Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;52691496]I remember feeling very similar when I was younger. The vast majority of my peers either had girlfriends or had at least hooked up with girls in the past, whereas I was a kissless virgin with huge self image issues. I asked out a total of 5 girls in high school and was shot down by all of them- I was lonely, a tad depressed, and felt completely unwanted. The first time I kissed a girl was in college, and she was pretty drunk at the time. I remember thinking "Wow, now I can finally be normal". But really, nothing changed. I was still the same person I was the day before. I expected kissing/sex/relationships to be some world-shaking, life changing event that would start the next chapter of my young life, but really, I still had the same self-image issues I had before. Our social conditioning tells us that our self-worth as men is determined by how much we get laid- but nothing is farther from the truth. Since that first kiss, I have come a long way as a man and as a person. You have to take your life into your own hands. You can't allow yourself to be a victim of our admittedly fucked up social hierarchy. If you're disappointed and unsatisfied with your position in life, you have two choices- embrace it, or change it. It doesn't happen overnight. It's a lot of hard work, but it is so worth it. My point is, you shouldn't be so wrapped up in attaining sex/romance [I]in and of itself[/I]. Really consider [I]why[/I] you want these experiences. It seems that you just want to check a box, and if that's the case, I really advise you to attack the root of your issues rather than just trying to get laid. Focus on self-improvement first. Physically, you can go to the gym, improve our hygiene, start dressing better. Mentally, you can start learning some new skills, pick up a new hobby, join a club, make some new friends etc. Just change it up. It's hard to make these changes starting out, but I guarantee you, once it starts yielding tangible results it will be so worth it. Start investing in yourself now, and a few months down the line you'll be in an even better place. If I did it, I know you can too. Don't worry about your past- your choices have been made already. Focus on what you can do [I]now[/I].[/QUOTE]I think months is optimistic, realistically I'd say years.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52691565]I think months is optimistic, realistically I'd say years.[/QUOTE] Depends on your situation and state of mind. Due to various changes around me and with my changing attitude of how I approach things, I believe that I have grown more in the last few months than on the last few years. Remember, chances are that someday in the future, you will look back on the person you are today, and wish you could tell your past self that everything will turn out ok.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52691461]Yes I paid for it because I felt being a virgin was embarrassing, at the time I thought it was a box you had to tick. To be clear here I don't mean attractive in a sexual way, more of a romantic one, I substituted pretty for attractive to sound less pathetic, I mean here I am, that one guy who keeps coming back here because he's afraid to talk to strangers, even that week of door to sales seemed easier than this. [B]If I treated women like walking sex objects I wouldn't so much as care about finding a partner, I've never treated anyone as a sex objects, I said that once because I was fighting off a deep infatuation with a girl who I didn't want annoy. Of course I see women as people, it's a shit ton harder to talk to people I find pretty. I if did treat someone like a sex object, I'd be very apologetic about it. [/B] I don't know, I just don't like being embarrassed, it's a horrible feeling.[/QUOTE] if you're wearing a hat you better hold the fuck onto it because here we go [quote=RoboChimp;51064831]If this "Suzy" character mentioned a boy friend I wouldn't immediately get mad, but I would make an excuse to stop talking and consider myself a complete fuckwitt for wasting my and her time and lower my own self esteem.[/quote] fun fact #1: friendships with women in relationships is totally something that occurs in regular life and it's totally normal!!! [quote=RoboChimp;51064556]Everytime I meet someone I like they're in a long term relationship, so I obviously have to find someone before said other person. [/quote] fun fact #2: you can't "find" a woman before another man because they're human beings and are not subject to being "found" by a guy. you date a woman. you don't collect them all. [quote=RoboChimp;51059704]I get the feeling from your statement you assume that I'm some sort of brash sexist, but the truth is when you've been told by everyone you've ever liked that they're already in a relationship, you start to believe that anyone you're attracted to is some sort of superior species and I assume it's like this for both genders. [/quote] fun fact #3: a woman is not a superior being, you're just enveloped in your insecurities and seriously need to try some form of mental health treatment. therapy, meditation, literally anything that helps you not feel like shit because a lady doesn't want you back. self care is real, kids. (i could find more posts you've made that were questionably sexist but i'm not that bored) you say that treating women like dating/sex objects only was just a one time thing of yours, but you've posted various things that imply as much for literal years. you've been doing this for so long that you don't even realize that you're perceiving every single woman who even remotely enters your life like their only purpose in your life is to fuck you and/or date you. my hunch is a good chunk of the women you're asking out and they're saying "i've got a boyfriend" are lying to you because they don't want to date you. that doesn't give you the excuse to make up shit about how all women are some superior species and then projecting them not wanting to date you into that somehow they're the bad one. i know i said this before, but if i were to print out these posts and mail them to anyone who potentially seemed interested in you, they'd get turned off about as quickly as Liberace in the Playboy mansion. [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] (special thanks in this post to my gf who helped write the fun facts)

Anyone ever been friends with someone whose partner is jealous of you? I'm friends with this guy whose boyfriend gets jealous of me whenever we get lunch at college together, and that makes me feel like hanging out with my friend is wrong. I've never met his boyfriend, although he knows I'm straight, so what gives? Maybe I need to meet him, without bringing up this issue, to ease tensions and possibly work out a compromise.

He's here asking for help cause he recognizes a problem with himself of some sort and wants to fix it so he can get a girlfriend,and wanting a girlfriend is not some horrible thing. I know he's been having the same problem for years but obviously he isn't happy with it and wants to fix it, don't need to be so condescending and hostile man. [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] this post in reply to the robochimp business

[QUOTE=elevate;52691921]Anyone ever been friends with someone whose partner is jealous of you? I'm friends with this guy whose boyfriend gets jealous of me whenever we get lunch at college together, and that makes me feel like hanging out with my friend is wrong. I've never met his boyfriend, although he knows I'm straight, so what gives? Maybe I need to meet him, without bringing up this issue, to ease tensions and possibly work out a compromise.[/QUOTE] Last semester I was writing a group paper which resulted in me spending a hell of a lot of time with my good friend on campus researching and writing, and every now and then her boyfriend would show up and I always had a hunch that there was a bit of jealousy there. It's all good now and we've gotten to know each other since then. [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] Also seen it a lot in my other good friends girlfriend, who is clingy to him around virtually all females who know her boyfriend.

[QUOTE=Hilton;52691974]He's here asking for help cause he recognizes a problem with himself of some sort and wants to fix it so he can get a girlfriend,and wanting a girlfriend is not some horrible thing. I know he's been having the same problem for years but obviously he isn't happy with it and wants to fix it, don't need to be so condescending and hostile man. [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] this post in reply to the robochimp business[/QUOTE] i've seen robochimp smash his head into a brick wall for literal years in other threads there's a point where you just can't be nice anymore

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52692058]i've seen robochimp smash his head into a brick wall for literal years in other threads there's a point where you just can't be nice anymore[/QUOTE] Take a step back. There is zero need to be a condescending dick, it's counterproductive and just serves to make him feel even worse. It's obvious his problems stem from low self-esteem, do you really think demeaning him for his behavior and throwing his words back at him is going to make him see the error of his ways? Yeah he's said some sexist things, but he comes here for help because he knows that it's a personal flaw. Making him feel bad about something he's already recognized is a problem is a great way to make it worse

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;52692081]Take a step back. There is zero need to be a condescending dick, it's counterproductive and just serves to make him feel even worse. It's obvious his problems stem from low self-esteem, do you really think demeaning him for his behavior and throwing his words back at him is going to make him see the error of his ways? Yeah he's said some sexist things, but he comes here for help because he knows that it's a personal flaw. Making him feel bad about something he's already recognized is a problem is a great way to make it worse[/QUOTE] except he hasn't recognized he's sexist? he's said it happened one time where it's instead a recurring throughline of his posts [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] i realize it sounds harsh but this is not a problem to be solved by people on the internet being nice about it (or by people on the internet at all for that matter)

[QUOTE=Pascall;52691159]Sure, why not.[/QUOTE] Alright here goes: [Url=https://m.imgur.com/a/ix1pl]Tinder profile[/url] [Url=https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Axel6430]OKC profile[/url] Not having much success here, wondering if I'm doing something particularly wrong.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52691565]I think months is optimistic, realistically I'd say years.[/QUOTE] Honestly, this kinda sounds an excuse to just not take his advice. Some things take months, other things take years, but what's the alternative to a long-term game plan? No one in this thread could make a post that will immediately make everything in your life change for the better - improving yourself over time is really the closest you're gonna get.

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52691869]if you're wearing a hat you better hold the fuck onto it because here we go fun fact #1: friendships with women in relationships is totally something that occurs in regular life and it's totally normal!!! fun fact #2: you can't "find" a woman before another man because they're human beings and are not subject to being "found" by a guy. you date a woman. you don't collect them all. fun fact #3: a woman is not a superior being, you're just enveloped in your insecurities and seriously need to try some form of mental health treatment. therapy, meditation, literally anything that helps you not feel like shit because a lady doesn't want you back. self care is real, kids. (i could find more posts you've made that were questionably sexist but i'm not that bored) you say that treating women like dating/sex objects only was just a one time thing of yours, but you've posted various things that imply as much for literal years. you've been doing this for so long that you don't even realize that you're perceiving every single woman who even remotely enters your life like their only purpose in your life is to fuck you and/or date you. my hunch is a good chunk of the women you're asking out and they're saying "i've got a boyfriend" are lying to you because they don't want to date you. that doesn't give you the excuse to make up shit about how all women are some superior species and then projecting them not wanting to date you into that somehow they're the bad one. i know i said this before, but if i were to print out these posts and mail them to anyone who potentially seemed interested in you, they'd get turned off about as quickly as Liberace in the Playboy mansion. [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] (special thanks in this post to my gf who helped write the fun facts)[/QUOTE]So you've gone to the trouble of finding ever post I made when I was having a bad day or was jealous of two people who were happy when wasn't, so you could tell me what exactly? That I'm contradictory or that I'm too afraid to say what's really going on behind the poorly constructed facade of sexism.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52692227]So you've gone to the trouble of finding ever post I made when I was having a bad day or was jealous of two people who were happy when wasn't, so you could tell me what exactly? That I'm contradictory or that I'm too afraid to say what's really going on behind the poorly constructed facade of sexism.[/QUOTE] to make you realize that this is not a problem for some schmucks on the internet to fix [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] also because the normal reaction to people being happy should not be "bitch about it online" that's not healthy

[QUOTE=_Axel;52692209]Alright here goes: [Url=https://m.imgur.com/a/ix1pl]Tinder profile[/url] [Url=https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Axel6430]OKC profile[/url] Not having much success here, wondering if I'm doing something particularly wrong.[/QUOTE] I'm banned from OkC and I can't read your Tinder profile....... lol but someone else might be able to provide some insight.

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52692089]except he hasn't recognized he's sexist? he's said it happened one time where it's instead a recurring throughline of his posts [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] i realize it sounds harsh but this is not a problem to be solved by people on the internet being nice about it (or by people on the internet at all for that matter)[/QUOTE]In the part of the world that isn't this thread, no one has called me sexist. I told you that I said some things I didn't mean, either due to depression or an inability to articulate the correct context, but you seem hell on proving I'm some sort of sex crazed sociopath on a rampage. I'm sorry to say no one is going to pat you on the back for going 'aha, you did say those things on purpose'. What would I gain by slapping women on the ass? Just because I think some women have nice faces, despite no knowing anything about them while I'm walking around does not make me a sexist. You do realise finding someone physically attractive does add a layer of complexity to a friendship right? Just because I'm unable to correctly articulate that complexity, does not mean that's all that I see in them, but because I don't want to show any emotion in front of people the same brash nature as your self, I say that it so I don't feel embarrassed. I do of course apologise for not confirming to your standards.

i'd like to just point out that sexism is more than explicit displays of harassment and honestly no it doesn't add complexity. i'm not physically attracted to my friends, i'm physically attracted to people who i want to date (or am dating). they exist in very different buckets (for me anyways), and i have never had a friendship built on the originating concept of friendship have an issue for me of "oh but i want to date her" down the line. [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] the bottom line is someone will like you when they like you, in the meantime try to better yourself and maybe seriously reevaluate how you perceive and talk about women? [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] (and no, my goal was never to prove that you were a sex crazed sociopath on a rampage. my goal was to show you that whether or not you intended it, you were acting kinda implicitly sexist. nothing you ever did or said was really "lemme slap women on the ass", but there were points of questionable thoughts that made me go squick)

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52692214]Honestly, this kinda sounds an excuse to just not take his advice. Some things take months, other things take years, but what's the alternative to a long-term game plan? No one in this thread could make a post that will immediately make everything in your life change for the better - improving yourself over time is really the closest you're gonna get.[/QUOTE]Kk, I'll put more effort in, what the hell, the road I'm on is probably heading down hill.

[QUOTE=Hilton;52691974]He's here asking for help cause he recognizes a problem with himself of some sort and wants to fix it so he can get a girlfriend,and wanting a girlfriend is not some horrible thing. I know he's been having the same problem for years but obviously he isn't happy with it and wants to fix it, don't need to be so condescending and hostile man. [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] this post in reply to the robochimp business[/QUOTE] Unfortunately the SFSLA threads always have a few issues, users replying harshly to someone who may be already feeling pretty low about something diplomacy ain't hard, and often saying things politely gets better results

[QUOTE=_Axel;52692209]Alright here goes: [Url=https://m.imgur.com/a/ix1pl]Tinder profile[/url] [Url=https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Axel6430]OKC profile[/url] Not having much success here, wondering if I'm doing something particularly wrong.[/QUOTE] Ok, I can only look at the tinder profile. You have nice pictures but I would put the one with your friends after the first one and then the one in the kayak third. The one that's the same as the first but full body you can put last. It will look less boring this way and you will catch the ones who just swipe 2 - 3 times. I studied French in grade school but I suck and can't understand your profile bio. It contains the word spaghetti though so it should be fine :v:

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52692320]i'd like to just point out that sexism is more than explicit displays of harassment[/QUOTE] I think that's an important distinction to make, sexism doesn't just mean treating the other sex like shit and openly belittling them. It's basically any kind of thought or behavior indicating that one sex deserves preferential (or hell, even DIFFERENT) treatment over the other. I think a big obstacle to get over is this feeling of intimidation from attractive people. It could help to meet some attractive people and just carry on some conversation with them without holding out any kind of pretense that they're going to be anything more than somebody to have a conversation with, or at the very most, be a friend. I remember it being kind of a big change in my post-school life when I could meet attractive women (usually through work), talk to them from time to time, and not even evaluate whether or not I'd want to date them until AFTER I'd gotten to know them for a while. Some people I wasn't initially attracted to, but thought I might give a chance if they seemed actively interested, and some people I [b]was[/b] initially attracted to, I soon found had nothing in common with me and so they lost that kind of "mystique" that comes from initial attraction. The most important thing you can possibly do is stop seeing ANY other people as "above" you, and stop inherently placing yourself "beneath" anybody else you encounter in life. That stuff is all in your head. It's really easy to find that people who [b]actively[/b] consider themselves "above" you are more often than not just being pretentious assholes, and aren't worth too much deep consideration from you. But if YOU think you're beneath someone when they haven't explicitly said anything to that effect, that's all on your own shoulders, and it's your own job to work that out within you.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52692248]I'm banned from OkC and I can't read your Tinder profile....... lol but someone else might be able to provide some insight.[/QUOTE] How did you manage to get banned? Don't want to be an ass, genuinely interested.

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52692320]i'd like to just point out that sexism is more than explicit displays of harassment and honestly no it doesn't add complexity. i'm not physically attracted to my friends, i'm physically attracted to people who i want to date (or am dating). they exist in very different buckets (for me anyways), and i have never had a friendship built on the originating concept of friendship have an issue for me of "oh but i want to date her" down the line. [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] the bottom line is someone will like you when they like you, in the meantime try to better yourself and maybe seriously reevaluate how you perceive and talk about women? [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] (and no, my goal was never to prove that you were a sex crazed sociopath on a rampage. my goal was to show you that whether or not you intended it, you were acting kinda implicitly sexist. nothing you ever did or said was really "lemme slap women on the ass", but there were points of questionable thoughts that made me go squick)[/QUOTE]Clearly nothing I say is getting through to you. You just keep on coming back bad explanations about how I'm sexist and not giving advice or anything in return like everyone else in this thread. Your comments are just frustrating me at this point, how the fuck do I explain to you that I'm not sexist and I need different advice than off out of here you need professional help. Look, I can see you have your own personal development to do , so let's leave it there mate. [editline]18th September 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Loofiloo;52692383]I think that's an important distinction to make, sexism doesn't just mean treating the other sex like shit and openly belittling them. It's basically any kind of thought or behavior indicating that one sex deserves preferential (or hell, even DIFFERENT) treatment over the other. I think a big obstacle to get over is this feeling of intimidation from attractive people. It could help to meet some attractive people and just carry on some conversation with them without holding out any kind of pretense that they're going to be anything more than somebody to have a conversation with, or at the very most, be a friend. I remember it being kind of a big change in my post-school life when I could meet attractive women (usually through work), talk to them from time to time, and not even evaluate whether or not I'd want to date them until AFTER I'd gotten to know them for a while. Some people I wasn't initially attracted to, but thought I might give a chance if they seemed actively interested, and some people I [B]was[/B] initially attracted to, I soon found had nothing in common with me and so they lost that kind of "mystique" that comes from initial attraction. The most important thing you can possibly do is stop seeing ANY other people as "above" you, and stop inherently placing yourself "beneath" anybody else you encounter in life. That stuff is all in your head. It's really easy to find that people who [B]actively[/B] consider themselves "above" you are more often than not just being pretentious assholes, and aren't worth too much deep consideration from you. But if YOU think you're beneath someone when they haven't explicitly said anything to that effect, that's all on your own shoulders, and it's your own job to work that out within you.[/QUOTE]Finding someone of the opposite sex attractive isn't sexism though, if that were the case, all straight people would be born sexist. It's kind of a bad argument to make, you're always going to see people you're attracted to differently. LordCrypto was essentially saying; finding people attractive is like slapping them on the ass. Sexism is believing that the entire opposite gender is inferior, not that some people you find attractive are superior. [QUOTE=SebiWarrior;52692381]Unfortunately the SFSLA threads always have a few issues, users replying harshly to someone who may be already feeling pretty low about something diplomacy ain't hard, and often saying things politely gets better results[/QUOTE]I don't know, I've seen LordCrypto say other harsh things, perhaps he was raised in a bad neighbourhood without manners.

no you're right sexism is just calling women "bitches who will just steal my money" [editline]18th September 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=SebiWarrior;52692381]Unfortunately the SFSLA threads always have a few issues, users replying harshly to someone who may be already feeling pretty low about something diplomacy ain't hard, and often saying things politely gets better results[/QUOTE] i believe in kid gloves up until a certain point. when i can point to specific examples of behavior and instead of going "wow you're right maybe i should rethink behavior" one goes "nope I've never done that" the time for kid gloves is over and instead it's time to come to Jesus [editline]18th September 2017[/editline] like what am i supposed to do, pat someone on the back and say "yeah you'll get a girl with that attitude" for posting kinda sexist remarks on a semi regular basis?

robochimp you need to be able to take some criticism mate

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52692459]no you're right sexism is just calling women "bitches who will just steal my money"[/QUOTE] It's big of you to admit that. But seriously though, you clearly need to show an little tact, it sounds like you're angry at me for something. What did I ever do to you? [QUOTE=AtomicSans;52692472]robochimp you need to be able to take some criticism mate[/QUOTE]Criticism is fine and I'll accept that I'm lazy, jealous and fearfull about talking to strangers and that I need a lot of personally development which could take ages, but I will not accept that I'm sexist. And I should not have to jump through hoops to prove that I'm not because of some brash user's opinion about the definition of sexism.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52692482]It's big of you to admit that. But seriously though, you clearly need to show an little tact, it sounds like you're angry at me for something. What did I ever do to you?[/QUOTE] you literally just accused him of being mentally ill

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52692485]you literally just accused him of being mentally ill[/QUOTE]I said he had personal development to do, I mean out of everyone he's the only one I'm having an issue with, he finds things I said when I was in a bad mood and argues with them to 'win' an argument? This isn't something you do to something who's asking for help. I have to justify myself to someone who clearly doesn't care and just wants to deliberately misinterpret me. I mean here I am asking how to talk to strangers and he's trying to talk me into suicide. And the end of the day,all I know is that I have to figure out a way to put the jealousy out of my mind, stop comparing myself to other people and stop being so afraid or meeting new people.

[QUOTE=Hilton;52691974]He's here asking for help cause he recognizes a problem with himself of some sort and wants to fix it so he can get a girlfriend,and wanting a girlfriend is not some horrible thing. I know he's been having the same problem for years but obviously he isn't happy with it and wants to fix it, don't need to be so condescending and hostile man. [editline]17th September 2017[/editline] this post in reply to the robochimp business[/QUOTE] That's a reason why I stopped posting here, sure there is some good advice but sometimes it's really condescending and full of elitism.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52691461]Yes I paid for it because I felt being a virgin was embarrassing, at the time I thought it was a box you had to tick. To be clear here I don't mean attractive in a sexual way, more of a romantic one, I substituted pretty for attractive to sound less pathetic, I mean here I am, that one guy who keeps coming back here because he's afraid to talk to strangers, even that week of door to sales seemed easier than this. If I treated women like walking sex objects I wouldn't so much as care about finding a partner, I've never treated anyone as a sex objects, I said that once because I was fighting off a deep infatuation with a girl who I didn't want annoy. Of course I see women as people, it's a shit ton harder to talk to people I find pretty. I if did treat someone like a sex object, I'd be very apologetic about it. I don't know, I just don't like being embarrassed, it's a horrible feeling.[/QUOTE] I'vd been reading your posts, and i didnt find anything wrong with what you're doing. You thought that losing your virginity could help with gaining confidence, so you paid for it. I'm sure it does help a bit by giving you experiences, so good for you. You're also wary of gold diggers, which is also good. You also stated that you're expecting an exciting relationship with an attractive lady, which is also a good and reasonable expectation. I dont know why anybody would tell you otherwise. Its not sexist at all, so don't worry. Almost anything can be warped into sexist label if we wanted to label somebody anyway. You've mentioned that you sometimes had difficulties to talk to exceedingly pretty girl prospect, which also happens to most of us. I guess what others trying to say is that if you perceive them as normal human that is at your level, then you'll feel less nervous about it. Getting girlfriends would help with that, but when some people here said that it wont help you, they most probably meany that if if the shyness is rooted on something else/other personal issues, then the most reasonable way to cure it is by tackling those extraneous issues. But every bit of efforts would help. I say keep trying.

[QUOTE=maeZtro;52692386]How did you manage to get banned? Don't want to be an ass, genuinely interested.[/QUOTE] I think because I had a link to an external site with my art on it? I'm not sure but they're really strict about bans and don't bother to tell you anything besides "you broke TOS, we consider this matter resolved" and nothing else. I'm not too bothered but it's pretty lame!