Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

If she was the one that suggested her getting replaced, then you're fine. If anything, you're supporting her decision to get replaced for the sake of her personal comfort.

[QUOTE=BackSapper;52716909][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/361978083034660866/361978179201531905/unknown.png[/img] Free feature on POF. Paid on OKC though. Guess your town is flooded with horny fat chicks, sorry to hear.[/QUOTE] I've tried POF before and remember this question but it didn't seem to do anything.

[QUOTE=redBadger;52717544]I've tried POF before and remember this question but it didn't seem to do anything.[/QUOTE] It's kind of reliant on people accurately self-reporting their weight. Which will never work. [editline]25th September 2017[/editline] Speaking of POF. Where's my fucking bisexual option. Please and thank you.

Told girl how I feel, got rejected. Idk how to meet someone else now because online dating isn't for me and I usually get rejected for just saying hi in real life.

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52717846]Told girl how I feel, got rejected. Idk how to meet someone else now because online dating isn't for me and I usually get rejected for just saying hi in real life.[/QUOTE] Just keep trying. Try to network in activity clubs and out in the wild. Also everyone says "online dating" isn't for them, when it's just another method of meeting someone.

[QUOTE=BackSapper;52717864]Just keep trying. Try to network in activity clubs and out in the wild. Also everyone says "online dating" isn't for them, when it's just another method of meeting someone.[/QUOTE] The reason I say online dating isn't for me is because I've tried it and had no success

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52717915]The reason I say online dating isn't for me is because I've tried it and had no success[/QUOTE] You don't catch any fish if you never throw the line. Don't think of it as your main source of meeting women (or men), but as an alternative. I met and dated a guy (girl when I was dating them) who then ended up one of my best friends after the relationship. Just keep it casual and know that when you're ready for it to happen, you'll find that perfect person.

So, about 2 weeks ago my friends set me up a Tinder account. Since then I've basically been going through and through with different girls around my age, from being local to me and about 20 miles away. I've managed to find about 9 matches - most of which didn't even reply, but I managed to secure a few who were willing to have good conversations with me thankfully. And so I managed to find someone very local to me, in fact they went to my college and I used to see them now and then. I asked her if she wanted to go to the coffee shop and I think we will be seeing eachother some time at the end of next week, hopefully. I've never been on a date or met up with a girl except for one time last year, but everything went to shit after that and I'm pretty scared that could happen again somehow. I'm pretty quiet and shy a lot the time so this is definitely a challenge for me but I'm just after some tips and advice to make sure this date does go well hopefully. Tldr; Got tinder, managed to find a local match and planned to go on a date to a coffee shop, need tips and advice for a quiet and shy person (me).

[QUOTE=TheCrazyGoD;52718895]So, about 2 weeks ago my friends set me up a Tinder account. Since then I've basically been going through and through with different girls around my age, from being local to me and about 20 miles away. I've managed to find about 9 matches - most of which didn't even reply, but I managed to secure a few who were willing to have good conversations with me thankfully. And so I managed to find someone very local to me, in fact they went to my college and I used to see them now and then. I asked her if she wanted to go to the coffee shop and I think we will be seeing eachother some time at the end of next week, hopefully. I've never been on a date or met up with a girl except for one time last year, but everything went to shit after that and I'm pretty scared that could happen again somehow. I'm pretty quiet and shy a lot the time so this is definitely a challenge for me but I'm just after some tips and advice to make sure this date does go well hopefully. Tldr; Got tinder, managed to find a local match and planned to go on a date to a coffee shop, need tips and advice for a quiet and shy person (me).[/QUOTE] There's no harm in prepping a little, maybe try to think of a few interesting things or stories to talk about, questions you might wanna ask her to break the ice a little more etc. Don't get stuck following a script, actually let the convo go where it does, but I always feel a lot better to have a few prepped ideas for if convo manages to go dead.

Well, I am 3 weeks into my new job and I already have established relations in office which I believe will be long-lasting. I established good relationship with 3 other young colleagues (19-25 year olds, I am 24) as the top/most technical devs within team, I think this is partially because all the rest of the team are people of 35+ ages who went into programming as back to education so I think it's harder for older people to get into it. (Except manager who comes from technical background but he's more of theoretical guy). But yeah, 4 of us walk to shop twice a day to get drinks or chill on grass or chat about games etc... (again: age matters here) so that's my social group established. (Which is fucking great because it's terrible if you work in company and fail to find matching interest group to hang out with). Then there is another girl, she's 22, straight out of college, started at the same time as me.... I don't like her, she's not really seeking to be friends with anyone, she just comes in, sits at desk and that's it. She always talks to me on skype (we use it within company) like this: Hi :P Oh I dont know :P I dont think I will go :P Yeah I will :P haha :P literally after every message she puts that smiley, she's quite cheeky, she already threw me under the bus - we have to work on one project and she put all responsibility on me (I am lead, I report to manager) and today higher management came back a bit unhappy and setup a meeting for thursday - when I told her about it (technically she should be attending it as well as one of devs for that project) and she said: "Nah, I think I will pass :P" I am not getting in trouble, I will sort it out no prob, its not big issue but fact that she's being so cheeky just pisses me off, she's the super feminist/hipster kind. Then there is a girl I kinda just like, (not crazy about her or anything but you know - just someone you kinda like and generally have more positive attitude towards) - she's 27 though, shes Polish (which makes her and me the only non-irish people and only ones from eastern Europe), we work a lot together as I am dev and shes QA, she doesn't seem to be very social with others (goes on lunch to shop, gets food and goes back to her desk [as opposed to others who go to table tennis room]). Although I also go to shop, get food and go back to my desk, not because I am unsocial but because I enjoy to just sit down, open news.google.com - scroll through that, then go to facepunch and read SH, Polidicks and RSS while I eat. I am not gonna be awkward and pursue her or try anything as it's just weird if things dont work out (considering we have to work a lot together) so I asked others if we have nights out and they said yes so I might just wait till one of those nights out and then maybe chat to her informally. The one I dislike sort of - seems to look a bit with hatred at me when I talk to the polish girl or when she sees I am walking to her or we're walking (as it goes: Me -> The One I dislike -> QA) so our road is past her. bit long post but yeah, I enjoy bit of drama in office, I find days to be more fun when you have specific people you hang out with, people you like and people who seem to be a bit of snakes.

Just ordered tickets to go NYC to visit... well, my long distance girlfriend. Feels kinda weird saying that, because it really wasn't something I'd expect myself to get into. Well, guess I didn't lie to her when I said I'd give this thing a fair shot.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;52720513]Just ordered tickets to go NYC to visit... well, my long distance girlfriend. Feels kinda weird saying that, because it really wasn't something I'd expect myself to get into. Well, guess I didn't lie to her when I said I'd give this thing a fair shot.[/QUOTE] Best of luck dude! Just keep your head above water and don't get drowned in things going "perfect". I tried to do that with a friend of seven years that wanted us to go romantic, and I anxiety'd the fuck out the last minute.

Got a job interview as a substitute teacher on Friday. Sending out a dozen applications might finally pay off.

Any advice for approaching shy/introverted people?

Hi guys been a good while. Update. My long distance relationship still stands strong and healthier than ever. Degree is almost done this year. Been working my ass off to finish and start an internship next year so that's why I haven't been much present. Turns out my gf is in Erasmus in Spain now till the end of the semester and it's gonna be tough going there and all. Oh well. We'll manage. We are both predicted to finish our degrees at the same time and get the fuck out of here to Sweden or some other scandinavian country. We've been having a lot of dreams lately. We're specially eager to get the fuck out of this shithole and actually experience what life has to offer out there. Been thinking a lot about taking a philosophy degree or post graduation once I'm done here. And it feels good to have that set as an objective since I used to have a lot of doubts and anxieties about what I want to do and be. I feel confident now and fine. And will stick around for a while here to lend some advice.

Alright so you guys' advice of taking things slow and steady when it comes to messaging on dating apps seems to be on point, at least it is for the girls I end up talking with. Started talking with one of my Tinder matches, things were going nicely so I tried to imply I wanted to ask her out, she said she wanted to wait a little before that kind of stuff because the guys who asked her out within the span of a couple of days ended up ghosting her (idk why). So we resumed talking and I ended up getting her number and then her snap (and later her FB), we texted pretty regularly (like 1 text every 5-15 minutes outside of class hours) and she even ended up calling me to talk about a math problem I was trying to help her understand (and then we talked about other shit). So now on the fifth day she ended up asking me what I had planned this weekend and said stuff about her parents not being home and her having nothing to do, and so we planned a date this Saturday. So I'm pretty stoked for Saturday! Though I'm a bit concerned that we'll run dry on stuff to talk about without repeating ourselves since we talked about so much stuff already. I'm trying to space messages out now to mitigate that but I don't think it's the best technique... So yeah I guess my question is a bit redundant with TheCrazyGoD's, but is there a way I can avoid that? Maybe try and connect on a more personal level? I'm a little bit anxious about that potential issue.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52722504] So I'm pretty stoked for Saturday! Though I'm a bit concerned that we'll run dry on stuff to talk about without repeating ourselves since we talked about so much stuff already. I'm trying to space messages out now to mitigate that but I don't think it's the best technique... So yeah I guess my question is a bit redundant with TheCrazyGoD's, but is there a way I can avoid that? Maybe try and connect on a more personal level? I'm a little bit anxious about that potential issue.[/QUOTE] Dont plan on having things to talk about, it will come out forced, I suggest doing some activities instead. depending on your two's personalities, I would actually suggest watching a movie, and I dont mean in the "netflix and chill" type of way, I mean in an actual "watch a good movie" way. off the top of my head, I would recommend "Robot and Frank." Its a more serious movie, but its very, very good and deep. A little sad, its not really romantic though, but it should leave you guys afterwards with something to talk about. Its a good movie for the "testing the waters" kind of date.

[QUOTE=da space core;52722762]Dont plan on having things to talk about, it will come out forced, I suggest doing some activities instead. depending on your two's personalities, I would actually suggest watching a movie, and I dont mean in the "netflix and chill" type of way, I mean in an actual "watch a good movie" way. off the top of my head, I would recommend "Robot and Frank." Its a more serious movie, but its very, very good and deep. A little sad, its not really romantic though, but it should leave you guys afterwards with something to talk about. Its a good movie for the "testing the waters" kind of date.[/QUOTE] We're not going to either person's place though, we plan to go to a nice park near my house and just go from there. Also isn't watching a movie not really suited to first dates? It basically shaves 2 hours off the actual date and leaves little time to actually get to know each other. I'm taking note of your movie ideas though, that looks like a pretty good film. [editline]27th September 2017[/editline] We just threw in dinner at an all-you-can-eat Japanese restaurant cause she was bragging about being able to eat more than me lol

[QUOTE=Blazyd;52714054]I went back home a couple weeks ago because of hurricane Irma and hung out with the girl I was seeing there over the summer. Now she's freaking out saying she thinks she's pregnant from me. haha ha fuck[/QUOTE] false alarm praise the lord :))

[QUOTE=Blazyd;52722992]false alarm praise the lord :))[/QUOTE] Congrats! Can't even imagine being in that situation (can't even imagine being in a relationship either :v: )

[QUOTE=Blazyd;52722992]false alarm praise the lord :))[/QUOTE] So does that mean she's pregnant with someone else's child, or she was being a ditz and she assumed she was having pregnancy symptoms. Either way, congrats. That's such a shitty feeling to have when you are made to believe you knocked up someone.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52722808]We're not going to either person's place though, we plan to go to a nice park near my house and just go from there. Also isn't watching a movie not really suited to first dates? It basically shaves 2 hours off the actual date and leaves little time to actually get to know each other. I'm taking note of your movie ideas though, that looks like a pretty good film. [editline]27th September 2017[/editline] We just threw in dinner at an all-you-can-eat Japanese restaurant cause she was bragging about being able to eat more than me lol[/QUOTE] Yeah avoid movies if you actually want to connect with someone, go bowling or ice skating, something you can tease each other with. Just keep the flow going, things will happen naturally if you're both compatible, bring up things you've been talking about over text, etc

[QUOTE=The golden;52722588]Don't wait for them to make the first moves otherwise you're going to be waiting one hell of a long time. You'll likely have to do the icebreaking for them as well. You have to get them into a position where they feel comfortable around you and then they will start coming out of their shells. Until then though, you'll have to move at their slower pace and not be too pushy either. Don't put the spotlight on them if you can help it. If you feel like they're starting to close up or shut down due to something you said or did - back down. Source: Me, a very shy and introverted person.[/QUOTE] I was thinking this, and im in quite a catch 22 situation because of it. I actually wasnt really referring to approaching her with romantic interests in mind, though she is quite interesting, but I quickly decided to put those thoughts to rest for the time being. We really only even talked with each other 2 times anyways, its too early. I am more than content being friends. my sense of her being shy might even be quite wrong (I have been wrong about these things before), but it seems to align with what I know about her. but anyways, carrying that assumption, here is my dilemma. 1. She has said that she is not the type of person to leave her room. Even though we live in the same dorm building, we live on opposite ends, so bumping into each other is unlikely. I have no clue where her room is, she only knows where mine is. 2. I have a rather frustrating issue where I cannot recognize peoples faces at all. it takes me an absurdly long time for me to start remembering whos who. And so while I feel like an outgoing person, im always stuck not recalling who anyone is, and it makes me come off as rude. People have to come up to me and tell me who they are before I recall again, otherwise I wont even notice them. So basically she has to be the one to come up to me, since I wouldnt recognize her on appearance alone. And to be fair, she has approached me once before when we bumped into each other outside, so maybe things will work out and im wrong about her being so shy. but that gets me to the main question. Assuming she is shy, how do I help her meet other people to make friends as well? I spent much of my life, in my room, alone. many years were wasted, and I do not want someone else to end up going through that as well. Of course, just tossing her into a party might be a bad idea as well. I already suggested going to some places on campus that cater to her hobbies, and invited her to a "dorm building meetings" though she didnt appear for that one (to be fair, she may have forgot or had work or something). Im not really quite sure what to do, I dont want to come off as forceful, and I am not even sure if it is my place to try. (also please dont quote this text directly because I may snip it at a later date)

[QUOTE=SevenBillion;52721105]I find that I often have hard time talking to just about everyone including my close friends with the exception of my family. In one to one conservations, I can't talk to people for a minute without an awkward silence. For group consrrvations, I am usually that guy who rarely or never speaks at all. I also find that I tend to speak too quietly that I have repeat myself very often and I can't maintain eye contact. It happens every day and I can't seem to find a way to break my social anxiety.[/QUOTE] What's your general interests?

[QUOTE=da space core]-snip-[/QUOTE] Keep on inviting them places, and continue to be understanding if they aren't up for it. Also keep being mindful of where you're inviting them; it's great that you're trying to cater to their hobbies, you should also consider how many people will be there and what kind of environment it is. Shy people usually have anxiety issues as well, so tight-closed in places with a lot of people they don't know can be extremely stressful, and large open places with huge crowds can do the same. If they have any friends on campus, invite them somewhere together that isn't a party or big social event. It could just be something as simple as a quiet coffee shop nearby (or a store with things that would interest them), or walking around campus with a few people and hanging around at the common grounds if there are any. I'm a bit of a shy/introverted person as well, but for me, when I've been stressed about going somewhere new, it helped a lot when people would be very clear and specific about where we're going, what we're doing, how long we'll be there, and even describing the place if I wasn't familiar with it. Give them a few days notice about something, and if they agree to go, keep them clued in on what to expect if anything changes.

[QUOTE=SevenBillion;52724486]I only have one main interest, video games. I am pretty one-dimensional in just everything.[/QUOTE] Not necessarily a bad thing! I've found that just asking people about things they like and let them have the spotlight is a pretty good way of just letting the conversation flow. Personally, I've got a pretty wild imagination though so I usually pick up things they talk about and, depending on how much they seem to like to joke, take it in different directions. This is probably not too helpful for you though, but I've struggled with social anxiety as well and I just found out that asking about the other person is just an amazing way of letting them push the conversation. You could try this excercise ; If you were talking to you, what would you ask? Say? Making up stuff is OK when doing this excercise because it helps you step out of your own situation and just go with the flow.

So how exactly does tinder boosts work? I used my free one yesterday and apparently got a swipe with it today

Wow, did I ever dodge a bullet. So at the start of the month, I threw up a post on /r/r4r because I was feeling pretty heartbroken from a long friendship/relationship ending. I was about as honest as I could get; I wanted someone to worship, a friendship to stand the test of time, and a girl that I can call my love. I got a girl from Oregon who messaged me from that post who was looking for the same. We grab each other's Discord usernames and instantly hit it off. She had been playing with the idea of us becoming a thing in the middle of the month. I played along and got a bit attached. We decided for the long run that to get couples stuffed animals so we could cuddle something at night. Then after everything is purchased, she realized that she was going too fast through this and said to keep my avenues open, so I did. But I got really attached to the stuffed animal. I fall asleep with it everyday, and it made me feel hopeful for things to come. I decided to re-instate all my dating profiles as I've already revealed earlier and actually struck gold with a girl not too far north of me. I seriously was thinking I wouldn't get even a single date for the next three months and re-introduce the idea of us again afterwards. But I started to feel guilty, that if a date was going to be successful that the Oregon girl was going to think I was replacing her immediately, so I politely asked if she was cool with it. I'm pretty selfless, it was safe for me to do so for my mental health. Instead, I get this smartass answer saying that "what if I assumed you were doing this anyways" and that "oh you never liked me because I was skinny" when I had never insinuated such claims. Talk about an immediate turn off. Holy.

[QUOTE=BackSapper;52724800]Wow, did I ever dodge a bullet. So at the start of the month, I threw up a post on /r/r4r because I was feeling pretty heartbroken from a long friendship/relationship ending. I was about as honest as I could get; I wanted someone to worship, a friendship to stand the test of time, and a girl that I can call my love. I got a girl from Oregon who messaged me from that post who was looking for the same. We grab each other's Discord usernames and instantly hit it off. She had been playing with the idea of us becoming a thing in the middle of the month. I played along and got a bit attached. We decided for the long run that to get couples stuffed animals so we could cuddle something at night. Then after everything is purchased, she realized that she was going too fast through this and said to keep my avenues open, so I did. But I got really attached to the stuffed animal. I fall asleep with it everyday, and it made me feel hopeful for things to come. I decided to re-instate all my dating profiles as I've already revealed earlier and actually struck gold with a girl not too far north of me. I seriously was thinking I wouldn't get even a single date for the next three months and re-introduce the idea of us again afterwards. But I started to feel guilty, that if a date was going to be successful that the Oregon girl was going to think I was replacing her immediately, so I politely asked if she was cool with it. I'm pretty selfless, it was safe for me to do so for my mental health. Instead, I get this smartass answer saying that "what if I assumed you were doing this anyways" and that "oh you never liked me because I was skinny" when I had never insinuated such claims. Talk about an immediate turn off. Holy.[/QUOTE] She obviously has some insecurities, I wouldn't call it being a smartass

[QUOTE=Lebofly;52724854]She obviously has some insecurities, I wouldn't call it being a smartass[/QUOTE] Her first comment was very much back talk. She's done this to me multiple times, of which I've chose to ignore. I've literally tried my best to tell her that body image doesn't matter to me in my partner for the past month. I even told her that if anything, my personal body image puts me to shame for how fit she is and I wanted to change it if we were to continue. I'm salty about it because she used it as an attack with the back talk. Lady, I'm being polite about this because I care about you, not because i'm abandoning you. Sigh.