Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

So you want a relationship where you can demand to be with a person when you want to be and don't want to take their needs into account?

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360923]Wait, how is THAT the part you got hung up on!? Well shouldn't a healthy relationship be on your demands? Like, you shouldn't hang around anyone just because you feel obligated to, but because you sincerely want to? You should do what you're comfortable with, and if one partner isn't, then you call it quits. Also, terms would be the more fitting word. You'll have to excuse me, my English isn't that good.[/QUOTE] ye, that might be it. still, the rest of your post does seem a [I]bit[/I] more controlling than what most people would expect from a relationship. and since you've got such a specific plan in mind, you need to be open about it, and to the idea that other people might get the same impression i did

Yes, if you would call that a relationship, and if it was consensual. An FWB without only sex. Also stop tagging everything as 'Disagree'; express your disagreement in your comments. The tag is really discouraging. EDIT: Guess I set myself up there.

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360905]Now wait a minute, you guys. I never said anything about a serious relationship: in fact, I explicitly said that I didn't want a traditional relationship. Nor did I insinuate any purely sexual context!!! I simply said that I didn't want it to feel like an obligation to hang around the potential girlfriend at all times, and do a majority of things with her. Surely this doesn't justify me being called the proverbial devil, nor should it be too of an unhealthy view on relationships in general (seeing as I'm clearly able to differentiate between what is constituted normal and what lies in the spectrum of my selfish needs). Unrealistic yes, but I don't think I need to have a psychological reevaluation, as some of you are suggesting. To be frank, I think your first pieces of advice were good and worthwhile, but it is becoming glaringly obvious that you have a very strict idea of what a relationship could be (it's only as much as you make it), and are very binary in your reasoning. EDIT: 400th post! Woho![/QUOTE] Actually no, you said the following: : You don't want to feel the obligation to be around her at all times (which is fine on its own) : You don't want to introduce her as your girlfriend : You don't want to show her affection : You don't want to meet her parents : You don't want to be there for her unless you benefit too (this part is much less fine on its own) And yet you also : Want this girl to be emotionally and physically invested in you : Want this girl to not see anyone else Sorry dude but that's so messed up. Being 19/20 doesn't excuse it either. You've already said you've been told the same by all your exes. Do you not think they had merit in what they were saying? I honestly do think you have a distorted view of what relationships are if you view this is as simply 'unrealistic' and not an attitude that will lead you to be emotionally neglectful and/or abusive. Noone here has a binary reasoning of a relationship, or a strict idea of what a relationship should be. Don't give us that bullshit. You're not some enlightened free thinker who's the first person to think "wouldn't it be nice if we could just do away with the responsibility and have all the good stuff". You're a 19 year old kid. You barely know shit about how to treat people and it shows, trust me. Do you think this is a christian forum or a forum of rigid old-fashioned boyfriends and girlfriends? Trust me, it isn't. A lot of us have done this a hell of a lot more than you and in a hell of a lot of different ways. For a bunch of people posting on a forum we know what we're talking about. The only strict rule that exists in a relationship of any sort is called mutual respect. It's about not going out of your way to hurt people. And your attitude will lead you to hurt people. So take our advice and steer clear of any sort of emotional connection and find an FWB or something and accept that they're as willing to be invested in you as you are in them. Or at the very least be open and clear with people about what you're looking for before you get with them.

I didn't say I didn't want to show her affefction, nor want to be there for her unless I benefited from it too (benefit? what?). I absolutely think they had merit. That's why we all ended it on good terms, because I felt I couldn't function healthily in a relationship with them. You're missing the point where I wouldn't hurt anyone, because it would clearly be a mutual feeling, and everything you listed would be true vice verse regarding me too. I'm waiting for my perfect match is all. Regarding the age thing, I feel that a lot of my peers don't want a serious relationship as is custom, but that I suspect that my feeling of the perfect relationship (as described above) wouldn't change with age. I also want to adress the hostility in your post. First of all, it's unfair of you to try to invalidate my concerns by calling me "an enlightened free thinker who's the first person..." (basically a pENGuin of d00M), and other derogatory connotations. You, and many here, have taken for granted that this would somehow only be working if one part was disrespecting the other, and that it couldn't possibly be the outcome of a mutual agreement. And as I quite literally explained in my second comment in this thread, I am 100% on board with everything you have all said, and will not pursue any sort of romantic relation with this girl. As of now, I'm pretty much just defending myself from wrongful impressions, and trying to constructively tell you how to structure your (very valid arguments) is a way that in just a tad less condescending.

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51361032]I didn't say I didn't want to show her affefction, nor want to be there for her unless I benefited from it too (benefit? what?). I absolutely think they had merit. That's why we all ended it on good terms, because I felt I couldn't function healthily in a relationship with them. You're missing the point where I wouldn't hurt anyone, because it would clearly be a mutual feeling, and everything you listed would be true vice verse regarding me too. I'm waiting for my perfect match is all. Regarding the age thing, I feel that a lot of my peers don't want a serious relationship as is custom, but that I suspect that my feeling of the perfect relationship (as described above) wouldn't change with age. I also want to adress the hostility in your post. First of all, it's unfair of you to try to invalidate my concerns by calling me "an enlightened free thinker who's the first person..." (basically a pENGuin of d00M), and other derogatory connotations. You, and many here, have taken for granted that this would somehow only be working if one part was disrespecting the other, and that it couldn't possibly be the outcome of a mutual agreement. And as I quite literally explained in my second comment in this thread, I am 100% on board with everything you have all said, and will not pursue any sort of romantic relation with this girl. As of now, I'm pretty much just defending myself from wrongful impressions, and trying to constructively tell you how to structure your (very valid arguments) is a way that in just a tad less condescending.[/QUOTE] Well, that's good. However: [QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360905] To be frank, I think your first pieces of advice were good and worthwhile, but it is becoming glaringly obvious that you have a very strict idea of what a relationship could be (it's only as much as you make it), and are very binary in your reasoning. [/QUOTE] My advice to you would be that if you don't want people to be condescending towards you you refrain from being condescending towards them.

How was that condescending? It was directed at a multum of people here, and a general cry for more nuanced reasoning. And if it was in any way condescending, it was still a result of condescension in itself. The atmosphere here is clearly not Super Friendly. I'm painted up as a Chad, and as such nothing I say can be of value or redeemable. I bid you all adieu, and wish you would go back to the roots of this thread.

I don't feel I was being condescending, I was just trying to explain my thoughts on the issue. I feel you're being too defensive. I was trying just trying to help, but it seems you are taking the advice when it looked like you weren't.

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51361055]How was that condescending? It was directed at a multum of people here, and a general cry for more nuanced reasoning. And if it was in any way condescending, it was still a result of condescension in itself. The atmosphere here is clearly not Super Friendly. I'm painted up as a Chad, and as such nothing I say can be of value or redeemable. I bid you all adieu, and wish you would go back to the roots of this thread.[/QUOTE] Oh no please tell me you're not getting all your advice from /r9k/

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51361055]How was that condescending? It was directed at a multum of people here, and a general cry for more nuanced reasoning. And if it was in any way condescending, it was still a result of condescension in itself. The atmosphere here is clearly not Super Friendly. I'm painted up as a Chad, and as such nothing I say can be of value or redeemable. I bid you all adieu, and wish you would go back to the roots of this thread.[/QUOTE] i'd be lying if i said this wasn't a better reaction than some of the ones i've seen before, so i'm gonna take the liberty to repeat what we've already said. even if you're not going to be receptive of the rest of the advice here, keep this one in mind: whatever relationship you're going to pursue, mutual respect is everything. don't expect people to compromise in places where you're not willing to compromise

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360710]I don't think I can be patient enough to through the usual hoops of dating; acting coy and shy before letting out the real, thirsty and sexually deviant, me. Also I don't want a traditional relationship, but rather an exclusive commitment in which I don't have to be home at a certain time, or in general feel the need to meet her parents, or [B]be with her when she wants to unless I feel the same.[/B] I also wouldn't want to have to introduce her as my girlfriend, show any public affection, or in general have more emotional duties than I have as of now.[/QUOTE] Everything you want is perfectly reasonable (IF she feels the same way, and if that isn't the case, this whole line of thinking and dialogue is totally pointless) until you get to the bolded part. This is where your wishes become kind of inconsiderate. It's where you reach the point of asking another person to just be an object of convenience for you. To be there only when you wish, for whatever purpose you wish, and to leave as soon as you wish, and also you get to refuse her the same rights. [QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51361055]How was that condescending? It was directed at a multum of people here, and a general cry for more nuanced reasoning. And if it was in any way condescending, it was still a result of condescension in itself. The atmosphere here is clearly not Super Friendly. I'm painted up as a Chad, and as such nothing I say can be of value or redeemable. I bid you all adieu, and wish you would go back to the roots of this thread.[/QUOTE] People get this impression when the thread gives them the advice they don't want to hear.

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360850]Kind of, but I want to bang her on the regular, [B][I]and then leave her[/I][/B], and come back and bang her some more.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51360850]To be fair, I would not mind just cuddling or having date nights without any sexual context. [B][I]But only on my demands, you know.[/I][/B][/QUOTE] this is the worst thing I've ever read. don't ask her out please, you'll break her heart eventually

TL;dr your idea won't work.

oh christ just from the way he types i can tell it's another aristotle clone in high school type deal

[QUOTE=Dysentery;51361888]oh christ just from the way he types i can tell it's another aristotle clone in high school type deal[/QUOTE] im giving him the benefit of the doubt considering english isnt his first language

Wtf was that all about. I rarely wake up to 42 new posts for this thread.

I'm st the marine corPs birthday fall and Fuck it I'm a good dann alt svc I want you to know that I'm thebloodynine or thepinkpanzer and for other accounted because Fuck it this is such a good thread and you're all do nice and I wish I child talk you but I'm banned because Hilary but you're all awesome and do I it's the stalkers thread and I'm going to let them know if a mod doesn't catch Mr in the meantime yoollooi I'm a Hilary voter but boo other marine knows that even my black voodoo friend and I think he voted trunk but I'm so worried for him in do sorry I love Africa why didn't b Bernie win I'm do sorry for posting this but my brain is typing even though it wants to stop!!!! Xoxoxo [editline]13th November 2016[/editline] I wish I knew you ask irl because your Fucking great of i go

[QUOTE=Boss;51359402]I know a guy who just swipes right or whichever way it is to get a match for everyone on the screen, he wont even look. Once he gets any messages he'll then make up his mind.[/QUOTE] you know a guy lmao that's every guy

Dumb question but how do i send camera roll pictures to a Tinder conversation? i wanna show her my meme collection

[QUOTE=ImperialGuard;51362976]I'm st the marine corPs birthday fall and Fuck it I'm a good dann alt svc I want you to know that I'm thebloodynine or thepinkpanzer and for other accounted because Fuck it this is such a good thread and you're all do nice and I wish I child talk you but I'm banned because Hilary but you're all awesome and do I it's the stalkers thread and I'm going to let them know if a mod doesn't catch Mr in the meantime yoollooi I'm a Hilary voter but boo other marine knows that even my black voodoo friend and I think he voted trunk but I'm so worried for him in do sorry I love Africa why didn't b Bernie win I'm do sorry for posting this but my brain is typing even though it wants to stop!!!! Xoxoxo [editline]13th November 2016[/editline] I wish I knew you ask irl because your Fucking great of i go[/QUOTE] a post for the ages

[QUOTE=RzDat;51363107]Dumb question but how do i send camera roll pictures to a Tinder conversation? i wanna show her my meme collection[/QUOTE] Can you even send pictures over Tinder? Why don't you just ask for her phone number, and say you wanna show her your memes.

[QUOTE=Lucasz;51363173]Can you even send pictures over Tinder? Why don't you just ask for her phone number, and say you wanna show her your memes.[/QUOTE] well shit, how do i convince a grill to give me her number if she isn't jealous of my meme collection?

On the tinder thing I generally consider myself to be pretty good at talking to women. I've been in quite a few relationships in the past and like to think that I had some agency in getting myself to that point. I'm not ugly by any means and I'm quite funny in a dry, sarcastic and often dark sort of way. I'm a very respectful guy as well and make pains to never take people for granted or to treat them in any way that demeans them I haven't hooked up casually with as many people as I'd like to have, and there have been a quite a few times where I've had the chance to and blew it from not being confident enough to actually understand I was in with a shot. But there've been times where I haven't blown it, and had a good night. however despite all this I messaged my first girl on tinder today she had a photo with a big leaf I asked her if she had won any awards for the size of that leaf On tinder, we all start at rock bottom

shit son calm down or she'll want to suffocate you with parts of her body that's some next level chatup yo

mate I'm playing the long game where I message her, she never messages back, and then nothing happens its the only way to play tinder [editline]13th November 2016[/editline] I'm assuming chatting up is a learned skill? After a good 2.5 years since I last had to make an awful attempt at it I'm pretty damn bad at it

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[QUOTE=OrkO;51364653]Guys, I posted here before, and long story short, I know I have to break up with my girlfriend. She doesn't seem satisfied with our relationship and has a lot of doubts, but she isn't breaking up with me herself. And if she does, she still wants to be friends after. But I know I can't do that. I don't know what to do. More than anything in the world, I don't want to kick her out of my life, because she is my best friend and one of the few people in the world whom I put my full trust into. I love and care about her more than anyone I've ever met or known outside of my family. She really does mean so much to me. And she has said the same to me... I know this feeling is mutual. But I also think that being friends with her after breaking up would cause me misery, and I don't know how I would adjust to being just friends with her. What do I do? How do I find the courage to push the best friend I've ever had out of my life? Even thinking about that idea brings tears to my eyes. I know that sounds kind of pathetic, as we've only been dating for 10 months. I couldn't have predicted I would become so emotionally invested in this person, and that things would wind up like this[/QUOTE] Have you asked her if she's satisfied or are you just guessing?

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[QUOTE=OrkO;51364948]I posted all about it in this thread a few weeks ago. And she and I have talked for hours about it. The gist is that she thinks I make a wonderful boyfriend, that I am loving and caring and everything you'd want a boyfriend to be; she sees me as her best friend and she really cares about me. Nonetheless, she doesn't feel the "spark" anymore, and although she loves me, she says it doesn't feel like romantic love anymore. She has been acting as though she's been looking for a way out of the relationship for a while, but at the same time, she is afraid of losing my friendship or of breaking up and then later thinking it was a mistake. Altogether, though, I don't think she is really invested in the idea of a relationship like she once was.[/QUOTE] You aren't living together are you?

If any of you are having trouble with online dating or anything I'll just tell you this: dont take it too seriously, get better pictures, and just relax.