Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Milksprain;52622758]I keep accidentally making people interested in me and that's the last thing I want right now ahh. It's so frustrating because I know I can be too enthusiastic and eager in my friendliness, but I'm not entirely certain about the specific changes I need to make in my behaviour. The trial and error of it is particularly awkward because other people's feelings are involved. it sounds like a humblebrag but it's genuinely the most frustrating flaw I have. I really need to curb myself.[/QUOTE] you can give it to me, I won't mind

[QUOTE=Milksprain;52622758]I keep accidentally making people interested in me and that's the last thing I want right now ahh. It's so frustrating because I know I can be too enthusiastic and eager in my friendliness, but I'm not entirely certain about the specific changes I need to make in my behaviour. The trial and error of it is particularly awkward because other people's feelings are involved. it sounds like a humblebrag but it's genuinely the most frustrating flaw I have. I really need to curb myself.[/QUOTE] One of my friends has this issue, she is just genuinely really outgoing and nice to everyone. Haven't found a solid solution yet other than claiming to have a partner tbh cause I don't really feel like people should stop having to be friendly? I think in general most people I know just go the route of somehow working into conversations early on with people that they arn't really out for dates one way or another atm and it usually fends people off?

[QUOTE=Milksprain;52622758]I keep accidentally making people interested in me and that's the last thing I want right now ahh. It's so frustrating because I know I can be too enthusiastic and eager in my friendliness, but I'm not entirely certain about the specific changes I need to make in my behaviour. The trial and error of it is particularly awkward because other people's feelings are involved. it sounds like a humblebrag but it's genuinely the most frustrating flaw I have. I really need to curb myself.[/QUOTE] I have a friend who seems like she is interested in people but she doesn't want to actually get with them. She's just friendly and theres nothing wrong with that but if people get angry with her she just drops them because if someone can't handle wanting to just be friends then it'll be a toxic friendship.

[QUOTE=Milksprain;52622758]I keep accidentally making people interested in me and that's the last thing I want right now ahh. It's so frustrating because I know I can be too enthusiastic and eager in my friendliness, but I'm not entirely certain about the specific changes I need to make in my behaviour. The trial and error of it is particularly awkward because other people's feelings are involved. it sounds like a humblebrag but it's genuinely the most frustrating flaw I have. I really need to curb myself.[/QUOTE] a friend of mine recently told me I do this without realising it, and it really got under my skin. she told me I'm a massive flirt, and wouldn't believe me when I told her I genuinely just want to make people happy? I know how it can be some days when you just feel like shit, and having someone randomly compliment you can make all the difference. I personally really appreciate when someone randomly compliments me, and it makes facing the day so much better. so I do my best to make others feel that way. but doing it to girls automatically makes you a flirt / fuckboy, which I think is the most narrowminded shit ever.

So I'm in a very fucking stupid situation right now so to speak. The girl I had a crush for a long time broke up with her boyfriend. And I'm just drowning in my own sorrow. Why you ask? Because I want to say how much I like her but I can't without feeling like a complete scumbag. I've been at the bottom of the well for too long and I just want this to be over even if she rejects me. I was thinking about messaging her and telling her to meet up sometime this week so I can tell her how I feel but I still feel like a douchebag for doing this in like two weeks after the break-up. I care way too much about her feelings but It's starting to get to the point of this whole thing being a double-edged sword. I bleed myself out if I don't do it or I just end up feeling anxious, afraid and disgusted with myself if I do it.

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;52623592]So I'm in a very fucking stupid situation right now so to speak. The girl I had a crush for a long time broke up with her boyfriend. And I'm just drowning in my own sorrow. Why you ask? Because I want to say how much I like her but I can't without feeling like a complete scumbag. I've been at the bottom of the well for too long and I just want this to be over even if she rejects me. I was thinking about messaging her and telling her to meet up sometime this week so I can tell her how I feel but I still feel like a douchebag for doing this in like two weeks after the break-up. I care way too much about her feelings but It's starting to get to the point of this whole thing being a double-edged sword. I bleed myself out if I don't do it or I just end up feeling anxious, afraid and disgusted with myself if I do it.[/QUOTE] Don't tell her how you feel until she's like 100% out of the relationship because it could cause some problems with a jealous ex. I'd suggest just hanging out more and more to slip in there.

forget jealous ex issues? more importantly is the fact you're basically preying on someone who is emotionally vulnerable so soon after a breakup. people who immediately insinuate themselves into someone's lives after they've gone through a breakup are parasitic. either be there for them purely as a friend (which is the right thing to do), or leave them to heal and get over it on their own time before making a move. don't do the former with the goal of dating them, it's just bad form. immediately trying to think of ways to date someone who has just been through a breakup and probably isn't thinking rationally is a pretty low thing to do. "hanging out more and more to slip in there" basically sums up everything that's a shitty thing to do with that train of thought.

I'm going to be completely honest: I can't be her friend. I like her way too much for that. I'm not saying that to sounds righteous or anything is just how I feel sadly. I even thought about cutting contact mutiple times due to me recognizing that I can't be a good friend to her. But it's all useless in the end. She goes to the same university I go to and I'm bound to cross with her any time and in the worst situations possible. I'm pretty much stuck in a room with no doors or windows. I'm damned even if I choose to do nothing.

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;52623923]I'm going to be completely honest: I can't be her friend. I like her way too much for that. I'm not saying that to sounds righteous or anything is just how I feel sadly. I even thought about cutting contact mutiple times due to me recognizing that I can't be a good friend to her. But it's all useless in the end. She goes to the same university I go to and I'm bound to cross with her any time and in the worst situations possible. I'm pretty much stuck in a room with no doors or windows. I'm damned even if I choose to do nothing.[/QUOTE] I've been here recently, ruined a very good friendship due to this same kind of feeling and my selfish insistence on pursuing it. The fact that she is now gone is far worse than that feeling of longing. Step away from this, and her. Tell her you're busy. You need to get your own feelings under control before you act irrationally, and reach a point where you can continue to treat her with respect for her emotions.

Yeah, I think I feel better now. You guys kinda cleared my mind tbh. I think I try to deal with my own problems for now. But I don't think I can ever be her friend again. Is been too long. WAY too long. Years to be precise. That I've fallen for her. Is got to a point that even I started to recognize I needed to let go. But is like trying to get rid of a part of you. Is not easy in the slighest. I really wish I could stop posting about this but don't really have anywhere else to go to.

thanks for the career advice mateys. super pissed off at my current job right now which isn't helping. the manager dropped some hours to work on other stuff, so they hired a new person (which was fine). then they fucked with my roster, i've been there for a year almost and its never changed but they decided to change it to give the new person some hours (mine don't change i'm on part time, newbies are casual). i go into work today, theres someone else new, they gave him the new roster that i was supposed to work and i'm back to my old fuckign roster. i show up to work 5 hours too early after spending an hour driving there, now i've driven an hour back and i have to drive another hour back there later. i dont know why the fuck they need to hire all these people, we didn't need them before and we don't need them now. for fucks sake they girl they just hired a month ago only has one shift for 4 hours because they hired someone new and gave him all the hours. i'm honestly considering quitting this job and living on the dole until i find a new one because it was so stress free now theres all this bullshit drama.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;52624091]thanks for the career advice mateys. super pissed off at my current job right now which isn't helping. the manager dropped some hours to work on other stuff, so they hired a new person (which was fine). then they fucked with my roster, i've been there for a year almost and its never changed but they decided to change it to give the new person some hours (mine don't change i'm on part time, newbies are casual). i go into work today, theres someone else new, they gave him the new roster that i was supposed to work and i'm back to my old fuckign roster. i show up to work 5 hours too early after spending an hour driving there, now i've driven an hour back and i have to drive another hour back there later. i dont know why the fuck they need to hire all these people, we didn't need them before and we don't need them now. for fucks sake they girl they just hired a month ago only has one shift for 4 hours because they hired someone new and gave him all the hours. i'm honestly considering quitting this job and living on the dole until i find a new one because it was so stress free now theres all this bullshit drama.[/QUOTE] I assume they are doing hiring for the back to school/christmas season? Right time of year. I always advocate for finding another job before leaving personally, makes the split easier. Depends what the job scene is like where you live though, here your lucky to find anything else in 6 months so its kinda a necessity.

apparently it has been getting too busy and since the manager went part time we needed someone else to fill a seat at the front desk. what i dont get is why we hired one chick, only to give her one four hour shift a week a month later and hire someone else to fill those other shifts. like instead of balancing it between the 2 casual employees, they decided one person gets all the hours and the other gets to wind up homeless. i'm so glad i'm on a part time contract, its so convenient knowing exactly how much i'll get paid every week. yeah i've just started applying for jobs, i can't leave this one until i find another because i gotta pay rent and being on the dole is shit. job market is actually pretty decent in brisbane, most people complaining about not finding a job here are honestly not trying hard enough. however like i said before they all ask for experienced, senior staff.

Maybe some of you guys remember me writing about having a crush on my neighbor a long time ago. Well, I got a girlfriend almost 3 months ago and we remained friends with the occasional fall out. A few weeks ago we got even closer and started talking more about our intimate relationships. Then, something happened which made me feel very bad. I told her I needed to talk but she wouldn't stop drinking wine and talking with two of my other neighbors. I waited for an hour but still she wouldn't kick them out. This made me really angry because I have always been there for her without any ulterior motives, and have held her crying several times when no one else is there. I went to my room and started thinking. She can be wonderful at times but she can also stop giving a shit about me and disrespect me to my face or behind my back with others. The next day she could see I was angry and went up to me so I told her "if you can't stop drinking wine and talking shit for 10 minutes for me after all the times I've sat down with you and listened you can go to hell". Today I went to her room and told her I'm sorry for what I said but that I don't want anything to do with her if I can avoid it. She understood and we both wished each other well. Now I feel like shit. I care so much about her but she has shown that when it comes down to it, she doesn't give a shit. Do you think this was a stupid thing to do?

What you did is completely fair. If she's more interested in drinking and talking with other people [I]after[/I] you asked to talk with her, then she doesn't deserve you. Especially if it's a repeat offense.

I keep rereading over the last messages I sent, her responses. How apparently there wasn't anything I did wrong yet at the same time that I'm not the person for her. All I can think about is getting that answer; why am I not the person for her? She said she had a crush on me when we first met, we made out, had amazing times during our dates, yet apparently I fucked it up with the texts I'd send her and how sucidially depressed over my previous ex I was. That's all I have to go off of. After asking, she admitted that she felt this anxiety whenever I'd text her for some reason. That, and she said it had something to do with being unable to trust me due to the relationship being mostly long distance, along with having had a stalker in the past. It's just still tearing me the fuck apart because we felt so perfect. We matched super well, but that also was a problem to her. She noted being too similar as something that she thought was bad as it would cause imbalance in a relationship. I specifically said multiple times I still wanted to be friends if anything went bad, but after extending myself back to her to hang out she told me to stop messaging her and move on, how it's about her feelings and her choice. It's been about a month since then. The message she gave me is obvious of course. She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, even if we were sort of pen pals for years beforehand. I just can't let go of the feeling that we still can have something once she's done with school. I want to message her again since it's been a month. I know it would just make things worse but I don't know what else to do. This sucks so much.

[QUOTE=CodeMe;52626110]I keep rereading over the last messages I sent, her responses. How apparently there wasn't anything I did wrong yet at the same time that I'm not the person for her. All I can think about is getting that answer; why am I not the person for her? She said she had a crush on me when we first met, we made out, had amazing times during our dates, yet apparently I fucked it up with the texts I'd send her and how sucidially depressed over my previous ex I was. That's all I have to go off of. After asking, she admitted that she felt this anxiety whenever I'd text her for some reason. That, and she said it had something to do with being unable to trust me due to the relationship being mostly long distance, along with having had a stalker in the past. It's just still tearing me the fuck apart because we felt so perfect. We matched super well, but that also was a problem to her. She noted being too similar as something that she thought was bad as it would cause imbalance in a relationship. I specifically said multiple times I still wanted to be friends if anything went bad, but after extending myself back to her to hang out she told me to stop messaging her and move on, how it's about her feelings and her choice. It's been about a month since then. The message she gave me is obvious of course. She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, even if we were sort of pen pals for years beforehand. I just can't let go of the feeling that we still can have something once she's done with school. I want to message her again since it's been a month. I know it would just make things worse but I don't know what else to do. This sucks so much.[/QUOTE] She has been clear she doesn't want contact dude. If she wants to she will message you. She made it pretty clear. Your much better off to let this go and move on, rather than holding onto it like you are.

I thought I'd already let it go. For some reason I keep convincing myself that there won't be anyone better, even if that's stupid and I know about all the other fish in the lake or whatever. But, what if there isn't anyone better for me and I ruined my chance? I feel like such a massive fuckup and really don't want to risk this happening again. Nah, I won't message her. I'd just really like to.

[QUOTE=CodeMe;52626554]I thought I'd already let it go. For some reason I keep convincing myself that there won't be anyone better, even if that's stupid and I know about all the other fish in the lake or whatever. But, what if there isn't anyone better for me and I ruined my chance? I feel like such a massive fuckup and really don't want to risk this happening again. Nah, I won't message her. I'd just really like to.[/QUOTE] Media has really built up this idea of the "one compatibility" element to romantic relationships and its total bull. In a few years you won't be the same person you are now and there is no one person "most compatible" to you. We are all people with similarities and differences and in the long run so long as there is some basic alignment all the rest is the effort and time spent together into a relationship, not some complex matrix of points of agreement or similarities to line up. Thats why the relationship you've had can feel like the best person and the only fit, because you've both had the most time and effort put into the shared good experiences of a relationship, but another relationship can come along and build the same. Its not a one and done kinda deal

Perhaps it's the fact I most likely won't ever see or talk to a close friend again because I thought I wasn't the only one interested in something more. All I can do is hope she wants to talk to me again someday I guess.

[QUOTE=CodeMe;52633728]All I can do is hope she wants to talk to me again someday I guess.[/QUOTE] No, man. Stop moping about her and focus on yourself.

[QUOTE=SuperLoz;52633834]No, man. Stop moping about her and focus on yourself.[/QUOTE] I really needed that. Thank you, honestly.

My mum is currently suffering from some serious depression and it's fucking hurtful looking at how down she is. Worst part is that I feel powerless to actually help her.

Starting a new job on Monday. Any tips? Before that I only worked typical minimum wage jobs like retail etc, and everything seemed straightforward, but this time it is a desk job

[QUOTE=damnatus;52635078]Starting a new job on Monday. Any tips? Before that I only worked typical minimum wage jobs like retail etc, and everything seemed straightforward, but this time it is a desk job[/QUOTE] Prepare to micromanage yourself like crazy.

I'm just tired of everything. I have improved myself so much in relation to the past but everything just feels the same it did years ago. Specially the people, everybody just acts the same way most people from high school did years ago. Having the same old beliefs that I got tired of hearing about and having the same conversations over and over again. I'm starting to actually believe in Luke Atmey's quote in Ace Attorney: "Times may change, but people sadly do not"

I finally got the courage to ask someone out and they suggested that we should hang out less which was the one response I was afraid of. I had plans with other people that week too but all of them fell through and I was pretty much alone for the whole week. except for one friend who went of of her way to visit me which was much appreciated. I can't wait for classes to start so I can try to meet new people.

[QUOTE=TentuZero;52635850]Prepare to micromanage yourself like crazy.[/QUOTE] Elaborate :v:

Usually, desk jobs are harder to stay on track with what you're doing or not be bored because unlike retail and food service which are pretty fast paced and chaotic, a lot of desk work is relying on you to keep yourself working and busy. It pretty much is a completely different method of working. It's not hard to adapt to, but the first few days or weeks might definitely be weird.

My job is basically a mix between desk job and salesman. There's periods where I do nothing but sit and go through emails, and other periods where I barely get to take a piss because customers are flooding in. [editline]1st September 2017[/editline] Flooding being a relative term, mind you.