Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=killerteacup;52607668]She said there were so many Asians in Sydney it's like visiting Hong Kong (she's from Malta). I mean... objectively she's correct, there are a lot of Asians in Sydney. But I was like "yeah Sydney is cooler though, Hong Kong is so hot" and she told me I missed the point. Then she said she spent 3 months in south east Asia and that was enough but I think she was referring to the temperature at this point from context. Then she told me she is really looking forward to visiting Japan and it's really interesting and great Like mixed messages a little bit but idk seemed to me to be a bit bad[/QUOTE] pointing out that there is a lot of a certain ethnic group isn't particularly racist, it just seems like she was making a blunt joke

[QUOTE=killerteacup;52607668]She said there were so many Asians in Sydney it's like visiting Hong Kong (she's from Malta). I mean... objectively she's correct, there are a lot of Asians in Sydney. But I was like "yeah Sydney is cooler though, Hong Kong is so hot" and she told me I missed the point. Then she said she spent 3 months in south east Asia and that was enough but I think she was referring to the temperature at this point from context. Then she told me she is really looking forward to visiting Japan and it's really interesting and great Like mixed messages a little bit but idk seemed to me to be a bit bad[/QUOTE] As someone from a medium sized town where the majority of POC are of Indian descent, and even then it's a very small percentage, you can be surprised by the demographics of a new place without thinking it's a bad thing. When I first went to London, I had a similar experience of "wow, I've never seen so many black people at the same time before". I didn't have an issue with it. I imagine Malta is a lot more homogeneous, too.

[QUOTE=Sgt-NiallR;52610074]As someone from a medium sized town where the majority of POC are of Indian descent, and even then it's a very small percentage, you can be surprised by the demographics of a new place without thinking it's a bad thing. When I first went to London, I had a similar experience of "wow, I've never seen so many black people at the same time before". I didn't have an issue with it. I imagine Malta is a lot more homogeneous, too.[/QUOTE] yeah no, that's totally okay, I'm from a small town which was quite homogeneous too, so I get it. It was when I acknowledged what she said, then moved on to it and she was like "no you're missing the point" that concerned me, like what point am I missing here. I come from a social circle that is quite tactful about this sort of thing and most of my friends were a bit shocked when I asked about it [editline]25th August 2017[/editline] nonetheless I have continued to talk to her and she's pretty cool although we're a bit awkward but that's okay I guess. This was my first tinder match since redownloading and I haven't received any since (i've had it for about 5 days) and I'm pretty happy that I managed to get her number

I dunno if it's cause I'm introverted (not shy, I can be outgoing and confident when I want) or what, but most people are boring af and it's hard to meet someone that I can bounce off of well. noticing a lot lately that I can't be arsed to put effort into friendships. I've always been the type of person to be really close to a select few people and have a tonne of acquaintances, but this past year or so I've been finding it real hard to meet someone I can legitimately spend long amounts of time with, without getting bored or discovering they're actually a bit of a jerk. having lots of acquaintances is chill, but I sorta miss having a really tight knit group of mates that I trust and can hang out with whenever. I'm also either really unlucky, or this is just how life is: a lot of people I meet are insanely two faced. for as long as I can remember, if I have beef with someone, I keep it to myself, hash it out with them or I vent here, but most of my friends at uni are constantly bitching about people in our social circle and it just turns me off really bad. pretty much every friendship I've put effort into this past year, down the line I realise they're not actually my type of person, and their personality either clashes with me or there's glaring issues with it that I don't really like, making it a chore to hang out with them. anyone in the same boat and got any advice on how to get over this? I could tough it out and hang out with people I find boring / irritating, but damn. last time I can remember being 100% happy with my social circle was way back when I was 17-20. I had 4 really close friends, a girlfriend, and loads of acquaintances that were generally nice people. this past year, I've basically gone from group to group, thinking "this might be the one" and then realising after a while that I don't really click with them.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52610253]I dunno if it's cause I'm introverted (not shy, I can be outgoing and confident when I want) or what, but most people are boring af and it's hard to meet someone that I can bounce off of well. noticing a lot lately that I can't be arsed to put effort into friendships. I've always been the type of person to be really close to a select few people and have a tonne of acquaintances, but this past year or so I've been finding it real hard to meet someone I can legitimately spend long amounts of time with, without getting bored or discovering they're actually a bit of a jerk. having lots of acquaintances is chill, but I sorta miss having a really tight knit group of mates that I trust and can hang out with whenever. I'm also either really unlucky, or this is just how life is: a lot of people I meet are insanely two faced. for as long as I can remember, if I have beef with someone, I keep it to myself, hash it out with them or I vent here, but most of my friends at uni are constantly bitching about people in our social circle and it just turns me off really bad. pretty much every friendship I've put effort into this past year, down the line I realise they're not actually my type of person, and their personality either clashes with me or there's glaring issues with it that I don't really like, making it a chore to hang out with them. anyone in the same boat and got any advice on how to get over this? I could tough it out and hang out with people I find boring / irritating, but damn. last time I can remember being 100% happy with my social circle was way back when I was 17-20. I had 4 really close friends, a girlfriend, and loads of acquaintances that were generally nice people. this past year, I've basically gone from group to group, thinking "this might be the one" and then realising after a while that I don't really click with them.[/QUOTE] Best advice I can give is to dig around in local interest groups but like... I kinda just fell into a good community this last year or so without expecting it. I have a lot of the same problems, ended up joining a trans support group here and found like a solid group of genuinely good people and also just like a super chill social group I can kinda fade in and out of with my own preferences without anyone being bothered. It depends on what kinda people are your people to be honest. I've met lots of people through social action groups which have prob been the easiest friends I've made, but thats the kind of people I get along with. Gotta figure out where the kind of people you get along with would be and go there. There will probs always be a few shitty people but it makes it easier at least.

I was in a bunch of societies and clubs last year, but wasn't giving it my all. It made it really easy to meet likeminded people, though. Gonna be more active this year so hopefully I'll go from just being acquaintances to having a few solid friends I can count on. I probably shouldn't rely so heavily on meeting people in my course, most of em are scrotes, that's mainly what has gotten me down and made me feel like I'm in a slump. Cheers for the advice Rhenae

[QUOTE=Xonax;52590038]There is this girl I like, I've known her since May (and vaguely beforehand) and these feelings for her are getting stronger by the moment (she knows I have feelings for her). She hasn't rejected me, just said she isn't ready for a relationship (rough past relationships). She said she finds me interesting, she found me cute a few years ago, and wants to get to know me better. The other day she said I need to stop living in the past (in reference to my Feelings for "Jess" (Not her real name), a girl who backstabbed me). Maybe that indicates she moved on emotionally? I am not sure. I just, don't know what to do with my feelings for her. I mean right now I want to be friends with her but at the end of the day, these feelings are still here.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52590376]I think just regarding her as a friend is the best choice right now. Just keep hanging out with her, talk with her, all that. Then maybe when she starts showing signs or bring it up yourself, you can talk about these feelings. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=The golden;52590800]I think you're overthinking it. She's not ready for a relationship and she's happy with having you as a very good friend. I know this is a pretty cliche thing to say but try and see it from her shoes and why she might not be ready right now. Don't bet the entire farm on her either. Don't sit around waiting endlessly for when she might be ready (she might never be) so live your life and meet people and make friends. It sounds a tad harsh but I know I would personally be upset if a friend of mine was just sitting there waiting for the day I might say "I'm ready." To me it makes the friendship feel less genuine.[/QUOTE] I just want to clarify a few things before I do an update. I was just wanting to be her friend, that's all I care about, same as back when I made that post. I just wasn't sure what to do with those feelings. Anyway I come for another opinion. So...she hasn't been messaging me, not even if I message her. I haven't scared her off or anything, she just says she is busy and to be fair she is. But even if it's something small like a yes or no question, she doesn't respond. I don't know what happened but it's been like this for weeks, way before I even told her about my feelings. I don't want to lose her as a friend but right now, it's really fucking my life up. My emotional state is shit, I am thinking about cutting out the social aspect of my life again like I did in 2012. My life is being deprived of joy because of all this. I just don't know what to do. How can I be her friend, if she doesn't talk to me?

So I've been seeing her in class now, and we've both been deliberately avoiding each other. Looking away, pretending we're not there, etc. It's just stressful and stupid and childish. Over the past few weeks I've decided that while I'm done with her romantically in any way, I wouldn't mind being friends again. After all, we were good friends for almost a year and a half before things went to shit and she was always reliable and a positive contributor to the friend group. So I text her today after we did another avoid-and-evade session in class and said something like "hey, I want to talk" She goes "why?" Me: "Because I'm fed up with bullshit and I want to clear the air" Her: "Well, I've stopped caring personally" Guess that wraps that up.

[QUOTE=killerteacup;52610092]yeah no, that's totally okay, I'm from a small town which was quite homogeneous too, so I get it. It was when I acknowledged what she said, then moved on to it and she was like "no you're missing the point" that concerned me, like what point am I missing here. I come from a social circle that is quite tactful about this sort of thing and most of my friends were a bit shocked when I asked about it [editline]25th August 2017[/editline] nonetheless I have continued to talk to her and she's pretty cool although we're a bit awkward but that's okay I guess. This was my first tinder match since redownloading and I haven't received any since (i've had it for about 5 days) and I'm pretty happy that I managed to get her number[/QUOTE] Alright well fuck that, turned out to be an asshole anyway getting to know each other, all g, asked her out and she said no. ego was a bit bruised but apart from wondering why on Earth she bothered talking to me the last few days I sort of didn't mind, it's her right then this morning she told me she wanted my snapchat and was being flirty and stuff for some reason so I was like uh ok whatever and I sent it to her and then she's like "lol wrong number soz", jesus christ man I had a really good time on Bumble/Tinder earlier in the year but so far this time around it's solely managed to destroy my confidence and I am not exactly pleased about that

Felt like I started to like this girl I worked with once I started having more shifts with her back in March, but quickly shut it down since she had a boyfriend and of course, she was my coworker. Fun to talk to and actually made me enjoy work to an extent, so I was happy to just be friends with her. She left for a new job in June though, and I recently found out she's been single for a couple weeks now. We haven't talked too much since she left, but we do visit at each other's jobs once a week or so and catch up a bit. I'd really like to talk with her more, but I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to jump in after her breakup for the sole purpose of a relationship. I'm interested, but I'd like to be better friends first (and would be okay with things staying that way even, at least that's what I tell myself for now). I've got her number and snapchat and all, but I can't help but feel a little...creepy I guess, to start making use of them once she's single. Perhaps I'm overthinking things.

i recently graduated uni with an IT bachelor (major in software dev). but looking at the jobs, theres no fucking way i can do any of these jobs. they all want 4-8 years experience or a good freelance portfolio. i have neither of those and it would take me months to get even a decent portfolio together. the only way i'm going to actually get into a job that i enjoy is if it is entry level with a lot of mentoring but those jobs just don't exist. not sure what to do, i can't do an internship or something like that because i need money and my current job doesn't pay enough for the rent i'm going to be paying when i move. normally i would just apply for every job regardless of the requirements they want, but i really want to land a job i like. i don't want another in between job right now. is career counselling something worth looking into, or should i just try the former first?

[QUOTE=papkee;52612285]So I've been seeing her in class now, and we've both been deliberately avoiding each other. Looking away, pretending we're not there, etc. It's just stressful and stupid and childish. Over the past few weeks I've decided that while I'm done with her romantically in any way, I wouldn't mind being friends again. After all, we were good friends for almost a year and a half before things went to shit and she was always reliable and a positive contributor to the friend group. So I text her today after we did another avoid-and-evade session in class and said something like "hey, I want to talk" She goes "why?" Me: "Because I'm fed up with bullshit and I want to clear the air" Her: "Well, I've stopped caring personally" Guess that wraps that up.[/QUOTE] Why is that a bad thing? When I occupy your position, I can't help but feel like it'd be the ideal situation to restart a friendship in. When you're both emotionally detached from each other, or "don't care" to use her words, it's much easier to just cut bullshit and have legitimate conversations in ease. [I]Maybe[/i] I'm in the minority here, but I usually express myself with full confidence when I know I don't give a shit what the person I'm expressing to thinks of me. Because at the end of the convo, they're gonna either keep interacting with me, or call me a weirdo sex pervert or w/e and walk away. Either way, life continues. Of course I'm going to ponder how fucking stupid I had to have been to be called a weirdo sex pervert, but even so, my point is that it really does not matter. This is all moot if you guys have some "bad" history, though. Again, potential minority here, but I have a bad habit of convincing myself of alllll kinds of bullshit when it comes to women I've previously been with in life. You're likely different, but even so, maybe take a few moments to truly consider whether a friendship with her would be worth the emotional subjection. Whatever that may be for you.

Been feeling quite lonely for the past few days, would like to make new friends. Doesn't matter if they're IRL or online, as long as it's someone to talk to. Those of you who are good at making friends, how to do it? I'm absolutely fucking terrible at approaching people and making initiative. Making friends in school isn't an option either because I miss a ton of days and when I am in school rather than home, I'd rather focus on doing my schoolwork (carpentry) than taking breaks and socializing.

[QUOTE=Bordellimies;52614935]Been feeling quite lonely for the past few days, would like to make new friends. Doesn't matter if they're IRL or online, as long as it's someone to talk to. Those of you who are good at making friends, how to do it? I'm absolutely fucking terrible at approaching people and making initiative. Making friends in school isn't an option either [B]because I miss a ton of days[/B] and when I am in school rather than home, I'd rather focus on doing my schoolwork (carpentry) than taking breaks and socializing.[/QUOTE] Maybe you have a good reason to miss a ton of days, but missing a ton of days of school is a good way of not making new friends. The vast majority of my friends I have from school/university.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52615061]Maybe you have a good reason to miss a ton of days, but missing a ton of days of school is a good way of not making new friends. The vast majority of my friends I have from school/university.[/QUOTE] I miss school because of sleeping, I have insane difficulties with getting up if I don't wake up naturally. My sleep schedule can turn completely over its head suddenly which isn't good for school. When I am in school, I would rather work without taking breaks to catch up, plus I get frustrated if I am in school and not able to work. Most of the other students also focus on their projects a lot of the time so there's less socializing than in normal grade schools.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;52614539]i recently graduated uni with an IT bachelor (major in software dev). but looking at the jobs, theres no fucking way i can do any of these jobs. they all want 4-8 years experience or a good freelance portfolio. i have neither of those and it would take me months to get even a decent portfolio together. the only way i'm going to actually get into a job that i enjoy is if it is entry level with a lot of mentoring but those jobs just don't exist. not sure what to do, i can't do an internship or something like that because i need money and my current job doesn't pay enough for the rent i'm going to be paying when i move. normally i would just apply for every job regardless of the requirements they want, but i really want to land a job i like. i don't want another in between job right now. is career counselling something worth looking into, or should i just try the former first?[/QUOTE] A good university should help their students find a job after they graduate. I'm also going to school for software development, and the program coordinators for both colleges I went to keep in touch with employers and post job offerings now and then. Best I can say is talk to your professors and see if they know of any jobs in the area, and maybe they can set you up? Also from what I hear, if the market isn't too competitive, you can get interviewed for high-requirement jobs regardless of the supposed requirements they post.

[QUOTE=Bordellimies;52615066]I miss school because of sleeping, I have insane difficulties with getting up if I don't wake up naturally. My sleep schedule can turn completely over its head suddenly which isn't good for school. When I am in school, I would rather work without taking breaks to catch up, plus I get frustrated if I am in school and not able to work. Most of the other students also focus on their projects a lot of the time so there's less socializing than in normal grade schools.[/QUOTE] Having a regular sleeping schedule is really important - not just for going to school (or work, or...), but for being healthy in general. Maybe school isn't the best place to socialize anyway, but I think it'd be a good idea to strive towards normalizing your sleep regardless; you can wake up early naturally, you just need to go to bed in time. Maybe you could try one of those apps that monitor your sleep and wake you up at the right time? But then I'd say try working at some activities in your spare time - sports or whatever you can come up with. Or maybe try meeting new friends through existing ones; maybe a movie or board game night or something? That's one way I've expanded my social circle quite a bit.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;52614539]i recently graduated uni with an IT bachelor (major in software dev). but looking at the jobs, theres no fucking way i can do any of these jobs. they all want 4-8 years experience or a good freelance portfolio. i have neither of those and it would take me months to get even a decent portfolio together. the only way i'm going to actually get into a job that i enjoy is if it is entry level with a lot of mentoring but those jobs just don't exist. not sure what to do, i can't do an internship or something like that because i need money and my current job doesn't pay enough for the rent i'm going to be paying when i move. normally i would just apply for every job regardless of the requirements they want, but i really want to land a job i like. i don't want another in between job right now. is career counselling something worth looking into, or should i just try the former first?[/QUOTE] Welcome to the life of basically every college graduate in the last 10 years. The only way to get a decent job is to already have experience doing that exact job, "entry level" is disappearing, internships are never paid, and the one thing you actually can count on is more bills coming in. What I've ended up doing in the years since I graduated is just working 3 simultaneous part-time jobs that don't even require a high school level education, because at least they're hiring. The things I went to college for ended up just being my hobby instead of something I can get paid for.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52615457]Welcome to the life of basically every college graduate in the last 10 years. [B]The only way to get a decent job is to already have experience doing that exact job[/B], "entry level" is disappearing, internships are never paid, and the one thing you actually can count on is more bills coming in. What I've ended up doing in the years since I graduated is just working 3 simultaneous part-time jobs that don't even require a high school level education, because at least they're hiring. The things I went to college for ended up just being my hobby instead of something I can get paid for.[/QUOTE] I just love the paradox of today's times Need job for experience, need experience for jobs, absolutely no investment on the young because hiring experienced (and ageing) workers is better. Short term > long term and internships basically is slaving away through blackmail "work for us for free or you'll never gain any experience to get a paid job"

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;52614539]i recently graduated uni with an IT bachelor (major in software dev). but looking at the jobs, theres no fucking way i can do any of these jobs. they all want 4-8 years experience or a good freelance portfolio. i have neither of those and it would take me months to get even a decent portfolio together. the only way i'm going to actually get into a job that i enjoy is if it is entry level with a lot of mentoring but those jobs just don't exist. not sure what to do, i can't do an internship or something like that because i need money and my current job doesn't pay enough for the rent i'm going to be paying when i move. normally i would just apply for every job regardless of the requirements they want, but i really want to land a job i like. i don't want another in between job right now. is career counselling something worth looking into, or should i just try the former first?[/QUOTE] I was in this exact position. I ended up working an unrelated job until I found an NGO desperate for someone to do the work. I offered a lower-than-average rate and said doing meaningful work was worth more than a bit more money (not exactly true but lay it on anyway). Got the contract same day. Do you have a site or service that can link you to charities, non-profits, etc.? If so, give that a shot. They tend to be a bit more forgiving on the skills and experience, if you're willing to accept less money and/or do some volunteer hours. But don't expect any mentorship... you're probably going to be learning as you work.

Welp, a read but unanswered whatsapp message is not a sign a friend now hates me, right? I know, I know, but sometimes you want somebody other than yourself to tell you that.

[QUOTE=Eriorguez;52615886]Welp, a read but unanswered whatsapp message is not a sign a friend now hates me, right? I know, I know, but sometimes you want somebody other than yourself to tell you that.[/QUOTE] I noticed today I hadn't responded to a message sent last week from one of my favourite people in the world because I was doing a few things at the time and it slipped out of my mind. When messaging people it's easy to forget there's a good chance that they're doing other things as well, but they probably saw it while busy or having a few conversations and forgot to reply.

I think I might have some sort of Amy Rose/Harley Quinn sort of complex. One of those severe cases of being overly obssessed with someone. I really want it to stop I really fucking do but I can't do it. I'm starting to think I might need some sort of phisychiatrist or something. This is has been tearing me apart for longer than I can I think of.

only reason you'd need to get a psychiatrist involved is if you're thinking dark thoughts, or your behaviour is getting close to "really creepy stalking" levels. it's perfectly normal to become obsessed with someone. hell, I've had crushes and I'll creep on their FB, and then the next time we hang out I have to act surprised when I find out her aunt's name is Beth and her favourite colour is Red and she doesn't, in fact, like long romantic walks on the beach. if your obsession is harmless to her, and harmless to you (in the sense you're not hurting yourself physically), time will probably get you over it. but if it's causing you severe depression and suicidal thoughts, then yeah, speak to a psychiatrist. it's perfectly normal to get a little obsessed over a crush, I'm pretty sure it happens to everyone.

[QUOTE=NeonpieDFTBA;52615925]I noticed today I hadn't responded to a message sent last week from one of my favourite people in the world because I was doing a few things at the time and it slipped out of my mind. When messaging people it's easy to forget there's a good chance that they're doing other things as well, but they probably saw it while busy or having a few conversations and forgot to reply.[/QUOTE] And that was exactly what my mental health needed. Thank you! Fuck anxiety, really.

Having not heard from one of my friends in a while, I got a message yesterday from him saying that he'd basically had anxiety issues than spiralled into depression and that kind of shit, he'd been pretty low for a good amount of time but he's getting back to himself now. It's hard to hear that he's had such struggles but at the same time it's good to hear he's fighting to get back to his regular self. He's the best fucking guy I've ever known, a true brother that helped me through shit more times than I care to mention. Plus he's the most kickass fucking guitarist I know, dude can legit play pretty much anything.

Anyone else have the problem of catching feels for people they know. But they always the ones that live a few hours away?

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;52614539]i recently graduated uni with an IT bachelor (major in software dev). but looking at the jobs, theres no fucking way i can do any of these jobs. they all want 4-8 years experience or a good freelance portfolio. i have neither of those and it would take me months to get even a decent portfolio together. the only way i'm going to actually get into a job that i enjoy is if it is entry level with a lot of mentoring but those jobs just don't exist. not sure what to do, i can't do an internship or something like that because i need money and my current job doesn't pay enough for the rent i'm going to be paying when i move. normally i would just apply for every job regardless of the requirements they want, but i really want to land a job i like. i don't want another in between job right now. is career counselling something worth looking into, or should i just try the former first?[/QUOTE] Talk to some recruitment agencies and they'll try to match you with jobs that suit you, try to attend conventions and such to network, talk to friends and family. You never know what you find, but yes you have to generally start small

Ah yes, there's definitely nothing better than meeting the love of your life again after many years in a funeral of all places. [sp]I hate my life[/sp]

Getting really tired of repeating the cycles of grief with this fuckin' girl that ended it with me months ago.