Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52595262]How does a mentally ill person who is aware of their own condition deal with strangers who, without asking, try to "fix" them? I don't have trouble socializing, but sometimes people befriend me and subtly try to help me, using their own methods and armchair psychology, and when they notice that I don't change they feel frustrated and even hate me for it even though I never asked for their help in first place. I feel uncomfortable when people do that because it makes me feel like an object merely used to boost their image or make them feel better of themselves. What would be a proper way to let someone know that I'm only interested in friendship and not on their help?[/QUOTE] Honestly it depends how subtle they are? I only really know how to deal with the people who often want to like drag me out to a yoga class or some crap. There are people out there who seem to like to take on projects rather than friends... and like thats the only reason they are there not to hang out? Its weird. If you figure it out please tell me tbh.

Yeah, I don't like when I'm taken as a project or as some form of charity.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52595107]I would turn down his invites. You're not being forced to play with him and starting a fight over it isn't worth the hassle. You could go a step further and remove him from steam so you don't have to talk to him online anymore. You could talk to him about it. He'll try to change the way he acts but he likely will revert to his old behavior. Like I said its not worth fighting over.[/QUOTE] I defo won't remove him, it makes things a bit sticky since we're uni friends. I was gonna hash it out over Discord with him but like you said, he'd revert to his old behaviour. And it'd just make our future games awkward since he'd be stepping on eggshells, and the sort of atmosphere I want when playing with friends is a chill and laid back one. That being said, I always feel like I'm stepping on eggshells around him, cause I know if I call him out or refuse to do something, he'll go into passive aggressive mode and I can't be arsed with it anymore. Fuck friendships like that. When I meet someone I can just be open with and it's so chill, that's the best kind of friendship. I think a large part of it is due to the fact he's 19, so he can be really immature sometimes. We're both just headstrong, and he's probably used to bulldozing his way to getting what he wants, whereas I'm not an absolute douchebag in my bullheadedness. So I have a feeling a lot of the times he bosses me about is just to try and put me in my place, which I think is the most ridiculous shit ever. When he does it in a group, I'll call him out on his crap, but like I said, the other people in our social circle are pushovers. One time, he refused to start a game cause I'd sent him an invite, and he said he wouldn't play unless I accepted his??? I genuinely thought he was messing about cause who even is that petty. And another situation, he straight up disconnected from the Discord server mid-convo cause I told him he was being a little bitch over trivial stuff. The more I think about it, the more I'm starting to realise he's got a selfish and petty streak, and it sorta makes me want to cut that negativity out of my life, but uni starts back up in less than a month, and it'd be awkward as fuck reconnecting with the group and them telling straight away that there's an issue between the two of us. I was just getting tunnel visioned since he's an alright mate from uni and we do get the rare gaming session that's insanely fun, so I kept holding out figuring he'd cut the crap.

If you want friendships where you can be open and chill, be open and chill. Tell him your problems with him in the chillest most open way possible and let him fuck off by himself if that's who he wants to be.

Love is precious. don't compare love with anything else.

Oh boy. I've got a class this semester with the girl I was seeing last semester because we thought at the time "let's have a class together it'll be awesome." I had pretty much gotten over her but now I'm getting angry and upset again. Is it wrong to be resentful of someone else, even if they lied to you about their feelings?

[QUOTE=Hilton;52595649]If you want friendships where you can be open and chill, be open and chill. Tell him your problems with him in the chillest most open way possible and let him fuck off by himself if that's who he wants to be.[/QUOTE] nah, some people just don't work that way. they've either got a hell of a mean / selfish streak, or are really petty and won't let bygones be bygones. me telling him my issues will just make him more passive aggressive and dial up his annoying habits. plus, I really doubt he'll see it from my perspective. might record a game we play in the future and show him how big a douchebag he can be, maybe he doesn't realise it.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52596443]It's a better long-term strategy to forgive and forget. You'll be happier.[/QUOTE] Ugh. Any tips? Basically we confessed feelings to each other, started going out, then she got distant and apparently started dating another guy while she was still talking with me, after we had already been spending like every day together. Basically instead of just telling me her feelings had changed she lied to me and led me on for two months.

I know I'm late to the discussion about having feelings for friends from a few days ago, but I'll add my 2 cents: I asked a close friend out recently, and she declined. I wanted to continue being friends, but she did not. An outcome I was not expecting, and am still upset about. That said; I'm still glad I asked.

I have a very hard paranoia of being called creepy. When I'm in public it's often because I need to go to certain place, i.e the library or a store or something. Sometimes there happens to be people walking into the same direction as I do, some of these people are women. So I feel paranoid of scaring them off by accident, and feel guilty and uncomfortable for walking behind them because I think that they are thinking that I'm following them, when I'm actually just trying to go to a different place and we just happen to be walking in the same direction. Sometimes I cross the sidewalk or even go off my path just for the fear of them thinking I'm a creepy stalker or something. Sometimes I set up plans to organize parties and hang out with my friends and they sometimes happen to bring their female friends with them. I don't mind their company, but it bugs me when my friends are sitting next to them because whenever I want to talk with my friend, there is a chance their female friend might think I'm gazing at her, when in reality I'm only keeping eye contact with my friend I'm speaking speaking to in the moment. Other stuff applies - Female friends checking my smartphone and browsing my pictures. As a matter of fact, I never keep porn or explicit images in my phone's gallery, but I fear that if they notice that I lack these type of content, they will make assumptions of me like being immature or childish. - Sitting next to a woman in the urban transport bus or metro. 100% of the times I enter the metro or get on a bus, I sit down because I'm tired. I don't care if I have to sit down next to a beggar or the queen of England. I sit down next to other people when empty rows of seats just weren't available. But I feel uncomfortable due to the fear of making women feel uncomfortable by sitting next to them, even when I sit in a normal way and mind my own business through the entire trip. - Clothing problems. I wear the same outfits through the week and alternate them during different days, but [B]I clean my clothes frequently and always take at the least two showers every day[/B] Still I fear that they will assume that since I wear the same outfits, I must be a very dirty person who doesn't care about hygiene, when I'm actually very hygienic myself. How can I come in terms with these thoughts? Do women really judge men that harshly?

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52599209]I have a very hard paranoia of being called creepy. When I'm in public it's often because I need to go to certain place, i.e the library or a store or something. Sometimes there happens to be people walking into the same direction as I do, some of these people are women. So I feel paranoid of scaring them off by accident, and feel guilty and uncomfortable for walking behind them because I think that they are thinking that I'm following them, when I'm actually just trying to go to a different place and we just happen to be walking in the same direction. Sometimes I cross the sidewalk or even go off my path just for the fear of them thinking I'm a creepy stalker or something. Sometimes I set up plans to organize parties and hang out with my friends and they sometimes happen to bring their female friends with them. I don't mind their company, but it bugs me when my friends are sitting next to them because whenever I want to talk with my friend, there is a chance their female friend might think I'm gazing at her, when in reality I'm only keeping eye contact with my friend I'm speaking speaking to in the moment. Other stuff applies - Female friends checking my smartphone and browsing my pictures. As a matter of fact, I never keep porn or explicit images in my phone's gallery, but I fear that if they notice that I lack these type of content, they will make assumptions of me like being immature or childish. - Sitting next to a woman in the urban transport bus or metro. 100% of the times I enter the metro or get on a bus, I sit down because I'm tired. I don't care if I have to sit down next to a beggar or the queen of England. I sit down next to other people when empty rows of seats just weren't available. But I feel uncomfortable due to the fear of making women feel uncomfortable by sitting next to them, even when I sit in a normal way and mind my own business through the entire trip. - Clothing problems. I wear the same outfits through the week and alternate them during different days, but [B]I clean my clothes frequently and always take at the least two showers every day[/B] Still I fear that they will assume that since I wear the same outfits, I must be a very dirty person who doesn't care about hygiene, when I'm actually very hygienic myself. How can I come in terms with these thoughts? Do women really judge men that harshly?[/QUOTE] You're overthinking it. No one is going to think you're creepy for sitting next to them on public transport, nor pretty much anything else you mentioned. I avoid walking behind women who are alone at night, especially when it's quiet, because [I]that[/I] can be a scary situation for anyone, especially single women, but if it's light out or busy, you don't need to worry. You can maybe take some solace in the fact that you're not going to creep anyone out precisely because you're worried about it. Being aware of the possibility pretty much eliminates the chances of you accidentally doing it.

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52599209]I have a very hard paranoia of being called creepy. When I'm in public it's often because I need to go to certain place, i.e the library or a store or something. Sometimes there happens to be people walking into the same direction as I do, some of these people are women. So I feel paranoid of scaring them off by accident, and feel guilty and uncomfortable for walking behind them because I think that they are thinking that I'm following them, when I'm actually just trying to go to a different place and we just happen to be walking in the same direction. Sometimes I cross the sidewalk or even go off my path just for the fear of them thinking I'm a creepy stalker or something. Sometimes I set up plans to organize parties and hang out with my friends and they sometimes happen to bring their female friends with them. I don't mind their company, but it bugs me when my friends are sitting next to them because whenever I want to talk with my friend, there is a chance their female friend might think I'm gazing at her, when in reality I'm only keeping eye contact with my friend I'm speaking speaking to in the moment. Other stuff applies - Female friends checking my smartphone and browsing my pictures. As a matter of fact, I never keep porn or explicit images in my phone's gallery, but I fear that if they notice that I lack these type of content, they will make assumptions of me like being immature or childish. - Sitting next to a woman in the urban transport bus or metro. 100% of the times I enter the metro or get on a bus, I sit down because I'm tired. I don't care if I have to sit down next to a beggar or the queen of England. I sit down next to other people when empty rows of seats just weren't available. But I feel uncomfortable due to the fear of making women feel uncomfortable by sitting next to them, even when I sit in a normal way and mind my own business through the entire trip. - Clothing problems. I wear the same outfits through the week and alternate them during different days, but [B]I clean my clothes frequently and always take at the least two showers every day[/B] Still I fear that they will assume that since I wear the same outfits, I must be a very dirty person who doesn't care about hygiene, when I'm actually very hygienic myself. How can I come in terms with these thoughts? Do women really judge men that harshly?[/QUOTE] When you're in public places, people tend to not give a shit, men and women alike. Unless you're some smelly, drugged up alcoholic dripping shit and making a ruckus.

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52599209]I have a very hard paranoia of being called creepy. When I'm in public it's often because I need to go to certain place, i.e the library or a store or something. Sometimes there happens to be people walking into the same direction as I do, some of these people are women. So I feel paranoid of scaring them off by accident, and feel guilty and uncomfortable for walking behind them because I think that they are thinking that I'm following them, when I'm actually just trying to go to a different place and we just happen to be walking in the same direction. Sometimes I cross the sidewalk or even go off my path just for the fear of them thinking I'm a creepy stalker or something. Sometimes I set up plans to organize parties and hang out with my friends and they sometimes happen to bring their female friends with them. I don't mind their company, but it bugs me when my friends are sitting next to them because whenever I want to talk with my friend, there is a chance their female friend might think I'm gazing at her, when in reality I'm only keeping eye contact with my friend I'm speaking speaking to in the moment. Other stuff applies - Female friends checking my smartphone and browsing my pictures. As a matter of fact, I never keep porn or explicit images in my phone's gallery, but I fear that if they notice that I lack these type of content, they will make assumptions of me like being immature or childish. - Sitting next to a woman in the urban transport bus or metro. 100% of the times I enter the metro or get on a bus, I sit down because I'm tired. I don't care if I have to sit down next to a beggar or the queen of England. I sit down next to other people when empty rows of seats just weren't available. But I feel uncomfortable due to the fear of making women feel uncomfortable by sitting next to them, even when I sit in a normal way and mind my own business through the entire trip. - Clothing problems. I wear the same outfits through the week and alternate them during different days, but [B]I clean my clothes frequently and always take at the least two showers every day[/B] Still I fear that they will assume that since I wear the same outfits, I must be a very dirty person who doesn't care about hygiene, when I'm actually very hygienic myself. How can I come in terms with these thoughts? Do women really judge men that harshly?[/QUOTE] Honestly it seems like you have some serious issues with women. Why do you fear being uncomfortable to women but not to men? In any case, I'd say you are thinking way too much about it, relax a bit, usually people tend to act creepy when they actively try not to be creepy.

Well, this is shit. What do I even do at this point? To put it simple I'm stuck in a cycle that forces me to see someone I really wanted to cut ties with.

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;52604589]Well, this is shit. What do I even do at this point? To put it simple I'm stuck in a cycle that forces me to see someone I really wanted to cut ties with.[/QUOTE] How are you stuck in this cycle? With nothing but assumptions and my own anecdotal experience, burn the bridge by confronting them with whatever it is that makes you want to cut ties. On a vaguely similar subject, lately I've been kind of slipping into this weird almost narcissistic state. Not like wanting to stare at myself in the mirror for hours or something, maybe something closer to finally having a shitload of confidence and self-respect? Like, I'm a great person and I don't have to deal with even the minor bullshit people deal out; I'm better than a lot of people. Perhaps it has to do with finally telling my first ex to fuck off. We hadn't talked for a few months, then she all of a sudden asks if I want some stupid stuffed animal back. I told her I didn't care. She sent it back anyway, along with a picture of me from high school that I told her to just throw away, which pissed me off. She proceeds to take total control of this webpage her and I managed together because she felt like she owned it and wanted to use to get commission money off of lmao. Okay, no big deal, I'll get over it. Then she asks me to send her back a bear she had given me six years ago. Is it normal to be upset about that? This thing that was kind of a sign of love between two people who now have very little to do with each other being asked for. It still had the taint of our sloppily blown relationship, the fuck would you want this back for? "Oh, you don't use it anyway" and "it doesn't have a connection to you for me". Holy shit. Now I start to think how I want my MIDI keyboard that I'd given to her, a pianist, as a gift. Big surprise, she literally never used it once in five years due to her stupidity and laziness since this particular board requires a computer and software to actually get sound out of. Hey, you weren't using this, so give it the fuck back. Bullshit excuses like diarrhea over the course of threeish weeks, with classics like "I don't know where to find boxes that'll fit" and "is it even worth that much, can't you just buy another?" and "I've been busy being sick, cleaning up the apartment, visiting family, and drawing my new comic". At least I could finally see this fucker wasn't worth it. Shit, no one is worth taking this kind of garbage from. I said that if she was having so much trouble that I'd pay for the box, though passive aggressively to say I could just do it myself. She text me asking how/when I'd be paying her back for the $115 shipping bill ($25 for a box AHAHHAHAHA). I told her she'd done so out of the kindness of her heart and since we'd gotten the last things we wanted back to never talk to me again. Of course she responds with how she "thought you'd be better than this" and posts on facebook how she's ~*been bamboozled*~ so I just finally told her that for years I could've told her the same thing, and to fuck off It feels good to realize it was never me. Just everyone else. tl;dr fuck bitches get keyboards

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52605251]Sounds petty on both sides. Also I have shipped and ordered instruments a lot and a guitar can be $150 easily from a lot of places. I'm sure a keyboard can be quite a bit too unless it's tiny.[/QUOTE] When it's been going on like this for years with an ex who didn't extend much care towards you besides what she wanted it's pretty easy to be petty. Is it wrong to feel good about it as some kind of low-level revenge? Yea, $80 some odd for shipping but $25 for a box is stupid.

[QUOTE=CodeMe;52605350]Yea, $80 some odd for shipping but $25 for a box is stupid.[/QUOTE] You should have bought the box yourself and shipped it to her then. She should also be charging you for labor to ship the package.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52605400]You should have bought the box yourself and shipped it to her then. She should also be charging you for labor to ship the package.[/QUOTE] Why?

[QUOTE=CodeMe;52605443]Why?[/QUOTE] Well you're complaining about how much the box cost. If you bought it yourself I'm sure it would have been cheaper. Labor is self explanatory? You're not together anymore and it takes time to ship a package.

Dating is not the thing for me anymore. I just can't. I'm so awkward

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52605502]Well you're complaining about how much the box cost. If you bought it yourself I'm sure it would have been cheaper. Labor is self explanatory? You're not together anymore and it takes time to ship a package.[/QUOTE] I get your point honestly, and it's not like you know much about the situation. Long story short we'd dated for seven years and at the end she decided to spend 30 minutes going over all the personal shit she'd hated about me and also felt the need to say she hadn't actually loved me for years to the point I nearly killed myself then and there. Getting free boxes is simple. Go to a big retail store around closing time, they're going to throw out/recycle most of the shipment boxes anyway. I even told her this. Also lol to shipping boxes :v: She still, after three weeks time to figure out the difficult task of shipping something with my assistance, just went to FedEx and overpaid for a box under the pretense I was going to pay anyway. That's what I'm complaining about. I couldn't give less of a fuck about her giving me some ~*free labor*~. [QUOTE=Kabstrac;52605910]I just think it'd be better off if you just blocked all communication.[/QUOTE] That's probably why I did this petty bullshit.

[QUOTE=thermobaric;52581595]First of all, don't be too harsh on yourself because 95% of men find approaching hard. It's not something we usually do, if at all. It requires massive confidence to even give it an attempt, and a single failure is enough to set you back for months if you take it personal. There are a couple things to keep in mind to make it easier for yourself: -like everything, socializing (with random strangers) is a skill. Doing it more often makes it easier. You don't have to to full PUA, but getting out your comfort zone from time to time will massively benefit you in the future. Everyone has to start somewhere. Everybody makes mistakes and runs into awkwardness. Being succesful is all about how you deal with it. -Don't see a failed attempt as something bad. You're one of the few people who actively try! And you should be proud on that fact. Progress! -Don't go talk to random people (especially girls) if you want something from them. The only thing you should aim for is having fun yourself. The more fun you have, the more open you seem. People will want to share that and join in. -Girls are people too. If you can have fun with male strangers, you can have fun with random girls aswell. It's your mind who is keeping you back. Again: the more you do it, the easier it'll get. You can do it buddy! take a first step and keep walking, and don't let anyone including yourself convince you that you can't pull it off.[/QUOTE] I fucking did it. Same couple of girls came to do the same routine today, caught the same one as last time eyeing me repeatedly, for longer periods this time. Kept doing my routine for a while, hesitated for a bit, and then I decided to bite the bullet. Went much better than I expected. I went directly to the one that seemed interested (the other one was doing her squats), and started talking. Turns out most of the anxiety basically went away the moment I decided to go, my brain pretty much switched to autopilot (for better or for worse :v:). Brought up her squats being above parallel, which she actually was aware of, so I made a few suggestions to correct that. We discussed a bit about her program, then I went back to doing my stuff and she thanked me for the help. She seemed like the shy kind of girl at first, but she was looking at me and smiling while talking, bringing up new subtopics of conversation at times. Her friend largely ignored me, and looked a bit pissed like I killed her pet or something. Maybe that's just her resting face? Not like she was the one I was talking to anyway. The positive response is just the cherry on top though, even if I got the cold shoulder it would have been a positive experience for me. The important thing is I actually went and did it, and I'm not going to lie, that's something I'm kinda proud of right now!

I'm really bad at keeping secrets amongst my friends. Usually when one says something bad about another when they are not around I just end up telling that friend, which causes him to talk shit about my friend who originally talked shit about him, and then I go tell that friends and so on. I really want to stop doing this because this has caused many conflicts within my friends and my family. I don't want to cause conflict nor division but damn, sometimes my tongue simply slips.:cry:

I regret not starting up conversation with this cute girl that sat next to me when I was at a Coffee shop. She even glanced a few times at me and asked what time was it right now. Is too bad I'm been feeling like such a piece of shit recently. I actually miss liking myself. All the time I feel surrounded by people that couldn't give two shits if I dropped dead right in front of them.

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;52606800]I regret not starting up conversation with this cute girl that sat next to me when I was at a Coffee shop. She even glanced a few times at me and asked what time was it right now. Is too bad I'm been feeling like such a piece of shit recently. I actually miss liking myself. All the time I feel surrounded by people that couldn't give two shits if I dropped dead right in front of them.[/QUOTE] I know it feels like people don't care, been there more times than I care to count, but I promise they would. What is it about yourself you don't like right now? Can't say I always do it but like if there is something about yourself bothering you theres kinda two things to do, first figure out if its a legitimate problem or just kinda mindless self hate, and then if you can, do something about it.

so I redownloaded tinder and was messaging this girl and things were going swimmingly, verifiably not a bot, pretty good looking, good banter, all g I get notifications that she's messaged me back, but I'm at work so I leave it for a bit. When I come back I have no matches at all, so I restart tinder and all my matches are back, but I haven't received any new messages from her despite being notified of them?? Its like they're lost in the nether Tinder is fucking buggy as hell I do not know what to do in this situation because if she didn't message me back and tinder just bugged out then me being like "heyyy did you like...message me back before?" is suuupper fucking weird lol nvm i fixed it by reinstalling tinder. Jesus christ what a shit app

fuck, pretty sure this girl is racist

what did she message you?

[QUOTE=killerteacup;52607047]so I redownloaded tinder and was messaging this girl and things were going swimmingly, verifiably not a bot, pretty good looking, good banter, all g I get notifications that she's messaged me back, but I'm at work so I leave it for a bit. When I come back I have no matches at all, so I restart tinder and all my matches are back, but I haven't received any new messages from her despite being notified of them?? Its like they're lost in the nether Tinder is fucking buggy as hell I do not know what to do in this situation because if she didn't message me back and tinder just bugged out then me being like "heyyy did you like...message me back before?" is suuupper fucking weird lol nvm i fixed it by reinstalling tinder. Jesus christ what a shit app[/QUOTE] Also had a weirdass bug yesterday, started messaging a match and after a while she told me my profile was blank and my name showed up as [NULL], she also couldn't find our convo without typing "A" in the search bar. So we added each other on FB and I showed her screencaps of my profile, she said she didn't recall swiping or even seeing it. Tinder really is a buggy mess.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52607548]what did she message you?[/QUOTE] She said there were so many Asians in Sydney it's like visiting Hong Kong (she's from Malta). I mean... objectively she's correct, there are a lot of Asians in Sydney. But I was like "yeah Sydney is cooler though, Hong Kong is so hot" and she told me I missed the point. Then she said she spent 3 months in south east Asia and that was enough but I think she was referring to the temperature at this point from context. Then she told me she is really looking forward to visiting Japan and it's really interesting and great Like mixed messages a little bit but idk seemed to me to be a bit bad