Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=Trekintosh;52729713]How do I break up when we live together and share a bed and my other half cannot afford to live on his own and will not get a job?[/QUOTE] Is everything in your name? If so, maybe give him a reasonable time period to get a job or find other living accommodations. Unless he's a dick. Then just dump him on the street lol. But otherwise, at least have a bit of a heart and give him a chance to get himself together. If he can't, then it stops being your responsibility after that time period.

[QUOTE=Trekintosh;52729713]How do I break up when we live together and share a bed and my other half cannot afford to live on his own and will not get a job?[/QUOTE] First, why would he not get a job?

[QUOTE=Trekintosh;52729713]How do I break up when we live together and share a bed and my other half cannot afford to live on his own and will not get a job?[/QUOTE] Scratch that never mind. Reconciled.

Am I that bad at holding a conversation or is it normal for girls on tinder to respond once or twice and then ghost? I know it's common to never hear from them but you'd think if they bother to respond they're at least mildly interested in holding a conversation.

[QUOTE=papkee;52730939]Am I that bad at holding a conversation or is it normal for girls on tinder to respond once or twice and then ghost? I know it's common to never hear from them but you'd think if they bother to respond they're at least mildly interested in holding a conversation.[/QUOTE] From what I've heard you should make them laugh and secure their number as soon as possible

[QUOTE=papkee;52730939]Am I that bad at holding a conversation or is it normal for girls on tinder to respond once or twice and then ghost? I know it's common to never hear from them but you'd think if they bother to respond they're at least mildly interested in holding a conversation.[/QUOTE] Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. I didn't have many conversations on tinder until I met my current GF on there.

[QUOTE=papkee;52730939]Am I that bad at holding a conversation or is it normal for girls on tinder to respond once or twice and then ghost? I know it's common to never hear from them but you'd think if they bother to respond they're at least mildly interested in holding a conversation.[/QUOTE] The thing about tinder is that girls get like, heaps of matches and people talking to them. I'm making this mistake at the moment too and apparently I have to graduate to phone numbers a loooot quicker

I lucked out and matched with a girl this morning who messaged me first. I mentioned I'm a historical reenactor in my bio so her opener was. [quote]Can you fuck me dressed as George Washington?[/quote] [quote]Please?[/quote] Probably the second best tinder exchange I've ever had tbh

girls who message first on tinder are like gold dust, out of the hundreds of matches I've had about 3 girls message first

[QUOTE=bdd458;52732005]I lucked out and matched with a girl this morning who messaged me first. I mentioned I'm a historical reenactor in my bio so her opener was. Probably the second best tinder exchange I've ever had tbh[/QUOTE] Well will you?

[QUOTE=da space core;52732189]Well will you?[/QUOTE] I'll be her pounding father, yes.

[QUOTE=bdd458;52732317]I'll be her pounding father, yes.[/QUOTE] please tell me that was your response.

I've had one girl message me first on tinder. Later found out she was a complete psycho... Sigh

[QUOTE=redBadger;52732471]please tell me that was your response.[/QUOTE] Yeah, it was. She unmatched though, oh well, always more fish in the sea!

[QUOTE=IAreLegend;52732117]girls who message first on tinder are like gold dust, out of the hundreds of matches I've had about 3 girls message first[/QUOTE] Whenever that happens, unless it's a very specific message, I assume it's a bot.

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52734555]This chick on tumblr added me and keeps hitting on me. She didn't even ask me if i am into girls(i'm not) and just casually started hitting on me to which i was just passive towards. She keeps telling me to like go to her place and do stuff and i just can't find the courage to tell her to stop. Now that i told her i'm only into guys she sent my profile pic from my tumblr blog to this guy without my consent. :speechless: Should i just block her? I always have this issue where i'm too scared to say no and it ends up with me feeling really violated and gross.[/QUOTE] absolutely block her if you feel uncomfortable

So the first date went really well with this new girl! We both went out for all you can eat Sushi where we ordered way too little at the start so we got a lot of talking and getting to know each other in during the long wait. Afterwards we were just driving with no idea on what to do, so I decided to take her out of city to a small lake town popular for their beaches. So we did the stereotypical movie date things of walking along the beach, holding each other stable whenever someone wanted to walk along the pier edge, and got some ice cream too. It was a pretty good time. I got a kiss at the end of it which felt a little forced from me, but I texted her after apologizing and she said she was more of nervous and was good with it all. She's been texting me now a little dirtier so I can only think that things are going well.

I am starting to think/realize that I may have some sort of mental disorder which I was just never diagnosed for or which I developed recently or I could be just overthinking it. I have massive anxiety of public (mentioned recently) where my biggest fear is failing in public. I have a shit load of weird habits: Washing hands 50 times a day, every time I touch something that's not my belongings - I need to wash hands otherwise I feel uneasy and think I will die). If I see pencil/pen/sharp objects on desk, I need to put something over them or put them in corner somewhere so that I dont trip and end up with sharp object going through my neck or something. I do everything multiple times, such as in traffic - I re-put my car into 1st gear 7-8 times just to be sure. Before bed I: wash hands, brush teeth, wash hands, use toilet, wash hands only then I go to sleep peacefully, if it's out of that order - it feels wrong. I love when everything is symmetric, if it's assymetric or out of order of I perform certain actions out of order - It feels wrong. I have terrible nail biting issue as well because idk why, I just do it. I have no issue talking to girls but I have issue moving past friends part with them as I know they will reject me and then probably gossip and make fun of me and that's more terrifying than failing in public for me. I usually fall in love then it blows over in few days/weeks (because I cant get past friendship part) so I fall into depression for a while, when I get motivated to work harder at work and get promotions/bonuses more which I end up spending on random shit and this cycle repeats for past 8 years. I will be single for the rest of my life and tbh my only happyness for past while has been - buying new stuff I want, that's about it.

So my date was somewhat weird. When I met my ex I was like her 5th or 6th Tinder date, so she was rather comfortable with it. This one never met someone she came across on Tinder, and so she was visibly uneasy with that. So I brought up the topic to try and break the ice, asked her if there are things about the real me that surprised her. She said she thought I'd be taller (ouch!) and so I kinda teased her because my actual height was in my description, and also because she claimed she was as tall as me when she obviously wasn't. We ended up walking towards a sunlit spot in the grass, there were a few awkward silences and she had a rather closed body posture. After sitting things started picking up a bit, we had many topics of conversation, though still with some silences in between, there was a bit of complicity after a while and I made her laugh a bit, but I thought it was nothing really special. She did say she'd like me to meet her dog (a cute brown lab) and talked about plans to cook stuff together. She then had to go because her sister was coming back in an hour, so I walked with her to the bus stop. We just kissed each other goodbye on the cheek and went our separate ways. So at this point I thought it was a failure, but on the way home she sent me texts again bringing up topics we talked about during the date. Later in the evening she told me she should have stayed with me because even though she planned to eat dinner with her sister, she still wasn't home. And then yesterday she said she would like to get dinner with me next week, and seemed pretty happy once we decided on a date. So I suppose my impressions were wrong? Then again I also thought my first date with my ex was a failure and ended up leaving her hanging for a kiss so I'm probably not the best judge for that sort of thing.

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52734555]This chick on tumblr added me and keeps hitting on me. She didn't even ask me if i am into girls(i'm not) and just casually started hitting on me to which i was just passive towards. She keeps telling me to like go to her place and do stuff and i just can't find the courage to tell her to stop. Now that i told her i'm only into guys she sent my profile pic from my tumblr blog to this guy without my consent. :speechless: Should i just block her? I always have this issue where i'm too scared to say no and it ends up with me feeling really violated and gross.[/QUOTE] Jusy tell her you dont want to nicely. On another note, I want you guys's opinion on something. I used motorbike 99% of time, a KSR 110 Pro, which is quite a small bike. I used it mainly because I think cars are cumbersome, and my car is 1000km away acrross the sea. If you are a girl, what is your opinion if we go around on a date or something, on a bike, instead of a car? Personally I think bike is more liberating, and nobody havent said anything, but what is your opinion?

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52737672]I am starting to think/realize that I may have some sort of mental disorder which I was just never diagnosed for or which I developed recently or I could be just overthinking it. I have massive anxiety of public (mentioned recently) where my biggest fear is failing in public. I have a shit load of weird habits: Washing hands 50 times a day, every time I touch something that's not my belongings - I need to wash hands otherwise I feel uneasy and think I will die). If I see pencil/pen/sharp objects on desk, I need to put something over them or put them in corner somewhere so that I dont trip and end up with sharp object going through my neck or something. I do everything multiple times, such as in traffic - I re-put my car into 1st gear 7-8 times just to be sure. Before bed I: wash hands, brush teeth, wash hands, use toilet, wash hands only then I go to sleep peacefully, if it's out of that order - it feels wrong. I love when everything is symmetric, if it's assymetric or out of order of I perform certain actions out of order - It feels wrong. I have terrible nail biting issue as well because idk why, I just do it. I have no issue talking to girls but I have issue moving past friends part with them as I know they will reject me and then probably gossip and make fun of me and that's more terrifying than failing in public for me. I usually fall in love then it blows over in few days/weeks (because I cant get past friendship part) so I fall into depression for a while, when I get motivated to work harder at work and get promotions/bonuses more which I end up spending on random shit and this cycle repeats for past 8 years. I will be single for the rest of my life and tbh my only happyness for past while has been - buying new stuff I want, that's about it.[/QUOTE] Sounds like you have obsessive compulsive disorder. I'd get it treated before you end up with habits that actually really handicaps your daily life. I guess you should get it diagnosed with a psychiatrist and then get cognitive therapy from a psychologist - maybe the psychologist is enough, though.

[QUOTE=The golden;52738117]I would certainly not be happy about it. I've ridden as a passenger on both motorbikes and ATV's and both left me feeling very uncomfortable and mentally distraught.[/QUOTE] I see. Didnt you feel more connected to nature? Feels the wind? Breath of fresh air? With the scenery just scrolling by? On contrary, nowdays I got dizzy in a car lol.

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52737672]I am starting to think/realize that I may have some sort of mental disorder which I was just never diagnosed for or which I developed recently or I could be just overthinking it. I have massive anxiety of public (mentioned recently) where my biggest fear is failing in public. I have a shit load of weird habits: Washing hands 50 times a day, every time I touch something that's not my belongings - I need to wash hands otherwise I feel uneasy and think I will die). If I see pencil/pen/sharp objects on desk, I need to put something over them or put them in corner somewhere so that I dont trip and end up with sharp object going through my neck or something. I do everything multiple times, such as in traffic - I re-put my car into 1st gear 7-8 times just to be sure. Before bed I: wash hands, brush teeth, wash hands, use toilet, wash hands only then I go to sleep peacefully, if it's out of that order - it feels wrong. I love when everything is symmetric, if it's assymetric or out of order of I perform certain actions out of order - It feels wrong. I have terrible nail biting issue as well because idk why, I just do it. I have no issue talking to girls but I have issue moving past friends part with them as I know they will reject me and then probably gossip and make fun of me and that's more terrifying than failing in public for me. I usually fall in love then it blows over in few days/weeks (because I cant get past friendship part) so I fall into depression for a while, when I get motivated to work harder at work and get promotions/bonuses more which I end up spending on random shit and this cycle repeats for past 8 years. I will be single for the rest of my life and tbh my only happyness for past while has been - buying new stuff I want, that's about it.[/QUOTE] If you can go see a psych, they can help you figure out ways to manage anxiety and depression. Any advice on the internet is gonna be a bit spotty, I have anxiety that my therapist hasn't really bothered diagnosing as anything in particular but the nail biting and the public anxiety, I have those issues too and its helped a lot. The compulsive stuff not so much but they will know things that can help with that as well. The internet can throw out suggestions but can't really help you what to do with that info :) [editline]2nd October 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=hakimhakim;52737870]Jusy tell her you dont want to nicely. On another note, I want you guys's opinion on something. I used motorbike 99% of time, a KSR 110 Pro, which is quite a small bike. I used it mainly because I think cars are cumbersome, and my car is 1000km away acrross the sea. If you are a girl, what is your opinion if we go around on a date or something, on a bike, instead of a car? Personally I think bike is more liberating, and nobody havent said anything, but what is your opinion?[/QUOTE] I would be 110% here for a bike ride date BUT not as the first couple days. Requires some physical closeness to go on a date via bike. Meet up a few times and maybe ask her how she feels about it (cause its def gonna vary girl-to-girl theres no hivemind lol) and if she is good then maybe plan that for your next one!

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52725571]yall ever been in a position where you fell in love with your partner before they fell in love with you what do i do lol[/QUOTE] bumpity bump

[QUOTE=hakimhakim;52737870]Jusy tell her you dont want to nicely. On another note, I want you guys's opinion on something. I used motorbike 99% of time, a KSR 110 Pro, which is quite a small bike. I used it mainly because I think cars are cumbersome, and my car is 1000km away acrross the sea. If you are a girl, what is your opinion if we go around on a date or something, on a bike, instead of a car? Personally I think bike is more liberating, and nobody havent said anything, but what is your opinion?[/QUOTE] As a fellow bike rider who has been on some motorbike dates, unsurprisingly it all depends on the girl. Something to bear in mind though - you are asking a great deal of trust from someone who probably doesnt know you very well, for all she knows you ride like the typical idiot you see popping a wheelie down a residential street and you are far more vulnerable on a bike. It's a big ask. They've also got to probably borrow some of your protective gear (a chick who owns her own probably has her own bike so I'm ruling that one out) which probably doesnt fit well and probably isnt very flattering (and if you aren't lending them protective gear, stop being a knob!!!). Additionally I can guarantee you getting makeup foundation out of a lid is difficult and it's quite possible if theyre wearing makeup they'll look like a picasso when they take the lid off. Another final consideration - your bike really really is not set up for passengers - does it even have passenger footpegs? They don't come as standard. It's got a short, high seat and a small engine. I have a 1200cc Bonneville with a long seat, several big grab handles and wide footpegs, you don't need all of that, but inspiring confidence in your passenger is important so they can enjoy the ride and your bike is definitely at the wrong end of the scale.

What else can I do to meet girls to potentially date if online dating just does not work for me and the few girls I meet in my day to day life are rarely interested in even having a conversation?

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52738983]What else can I do to meet girls to potentially date if online dating just does not work for me and the few girls I meet in my day to day life are rarely interested in even having a conversation?[/QUOTE] Branch out further afield Look around your town/city more (not being rude here) be more interesting, be someone girls would like to talk to. Take on hobbies that let you go out and socialise more. I've met loads of new people this way. Get to know friends of friends.

[QUOTE=_Maverick_;52739149]Branch out further afield Look around your town/city more (not being rude here) be more interesting, be someone girls would like to talk to. Take on hobbies that let you go out and socialise more. I've met loads of new people this way. Get to know friends of friends.[/QUOTE] There's not really anything to do where I live. There's a college and university here so there's loads of people in their early to mid 20s, plus without taking students who don't permanently live here into account the population of the city is approaching 100k. But there's still not much to do here. It's also really hard to be more interesting when every "interesting" hobby is too expensive for me. I'm an unemployed university student. Plus I have no clue what girls find interesting. If I talk about my passions I just feel their eyes glaze over.

become an employed university student?

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52739284]There's not really anything to do where I live. There's a college and university here so there's loads of people in their early to mid 20s, plus without taking students who don't permanently live here into account the population of the city is approaching 100k. But there's still not much to do here. It's also really hard to be more interesting when every "interesting" hobby is too expensive for me. I'm an unemployed university student. Plus I have no clue what girls find interesting. If I talk about my passions I just feel their eyes glaze over.[/QUOTE] "interesting" hobbies are cooking, learning an musical instrument, working out etc which are dirt cheap let's you meet people and as a bonus you learn a life skill from it too. Most girls don't find guys playing video games interesting unless you've got a good body and doing it topless. So don't talk about video games or memes Instead ask them about themselves, find what THEY like and see if there is any overlap with things you know or do. They like animals? Talk about pets They're a uni student? Talk about courses You're in a [U]city with over 100k people[/U] and one that has a university no less, how can you not find anything interesting to see or do, it must have museums or nightlife, restaurants and parks, beaches or woodlands nearby. Also why "loads of people in their early to mid 20s" a problem?