Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=junker|154;52686896]Damn, I got a super spontaneous surprise date tomorrow. It took me a bit by surprise and I'm absolutely not sure what to do on a sunday. Also this girl is like really fucking awesome, I actually want to invest myself a bit. Any ideas?[/QUOTE] Is the weather going to be any good?

[QUOTE=_Axel;52686900]Is the weather going to be any good?[/QUOTE] Shit weather and on a sunday. So yeah, options are limited. I usually settle for basic things like getting a drink and chilling somewhere and it usually worked but I feel like I should give it more thought this time.

[QUOTE=junker|154;52686907]Shit weather and on a sunday. So yeah, options are limited. I usually settle for basic things like getting a drink and chilling somewhere and it usually worked but I feel like I should give it more thought this time.[/QUOTE] Maybe try a museum? Did a date in a modern art museum once and it was great, you've got weird out there shit sometimes that's great to laugh about. Pretending to be an art critic and finding bullshit meanings to the pieces can be pretty fun too.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52686921]Maybe try a museum? Did a date in a modern art museum once and it was great, you've got weird out there shit sometimes that's great to laugh about. Pretending to be an art critic and finding bullshit meanings to the pieces can be pretty fun too.[/QUOTE] I actually did the same one time and it was more of a coincidence, but that was already great. I should sure check out if there is something here that might be worth visiting.

[QUOTE=junker|154;52686926]I actually did the same one time and it was more of a coincidence, but that was already great. I should sure check out if there is something here that might be worth visiting.[/QUOTE] It actually was a coincidence for me as well lol, we went in because it was hot as fuck outside and it was the first building with AC we came across.

Well, seems like things are settled. She just invited me to her place, probably going to bake some shit.

[QUOTE=junker|154;52686950]Well, seems like things are settled. She just invited me to her place, probably going to bake some shit.[/QUOTE] her cunt :downs:

[QUOTE=junker|154;52686950]Well, seems like things are settled. She just invited me to her place, probably going to bake some shit.[/QUOTE] HOW DID THIS GO

Tinder is such a schlock of shit now. Can't believe people bend over for this shitty practice. It's literally pay2win

[QUOTE=redBadger;52688495]Tinder is such a schlock of shit now. Can't believe people bend over for this shitty practice. It's literally pay2win[/QUOTE] Tinder plus seems like a shit deal actually. Don't see how it's supposed to give you an advantage.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52688814]Tinder plus seems like a shit deal actually. Don't see how it's supposed to give you an advantage.[/QUOTE] Boosts are crazy, but it's overall just the same shit but faster.

At the risk of being misinterpreted or not explaining myself correctly, when I see a girl who's pretty my mind asks the question, "should I talk to this person" and then "should I pursue", then "I think, nah the consensus is that, this isn't important and should ignore it". So the real question is; how do I train my brain no to stop looking and stop caring? It's all just some mental chemical imbalance right?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52689214]Do you ever consider that women can just be friends with you? You don't have to view them all as a potential date. Look at them as people, not as women.[/QUOTE]I do consider that woman can be friends with me, but if I have nothing in common or don't 'hit it off', it's just plan embarrassing to be in that awkward situation. Keep in mind these are strangers I'm talking about here. But it is hard to think of woman with nice eyes as anything other than a higher level being.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52689322]I do consider that woman can be friends with me, but if I have nothing in common or don't 'hit it off', it's just plan embarrassing to be in that awkward situation. Keep in mind these are strangers I'm talking about here. But it is hard to think of woman with nice eyes as anything other than a higher level being.[/QUOTE] Do you talk to men and concern yourself with hitting it off with them as well? Or if you will have common ground? If the answer is yes your question is much more general, if not the point returns to "women are just people, talk to them like people".

[QUOTE=Rhenae;52689359]Do you talk to men and concern yourself with hitting it off with them as well? Or if you will have common ground? If the answer is yes your question is much more general, if not the point returns to "women are just people, talk to them like people".[/QUOTE]If there is no common ground or topic I can be a part of, I feel like an awkward moron, doesn't matter who it is, man woman whatever, the difference is; there's more drive to speak to woman because of 'the joy of what might happen' and 'the inadequacy I feel for not having been with anyone'. Speaking of 'the joy of what might happen', when you actually find someone who you care about after all the dates all early stuff that occurs, what's that like? I know it's not all milk and roses, but some of you guys must have found a partner who's right for you.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52689436]If there is no common ground or topic I can be a part of, I feel like an awkward moron, doesn't matter who it is, man woman whatever, the difference is; there's more drive to speak to woman because of 'the joy of what might happen' and 'the inadequacy I feel for not having been with anyone'. Speaking of 'the joy of what might happen', when you actually find someone who you care about after all the dates all early stuff that occurs, what's that like? I know it's not all milk and roses, but some of you guys must have found a partner who's right for you.[/QUOTE] The best way to approach things is actually not to invest yourself to much in those thoughts. Just be a cool person and consider the other person as an potential acquaintance or friend, then if you really notice that you get along really well, it might be actually worthwhile to pursue that person with a romantic interest. You just need to know when to act right and use the opportunity when it presents itself. Albeit, I had cases where I connected immediately with a girl and in other situations it was pretty boring at first but then somehow it worked out. It really depends on the situation. But just don't freak out about "what might happen" when you meet just a random person.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52689436] 'the inadequacy I feel for not having been with anyone'. [/QUOTE] Honestly, this is not worth worrying about at all. Some people are early bloomers, some bloom late. Rushing it only causes drama, and I'm telling you: losing your virginity isn't a magical self confidence pill. The more you force it to happen, the more awkward you appear to women. A friend of mine who didn't have a girlfriend till he was 23 pulled a stunningly beautiful girl 2 weeks ago. We were all so surprised, because he barely had to do any effort for it. It came naturally, as it should. I actually wonder if other people in a relationship experienced the same: did you guys and girls have to do a lot of work to reel your current SO in? I think that if you and a potential partner really fit together, you barely have to do anything other than being yourself. Yeah you do have to be positive minded and initiative, but it rarely feels forced. Funnily enough, my current girlfriend was in a relationship while we started talking. Although it was an unhappy one, it only took me 1,5 week to make her change her mind and go for me :v: Our first date on which I kissed her for the first time, was supposed to be 'just as friends'. What I'm trying to say is that finding a SO is more of meeting the right person than actually saying/doing the right things. If you truly fit each other, most things you say/do are alright (as long as you have basic social skills).

Isn't there supposed to be a spark or something? Why do people keep saying it won't fix my life? I never said it would, might be interesting to experience it. But if I have to be 100% happy with where I'm at in life, then I'm a long way away from talking to anyone. This is going to take several years then, hopefully there's still single people around who are my by then. Is this like in Futurama where Fry becomes Lars or something? So I need to kill any romantic thoughts, how do I go about that? If I'm supposed to just ignore attractive women, does that just get easier the more you do it? [editline]18th September 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=thermobaric;52689922]Honestly, this is not worth worrying about at all. Some people are early bloomers, some bloom late. Rushing it only causes drama, and I'm telling you: losing your virginity isn't a magical self confidence pill. The more you force it to happen, the more awkward you appear to women. A friend of mine who didn't have a girlfriend till he was 23 pulled a stunningly beautiful girl 2 weeks ago. We were all so surprised, because he barely had to do any effort for it. It came naturally, as it should. I actually wonder if other people in a relationship experienced the same: did you guys and girls have to do a lot of work to reel your current SO in? I think that if you and a potential partner really fit together, you barely have to do anything other than being yourself. Yeah you do have to be positive minded and initiative, but it rarely feels forced. Funnily enough, my current girlfriend was in a relationship while we started talking. Although it was an unhappy one, it only took me 1,5 week to make her change her mind and go for me :v: Our first date on which I kissed her for the first time, was supposed to be 'just as friends'. What I'm trying to say is that finding a SO is more of meeting the right person than actually saying/doing the right things. If you truly fit each other, most things you say/do are alright (as long as you have basic social skills).[/QUOTE]I paid to lose my virginity, I didn't want that negative stigma hanging around.

[QUOTE=thermobaric;52689922]Honestly, this is not worth worrying about at all. Some people are early bloomers, some bloom late. Rushing it only causes drama, and I'm telling you: losing your virginity isn't a magical self confidence pill. The more you force it to happen, the more awkward you appear to women. A friend of mine who didn't have a girlfriend till he was 23 pulled a stunningly beautiful girl 2 weeks ago. We were all so surprised, because he barely had to do any effort for it. It came naturally, as it should. I actually wonder if other people in a relationship experienced the same: did you guys and girls have to do a lot of work to reel your current SO in? I think that if you and a potential partner really fit together, you barely have to do anything other than being yourself. Yeah you do have to be positive minded and initiative, but it rarely feels forced. Funnily enough, my current girlfriend was in a relationship while we started talking. Although it was an unhappy one, it only took me 1,5 week to make her change her mind and go for me :v: Our first date on which I kissed her for the first time, was supposed to be 'just as friends'. What I'm trying to say is that finding a SO is more of meeting the right person than actually saying/doing the right things. If you truly fit each other, most things you say/do are alright (as long as you have basic social skills).[/QUOTE] I agree. I don't believe in "the one" but you just fit together better with some people on a social level. I hit my current girlfriend up on the app hot or not just looking for something quick when I was in Vilnius. We met at a bar and at first it felt awkward, but then everything just started to flow naturally and I ended up spending the night at her place, not having sex but just talking and holding each other. I've been with other women but it's different with her, like we truly get each other both socially and sexually.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52689932] I paid to lose my virginity, I didn't want that negative stigma hanging around.[/QUOTE] now you just have the negative stigma of having paid to lose your virginity. if someone had a genuine interest in you then they wouldn't care if you're a virgin. only teenagers give a fuck about that kind of thing. I know guys my age (mid 20s) that are virgins and no one cares, and there's other guys my age with their kids. if someone judges you for being a virgin then they're pretty much an asshole.

I'm 22-and-a-half (which is kinda important here), still a virgin and never had a GF. And besides some special occasions, it really doesn't bother me. I'd lie if I said I wouldn't love to have sex and lose the V-card, just so I can finally say "I'm not a virgin!", but at the end of the day, it's a case of "if it happens, it happens. If not, it's still cool." As for getting a GF, it is, for me, all about making a friend who I can live with, have sex with, have children with etc. A lot of people look for a relationship for the sake of it. I'm looking for a friend who I then [I]might[/I] enter a relationship with.

I'd rather have the stigma of never having sex - one that I'm living with and will probably live with for the rest of my life, depending on where things go - than the one that accompanies having to pay for sex if only to lose your virginity. The prospect of virginity being so sacred in women and necessary-to-lose in men is so silly and outdated. You have to do things when it feels right and you don't have to do it at all if it never feels right. Outside of middle and high school where puberty is this mysterious thing, hormones are running wild, and popularity is based on how many "fuck bracelets" you have, nobody who has the functioning and mature mind of an adult really gives a shit. If you run into adults that [I]do[/I] give a shit, then feel free to run far away from them and never talk to them ever again because they have some growing up to do.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52689932]Isn't there supposed to be a spark or something? Why do people keep saying it won't fix my life? I never said it would, might be interesting to experience it. But if I have to be 100% happy with where I'm at in life, then I'm a long way away from talking to anyone. This is going to take several years then, hopefully there's still single people around who are my by then. Is this like in Futurama where Fry becomes Lars or something? So I need to kill any romantic thoughts, how do I go about that? If I'm supposed to just ignore attractive women, does that just get easier the more you do it? [editline]18th September 2017[/editline] I paid to lose my virginity, I didn't want that negative stigma hanging around.[/QUOTE] The whole spark thing, really a lot of media portrayal of romance, is kinda some of the most perpetuated social lies. I've asked out every guy I dated and although I noticed over time they were attractive its not like there was this movie scene of everything else blurs out and this close up vignetted image of their face permeated my mind. They were just chill people who I found interesting to spend time with. I do think there is a realisation moment where you go "shit I could see myself dating this person", but its usually after developing at least a start of a friendship with them. being physically attractive really isnt a good basis for a relationship, and you seem to have that idea down. I would try not to worry about checking that box to start with, let that come after you actually know someone. It definitely gets easier over time to just not pay attention to if you find someone attractive, or don't view it as like the first checkmark on a list, its just an item about them. Different people have different preferences but I would try not to worry too much about having the same interests, and esp working it out super early in relationships. I have tons of friends with interests which only overlap with mine in small sections, but we enjoy talking about them or sharing information about other things. Learning to listen to what people talk about, even if it isn't your primary interest, is a great social skill. Like I want to highlight this so like, I got my bf to list his primary interests: gaming, programming, sci-fi and fantasy media, and politics. I would say my interests are: Sociology, gaming, comics, sci-fi and fantasy, and art. But heres the thing, we started dating in high school, we both developed an interest in politics together, we both came from families that don't really talk about it, my interest is very much in canadian social issues and his is more in the global politics, but we both have common ground and both find the actual building of political structures interesting. Even though he doesn't list it he is also interested in comics, but it took longer to get around to talking about it, we both like sci-fi and fantasy but he leans sci-fi and I lean fantasy. Gaming is his primary thing, but its definitely not for me, art and sociology are. We both enjoy game design concepts and end up talking about game development on longgg tangents. I definitely would not have been able to tell you all that stuff about him when we started dating, I wouldn't have even been able to tell you all that stuff about Myself when we started dating. We have more abstract overlap, we both have an interest in how stuff works of all sorts (so either of us interested in the other explaining something new they learned about how something works, even if the base content isnt something we would have looked up ourselves), and we have similar moral opinions and process things in similar ways. We have totally different communication styles and pretty varied areas of interest, but I value his skill in more logical pursuit and he values my creativity skills. You don't need to have the same interests, but an interest in that person and an overlap in more abstract preferences makes for what I would call a good match, if I were to date another arty farty person who is over invested in social issues, I would have no balance and would actually find that relationship pretty boring, with no difference to really bring interest and new stuff into it. That's why ya kinda gotta let relationships develop, a quick checklist of interests really doesn't cover it at all. A relationship as I would put it, has a lot more to do with an interest in that person and sharing ideas and experiences with that person than going into it being very outwardly similar.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52689932]Isn't there supposed to be a spark or something? Why do people keep saying it won't fix my life? I never said it would, might be interesting to experience it. But if I have to be 100% happy with where I'm at in life, then I'm a long way away from talking to anyone. This is going to take several years then, hopefully there's still single people around who are my by then. Is this like in Futurama where Fry becomes Lars or something? So I need to kill any romantic thoughts, how do I go about that? If I'm supposed to just[B] ignore attractive women[/B], does that just get easier the more you do it?[/QUOTE] we're saying to stop treating women like walking vaginas, not to disregard their existence because you want to put your dick in any one of them

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52689932] I paid to lose my virginity, I didn't want that negative stigma hanging around.[/QUOTE] what negative stigma? if you hang around people who would consider something like that something to hold against you, then the problem isn't you not having had sex, the problem is the people you're close to.

robochimp didn't you just say that you treating women like walking sex objects was a one time thing and not a character trait cause i seem to remember that post

Is this the right place to get online dating profile criticism?

Sure, why not.

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52690618]robochimp didn't you just say that you treating women like walking sex objects was a one time thing and not a character trait cause i seem to remember that post[/QUOTE] Yes I paid for it because I felt being a virgin was embarrassing, at the time I thought it was a box you had to tick. To be clear here I don't mean attractive in a sexual way, more of a romantic one, I substituted pretty for attractive to sound less pathetic, I mean here I am, that one guy who keeps coming back here because he's afraid to talk to strangers, even that week of door to sales seemed easier than this. If I treated women like walking sex objects I wouldn't so much as care about finding a partner, I've never treated anyone as a sex objects, I said that once because I was fighting off a deep infatuation with a girl who I didn't want annoy. Of course I see women as people, it's a shit ton harder to talk to people I find pretty. I if did treat someone like a sex object, I'd be very apologetic about it. I don't know, I just don't like being embarrassed, it's a horrible feeling.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52691461]Yes I paid for it because I felt being a virgin was embarrassing, at the time I thought it was a box you had to tick. To be clear here I don't mean attractive in a sexual way, more of a romantic one, I substituted pretty for attractive to sound less pathetic, I mean here I am, that one guy who keeps coming back here because he's afraid to talk to strangers, even that week of door to sales seemed easier than this. If I treated women like walking sex objects I wouldn't so much as care about finding a partner, I've never treated anyone as a sex objects, I said that once because I was fighting off a deep infatuation with a girl who I didn't want annoy. Of course I see women as people, it's a shit ton harder to talk to people I find pretty. I if did treat someone like a sex object, I'd be very apologetic about it. I don't know, I just don't like being embarrassed, it's a horrible feeling.[/QUOTE] I remember feeling very similar when I was younger. The vast majority of my peers either had girlfriends or had at least hooked up with girls in the past, whereas I was a kissless virgin with huge self image issues. I asked out a total of 5 girls in high school and was shot down by all of them- I was lonely, a tad depressed, and felt completely unwanted. The first time I kissed a girl was in college, and she was pretty drunk at the time. I remember thinking "Wow, now I can finally be normal". But really, nothing changed. I was still the same person I was the day before. I expected kissing/sex/relationships to be some world-shaking, life changing event that would start the next chapter of my young life, but really, I still had the same self-image issues I had before. Our social conditioning tells us that our self-worth as men is determined by how much we get laid- but nothing is farther from the truth. Since that first kiss, I have come a long way as a man and as a person. You have to take your life into your own hands. You can't allow yourself to be a victim of our admittedly fucked up social hierarchy. If you're disappointed and unsatisfied with your position in life, you have two choices- embrace it, or change it. It doesn't happen overnight. It's a lot of hard work, but it is so worth it. My point is, you shouldn't be so wrapped up in attaining sex/romance [I]in and of itself[/I]. Really consider [I]why[/I] you want these experiences. It seems that you just want to check a box, and if that's the case, I really advise you to attack the root of your issues rather than just trying to get laid. Focus on self-improvement first. Physically, you can go to the gym, improve our hygiene, start dressing better. Mentally, you can start learning some new skills, pick up a new hobby, join a club, make some new friends etc. Just change it up. It's hard to make these changes starting out, but I guarantee you, once it starts yielding tangible results it will be so worth it. Start investing in yourself now, and a few months down the line you'll be in an even better place. If I did it, I know you can too. Don't worry about your past- your choices have been made already. Focus on what you can do [I]now[/I].