Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

'09er on a throwaway account because the friend in question browses FP and I don't want him coming across this. Situation: One person in my group of friends is causing shit and I need help. We all [I]usually[/I] get along fine, but recently one of my friends in our friend group has been getting into all kinds of arguments and (verbal) fights with everyone else in the group. I'm really close to all of them and I'm feeling really stuck at the moment. I can't do anything with us all together anymore because it inevitably ends in [I]argumentative friend[/I] finding some dumb shit to pick a fight with between someone else. He will find [B]ANTHING[/B] that my friends mistakenly do or say and turn it into an argument, and he won't shut up about it until he wins - whether he's right or wrong, doesn't matter. People have told me [I]"why not just tell him to fuck off and just leave him for your other friends?"[/I], well the problem is, as I said earlier, I'm close to everyone including him and I seem to be one of the few he doesn't really ever argue with or get mad at. It's gotten bad enough recently that I feel like I need to make a decision, but I feel like it's gonna hurt to do. I'm fairly certain he does have some sort of anger management issues which I've tried to talk to him about before, but nothing's ever really helped. His excuse has always been "...well I guess it's just my personality. I'm not going to change because this is who I am." Pls facepunch give advice

Tell him that he needs to stop picking fights with everyone because it will cost him friendships. If he refuses because ~it's who I am only god can judge~ then I'd stop being his friend too tbh

if he refuses to try to improve on his flaws then he needs to accept the consequences, which will likely be losing all his friends

So a girl I've been crushing on for the longest time became single recently, and I think she's interested in me as we've always been a bit close but it was never the right time. However, at the end of the year I'm moving abroad and everything is so confusing

[QUOTE=The golden;52700808]Make sure she's fine with it first because racing after someone as soon as they become single is pretty predatory in most cases.[/QUOTE] I figured, I'm going to keep my distance as well. She already invited me to go out drinking with her and a friend this weekend. She's still pretty heartbroken so I'm going to give her time to heal

To preface this, I'm a very tall and skinny guy (6ft2, ~155 lbs). I like clothes so I'm generally a fan of my body type, but I'm very insecure about my face, especially in pictures. Basically, me and my girlfriend have been watching a show where there are a lot of young, muscular, typically attractive male characters. She struggles a lot with conveying affection, but she constantly talks about those actors being "hot as shit". There's absolutely nothing wrong with finding other people objectively attractive, but I look absolutely nothing like these dudes. The one character from a movie that a lot of people say I look like was described by her as "cute". This is all about my insecurity, but what should I do? Should I tell her why I feel that way and maybe ask her gently to lighten up on it? Suck it up? I don't know

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52701396]To preface this, I'm a very tall and skinny guy (6ft2, ~155 lbs). I like clothes so I'm generally a fan of my body type, but I'm very insecure about my face, especially in pictures. Basically, me and my girlfriend have been watching a show where there are a lot of young, muscular, typically attractive male characters. She struggles a lot with conveying affection, but she constantly talks about those actors being "hot as shit". There's absolutely nothing wrong with finding other people objectively attractive, but I look absolutely nothing like these dudes. The one character from a movie that a lot of people say I look like was described by her as "cute". This is all about my insecurity, but what should I do? Should I tell her why I feel that way and maybe ask her gently to lighten up on it? Suck it up? I don't know[/QUOTE] Honestly I would try not to worry about it! My bf doesn't really fit the type where I will walk past someone and go "dammmmn their hot" but that doesn't at all mean I'm not attracted to him either! A lot more to it than just first impression appearances man. No one can compete with the TV actors, unless you wanna spend a few hours getting make-up done too haha (also obligatory if you wanna complain about your appearance show a pic) edit: In sort of related discussion, I get really weirded out by dorito men. Supposedly thats the ideal bodytype but like... no.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;52701610]Honestly I would try not to worry about it! My bf doesn't really fit the type where I will walk past someone and go "dammmmn their hot" but that doesn't at all mean I'm not attracted to him either! A lot more to it than just first impression appearances man. No one can compete with the TV actors, unless you wanna spend a few hours getting make-up done too haha (also obligatory if you wanna complain about your appearance show a pic) edit: In sort of related discussion, I get really weirded out by dorito men. Supposedly thats the ideal bodytype but like... no.[/QUOTE] Thank you, sometimes I just need to be told that I'm being a little ridiculous. I won't make a big deal out of it.

[QUOTE=The golden;52700808]Make sure she's fine with it first because racing after someone as soon as they become single is pretty predatory in most cases.[/QUOTE] I've seen this come up in the thread before but it's something I feel the need to ask about. I've never found myself in either end of this situation, but everyone in the thread seems to agree it's this reprehensible thing to do. I guess what I want to ask is how long are you supposed to wait until it's "acceptable" to make your intentions known to someone? At what point is their emotional well-being back in their own hands, and no longer the responsibility of people who'd like to ask them out? If you actually want [i]a relationship[/i] with the person, and not a quick hookup while they're still on the emotional rebound, how do you tell when it's been long enough? Because there's a skeptical part of me that thinks the next person might come along, ask somebody out [i]immediately[/i] after a breakup, and it might turn out to last years and years and be the best relationship of their lives. But if you were the respectful one, and you spent your time waiting until it didn't look sketchy, you'd still be alone with nothing but the consolation of "They might have this 'great relationship' but the joke's on them, because he totally [i]took advantage[/i] of her by asking her out so soon after a breakup." From what I've read, the reasoning is that people who just got out of a breakup will be emotionally distraught and therefore incapable of evaluating their decisions and doing what's best for themselves. But if somebody you genuinely care about is going through this, where do you draw the line between showing affection and taking advantage? When do you cease to be a terrible person for asking them on a date? Is a relationship that started immediately on the heels of a past relationship [i]inherently[/i] going to be an unhealthy one, just because the one person didn't leave a socially acceptable waiting period before asking the other person out? Whose job is it to say that a person's next relationship is going to be good for them or bad for them, based on the length of time between relationships?

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52700795]So a girl I've been crushing on for the longest time became single recently, and I think she's interested in me as we've always been a bit close but it was never the right time. However, at the end of the year I'm moving abroad and everything is so confusing[/QUOTE] Go for it, with prepare to die yolo mindframe Nothing wrong with that, just be nice

So there's this girl I like. Only problem, she's an exchange student from Japan and she goes back at the end of this semester. She seems to like spending time with me and I like spending time with her. I'm kind of developing feelings for her and I want to tell her before she goes back to Japan so I don't have to live with the regret of wondering what could have been. But at the same time, I have no idea how to go about it. I know I can't try to move things along too fast, but I also can't wait too long. I'm sure if I did go a little too quickly she'd understand and at the very least appreciate that I'm being open and honest, but I really have no idea how to go about it.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52701396]To preface this, I'm a very tall and skinny guy (6ft2, ~155 lbs). I like clothes so I'm generally a fan of my body type, but I'm very insecure about my face, especially in pictures. Basically, me and my girlfriend have been watching a show where there are a lot of young, muscular, typically attractive male characters. She struggles a lot with conveying affection, but she constantly talks about those actors being "hot as shit". There's absolutely nothing wrong with finding other people objectively attractive, but I look absolutely nothing like these dudes. The one character from a movie that a lot of people say I look like was described by her as "cute". This is all about my insecurity, but what should I do? Should I tell her why I feel that way and maybe ask her gently to lighten up on it? Suck it up? I don't know[/QUOTE] I tried to stop thinking about this but the curiosity is killing me. I personally think that she might be either subtly hinting that she wants you to start working out or whatever, [I]or[/I] she just doesn't realize the effect what she says is having on you and means nothing by it. See, I'd say that you should ask her "so, do you want me to start working out so I look more like these guys, or..?" except I feel like that's terrible advice that could lead to an argument. I hope someone with experience weighs in on this.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52702460]I tried to stop thinking about this but the curiosity is killing me. I personally think that she might be either subtly hinting that she wants you to start working out or whatever, [I]or[/I] she just doesn't realize the effect what she says is having on you and means nothing by it. See, I'd say that you should ask her "so, do you want me to start working out so I look more like these guys, or..?" except I feel like that's terrible advice that could lead to an argument. I hope someone with experience weighs in on this.[/QUOTE] I talked to her about it as gently as I could, and she told me she didn't even think about it. She actually likes my physique generally too because I'm, to quote her, "comfy". Basically, she just pointed out that stuff on her own and around her friends and she didn't really think it would affect me.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52702719]I dated a girl from Japan for a bit myself. She was fun and pretty naughty, but I ended it due to language barriers and because I knew in the long run things would be so complicated with living situations if things got serious. I wonder sometimes if I stayed with her, if I'd be living in Japan or if she'd be living here fully by now. Oh well![/QUOTE] I probably lucked out because her English is really good. But you're definitely right that things would get complicated when she goes back to Japan so that's why I'm having trouble figuring out what to do.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52702563]My girlfriend is in love with "Loki" from the Marvel movies. Not even the actor, just that specific character. But that's fair, because I'm in love with Tom Hardy in Fury Road.[/QUOTE] Tom Hardy is my love in the Revenant.

Tom Hardy is love Tom Hardy is life

I have the hots for Lori Petty but mainly because of her hairstyle and voice.

Anyone know how to talk to super shy girls? I have this girl who is in one of my classes but cant even talk to anyone without going into a nervous breakdown Heres a quick rundown: - In class - Cant talk without breaking down - I say Hi to her - She blushes and looks away - Say hi to her again the next day I see her - She doesnt say anything back - Later in the day she asks me for help with a problem nervously - Ask her what music she likes since she was listening to music and just took her earbuds out - Ignores me - I ask her if she likes Bowie to try to get a response - She says nah, and then doesn't say anything after that She has problems talking to anyone in general. I asked her sister about her since we're in the same club. She told me she keeps calling herself stupid, and has depression and anxiety

[QUOTE=Shaohs;52704706]Anyone know how to talk to super shy girls? I have this girl who is in one of my classes but cant even talk to anyone without going into a nervous breakdown Heres a quick rundown: - In class - Cant talk without breaking down - I say Hi to her - She blushes and looks away - Say hi to her again the next day I see her - She doesnt say anything back - Later in the day she asks me for help with a problem nervously - Ask her what music she likes since she was listening to music and just took her earbuds out - Ignores me - I ask her if she likes Bowie to try to get a response - She says nah, and then doesn't say anything after that She has problems talking to anyone in general. I asked her sister about her since we're in the same club. She told me she keeps calling herself stupid, and has depression and anxiety[/QUOTE] I think in this case you just have to be very patient, not to aggressive and generally make her feel comfortable around you. Basically showing that you do not mean any harm in a away. That's at least how I approached shy girls in the past and it worked more or less. That said it depends on every personality. Perhaps there is a specific topic that she really likes where she opens up. Sometimes when you just hit the right topic, people tend to really open up in some way or another.

Some girl on OKC started chatting me up, we had a bit of a conversation (where she made a Toulouse sausage joke lol) and eventually I asked her if she had anything planned this weekend, to which she responded "Hm I have a birthday party to attend Saturday afternoon and I go out with friends in the evening but I'm free Friday and Sunday :)" So I took it as an obvious sign and asked her if she's up for a couple drinks in Paris either Friday evening or Sunday afternoon. It's been half an hour now and no response, what gives?

[QUOTE=_Axel;52704831]Some girl on OKC started chatting me up, we had a bit of a conversation (where she made a Toulouse sausage joke lol) and eventually I asked her if she had anything planned this weekend, to which she responded "Hm I have a birthday party to attend Saturday afternoon and I go out with friends in the evening but I'm free Friday and Sunday :)" So I took it as an obvious sign and asked her if she's up for a couple drinks in Paris either Friday evening or Sunday afternoon. It's been half an hour now and no response, what gives?[/QUOTE] I would not sweat it honestly, who knows what she is up to right now. It sure feels pretty awful to wait for a response but I've grown accustomed to not receiving clearer answers by now. Also I usually chat for like an entire week or more before I really ask anyone out. But that's just me, sometimes you get along super fine though and if the person is spontaneous, an immediate date might work. Most of the time though those dates were kind of annoying because it turned out that there was no real common ground or connection.

What are some signs that you're starting to become clingy? I feel like if I have to ask this, I already know the answer, but I also feel like I'm just really impatient.

[QUOTE=junker|154;52704850]I would not sweat it honestly, who knows what she is up to right now. It sure feels pretty awful to wait for a response but I've grown accustomed to not receiving clearer answers by now. Also I usually chat for like an entire week or more before I really ask anyone out. But that's just me, sometimes you get along super fine though and if the person is spontaneous, an immediate date might work. Most of the time though those dates were kind of annoying because it turned out that there was no real common ground or connection.[/QUOTE] I consider dates themselves as a way to see if there's common ground and connection, I don't like online chats much and I feel actual physical conversations are a much better way to convey personality. I met my ex on Tinder and we had arranged a date a couple of days after we started chatting. I've seen people online say that ~12 messages is about enough to start talking date, and since women on dating sites receive heaps of messages every day I feel waiting for weeks before meeting in person is a good way to lose their interest. Also in this particular case, she seemed easygoing and wrote lots of ":)", so in that context I interpreted her last message as a hint for a question. Even though she's perpetually online she sometimes took upwards of 15 minutes to respond, and she hadn't responded for 40 minutes (although I hadn't asked any question so that might be my bad) when I asked her about her plans. I guess she must have left the tab open while doing other shit, or maybe my question scared her off? I have no idea.

I would rather go on a quick date with someone for 30 minutes than spending multiple days or even weeks chatting. The thing is that as some female facepunchers already said: girls get tons of date offers, and they have to decline most of them. They're picky, and give it a good thought before committing. Don't worry, as long as you don't get your hopes up you can only get pleasantly surprised. Imho if girls get to be picky men get the advantage of dating multiple at the same time. Don't break your head over a single girl. Go on many dates and if one seems to have real potential, cut the rest off. [editline]21st september 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=GeneralMastiff;52704898]What are some signs that you're starting to become clingy?[/QUOTE] It depends on the person you're dating. 'clingy' is an abstract term, the level depending on the person you ask. What kind of clingy do you think you are? Do you wanna spend a lot of time with your SO while he/she doesn't really seem to want the same? Do you love him/her more than she seems to love you? Does he/she need space (when you're together in public)?

[QUOTE=thermobaric;52705113]It depends on the person you're dating. 'clingy' is an abstract term, the level depending on the person you ask. What kind of clingy do you think you are? Do you wanna spend a lot of time with your SO while he/she doesn't really seem to want the same? Do you love him/her more than she seems to love you? Does he/she need space (when you're together in public)?[/QUOTE] Well, It's more of a messaging thing. I want to message him and I Keep glancing at my phone and OKC to see if he responded or sent me anything. I'm just afraid I'm messaging him too much or not giving him enough space.

My experience was that most of the girls I talked to on online dating platforms would ghost immediately after the suggestion of a date came up. Some would stop responding as soon as I asked, but others would say they're on board, then stopped responding once it came down to deciding on a time. But at least I can thankfully say I've never been [i]stood up[/i] when actually arranging a date.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52704935]I consider dates themselves as a way to see if there's common ground and connection, I don't like online chats much and I feel actual physical conversations are a much better way to convey personality. [/QUOTE] That is actually quite a valid point but I really do not like going in blind, only if it seems like a super spontaneous thing.

[QUOTE=Genericenemy;52686021]So I'm currently sitting here at 4am wondering what the fuck to do with my life. Supposed to be going off to university in mere hours but I just wonder if its the right option for me. The idea of self study is like a firestorm that cannot be quelled, I have serious doubts as to whether I am even capable of organising myself in such a way (Can hardly keep the stuff in my room in order as it is). Whether my choice to do a programming degree is the right path at all considering I seem to tend towards the IT side of things. My introverted nature and mental health makes most social interaction extremely draining which will probably make the social side difficult at best. Feels like a real nightmare scenario right now, the cliche "Uni will be the best days of your life" just doesn't seem to stack for me as it stands, feels like the worst possible outcome. What are the chances these feelings will pass when I get there or am I in real trouble here?[/QUOTE] So feel like an update is in order, woke up on that Saturday and said to my parents I didn't want to go, mind changed very quickly and we went. Didn't open my door at my university halls and say hello immediately but that changed soon after. Monday rears it head and I have an induction, sitting in the lecture room I feel this great unease, real intimidation vibe coming from the room and being caged in with 200 other people. Grit my teeth every time someone says something about it being the best years of your life, go have an internalised anxiety attack in the middle of it. Immediately go off to town afterwards and even briefly consider the possibility of just going home on the spot. Today roles round and lo and behold another induction in a lecture theatre. This one even more bigger and intimidating than the last, this one confronting my biggest anxiety issue, the course itself and the faculty. 45 minutes later the induction finishes and my anxiety goes into major big time overdrive. Try to book an appointment at my GP surgery for tablets to no avail due to system and records not being on hand. Parent phones up, nearly break down crying during the call. Must of caused great concern because shortly after I get phoned up by student welfare and get asked to meet with them after obviously they phoned up. Reassure me about support and that try to hang in there since many people will be going through similar and it will be especially difficult for you. Had two other inductions that day but missed them because I felt I needed to clear my head before even daring to brave a lecture theatre again. Never in my life have I taken a sick day for my mental health.

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52702174]So there's this girl I like. Only problem, she's an exchange student from Japan and she goes back at the end of this semester. She seems to like spending time with me and I like spending time with her. I'm kind of developing feelings for her and I want to tell her before she goes back to Japan so I don't have to live with the regret of wondering what could have been. But at the same time, I have no idea how to go about it. I know I can't try to move things along too fast, but I also can't wait too long. I'm sure if I did go a little too quickly she'd understand and at the very least appreciate that I'm being open and honest, but I really have no idea how to go about it.[/QUOTE] So does anyone have any input on what I should do here? I've already gone for coffee with her last week and we're going to study together tomorrow if that helps at all.

[QUOTE=thermobaric;52705113]I would rather go on a quick date with someone for 30 minutes than spending multiple days or even weeks chatting. The thing is that as some female facepunchers already said: girls get tons of date offers, and they have to decline most of them. They're picky, and give it a good thought before committing. Don't worry, as long as you don't get your hopes up you can only get pleasantly surprised. Imho if girls get to be picky men get the advantage of dating multiple at the same time. Don't break your head over a single girl. Go on many dates and if one seems to have real potential, cut the rest off.[/QUOTE] I think you're assuming I get a lot more opportunities than I actually do if you think going to multiple dates at the same time is an option for me right now. The pleasant surprise was getting messaged in the first place. Also I'm pretty sure girls already do the multiple dates thing. They simply can afford to be picky on top of that.