps immensely with the anxiety (exposure therapy and all that). And not taking it personally is also incredibly important because there are so many external reasons you may be rejected that there's no point fretting about it. Personally, I've found that being aware and honest with myself has helped me. What I mean by being this connects to a point of thermobarics, that you shouldn't talk to random people if you want something from them. I thought this for a while but I realized that if I was being honest with myself, I almost always did want something whether I was initially aware of it or not, that something being companionship, social practice, a bellyrub for the ego, or even just sex. I think, personally at least, it's important to be aware of and come to terms with whatever this is, without letting it control or color your decisions. I think having a fun-focused mindset is great for this type of thing, but being internally and externally congruent is also important if you actually want something to come of it. Baby steps though! There are billions on this planet, and trillions of potential social interactions to have. Just gotta be open to them and they'll come.

[QUOTE=Altofmine;52571104]Alright, now that I have a bit more time to explain the situation, here goes. So, background; my mum is setting up a small shop, they're having a special opening night. I was talking to them about how I'm not too enthusiastic/excited about having to go to it, they seemed pretty interested in it so I invited them, see if they wanted to come that night. We'd probably be spending the night around nearby rather than at the actual opening night, so we'd be doing our own thing. Provided every aligns up well with time, day, etc, we're on for a Saturday night. I'm happy, but it's prone to change, and they're a busy person, so, we will see in the next couple days I guess.[/QUOTE] Update on this. The opening night thing isn't going to happen now. Instead, they're going to come over to my house on Tuesday after school, we're going to watch some TV shows we're both interested in and such. Going to see that they get home afterward as well. Also planned is us going down to Sydney on the 3rd, to go see the Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy. We'll also likely get lunch and such down there. 16th we're going to the Celebrate Studio Ghibli Festival to go watch Howl's Moving Castle. Again, lunch and all that. We may also be going to see the original Blade Runner on the 29th as well, but we dunno about that one yet. Even if we don't go anywhere, even if our friendship has peaked - I can't lie, they've been an incredible friend. It's great finding someone else who has such interest in pop culture, but time will only tell me where things go yet. It's been a happy week so far.

[QUOTE=dcalde78;52580349]I think if she wants to be friends with you then she would understand that you might need some time to move on from what you had, and it isn't wrong of you to want to take some time to try and do that.[/QUOTE] I wish I could, really. But that's just not possible. Even if I move on there's a high chance I don't want her around me anymore. We don't see each other on a regular basis anymore, but last week we went to the cinema together (to go and watch a movie which was kinda important to both of us) but after I left her at the parking lot I just couldn't help myself but had somewhat of a minor emotional breakdown. And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm not hoping for anything anymore.

Because I'm a damn fool who can't help hissen, I just sent my ex a huge text asking her to help me understand the whys of her breaking it off. We've had a few chats since it happened, and we've been friendly, so I'm fairly confident I've not just lit a fuse, but I'm now forced to wait in abject terror until she gets back to me.

[QUOTE=Repulsion;52581943] I think, personally at least, it's important to be aware of and come to terms with whatever this is, without letting it control or color your decisions. I think having a fun-focused mindset is great for this type of thing, but being internally and externally congruent is also important if you actually want something to come of it. [/QUOTE] Completely agree! If you would tell yourself that you're approaching girls 'just for fun' you would be lying to yourself. The point I wanted to make is that it shouldn't be the main objective. Fun comes first, scoring comes after. That mindset helps in the long run too: you learn how to enjoy the experience and get the most positive feelings out of it, instead of hitting yourself on the head for not getting what you were going for. A little anecdote: Half a year ago I was traveling home by train after a family party. Had a good time, socialized a bit and felt generally good. When I had to switch trains, I noticed a girl running to the last train as well. I've seen her before in the gym, maybe spoken a couple of words with her ("Do you need these weights?") and exchanged some glances and maybe a smile, but nothing interesting really. She sat down, I came in after her and for some magical reason didn't hesitate to position myself on the seat in front of her. Said "Hey, I know you. You're from the gym!" with just a positive tone. She responded pretty positive as well, we introduced ourselves and the rest of the 20 minute right felt like a blast. We talked about people we both knew, what we studied and just general small talk but it was fun and we both laughed quite a bit. Before we knew it, we were at our destination. Someone was picking her up, and I had to grab my bicycle so I said: "well, see you at the gym sometime!". And now the best part: she literally said "Hey, I haven't given you my phone number yet! We should totally be gym buddies". Told her my phone was empty... And she literally responded with "Oh no problem!", grabs a pen out of her backpack, grabs my hand and writes her phone number on it. Now did she turn out to be lesbian :v: But still, I never thought something like that would EVER happen to me. I was completely in ecstasy when I was cycling home. Just shows how much a positive attitude helps in socializing and making opportunities. Believe me: I have had 20 times as many shitty encounters with girls, but you just need a couple of good ones to meet your next girlfriend.

All of the discussion about one-sided romantic feelings has made me realize that I've been a monumental dick toward a lot of my "friends". I'd never separate my emotions from my actions, and it cost me some genuine friendships. It's a tough pill to swallow, but honestly, the clarity feels good. I'm actually in a scenario like this right now. A gal and I who used to be friends a few years back had a coffee meet-up planned, but she ghosted me for the 3rd or 4th time in a row now. She's been doing this for a few years now, and I always react the same way; get really pissy that she bailed, delete her from social media, and then upon calming down a bit, I realize I've over-reacted and put myself into an even more uncomfortable position. She always says it's ok and eventually re-initiates convos, but it always leads back to this. I don't really blame her for it anymore, despite how shitty ghosting someone is. Maybe I'd even do the same in her position. Regardless, really well-timed insight from this thread, thank you everyone!

[QUOTE=blerb;52585210]Maybe I'd even do the same in her position.[/QUOTE] Why? If she's ghosting you then you have all the right reasons to be pissy. And apparently she did that multiple times. Removing her from your social media circles is the right thing to do.

There are two kinds of people, the ones that make you worse, and the ones who enrich your person Always coming back to the person who keeps disrespecting you? She is making you worse if you keep coming back for her She isn't worthy of your time

[QUOTE=uber.;52586615]Why? If she's ghosting you then you have all the right reasons to be pissy. And apparently she did that multiple times. Removing her from your social media circles is the right thing to do.[/QUOTE] I think removing someone from social media because they've ghosted you a few times is a bit of an overreaction, and adding them back after a while is something I'd never do cause it basically strips you of all your self-respect. Like it's super embarrassing to angrily delete someone, then add them back after a few weeks where it'd let them obviously see you've removed them. If you removed her, you shoulda kept her removed. If you get ghosted, either tell her straight up "if you're not interested in grabbing coffee, you can tell me upfront" and it'll be handled much better (though at this point it's pretty clear she'll keep ghosting you and probably doesn't want to go for coffee as she feels there may be strings attached). best way to tell if a girl is interested: scroll up through your conversation. if you write chunky replies and she's hitting back with small lines, she's probably not as interested as you are.

You're all correct in your own ways, but the way I'm trying to look at the scenario is treating her how I think she should be treated. Aka genuine friendship, I guess? I get that she doesn't want or even deserve it (debatable) at this point, but so long as I'm pointing fingers, I'm going to have some pointing back at me, as well. It's shitty behaviour to do as I've done to her repeatedly over the years, and while she's had her fair share of shit behaviour as well, I can at least understand why she acted that way in the first place. I can at least try to empathize with her position, right? I figure if I legitimately give her the space she wants, she can be "happy". If that's the case, that works for me. I don't want to be a person in someone's life who only causes more issues, more stress. Not much point in that for either party. With all of that in mind, my game plan is to just drop it all. If she wants more from me, she knows where to find me. If that doesn't happen, so be it.

There is this girl I like, I've known her since May (and vaguely beforehand) and these feelings for her are getting stronger by the moment (she knows I have feelings for her). She hasn't rejected me, just said she isn't ready for a relationship (rough past relationships). She said she finds me interesting, she found me cute a few years ago, and wants to get to know me better. The other day she said I need to stop living in the past (in reference to my Feelings for "Jess" (Not her real name), a girl who backstabbed me). Maybe that indicates she moved on emotionally? I am not sure. I just, don't know what to do with my feelings for her. I mean right now I want to be friends with her but at the end of the day, these feelings are still here.

I've been feeling pretty down lately and so I've been forcing myself to go out with friends almost every night. I should preface this by saying that I am a person that enjoys being alone, and my social battery loses it's charge fairly fast, but being around other people when I'm going through a rough time usually helps. The problem is now that I'm having a lot of trouble connecting with people, even my best friends. I've never been a social butterfly but I'm usually pretty easy to talk to and I'm good at joking around. Nowadays, it's like I no longer know how to react to things or maintain a simple conversation. I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon enough, but my question is, do you think I should continue forcing myself to go out? When I try and fail to connect with people it makes me feel really lonely and frustrated, as opposed to being by myself where I'm still sad, but more comfortable. As of right now I only have two real social occasions planned before I go to college, and I'm thinking that I should just keep to myself until then.

[QUOTE=Xonax;52590038]There is this girl I like, I've known her since May (and vaguely beforehand) and these feelings for her are getting stronger by the moment (she knows I have feelings for her). She hasn't rejected me, just said she isn't ready for a relationship (rough past relationships). She said she finds me interesting, she found me cute a few years ago, and wants to get to know me better. The other day she said I need to stop living in the past (in reference to my Feelings for "Jess" (Not her real name), a girl who backstabbed me). Maybe that indicates she moved on emotionally? I am not sure. I just, don't know what to do with my feelings for her. I mean right now I want to be friends with her but at the end of the day, these feelings are still here.[/QUOTE] I think just regarding her as a friend is the best choice right now. Just keep hanging out with her, talk with her, all that. Then maybe when she starts showing signs or bring it up yourself, you can talk about these feelings. [QUOTE=Bathtub;52590206]I've been feeling pretty down lately and so I've been forcing myself to go out with friends almost every night. I should preface this by saying that I am a person that enjoys being alone, and my social battery loses it's charge fairly fast, but being around other people when I'm going through a rough time usually helps. The problem is now that I'm having a lot of trouble connecting with people, even my best friends. I've never been a social butterfly but I'm usually pretty easy to talk to and I'm good at joking around. Nowadays, it's like I no longer know how to react to things or maintain a simple conversation. I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon enough, but my question is, do you think I should continue forcing myself to go out? When I try and fail to connect with people it makes me feel really lonely and frustrated, as opposed to being by myself where I'm still sad, but more comfortable. As of right now I only have two real social occasions planned before I go to college, and I'm thinking that I should just keep to myself until then.[/QUOTE] If I were you, I'd stay home. Because like you, my social battery can be drained quite rapidly as well, and in those cases, I just tell my friends I don't really feel like hanging out. There's nothing wrong in wanting some alone time now and then.

Does not talking much but still listening really helps grabbing people's attention? Whenever I hang out with my friends, I often have these moments where I just don't know what to do or say, so I just follow their conversation, laugh at their jokes and express feelings using my face, but never actually speak or say anything and I have noticed that my friends and other people seem to like me more when I behave that way. It feels as if being silent and just paying attention to people made me do better socially than speaking. Is this good?

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52592154]Does not talking much but still listening really helps grabbing people's attention? Whenever I hang out with my friends, I often have these moments where I just don't know what to do or say, so I just follow their conversation, laugh at their jokes and express feelings using my face, but never actually speak or say anything and I have noticed that my friends and other people seem to like me more when I behave that way. It feels as if being silent and just paying attention to people made me do better socially than speaking. Is this good?[/QUOTE] Being quiet is better than being domineering and not letting anyone else speak, sure. I don't know if it's great at [I]grabbing[/I] attention, but you're definitely not going to irritate anyone like that, unless it's a one on one. No one likes talking to a brick wall (I say as an English teacher whose job is talking to brick walls).

[QUOTE=thermobaric;52581595]First of all, don't be too harsh on yourself because 95% of men find approaching hard. It's not something we usually do, if at all. It requires massive confidence to even give it an attempt, and a single failure is enough to set you back for months if you take it personal. There are a couple things to keep in mind to make it easier for yourself: -like everything, socializing (with random strangers) is a skill. Doing it more often makes it easier. You don't have to to full PUA, but getting out your comfort zone from time to time will massively benefit you in the future. Everyone has to start somewhere. Everybody makes mistakes and runs into awkwardness. Being succesful is all about how you deal with it. -Don't see a failed attempt as something bad. You're one of the few people who actively try! And you should be proud on that fact. Progress! -Don't go talk to random people (especially girls) if you want something from them. The only thing you should aim for is having fun yourself. The more fun you have, the more open you seem. People will want to share that and join in. -Girls are people too. If you can have fun with male strangers, you can have fun with random girls aswell. It's your mind who is keeping you back. Again: the more you do it, the easier it'll get. You can do it buddy! take a first step and keep walking, and don't let anyone including yourself convince you that you can't pull it off.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Repulsion;52581943]Yeah, approaching women you don't know (or strangers in general) is very difficult. It's a bit of an interesting issue, actually, because there are both evolutionary and social reasons for the anxiety. I know certain cultures are much more open to it in general, but at least in western society there's a lot of ingrained socialization concerning strangers and what is 'polite' to do. thermobaric really hit the nail on the head imo. Practicing and doing it a lot (with all types of strangers, not just women) is essential not just because it's a skill that you can get better at, but because exposure to those situations helps immensely with the anxiety (exposure therapy and all that). And not taking it personally is also incredibly important because there are so many external reasons you may be rejected that there's no point fretting about it. Personally, I've found that being aware and honest with myself has helped me. What I mean by being this connects to a point of thermobarics, that you shouldn't talk to random people if you want something from them. I thought this for a while but I realized that if I was being honest with myself, I almost always did want something whether I was initially aware of it or not, that something being companionship, social practice, a bellyrub for the ego, or even just sex. I think, personally at least, it's important to be aware of and come to terms with whatever this is, without letting it control or color your decisions. I think having a fun-focused mindset is great for this type of thing, but being internally and externally congruent is also important if you actually want something to come of it. Baby steps though! There are billions on this planet, and trillions of potential social interactions to have. Just gotta be open to them and they'll come.[/QUOTE] Thanks for your input! I get what you're saying about having fun first and foremost, it's important to let the pressure out to be comfortable. In the situation I described I wasn't really aiming for some kind of concrete goal though, I leave in less than a week so it's not like it could have lead to anything anyway. I wanted to do it to practice and to prove to myself that I could, the latter of which probably put undue pressure on myself. It's true that it was surprisingly easier to talk to attractive girls when I was in a relationship, since I wasn't driven by any ulterior motive. I guess I need to let those motives take the backstage to fun now that they have resurfaced. Since then I've socialized a bit with some of the gym regulars and exchanged a few words with a nice girl who was embarrassed to have taken my spot while I was refilling on water. Neither of those was me approaching them but I suppose it's a good first step that helps dispel some of that anxiety, if they can start a conversation with a stranger them so can I. I definitely get the impression that reception varies depending on where you are. In Belgium, people (especially old folks) don't hesitate to talk to complete strangers. Here down South people are also generally more friendly than in Paris. Since I like dancing I've been thinking about joining the rock/salsa club at my campus, which welcomes students from outside too. It will probably give me an occasion to diversify my circle of friends which is currently a bit of a sausagefest (engineering woo!) and have fun while meeting new people. I think the main thing that's stressing me out is I'm starting to lose my hair and I don't know how much time I have left before going bald...

Kind of a general question; when you move on from a friend (or friend group) for any reason, do you owe the people an explanation as to why you're cutting ties, or is it better to just let things silently die? I ask because I have an old group of friends that I've grown out of, since all they do is drink, smoke pot, sometimes harder drugs, and argue every time they're together. They're still sending me facebook invites to their band's shows, and I've just stopped going to their shows after their shitty behavior just went too far. One night they showed up late to the venue they were playing, stoned, with broken instruments, and only 4 people as opposed to the other bands which brought like 30+. They were taken off the stage early, because the crowd wasn't involved at all, and one of them vandalized the bathroom because the bands that people actually came to see got to play extra songs. Before all this, things used to be cool and we'd generally have nice times together without them having to rely on pot all the time. I'm still friends with them on facebook, and I feel like a bit of a jerk for not telling them why I don't come around anymore- but I'm not sure if I owe them an explanation? If someone was cutting ties with me, I'd want an explanation, but I can understand why some people just silently drop friends instead.

[QUOTE=BrandoJack;52594767]Kind of a general question; when you move on from a friend (or friend group) for any reason, do you owe the people an explanation as to why you're cutting ties, or is it better to just let things silently die? I ask because I have an old group of friends that I've grown out of, since all they do is drink, smoke pot, sometimes harder drugs, and argue every time they're together. They're still sending me facebook invites to their band's shows, and I've just stopped going to their shows after their shitty behavior just went too far. One night they showed up late to the venue they were playing, stoned, with broken instruments, and only 4 people as opposed to the other bands which brought like 30+. They were taken off the stage early, because the crowd wasn't involved at all, and one of them vandalized the bathroom because the bands that people actually came to see got to play extra songs. Before all this, things used to be cool and we'd generally have nice times together without them having to rely on pot all the time. I'm still friends with them on facebook, and I feel like a bit of a jerk for not telling them why I don't come around anymore- but I'm not sure if I owe them an explanation? If someone was cutting ties with me, I'd want an explanation, but I can understand why some people just silently drop friends instead.[/QUOTE] I dont think they really sound like the type who would take an explanation very well? its certainly not owed and i would only ever really give one if people asked.

[QUOTE=BrandoJack;52594767]Kind of a general question; when you move on from a friend (or friend group) for any reason, do you owe the people an explanation as to why you're cutting ties, or is it better to just let things silently die? I ask because I have an old group of friends that I've grown out of, since all they do is drink, smoke pot, sometimes harder drugs, and argue every time they're together. They're still sending me facebook invites to their band's shows, and I've just stopped going to their shows after their shitty behavior just went too far. One night they showed up late to the venue they were playing, stoned, with broken instruments, and only 4 people as opposed to the other bands which brought like 30+. They were taken off the stage early, because the crowd wasn't involved at all, and one of them vandalized the bathroom because the bands that people actually came to see got to play extra songs. Before all this, things used to be cool and we'd generally have nice times together without them having to rely on pot all the time. I'm still friends with them on facebook, and I feel like a bit of a jerk for not telling them why I don't come around anymore- but I'm not sure if I owe them an explanation? If someone was cutting ties with me, I'd want an explanation, but I can understand why some people just silently drop friends instead.[/QUOTE] You don't owe them an explanation for cutting ties. And if they haven't tried to contact you other then shitty facebook invites then don't feel even a bit guilty for it.

-nvm i'm just gonna lay it all on the table and hash things out with him-

[QUOTE=loopoo;52594989]-nvm i'm just gonna lay it all on the table and hash things out with him-[/QUOTE] I would turn down his invites. You're not being forced to play with him and starting a fight over it isn't worth the hassle. You could go a step further and remove him from steam so you don't have to talk to him online anymore. You could talk to him about it. He'll try to change the way he acts but he likely will revert to his old behavior. Like I said its not worth fighting over.

How does a mentally ill person who is aware of their own condition deal with strangers who, without asking, try to "fix" them? I don't have trouble socializing, but sometimes people befriend me and subtly try to help me, using their own methods and armchair psychology, and when they notice that I don't change they feel frustrated and even hate me for it even though I never asked for their help in first place. I feel uncomfortable when people do that because it makes me feel like an object merely used to boost their image or make them feel better of themselves. What would be a proper way to let someone know that I'm only interested in friendship and not on their help?