Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=damnatus;52636354]Elaborate :v:[/QUOTE] In addition to what Pascall said, you'll need to figure out the best way of maintaining concentration. Sometimes taking a break and coming back is more efficient than just staring at a screen. I am working at a tech firm doing programming right now so sometimes if I'm getting a little overloaded with information or stuck I'll go get a coffee and when I come back I tend to be able to solve it. This obviously has to be balanced with not taking the piss/appearing to be. HR tend to want you to make sure you get up and move about every hour or so, at least at my current job, which you tend to do especially if you're working in a team. The other thing is to figure out how to set the environment up for yourself, for instance making sure your chair, keyboard, desk etc are all correct. I got wrist pains from my keyboard, mentioned it to HR, they gave me a support and all was fine. I also tend to listen to music/podcasts because I find the silence and the conversations which break it really distracting.

How do I learn to stop being jealous and controlling? In my last relationship, she went to a musical festival and got intoxicated and I didn't really say anything about it but I was super worried and a little angry at her about it. It's completely ridiculous of me, because she is an adult and can make her own decisions and she had never given me a reason to not trust her, I'm just stuck in my head all the time. I'm worried it's going to be my downfall in future relationships, it's a really toxic side of me that I want to get rid of. The question is, what do I do? Therapist? Just tell my partner everything so they can give me assurance? I don't know, I just feel really awful about myself. I feel toxic.

I have no idea how you have the mental power to listen to a podcast whilst actively working on something. I find it so hard to pay attention to an audiobook I'm listening to if I'm even remotely concentrating on something else. only thing I can listen to when working is music, everything else just goes in one ear and out the other.

Forgot to mention this, but before I left for a festival/my vacation, a girl who visited my work (restaurant) waved me over and gave me her number out of the blue Pretty cool :v:

[QUOTE=loopoo;52637841]I have no idea how you have the mental power to listen to a podcast whilst actively working on something. I find it so hard to pay attention to an audiobook I'm listening to if I'm even remotely concentrating on something else. only thing I can listen to when working is music, everything else just goes in one ear and out the other.[/QUOTE] It depends on the work, if I actually have to think about much it I'll listen to music, but some of it I can sort of autopilot.

yesterday my ex from a while back messaged me on snapchat out of the blue, laughing at something on my story and wishing me a happy birthday for a few days ago. she was being super nice and calling me "hun", she's got a bf so it's obviously just a friendly thing but it still felt pretty great to have a proper conversation with her. we ended things pretty well when we broke up, but stopped talking a few months afterwards, aside from a few chats here and there before a long period of no contact. I was worried she thought I was some kind of wretch and regretted being with me so it's nice to know that wasn't the case. also made me realise how long it's been since I felt that level of interest and care from someone romantically. I decided to delete tinder the next day because I'm not going to find a proper relationship on there, I've been on it long enough now to know that

Damn you weren't kidding about the micro managing Today was my first day on the job, and I managed to read exactly 1 documentation file, between all the banter and the tea drinking :v:

[QUOTE=IAreLegend;52640691] I was worried she thought I was some kind of wretch and regretted being with me so it's nice to know that wasn't the case. also made me realise how long it's been since I felt that level of interest and care from someone romantically. I decided to delete tinder the next day because I'm not going to find a proper relationship on there, I've been on it long enough now to know that[/QUOTE] You can definitely find meaningful prospects for relationships on tinder (I swear), but yeah, you will absolutely burn yourself out of those types of apps, sometimes it's easier to catch somebody when you're not exactly even looking for that type of connection? That's awesome you are in such a good place with an ex because it's not always that easy so I really admire that!

its my first year in college and my partner likes to get drunk/do drugs relatively frequently. i've done both before but i'm just not really big on them, what do i do? she doesn't ask because she knows i don't really like it all that much but then i get really nervous and jealous when she does that stuff when im not there

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52648244]its my first year in college and my partner likes to get drunk/do drugs relatively frequently. i've done both before but i'm just not really big on them, what do i do? she doesn't ask because she knows i don't really like it all that much but then i get really nervous and jealous when she does that stuff when im not there[/QUOTE] What part of it makes your nervous and jealous? Are you concerned because she seems like the type to over-do it or something else? If you're concerned for her health you can always bring that up with her, you should be able to communicate your feelings openly in a relationship, especially about something like that.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52648244]its my first year in college and my partner likes to get drunk/do drugs relatively frequently. i've done both before but i'm just not really big on them, what do i do? she doesn't ask because she knows i don't really like it all that much but then i get really nervous and jealous when she does that stuff when im not there[/QUOTE] People can get drunk while maintaining thought, being drunk isn't an excuse to cheat so if that does happen it was all her. Unless she's done things to make you worry, you shouldn't give it a second thought. Either trust her or don't and what happens will happen regardless.

you guys are right, i'm being crazy. trust issues are something im working on. she's never given me any reason to not trust her and i know she knows her own alcohol limits. im going to see a therapist on campus, i think it will help with this kind of stuff

Been working on new job for past 2 weeks, its been great so far. I work for small company (200 people across IE, AUS and UAE) and we basically make software for hospitals so its really great to get into new field (my previous field of work was IM Chat/Comms) and this definetely feels more fun. Also in this job I get to actually develop and write new code (on my old job - I did like 90% support [fixing old broken shit] and maybe 10% development), here it's 95% - development, and 5% support [fixing your own flaws in your own code]. I kind of like this small company environment, definitely feels better than in 300'000+ Employee corporation where you can be replaced at any given time. On my first day - I was paired with another new employee, shes straight out of college so I was given task to work on our first program in pair and teach her about coding standards, code re-use and common practices and it's kind of fun. I got evicted 3 weeks ago, so I've been sleeping around friends houses for past 3 weeks, managed to scrape up some cash so will be moving into new place this thursday (half the price of what I was paying before, but instead of whole house - it's just a single room but its fine as I get to save up for cash/apartment loan). Soo yeah, things are finally looking positive :v: Also, my co-workers surname is Pascal, I would fucking love if my surname was Pascal... For somebody who works in IT/Software industry - that's a sick ass surname :v:

"Small company" he says "just around 200 people" he says. Dude, I've got 4 coworkers myself. [I]That's small[/I]. Joking aside, great to hear things are looking up for you.

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52651209]Dude, I've got 4 coworkers myself. [I]That's small[/I].[/QUOTE] I have 1 coworker and a boss, checkmate :toot:

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52651087]Been working on new job for past 2 weeks, its been great so far. I work for small company (200 people across IE, AUS and UAE) and we basically make software for hospitals so its really great to get into new field (my previous field of work was IM Chat/Comms) and this definetely feels more fun. Also in this job I get to actually develop and write new code (on my old job - I did like 90% support [fixing old broken shit] and maybe 10% development), here it's 95% - development, and 5% support [fixing your own flaws in your own code]. [B]I kind of like this small company environment, definitely feels better than in 300'000+ Employee corporation where you can be replaced at any given time. [/B] On my first day - I was paired with another new employee, shes straight out of college so I was given task to work on our first program in pair and teach her about coding standards, code re-use and common practices and it's kind of fun. I got evicted 3 weeks ago, so I've been sleeping around friends houses for past 3 weeks, managed to scrape up some cash so will be moving into new place this thursday (half the price of what I was paying before, but instead of whole house - it's just a single room but its fine as I get to save up for cash/apartment loan). Soo yeah, things are finally looking positive :v: Also, my co-workers surname is Pascal, I would fucking love if my surname was Pascal... For somebody who works in IT/Software industry - that's a sick ass surname :v:[/QUOTE] Interesting - I've worked in several companies, from the NHS, through my current company, to one of a few hundred employees and even a 4 month stint in a company of 3, I actually found that I am distinctly not replaceable in the larger companies and that I prefer the freedom to switch it up pretty regularly

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52651209]"Small company" he says "just around 200 people" he says. Dude, I've got 4 coworkers myself. [I]That's small[/I]. Joking aside, great to hear things are looking up for you.[/QUOTE] Well I meant in comparison to my old company :v: [editline]5th September 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=metallics;52651473]Interesting - I've worked in several companies, from the NHS, through my current company, to one of a few hundred employees and even a 4 month stint in a company of 3, I actually found that I am distinctly not replaceable in the larger companies and that I prefer the freedom to switch it up pretty regularly[/QUOTE] Well, it feels closer to people in smaller company and you know what you're doing. The fact that at my old job I could literally: oh I had so much food, I wanna go home and sleep - fill out holiday request online and submit and go home because there are other developers available. And then again - corporation decides - meh, we close this team - 140 people get fired, literally a size of another company just shut down because another team is working on new product which will replace current so lets kill it off. I mean yes it feels more secure to work in big company but I guess it depends on xompany/corp. Also to reach out to HR or Payroll team in corp - had to fill in request and send if to Malaysia , here - I just walk into another office block/area next door.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52651087]Been working on new job for past 2 weeks, its been great so far. I work for small company (200 people across IE, AUS and UAE) and we basically make software for hospitals so its really great to get into new field (my previous field of work was IM Chat/Comms) and this definetely feels more fun. Also in this job I get to actually develop and write new code (on my old job - I did like 90% support [fixing old broken shit] and maybe 10% development), here it's 95% - development, and 5% support [fixing your own flaws in your own code]. I kind of like this small company environment, definitely feels better than in 300'000+ Employee corporation where you can be replaced at any given time. On my first day - I was paired with another new employee, shes straight out of college so I was given task to work on our first program in pair and teach her about coding standards, code re-use and common practices and it's kind of fun. I got evicted 3 weeks ago, so I've been sleeping around friends houses for past 3 weeks, managed to scrape up some cash so will be moving into new place this thursday (half the price of what I was paying before, but instead of whole house - it's just a single room but its fine as I get to save up for cash/apartment loan). Soo yeah, things are finally looking positive :v: Also, my co-workers surname is Pascal, I would fucking love if my surname was Pascal... For somebody who works in IT/Software industry - that's a sick ass surname :v:[/QUOTE] Good to hear you doing well, although as you write more code I'm sure you'll go back to more maintenance :v: spent yesterday bugfixing the code I wrote while listening to a podcast, so maybe I'm not as good as I thought... (Tbh it was a regular mistake, just an annoyingly hard to find one).

[QUOTE=NeonpieDFTBA;52652922]Good to hear you doing well, although as you write more code I'm sure you'll go back to more maintenance :v: spent yesterday bugfixing the code I wrote while listening to a podcast, so maybe I'm not as good as I thought... (Tbh it was a regular mistake, just an annoyingly hard to find one).[/QUOTE] I mean generally I don't have to go back to my code as things just .... work always, sometimes I fuck up and mis-spell something though and then spend a day trying to find what it is.

Ive really branched out in socializing, but all I feel like I am gaining are nice acquaintances. I do wish to pursue a relationship but I don't really see how. I know its probably self evident for many of you here, but do any of you mind sharing the story of how you met, and eventually started dating someone else? Its something I really don't understand, personally

[QUOTE=da space core;52653765]Ive really branched out in socializing, but all I feel like I am gaining are nice acquaintances. I do wish to pursue a relationship but I don't really see how. I know its probably self evident for many of you here, but do any of you mind sharing the story of how you met, and eventually started dating someone else? Its something I really don't understand, personally[/QUOTE] I'm with you with the whole acquaintances versus friends thing. Nowadays, it seems like you need their social media/number to really develop and maintain a friendship. It might take awhile to force yourself out of your shell, but if you wanna be friends with them, be straightforward and ask for some ways to talk to them not in-person.

[QUOTE=da space core;52653765]Ive really branched out in socializing, but all I feel like I am gaining are nice acquaintances. I do wish to pursue a relationship but I don't really see how. I know its probably self evident for many of you here, but do any of you mind sharing the story of how you met, and eventually started dating someone else? Its something I really don't understand, personally[/QUOTE] My current girlfriend and I met through tinder which is weird because that usually doesn't happen especially at a university. I made the first move but because us meeting was through tinder she expected my moves and we have been going out for two years. My past girlfriends have just been like "hey lets hang out, just us" and if they accept it's either because they want to be good friends or because they want to be in a relationship. I guess you just gotta read it from there because all girls act differently and you don't want to blow a good friendship.

[QUOTE=da space core;52653765]Ive really branched out in socializing, but all I feel like I am gaining are nice acquaintances. I do wish to pursue a relationship but I don't really see how. I know its probably self evident for many of you here, but do any of you mind sharing the story of how you met, and eventually started dating someone else? Its something I really don't understand, personally[/QUOTE] I went to a nightclub and was watching a live band in the front row and this old lady started getting too friendly so I escaped further back and ran into my current fiancée and we danced and got pretty intimate (up to a point a bouncer told us to go have sex at home :v:) and then met up 2 days later. She didn't want her first experience with me to be blackout drunk or while having a hangover. So we met up 2 days later and things got going.

I just sat behind my exs boyfriend at the library without knowing. Then she came around to visit him. Is it too much if i still get a little nervous or self concious about all this after 2 years? Whatever

question for guy mannly, rhenae, yannick (if he still even browses this thread) and whoever else was around at the time: remember ages back when we'd play that drawing game (like charades) and sit and chill in the super friendly skype chat (it was so long ago Discord wasn't even a thing, jesus christ) who was that guy called jonas or jonans or something who sat and chilled with us? he was too shy to ever hop in the group call and he was also slightly very racist but he was chill. what happened to him?

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;52654384]I just sat behind my exs boyfriend at the library without knowing. Then she came around to visit him. Is it too much if i still get a little nervous or self concious about all this after 2 years? Whatever[/QUOTE] Depends on your circumstances, did you get a sense of closure from that relationship? Was it on good terms? Sounds like you're still somewhat hung up about her and/or you don't have the self confidence needed to feel like you don't need/want her. It's the best feeling when you can put yourself above an ex especially in situations like this. Just remember you're doing fine without her (You should be doing fine without her) and you have better things to worry about besides some chick you dated 2 years ago. [QUOTE=da space core;52653765]Ive really branched out in socializing, but all I feel like I am gaining are nice acquaintances. I do wish to pursue a relationship but I don't really see how. I know its probably self evident for many of you here, but do any of you mind sharing the story of how you met, and eventually started dating someone else? Its something I really don't understand, personally[/QUOTE] Keep at it man, sooner or later you'll be able to flat out ask girls for their numbers (Which should heavily imply you're interested in dating). Make your friends now and when you're content start asking girls out, if it fails then oh well try again on the next girl. Point being get past that fear of failure and throw yourself out there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52655026]question for guy mannly, rhenae, yannick (if he still even browses this thread) and whoever else was around at the time: remember ages back when we'd play that drawing game (like charades) and sit and chill in the super friendly skype chat (it was so long ago Discord wasn't even a thing, jesus christ) who was that guy called jonas or jonans or something who sat and chilled with us? he was too shy to ever hop in the group call and he was also slightly very racist but he was chill. what happened to him?[/QUOTE] Was it Johan? There's still a skype chat, its just not really around this topic anymore. He's still there sometimes. Last time I spoke to him he was doing quite well, just not on FP as much anymore. That was probably around 3 months ago

[QUOTE=Altofmine;52582755]Update on this. The opening night thing isn't going to happen now. Instead, they're going to come over to my house on Tuesday after school, we're going to watch some TV shows we're both interested in and such. Going to see that they get home afterward as well. Also planned is us going down to Sydney on the 3rd, to go see the Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy. We'll also likely get lunch and such down there. 16th we're going to the Celebrate Studio Ghibli Festival to go watch Howl's Moving Castle. Again, lunch and all that. We may also be going to see the original Blade Runner on the 29th as well, but we dunno about that one yet. Even if we don't go anywhere, even if our friendship has peaked - I can't lie, they've been an incredible friend. It's great finding someone else who has such interest in pop culture, but time will only tell me where things go yet. It's been a happy week so far.[/QUOTE] Well, update on this. Things took a turn for the worst. Kind of. I told them how I felt about them and it's not a mutual feeling. They see me just as their best friend and nothing more. We've been doing the Tuesday visits every week for about a month now, I visited them at their house on Sunday and we're still going to the movies together. This just kinda sucks man. I know I told myself so long as they're a friend still I'm fine, but it's hit hard knowing there's probably no chance of things going anywhere. I can't seem to fully get over it and it just sucks. Part of me still has hope for the better but I know that it's probably false hope. What do I do? [editline]7th September 2017[/editline] I just don't know what to do. Do I keep it up as friends and hope for the best? Do I try and erase any of those thoughts? Shit really sucks right now.

[QUOTE=Altofmine;52655837]Well, update on this. Things took a turn for the worst. Kind of. I told them how I felt about them and it's not a mutual feeling. They see me just as their best friend and nothing more. We've been doing the Tuesday visits every week for about a month now, I visited them at their house on Sunday and we're still going to the movies together. This just kinda sucks man. I know I told myself so long as they're a friend still I'm fine, but it's hit hard knowing there's probably no chance of things going anywhere. I can't seem to fully get over it and it just sucks. Part of me still has hope for the better but I know that it's probably false hope. What do I do? [editline]7th September 2017[/editline] I just don't know what to do. Do I keep it up as friends and hope for the best? Do I try and erase any of those thoughts? Shit really sucks right now.[/QUOTE] Dude stop hanging out as often if you're having trouble moving past those feelings, it sucks either way but distancing yourself will benefit you. You don't have to stop being friends but you do have to stop making this person your primary focus, you gave it a shot and it didn't work out there's simply nothing more to it. If he/she wanted to be with you in that way it would have happened, now go out there and find someone else with the same interests that WANTS to be with YOU. You will move on, just give it time and space.

[QUOTE=Lebofly;52655899]Dude stop hanging out as often if you're having trouble moving past those feelings, it sucks either way but distancing yourself will benefit you. You don't have to stop being friends but you do have to stop making this person your primary focus, you gave it a shot and it didn't work out there's simply nothing more to it. If he/she wanted to be with you in that way it would have happened, now go out there and find someone else with the same interests that WANTS to be with YOU. You will move on, just give it time and space.[/QUOTE] I understand the whole distance thing right now, but honestly, after having this person as my friend it's hard to just move past that. My other friends are shitty, they don't ever want to talk, do anything, we're friends at school and nothing more. The issue is that she's almost like a sort of crutch to me right now, I'm going through hard times at home and they've been my resort for not feeling like total shit. I don't know though. I know that I should distance myself a little, but it's just... I don't know, everyone in their family knows about this yet they don't hesitate to invite me over and let me do things with them. It's just a really weird platonic frienshop and my view on it changes so much all the time.