Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

Fuckin hate tinder Matched with a girl who'd seem perfect for me and messaged her. Never got anything back :/

[QUOTE=redBadger;51357539]Fuckin hate tinder Matched with a girl who'd seem perfect for me and messaged her. Never got anything back :/[/QUOTE] thats not the way to play mate. when i was on tinder i got matched with heaps of people that never talked to me and plenty i didnt talk to either. the key thing is to persevere, push past that and move on. you'll get some eventually.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51357630]thats not the way to play mate. when i was on tinder i got matched with heaps of people that never talked to me and plenty i didnt talk to either. the key thing is to persevere, push past that and move on. you'll get some eventually.[/QUOTE] Any openers you'd recommend? I just matched with someone id really like to give it a go with and see what happens

just dont take it too seriously. as a rule of thumb by the time youre asking facepunch for advice youre thinking too much into it

Almost definitely in this case

My best friend a (a girl) currently has about 147 matches. I have 2, I don't think I've ever even gotten 147 matches in my entire time using the damn thing lmao (so well over a year now)

I know a guy who just swipes right or whichever way it is to get a match for everyone on the screen, he wont even look. Once he gets any messages he'll then make up his mind.

So wheres that guy who gave a detailed tutorial on how to start texting matches on Tinder? I need it now :c

[QUOTE=Boss;51359402]I know a guy who just swipes right or whichever way it is to get a match for everyone on the screen, he wont even look. Once he gets any messages he'll then make up his mind.[/QUOTE] That's the best way to play it. Swipe right and then you'll get the pick of the pie to anyone who matches with you. If you don't like someone simply unmatch them. [I]Disclaimer: Never had a Tinder date[/I]

That's pretty much what I do. I mean I'm on the other end of the spectrum but the more times you swipe right, the higher chance it is that you'll get a match that's actually interested.

[QUOTE=Boss;51359402]I know a guy who just swipes right or whichever way it is to get a match for everyone on the screen, he wont even look. Once he gets any messages he'll then make up his mind.[/QUOTE] You pretty much have to do it this way. When I first started, I looked through everyone's full set of pictures, read every word of their bio, and made an informed decision of whether to hit like or dislike. This method got me several weeks of no matches. Now, any day that I find myself with about 10 free minutes, I swipe tons of people on impulse until I run out of likes for the day. Using this method I get MAYBE a match a week if I remember to do it every day. Still, about 20 lifetime matches, less than 50% have exchanged messages with me, and 0 have actually met me

A Cry For Help: Altright, there's this girl in my class which I have taken a liking to. She's not particularly attractive in a conventional way, however she has an unique facial structure that puts her into the uncanny valley (regarding looks). On top of that, she has a gorgeous body, is very well read, and has a great sense of humor. Also I am extremely lonely and haven't felt the touch of a woman in ages. Now to my question. Whenever she finds something funny or amusing, she turns to me. And in group chats, she always writes "haha" to all of my comments. She looks at me a lot, and I'm in general getting the same vibe from her as I got from an ex-girlfriend before we started dating. BUT - and this is a big but - I don't think I can be patient enough to through the usual hoops of dating; acting coy and shy before letting out the real, thirsty and sexually deviant, me. Also I don't want a traditional relationship, but rather an exclusive commitment in which I don't have to be home at a certain time, or in general feel the need to meet her parents, or be with her when she wants to unless I feel the same. I also wouldn't want to have to introduce her as my girlfriend, show any public affection, or in general have more emotional duties than I have as of now. How do I go on about this? Can you experts give me some help?

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360710]A Cry For Help: Altright, there's this girl in my class which I have taken a liking to. She's not particularly attractive in a conventional way, however she has an unique facial structure that puts her into the uncanny valley (regarding looks). On top of that, she has a gorgeous body, is very well read, and has a great sense of humor. Also I am extremely lonely and haven't felt the touch of a woman in ages. Now to my question. Whenever she finds something funny or amusing, she turns to me. And in group chats, she always writes "haha" to all of my comments. She looks at me a lot, and I'm in general getting the same vibe from her as I got from an ex-girlfriend before we started dating. BUT - and this is a big but - I don't think I can be patient enough to through the usual hoops of dating; acting coy and shy before letting out the real, thirsty and sexually deviant, me. Also I don't want a traditional relationship, but rather an exclusive commitment in which I don't have to be home at a certain time, or in general feel the need to meet her parents, or be with her when she wants to unless I feel the same. I also wouldn't want to have to introduce her as my girlfriend, show any public affection, or in general have more emotional duties than I have as of now. How do I go on about this? Can you experts give me some help?[/QUOTE] Okay first of all you don't even know if this girl is into you, but also it sounds like you're not ready for a relationship AT ALL. An exclusive commitment is a relationship and unfortunately you don't just get to pick and choose which parts of it you want and which you don't. You can't have your cake and eat it too unless that's what she wants as well. If you decide to ask her out, and she wants to go out with you, and you want it to be exclusive, then by all means communicate to her what you don't want if you like but, being frank with you for a second, it seems like where you are right now would make you an absolute horror of a boyfriend It depends on what age you are but it seems like you're setting yourself up to completely dismiss any of her needs straight off the bat. You want all the good things about a relationship but you don't want to bear any responsibility for it. That's just gonna be a complete disaster dude and with that mindset, just do her a favour and don't go out with her

[QUOTE=killerteacup;51360752]Okay first of all you don't even know if this girl is into you, but also it sounds like you're not ready for a relationship AT ALL. An exclusive commitment is a relationship and unfortunately you don't just get to pick and choose which parts of it you want and which you don't. You can't have your cake and eat it too unless that's what she wants as well. If you decide to ask her out, and she wants to go out with you, and you want it to be exclusive, then by all means communicate to her what you don't want if you like but, being frank with you for a second, it seems like where you are right now would make you an absolute horror of a boyfriend It depends on what age you are but it seems like you're setting yourself up to completely dismiss any of her needs straight off the bat. You want all the good things about a relationship but you don't want to bear any responsibility for it. That's just gonna be a complete disaster dude and with that mindset, just do her a favour and don't go out with her[/QUOTE] Yes, that is what my exes have said too. I've dumped them all because - even though I know it leads to my miserable loneliness - I just can't stand the obligations. Good tip. I needed to read that. Do you think a FWB would be more in line with my interests?

FWB would be more what you'd be looking for, but in that case, it likely would be difficult for it to be exclusive. Either way, everything is moot if she doesn't like you lol.

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360764]Yes, that is what my exes have said too. I've dumped them all because - even though I know it leads to my miserable loneliness - I just can't stand the obligations. Good tip. I needed to read that. Do you think a FWB would be more in line with my interests?[/QUOTE] Probably. But you won't get to demand exclusivity from any FWB you have. If you seriously want something exclusive sounds like you've got a bit of growing up to do first buddy

it just sounds like you want to bang her and then leave her to be honest

I hope I'm not sounding too judgemental but I don't see the point of a relationship with anyone if it's purely sexual. It sounds like you want a one night stand and that's it. Nothing wrong with that, but it's not a relationship.

Kind of, but I want to bang her on the regular, and then leave her, and come back and bang her some more. And I'd really like it if she didn't bang anyone else in the meantime (I wouldn't). But yeah, this is just some wish-thinking and you're probably right in that a relationship isn't right for me in my current state. Oh LOL, I think I have a crush on her too, so it'll be hard. Maybe I'm just a pig. EDIT: To be fair, I would not mind just cuddling or having date nights without any sexual context. But only on my demands, you know.

it sounds like you have some issues dude, you are definitely not ready for anything close to a relationship [editline]12th November 2016[/editline] women are more than sexual objects, they have wants and needs and nobody is going to be able to conform to you at all times

I have to agree. That isn't a normal or healthy relationship under any stretch of the imagination.

I wouldn't call it issues. I'm just a young bloke, who doesn't want anything too serious. Surely, I must be in the majority in my age group (19-20 year olds).

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360870]I wouldn't call it issues. I'm just a young bloke, who doesn't want anything too serious. Surely, I must be in the majority in my age group (19-20 year olds).[/QUOTE] shit man im 18 and i already realize that you are basically asking for a human fleshlight. unless you guys are purely FWBs then it would be manipulative and borderline abusive to treat anyone like that

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360870]I wouldn't call it issues. I'm just a young bloke, who doesn't want anything too serious. Surely, I must be in the majority in my age group (19-20 year olds).[/QUOTE] I've never met any 19 or 20 year old ever have a relationship like that. It is not a healthy one nor will it end well. I'd suggest you seriously rethink what exactly a serious relationship is and realise it's about giving and not taking.

Now wait a minute, you guys. I never said anything about a serious relationship: in fact, I explicitly said that I didn't want a traditional relationship. Nor did I insinuate any purely sexual context!!! I simply said that I didn't want it to feel like an obligation to hang around the potential girlfriend at all times, and do a majority of things with her. Surely this doesn't justify me being called the proverbial devil, nor should it be too of an unhealthy view on relationships in general (seeing as I'm clearly able to differentiate between what is constituted normal and what lies in the spectrum of my selfish needs). Unrealistic yes, but I don't think I need to have a psychological reevaluation, as some of you are suggesting. To be frank, I think your first pieces of advice were good and worthwhile, but it is becoming glaringly obvious that you have a very strict idea of what a relationship could be (it's only as much as you make it), and are very binary in your reasoning. EDIT: 400th post! Woho!

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360850]Kind of, but I want to bang her on the regular, and then leave her, and come back and bang her some more. And I'd really like it if she didn't bang anyone else in the meantime (I wouldn't). But yeah, this is just some wish-thinking and you're probably right in that a relationship isn't right for me in my current state. Oh LOL, I think I have a crush on her too, so it'll be hard. Maybe I'm just a pig. EDIT: To be fair, I would not mind just cuddling or having date nights without any sexual context. But only on my demands, you know.[/QUOTE] idk how much of this you've included for dramatic effect, so no offense, but this post comes off as creepy and controlling. "only on my demands", come the fuck on [editline]12th November 2016[/editline] every successful relationship, traditional or non traditional, has one thing in common: mutual respect

Wait, how is THAT the part you got hung up on!? Well shouldn't a healthy relationship be on your demands? Like, you shouldn't hang around anyone just because you feel obligated to, but because you sincerely want to? You should do what you're comfortable with, and if one partner isn't, then you call it quits. Also, terms would be the more fitting word. You'll have to excuse me, my English isn't that good.

You need a sex toy, not a girl imo. FWB would have been a fine thing to look for, but you're also looking for someone to follow your demands and give you on-demand attention which isn't gonna happen unless you're gonna hire a hooker?? If you want any sort of relationship with someone that goes beyond the sexual, you need to respect their time just as much as you expect them to respect yours. People are people, not objects, man.

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360923]Wait, how is THAT the part you got hung up on!? Well shouldn't a healthy relationship be on your demands? Like, you shouldn't hang around anyone just because you feel obligated to, but because you sincerely want to? You should do what you're comfortable with, and if one partner isn't, then you call it quits. Also, terms would be the more fitting word. You'll have to excuse me, my English isn't that good.[/QUOTE] But you're not taking into consideration what she would potentially want. Part of being in a relationship, no matter how serious, is spending time together, and you can't just keep someone waiting on whether or not you FEEL like being around them at that point. You're saying that, if you were to be in any type of relationship, you would only be comfortable if you controlled everything about it, which is unhealthy.

Yes, now I'm sure it's the language barrier that is at fault here. Clearly I wasn't able to articulate what I felt accurately in english. I want to stress one last thing here: I never said anything about it being a purely sexual relation, this is something you all have made up in your mind! To be perfectly honest, I'm more partial to the emotional part of the relationship. I suspect that a fleshlight wouldn't be able to hold a conversation, have dates with, and in general have any of the emotional trust that is connected to a (conventional) relationship. I want to not be lonely more than I want sex. But I want to be lonely too, for a longer period, and then not have to feel bad because someone else is hung up one me and expects me to be with them. A perfectly good assessment would be to state that I want the idea of a relationship, more than I want an actual relationship, and because of that it wouldn't be fair of me to actually be in a relationship if I can't deliver to my partner what I expect from them. Well, thank you all for making me realise this, and may the next person with alms be treated in a 'Super Friendly' way, as I was not. EDIT: This was a response written after reading Pascall's post. At the time of writing, I had not read the comment above.