Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

My (female) friend has been giving me advice at online dating and she's said to make the move (to meet in person) early on so that they don't get bored and think the conversation is going nowhere :s:

[QUOTE=SuperLoz;52707145]My (female) friend has been giving me advice at online dating and she's said to make the move (to meet in person) early on so that they don't get bored and think the conversation is going nowhere :s:[/QUOTE] Thats a pretty good advice tbh. If you talk to people online a ton you create an image of that person based on your online experience of them, which is never how they actually are like irl. And meeting up online people can be weird because they are so different irl than how you pictured them in your mind. If you meet early you dont let theses illusions have time to set in and you know them by how they are irl, not through text. I'm not saying most people are trying to trick eachother to win affection, even if thats a things, Its just naturaly what happens when you talk to people online alot without meeting first.

I do try to set up a date early, not because I'm afraid of boring the other person over time (I don't think I'm boring) or because I'm worried about expectations developing over a long period of time. I just need to know early on that the person I'm talking to actually DOES intend to use the site/app to MEET people, and not just sit at home amassing lots of IM buddies. I don't want to wait weeks or months for somebody to come around, I want to go out and have a face to face conversation, the earlier the better. I know plenty of people just use Tinder as something to occupy them when they're sitting on the toilet. And OKC actually has a question along the lines of "How willing are you to meet somebody you met online?" so I just don't invest any time in somebody who answers "very unwilling." There's also a less-obvious benefit in that it's easier to cut contact with somebody if you didn't spend a lot of time messaging back and forth before the date. The last Tinder date I went on, the girl turned out to have the teeth of a meth addict, which I never would have known if I had talked to her for weeks and weeks before the date. All that time talking to her beforehand would have just made it more awkward to say I'm not interested in more dates.

[QUOTE=The golden;52706946]I'm guessing the girls that stopped talking to you did so because they were unhappy at the speed the conversation was going and would rather boot you than deal with the awkwardness of denying you and saying they're not ready yet. If there is one thing I've noticed it's that guys and gals often have very different preferences when it comes to pacing. Some guys can be very hasty at making moves (sexual or non-sexual moves) and it can be very offputting.[/QUOTE] I'd get the pacing point if we were talking about IRL situations. Walking up to a complete stranger and asking her out right off the bat would probably be very destabilizing and come off as precipitated. But on a dating website? The two of you already matched, there's mutual interest, so why would date talk even be considered a move in the first place? There was no ambiguity about intent, that's just the logical follow up. You're going to talk either way, so why would you prefer doing it intermittently via text over the course of a few weeks than see and talk with the actual person in a nice environment and over a cup of coffee? I really don't see the point of dragging things out. In an IRL situation you can get a good glimpse of the other person's character before dating begins since you actually interact with them, but on the net people's behavior is rarely representative of their real personality, so you're just wasting your time.

What are y'all thoughts on dating a colleague who is also your boss' niece? Asking for a friend haha.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52707438]I'd get the pacing point if we were talking about IRL situations. Walking up to a complete stranger and asking her out right off the bat would probably be very destabilizing and come off as precipitated. But on a dating website? The two of you already matched, there's mutual interest, so why would date talk even be considered a move in the first place? There was no ambiguity about intent, that's just the logical follow up. You're going to talk either way, so why would you prefer doing it intermittently via text over the course of a few weeks than see and talk with the actual person in a nice environment and over a cup of coffee? I really don't see the point of dragging things out. In an IRL situation you can get a good glimpse of the other person's character before dating begins since you actually interact with them, but on the net people's behavior is rarely representative of their real personality, so you're just wasting your time.[/QUOTE] Women have to consider their safety for starters. I wouldn't ever go out on a date with a dude without talking for at least a week before, you planning to go one on one with someone somewhere with some particular expectations. Women have to consider the risk of that person as well as the risk if you reject them if it ends up being a bad date. I know people who have gone on dates and mentioned that they liked a female character in a movie cause they weren't over sexuality or something and had the dude go straight off the deep edge about feminists and how they should all die. She did not feel safe around him and had to make a hasty exit. Its not a totally uncommon experience. So you gotta try to vet guys ahead of time till you feel comfortable enough for that.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;52707638]Women have to consider their safety for starters. I wouldn't ever go out on a date with a dude without talking for at least a week before, you planning to go one on one with someone somewhere with some particular expectations. Women have to consider the risk of that person as well as the risk if you reject them if it ends up being a bad date. I know people who have gone on dates and mentioned that they liked a female character in a movie cause they weren't over sexuality or something and had the dude go straight off the deep edge about feminists and how they should all die. She did not feel safe around him and had to make a hasty exit. Its not a totally uncommon experience. So you gotta try to vet guys ahead of time till you feel comfortable enough for that.[/QUOTE] I get the safety thing, isn't that why you should always do a first date in a public space you can easily walk out of? Even as a male I wouldn't be very comfortable going into a stranger's home or an isolated place. Whenever women talk about their experience with online dating I get the impression 90% of males there are either crazy, scumbags or generally unfit for relationships. Is that really representative of the general population or do dating sites tend to attract that kind of people?

[QUOTE=_Axel;52707743]I get the safety thing, isn't that why you should always do a first date in a public space you can easily walk out of? Even as a male I wouldn't be very comfortable going into a stranger's home or an isolated place. Whenever women talk about their experience with online dating I get the impression 90% of males there are either crazy, scumbags or generally unfit for relationships. Is that really representative of the general population or do dating sites tend to attract that kind of people?[/QUOTE] That's just step one man. If a dude gets aggressive or insulted or whatever, and you need to exit. What then? Your in a public space so he can't go just punch you without repercussion but how do you leave? How do you convey to him "i would like to leave" without provoking a problem? Then you need transportation, did he drive you there? Can you call someone to pick you up and just wait there? Walking anywhere doesn't stop him following you. There's a lot more risk to it than just going "no" and walking out. Most guys arn't a problem, most dates are probs just boring more than anything, but the risk of those guys means women have to be a bit on edge and keep an eye out. So you wanna vet people for that and only have to use safety backups as a last resort. I haven't talked to all of my female friends about it, but I also haven't yet spoken to a friend who doesn't have at minimum one horror story of a date. Some sat quietly and pretended it was ok till they could get home and ghost the dude, others had to find immediate exit. Depends on the dude and what kinda problem he has. Thats only to talk about shitty dudes that get over aggressive, not the manipulative ones who know what to say and just want to pressure a girl into bed. I've heard more stories of those than any other, ones who feel owed and only blow up when you try to slow things down or say you don't want to have sex, where your often already in a vulnerable spot. Entitled men is seriously an issue in dating for women, even if they arn't the majority you have to route out what guys are the problem, and then remember there are also guys who straight up might intentionally try to get a girl somewhere to rape her etc. Again not a majority but a risk. I personally know women that has happened to, dude seems fine until he isn't. I know someone who went on a date to a coffee shop and had her drink drugged. Shit is real. Different people will do different things to keep safe and some people arn't as concerned as others, but I really wouldn't begrudge most women the steps they take "just in case" yeah? It's stuff we are taught to do and be wary about, and its hard to validate setting it aside with real risk out there.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;52707847]That's just step one man. If a dude gets aggressive or insulted or whatever, and you need to exit. What then? Your in a public space so he can't go just punch you without repercussion but how do you leave? How do you convey to him "i would like to leave" without provoking a problem? Then you need transportation, did he drive you there? Can you call someone to pick you up and just wait there? Walking anywhere doesn't stop him following you. There's a lot more risk to it than just going "no" and walking out. Most guys arn't a problem, most dates are probs just boring more than anything, but the risk of those guys means women have to be a bit on edge and keep an eye out. So you wanna vet people for that and only have to use safety backups as a last resort. I haven't talked to all of my female friends about it, but I also haven't yet spoken to a friend who doesn't have at minimum one horror story of a date. Some sat quietly and pretended it was ok till they could get home and ghost the dude, others had to find immediate exit. Depends on the dude and what kinda problem he has. Thats only to talk about shitty dudes that get over aggressive, not the manipulative ones who know what to say and just want to pressure a girl into bed. I've heard more stories of those than any other, ones who feel owed and only blow up when you try to slow things down or say you don't want to have sex, where your often already in a vulnerable spot. Entitled men is seriously an issue in dating for women, even if they arn't the majority you have to route out what guys are the problem, and then remember there are also guys who straight up might intentionally try to get a girl somewhere to rape her etc. Again not a majority but a risk. I personally know women that has happened to, dude seems fine until he isn't. I know someone who went on a date to a coffee shop and had her drink drugged. Shit is real. Different people will do different things to keep safe and some people arn't as concerned as others, but I really wouldn't begrudge most women the steps they take "just in case" yeah? It's stuff we are taught to do and be wary about, and its hard to validate setting it aside with real risk out there.[/QUOTE] I wasn't implying it was a sufficient precaution though, I interpreted your example as taking place in a theater which seemed like a bad idea for a first date because you're kind of stuck there for the duration of the movie.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;52707893]I've been on many dates with women that have asked me out within less than a day of talking online and vice versa. I think it's really a person per person thing. I understand why some girls want to wait to see, but if the man is manipulative, it won't really matter if they wait one month to meet or one day; it's still the same guy. I don't really agree with the logic behind "talk for a long time, then meet" other than weening out guys who want instant sex. It's a lot easier to hide crazy online than in person. [editline]22nd September 2017[/editline] And another factor is an entitled dating man might even feel more entitled by talking for a longtime and not getting any action should the girl not want to have sex. "I've been talking to her for two weeks, I deserve sex!". You know what I'm saying? It's sucks cause it's literally a minefield for women and other vulnerable people dating. I'm just trying to see things from their fucked up perspective. A fucked up dude will twist anything to make it fit their warped viewpoints.[/QUOTE] I find it much easier and more comfortable to ween out shitty people online than in person, usually in waiting a week signs start to pop up. def cant get them all but cuts down numbers and gives more time to work out if your on the same page and if dude is willing to put some effort in there are def people who do it differently or just dont bother, i just wouldnt call them the majority of people i know

Why are all of my friends a bunch of flakes all of a sudden? They were so much more fun last year.

A friend and I got to meet Coyote Peterson today. I asked if he and his pals were at all interested in grabbing drinks when they were done signing stuff for kids but I'm not sure if he heard me haha. Don't think I've ever done anything that bold in a while. But I got a selfie with him so that's nice!

I realized today - I am very anxious or I have issues :v: I am afraid to fuck up in public, mis-step, trip, or walk into closer door. Today I went to shopping center to Tesco but Tesco is inside big building, as I was walking to entrance of center - I saw side entrace to Tesco, I wasn't sure if that's the entrance or not. So, being scared to fuck up in public by standing in front of closed door - I walked across road and sat down on railing and pretended to be on phone, sat there for about 5 minutes until another person tried walking into that entrance - they failed. After that I stood up and walked inside center to look for actual entrance. Also, I often get confused in big malls as entrances/exists are massive glass windows/door mix and its confusing where exit is, so I always look where others go and just follow them.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52710368]I'm the same way. I'm afraid to make phone calls, regardless of the situation (and I have to do it a lot for my job). One time there was a doorpize giveaway thing an event. I was hoping so dearly that I wouldn't win because I'd have to walk up on stage infront of everyone. I didn't even believe how fast my heart was pounding every time they announced names.[/QUOTE] Thats the thing - I have no issue with walking up to random stranger and asking literally anything, 3 weeks ago when I started my new job - another girl started it at same day as me, shes also new. We were given a project to make together, I had no issue standing up and walking up to anyone else of devs and asking question in relation to app or work I am supposed to do while she's very shy, I ended up asking everything for her. While I can talk to anyone at any time and on phone too - I have issue fucking up on public. Although I have no issue doing presentation in front of 70-80 people (probably because all presentations I've ever done were on software/stuff I designed/made/built so I knew it inside out). Still, tripping in public is like dead end for me, even if I see someone walk in front of me and they slip/fall - I get mixed up if I should help or just walk past. If I help - There is a chance I look like retard and I fuck up something. If I walk past - There is 100% chance people think I am a jackass.

What do you guys think of a college junior dating a college freshman? I generally believe its fine, its also pretty early in the semester, and I don't want to feel like im taking advantage of someone who is still trying to catch their footing, but im not really sure

age difference doesn't seem to be as big of a deal when you're in college from what I've seen at least, though most I've seen is a 5-6 year age gap.

[QUOTE=redBadger;52710701]age difference doesn't seem to be as big of a deal when you're in college from what I've seen at least, though most I've seen is a 5-6 year age gap.[/QUOTE] Im certain its only 2 years, but a lot of people here have this mentality that people of higher grades have some authority over those who are lower, and while I completely disagree with it, I still dont want to come off as predatory. Also I want to thank you all for this thread. Ive been here for around 4 years, and the advice i have seen here makes me feel mature and aware despite never having dated before, and I even end up helping others with relationships with the experiences I read in this thread

i come here because i enjoy reading about others experiences since many times I feel extremely depressed that I can't find someone, even after using things like tinder and bumble (though admittedly I barely have pictures of myself, should probably try and get better pictures) I still can't find anyone and as someone whose trying to boost their self image and conciousness it doesn't help whatsoever that I've had no success. I guess going here and reading through others successes makes me feel good for those people, and seeing others struggle makes it easier for me to get through knowing others have similar problems. and while i know finding a romantic partner isn't everything in life it also sucks that I've recently gotten out of college and have had little social life since then despite a film gig here and there, i've been sitting around at home with barely and in-person social contact and it sucks. Hopefully whenever I find a job that will change but for now it's killing me.

[QUOTE=da space core;52710728]Im certain its only 2 years, but a lot of people here have this mentality that people of higher grades have some authority over those who are lower[/QUOTE] Ehhh im trashed rn so story time. Yeah I was in that very situation, my gf (now ex) was only 1 year above me. While It was cool for me, shed get pressure from her classmates for dating a guy from the class under them, guess they were jelly a younger guy got to date her. It's more indicative of the kind of bad environnement we were in tho. It's dumb to give a shit about that kinda things but you cant completely make abstraction of that stuff, it's pride more than anything. Anyway she seriously was the cutest in her class and my dream crush. We were both artists, she played music and shared tons of favorite bands with me, was big into games (shed play zelda and ff osts on violin), was both super fun and super hard working. I was convinced i'd get rejected and feel that burn forever when I asked her out, but instead she started crying and kissed me. Seriously one of the highlights of my life. We had 1 year of fucking bliss, she was the kindest person I have ever known, that kind of person that radiates positivity and makes you want to a better person when youre around her. She was really iffy on sex and I avoided pressuring her, we went very slowly but had fun. I didnt want to spoil the best relationship ive had yet. She looked genuinely into me and appreciating me for who I was. Then one day out of absolutely nowhere she came over, broke up with me, told me with a straight face she never actually was in love with me and faked everything, and dated and slept with another guy her age within weeks. She blocked me everywhere and never answered, completely cut me away from her life like that after knowing me for years. Ive not been able to date anyone since then haha. idk if i'll be able to trust someone again when 1 year of dream is turned into painful memories like that. Imagine having every single awesome memory with someone be completely changed by a single sentence, and realising the meaning of tons of weird signs you noticed when dating and discarded because you were so much in love, and then each of thoses memories now murdering your self esteem. And for months I was just blaming myself for hundreds of different reasons. I still dont get how the nicest person ever could do that, so I had to be some kind of toxic freak and not realising it and shed cut me from her life for her own good. I went back to square 1 in self esteem. Had friends with benefits since and that's fun but I don't even try to get beyond friendship with girls anymore. I have female friends, we talk, we hang out. But I paid the price for caring too much, no way i'm living this again. Been in 3 different college class since then. Everytime I get too close to a girl ill just shut it down and stop talking to them. The people I get close to the most are either lesbians or in serious long term relationships with someone else. Never wrote all of this at once lol. It's been 2 years. I still dont fucking know to this day why. I'm stubborn but I can change my attitude, she never told me what was wrong with me though and why shed leave. That's maybe the worst I think.

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52707584]What are y'all thoughts on dating a colleague who is also your boss' niece? Asking for a friend haha.[/QUOTE] Asking again. Sorry.

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52710982]Asking again. Sorry.[/QUOTE] nope

[QUOTE=da space core;52710728]Im certain its only 2 years, but a lot of people here have this mentality that people of higher grades have some authority over those who are lower, and while I completely disagree with it, I still dont want to come off as predatory. Also I want to thank you all for this thread. Ive been here for around 4 years, and the advice i have seen here makes me feel mature and aware despite never having dated before, and I even end up helping others with relationships with the experiences I read in this thread[/QUOTE] So long as she is a mature first year your probably good. I'm in first year at the moment but worked before going to uni, and a bunch of the first years are like fresh high schoolers, while most 2nd and on students seem to have matured a lot through the experience, so I would base it kinda on that. Once your both 18+ age matters a lot less that maturity and life phases, i just find on my campus theres a big difference between first and second years which would make a difference in relationship dynamics. Even if you leave it till a bit later in the year you would prob be good though tbh, just this early they really are fresh outa high school and re-acquainting themselves to a new situation, but it really depends on her

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52711050]nope[/QUOTE] you're shitting where you eat twice over a. her being your colleague b. her being your boss's niece

I put in my online dating profile that dogs are better than cats and now I have 5 women telling me I'm wrong V:v:V

I have no idea how to read this, Asked this girl out a while back and got turned down but still been chatting with her. Recently she has been sending love quotes / random videos about strangers meeting. She was pretty adamant with the no a while back so just been chatting about random stuff (nothing flirty), just find it a bit weird she would start sending things like that.

[QUOTE=lordofdafood;52711208]I have no idea how to read this, Asked this girl out a while back and got turned down but still been chatting with her. Recently she has been sending love quotes / random videos about strangers meeting. She was pretty adamant with the no a while back so just been chatting about random stuff (nothing flirty), just find it a bit weird she would start sending things like that.[/QUOTE] Is she sending them to [I]you[/I]

[QUOTE=_Maverick_;52711225]Is she sending them to [I]you[/I][/QUOTE] If you mean via DM then yeah, they have no context to what we are talking about at time. Gah hate being useless at this

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;52711074]you're shitting where you eat twice over a. her being your colleague b. her being your boss's niece[/QUOTE] Yeah, kinda already figured. Just wanted to hear your thoughts. Honestly, it was mostly just an idea I had humoured. I know actually asking her out is like sticking a dick into a wasp hive. :v:

[QUOTE=lordofdafood;52711282]If you mean via DM then yeah, they have no context to what we are talking about at time. Gah hate being useless at this[/QUOTE] Have you asked why she is posting them?

I've got a situation. Me and my girlfriend have the same primary friend group. We're at college, so parties happen almost every night. I have absolutely no interest in parties, I'd 100% always rather just stay in my dorm with my friends and drink and just hang out. The issue is that my girlfriend wants to go to parties (idk why), and she thinks I get upset when everyone leaves me to go out, which is true. I guess my question is, am I supposed to compromise? I figure it would be good for me to just let myself trust her to make good decisions at a party because I don't want to go, but she doesn't believe that I'm okay.