Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Altofmine;52655935]I understand the whole distance thing right now, but honestly, after having this person as my friend it's hard to just move past that. My other friends are shitty, they don't ever want to talk, do anything, we're friends at school and nothing more. The issue is that she's almost like a sort of crutch to me right now, I'm going through hard times at home and they've been my resort for not feeling like total shit. I don't know though. I know that I should distance myself a little, but it's just... I don't know, everyone in their family knows about this yet they don't hesitate to invite me over and let me do things with them. It's just a really weird platonic frienshop and my view on it changes so much all the time.[/QUOTE] Comes down to the whole go out and meet new people thing, you're still young by the sounds of it so don't let it get you down. I can guarantee you that one day things will get better for you. Not much we can tell you on here that'll help, it all falls onto you and your actions. Continue hanging out with her but also start talking to new people, be social when you go out with her to these venues, slowly but surely you'll naturally move away and it won't be as bad. Also keep in mind you're essentially in the "Friendzone" if you continue to be this close and she actually starts dating someone else, it's going to sting like a bitch. Better you start distancing yourself now than later.

[QUOTE=Lebofly;52655951]Comes down to the whole go out and meet new people thing, you're still young by the sounds of it so don't let it get you down. I can guarantee you that one day things will get better for you. Not much we can tell you on here that'll help, it all falls onto you and your actions. Continue hanging out with her but also start talking to new people, be social when you go out with her to these venues, slowly but surely you'll naturally move away and it won't be as bad.[/QUOTE] I go to a relatively small school and it's hard finding other people with similar interests. I'm holding out for next year to meet new people, but right now, it's difficult. There isn't many opportunities for me to branch out and as much I've been told recently "don't put all your eggs in the one basket", truth be told, I'm not the person that goes 'relationship shopping' or seeking or anything. This was entirely new for me. I'm going to continue hanging out with them, if anything this whole thing has kind of strengthened our relationship. I may be having to spend some time out of home to get away from my parents for a bit and they've offered me accommodation. I really, really like them as a platonic friend but part of still wishes for more. It's never a focus when we're out though.

So that girl I was dating but she broke up early in the summer, I have 3 classes tomorrow and she's in all of them. Just kill me now. I had a class with her yesterday. Shes said a few times before that she wants to try being friends again but she just ignored me, meanwhile talking a lot with all of our friends next to me (we're in like the same group of friends). At the end of class I said hi, she said hi back, I didn't try to talk any more though, too much anxiety. Idk if she actually hates me or if she she feels more awkward than I do about seeing each other again, probably the latter. But idk, and it gave me such crippling anxiety for the entire class I was having trouble focusing on anything. I don't get why I was having such bad anxiety though. I know now that she's not at all want I want in a relationship or anything, I have absolutely zero interest in getting back together. Plus Im pretty sure she's back with her ex now. Idk, I just don't get why I was crippled with anxiety. I'm 23 and Ive never even had a female friend let alone dated anyone or had a gf. So maybe part of it is just first time shit? Idk I'm just tired of the anxiety and I want to be normal how I was before, no more anxiety no more nervousness and uncertainty. Sorry for the rant. Im really dreading tomorrow. God help me.

I also have an update. I posted a few weeks ago that [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1537757&p=52470995&highlight=#post52470995"]I asked a girl out on a dat[/URL]e. She said no, and later on, after giving me the cold shoulder for a week, [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1537757&p=52485753&highlight=#post52485753"]she told me we weren't friends anymore[/URL]. This was about.. 7 weeks ago? Well we just started back at uni this week, and she made the odd attempt at small talk, but I never initiated it, and I was honestly, standoffish - because I was hurt that someone I considered to be a pretty close friend would just stop being friends with me like that. She rang me today and asked for permission to speak to me again. I was hoping for an apology, or at least some acknowledgement of how I must've felt, but she blazed past that into making plans to catch up. I just went along with it, and we don't have anything solid planned, but am I right to still keep her at arm's length until she's apologised?

Damn man, I've read back through your posts and you literally did nothing wrong. You acted like a champ. Is this girl the same age as you, cause who behaves that way at 25? Like you said, you asked her out on a date, you didn't blurt out you love her. The part where she actually told you she wants an apology for... asking her out? That part has me fuming a little bit. What a bizarro experience. My honest advice would be to ditch her. Like her entire behaviour is just super strange. Getting mad at you for asking her out on a date, instead of acting like an adult and saying "Sorry but no". Then ignoring you. And then calling you to [I]ask permission to start speaking again?[/I] Throwback to highschool drama. I've been super lucky, the girls I ask out always handle it really kindly. I remember one time, I started becoming attracted to a coursemate of mine, and we'd been friends for about 6 months. I asked her if she wanted to go out on a date and get coffee or something, she made it super easy and apologised but said she didn't see me that way. I said it was all good, we carried on being friends with no awkwardness. If I asked a friend out and they completely shot me down and basically burnt the friendship, I wouldn't bother having them around in my life after that. Go to the catch up if you want, but know you've been 100% in the right. I dunno why she got so up in arms over you asking her on a date. Tell her you've got nothing to apologise for, and it should be her who should apologise for the way she's acted. You don't need that sort of negativity in your life. Just don't meet up and play the silent treatment. If you're going to meet up, be blunt and tell her exactly how you feel. Communication is best, otherwise you'll walk out still feeling confused about the situation and how things are going to progress.

Thanks man. I think you're right. I did nothing wrong, and I am right to expect an apology. I just want to make clear, though - when she rang (actually, she texted this bit), she was asking for permission i.e. "Superloz permission requested to speak to you again". I replied with a yes, and then she rang. And yeah, she's about my age. And I'll be direct in wanting to get an apology - I've been thinking about this for the past 7 weeks trying to wrap my head around it, and I wouldn't want to skip past the part where we talk about that.

you definitely deserve an apology, whether or not you accept it is up to you

after she apologises, message her on facebook and ask permission to talk and then slam dunk her with a "your apology is refused, good day" and walk out

I would like to point out that perhaps she thought over her actions or perhaps one of her friends called her out on her childish behavior or and she might want to apologize and move on. I suggest you do meet up with her, but a bit cautiously. Be respectful but she should apologize for her prior actions. If she doesn't and instead digs herself a deeper hole then by all means ditch her

[QUOTE=Pelf;52656131]So that girl I was dating but she broke up early in the summer, I have 3 classes tomorrow and she's in all of them. Just kill me now. I had a class with her yesterday. Shes said a few times before that she wants to try being friends again but she just ignored me, meanwhile talking a lot with all of our friends next to me (we're in like the same group of friends). At the end of class I said hi, she said hi back, I didn't try to talk any more though, too much anxiety. Idk if she actually hates me or if she she feels more awkward than I do about seeing each other again, probably the latter. But idk, and it gave me such crippling anxiety for the entire class I was having trouble focusing on anything. I don't get why I was having such bad anxiety though. I know now that she's not at all want I want in a relationship or anything, I have absolutely zero interest in getting back together. Plus Im pretty sure she's back with her ex now. Idk, I just don't get why I was crippled with anxiety. I'm 23 and Ive never even had a female friend let alone dated anyone or had a gf. So maybe part of it is just first time shit? Idk I'm just tired of the anxiety and I want to be normal how I was before, no more anxiety no more nervousness and uncertainty. Sorry for the rant. Im really dreading tomorrow. God help me.[/QUOTE] Update My anxiety the other day was probably just from seeing her for the first time since she ended things. Ive had very little anxiety today which is a huge relief, one step closer towards normality. But she's [I]completely[/I] ignoring me and idk why. She spoke to me when I asked if she wanted a PDF for a book for one of our classes, but other than that she won't even look in my direction. The thing is she said multiple times that she wants to still be friends, so idk if she was just saying that or if she means it. I get that she probably feels really awkward talking to me, but I also don't know if maybe she actually just hates me and won't tell me. Actually shes responded to some texts over the past month or so, and one the day before yesterday. So I guess she isn't [I]completely[/I] ignoring me. Do I ask what's up? Do I just wait and see how things go? Maybe ask a friend? It's difficult because we have the same group of friends mostly and three classes together so I can't really like maintain distance. Like should I even bother acting normal and friendly? I have no clue what the right thing to do is. [editline]e[/editline] And it's just sooo weird because we have all the same friends and we're always right by each other in our classes and she's all normal and talking to our friends, and I'm just right there in the middle completely ignored.

[QUOTE=Pelf;52658188]Update My anxiety the other day was probably just from seeing her for the first time since she ended things. Ive had very little anxiety today which is a huge relief, one step closer towards normality. But she's [I]completely[/I] ignoring me and idk why. She spoke to me when I asked if she wanted a PDF for a book for one of our classes, but other than that she won't even look in my direction. The thing is she said multiple times that she wants to still be friends, so idk if she was just saying that or if she means it. I get that she probably feels really awkward talking to me, but I also don't know if maybe she actually just hates me and won't tell me. Actually shes responded to some texts over the past month or so, and one the day before yesterday. So I guess she isn't [I]completely[/I] ignoring me. Do I ask what's up? Do I just wait and see how things go? Maybe ask a friend? It's difficult because we have the same group of friends mostly and three classes together so I can't really like maintain distance. Like should I even bother acting normal and friendly? I have no clue what the right thing to do is. [editline]e[/editline] And it's just sooo weird because we have all the same friends and we're always right by each other in our classes and she's all normal and talking to our friends, and I'm just right there in the middle completely ignored.[/QUOTE] Just do you man, don't let her over shadow you. If you want attention from your friends then go ahead and grab it. No reason why she should have the spotlight over you, if you want to be friends with her then alright fair enough, otherwise just be friendly and talk to her when she talks to you.

When did the Depression and Anxiety thread basically become "Shit That Gets You Mad - Mental Health Edition"? A year or two back, people would post their problems and everyone would band together and try and help out. But I've noticed people just pop in, vent, and then whizz off. Which is great, venting is good. But I feel like it's turned into a boggy marsh of venting and no one actually trying to get themselves out of a rut or make a positive change in their life.

I have an update to the post I made [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1537757&p=52657094&viewfull=1#post52657094"]2 days ago[/URL], at the end of the last page. As a reminder: several weeks ago, I asked a girl out. She said no, blanked me and said we're not friends anymore. Six weeks later we're back at uni and have just finished our first week back. We met up and caught up on each other's summers and such. Eventually it came up - she had been awkward around me this week and had tried to make friends. I reminded her that it was her who said that she felt we weren't friends anymore. She felt that I had misinterpreted her - that when she had said that we weren't friends anymore she was explaining why she had been so awkward and blanked me several weeks ago, and she was trying to clear the air. When I asked why she continued to blank me after that (for the rest of that week) she had thought that I was in a bad mood with her, and that I wasn't speaking to her. I wasn't in a bad mood with her, but at this point in time we had both thought that the other one wasn't speaking to the other. We had a long chat, talking around in circles trying to work out the timeline for all this. She acknowledged that she had made things awkward. The end result; it does seem like we're friends again. edited to clear up the timelines, I hope this is clear.

[QUOTE=SuperLoz;52664085]I have an update to the post I made [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1537757&p=52657094&viewfull=1#post52657094"]2 days ago[/URL], at the end of the last page. As a reminder: several weeks ago, I asked a girl out. She said no, blanked me and said we're not friends anymore. Six weeks later we're back at uni and have just finished our first week back. We met up and caught up on each other's summers and such. Eventually it came up - she had been awkward around me this week and had tried to make friends. I reminded her that it was her who said that she felt we weren't friends anymore. She felt that I had misinterpreted her - that when she had said that we weren't friends anymore she was explaining why she had been so awkward and blanked me several weeks ago, and she was trying to clear the air. When I asked why she continued to blank me after that (for the rest of that week) she had thought that I was in a bad mood with her, and that I wasn't speaking to her. I wasn't in a bad mood with her, but at this point in time we had both thought that the other one wasn't speaking to the other. We had a long chat, talking around in circles trying to work out the timeline for all this. She acknowledged that she had made things awkward. The end result; it does seem like we're friends again. edited to clear up the timelines, I hope this is clear.[/QUOTE] Reminds me of my bf, in high school he and one of his best friends weren't friends for like 2 years cause they both thought the other was avoiding them lol

Do you guys have any ideas for ways I could actually get out and interact with people? The only thing that came to my mind was go to the mall and look at halloween decorations, but that seems like a pretty dumb idea. Still, it would get me out of the house at least.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52666753]Do you guys have any ideas for ways I could actually get out and interact with people? The only thing that came to my mind was go to the mall and look at halloween decorations, but that seems like a pretty dumb idea. Still, it would get me out of the house at least.[/QUOTE] Join a hobby-club, go out to a bar/coffee place, go to a concert

Volunteer! Maybe there's a foodbank near you that needs you once a week.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52666753]Do you guys have any ideas for ways I could actually get out and interact with people? The only thing that came to my mind was go to the mall and look at halloween decorations, but that seems like a pretty dumb idea. Still, it would get me out of the house at least.[/QUOTE] meetme.com is a good resource.

Maybe I fucked it up somehow but there's this girl from college I met who seemed super into me (like saying she missed me when we had to go into groups with new people) but when I asked her out she had to cancel twice on the weekend. I dunno maybe she's actually getting busy as she's offering to meet up again but I can't help but feel like I'm being let down easy. Strange stuff.

[QUOTE=Destroyox;52669263]Maybe I fucked it up somehow but there's this girl from college I met who seemed super into me (like saying she missed me when we had to go into groups with new people) but when I asked her out she had to cancel twice on the weekend. I dunno maybe she's actually getting busy as she's offering to meet up again but I can't help but feel like I'm being let down easy. Strange stuff.[/QUOTE] I'm sure if she didn't want to she'd just say no, third times the charm

[QUOTE=Destroyox;52669263]Maybe I fucked it up somehow but there's this girl from college I met who seemed super into me (like saying she missed me when we had to go into groups with new people) but when I asked her out she had to cancel twice on the weekend. I dunno maybe she's actually getting busy as she's offering to meet up again but I can't help but feel like I'm being let down easy. Strange stuff.[/QUOTE] unless she's offering a specific date and time, she's letting you down

I've been using that ok cupid site for a year and either it's useless or girls really hate me because I've messaging them and getting no responses. Either way it was a complete waste of time and I'm all the more bitter for it. So yeah, thanks whoever suggested that.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52669727]I've been using that ok cupid site for a year and either it's useless or girls really hate me because I've messaging them and getting no responses. Either way it was a complete waste of time and I'm all the more bitter for it. So yeah, thanks whoever suggested that.[/QUOTE] or maybe it's useless because you're insufferable like robochimp have you ever thought maybe you'd be more likely to get a girl if you weren't such a goddamn downer

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52669712]unless she's offering a specific date and time, she's letting you down[/QUOTE] She is though.

[QUOTE=Destroyox;52669747]She is though.[/QUOTE] then it's anyone's guess until the date and time she said

[QUOTE=Destroyox;52669747]She is though.[/QUOTE] I mean, it's back to schools season dude, she probably is busy.

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52669744]or maybe it's useless because you're insufferable like robochimp have you ever thought maybe you'd be more likely to get a girl if you weren't such a goddamn downer[/QUOTE]That's the worst advice I've ever heard in my life. What are you even doing here? And to be clear I already fucking hate you, why do you want to make it worse?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52669727]I've been using that ok cupid site for a year and either it's useless or girls really hate me because I've messaging them and getting no responses. Either way it was a complete waste of time and I'm all the more bitter for it. So yeah, thanks whoever suggested that.[/QUOTE] Its pretty hit or miss based on your photos and profile. Tons of guys on there to a pretty minimal number of girls, competition is high.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;52669790]Its pretty hit or miss based on your photos and profile. Tons of guys on there to a pretty minimal number of girls, competition is high.[/QUOTE]Ok, what's another site? Preferably with a better male to female ratio.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52669794]Ok, what's another site? Preferably with a better male to female ratio.[/QUOTE] That's the world of online dating. There isn't a better one, it's literally one of the best options. If you want better ratios you pretty much got to go for real life events and shit. Sucks but true, women just don't have as hard a time finding dates, that's how the whole dating culture is.