Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

Been reading everyone's posts here about dating sites, Decided to try okc, Setup profile properly, try the match thing - literally click through 15 girls and that's it, the rest are saying UK.... I must have really shitty character/personality that it gives me 15 locals and the rest from abroad :v:

So I set up a date for today on monday. First real date in a half a year so I was pretty happy. Now it's an hour before we were supposed to meet up and I'm getting total radio silence. Texted this morning to confirm and got no response. Texted again a little bit ago, still nothing. That's nice. Looks like I'll be staying in tonight.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52737804]So my date was somewhat weird. When I met my ex I was like her 5th or 6th Tinder date, so she was rather comfortable with it. This one never met someone she came across on Tinder, and so she was visibly uneasy with that. So I brought up the topic to try and break the ice, asked her if there are things about the real me that surprised her. She said she thought I'd be taller (ouch!) and so I kinda teased her because my actual height was in my description, and also because she claimed she was as tall as me when she obviously wasn't. We ended up walking towards a sunlit spot in the grass, there were a few awkward silences and she had a rather closed body posture. After sitting things started picking up a bit, we had many topics of conversation, though still with some silences in between, there was a bit of complicity after a while and I made her laugh a bit, but I thought it was nothing really special. She did say she'd like me to meet her dog (a cute brown lab) and talked about plans to cook stuff together. She then had to go because her sister was coming back in an hour, so I walked with her to the bus stop. We just kissed each other goodbye on the cheek and went our separate ways. So at this point I thought it was a failure, but on the way home she sent me texts again bringing up topics we talked about during the date. Later in the evening she told me she should have stayed with me because even though she planned to eat dinner with her sister, she still wasn't home. And then yesterday she said she would like to get dinner with me next week, and seemed pretty happy once we decided on a date. So I suppose my impressions were wrong? Then again I also thought my first date with my ex was a failure and ended up leaving her hanging for a kiss so I'm probably not the best judge for that sort of thing.[/QUOTE] So the date is tomorrow but she told me she'd prefer if we spend the late afternoon/early evening together rather than eat out because she wants to eat dinner with her family. Am I wrong for being a bit worried because of this? She says we'll have other occasions to eat out later, and other than that we still text a lot and she still sometimes talks about stuff we could do, and makes kissy emojis and calls me "kitty" at times (which I find a little weird tbh, endearing nicknames is usually something people only do once they're in a relationship), also she added me on steam to prove to me that she's better at CSGO lol, but I can't help but feel there's some other reason behind this. Maybe she's afraid things will go too fast? If she wanted things to stop she would have found an excuse that outright cancels the date rather than try to find a compromise I suppose... Is this legitimate or am I letting my trust issues get the better of me?

[QUOTE=_Axel;52749985]So the date is tomorrow but she told me she'd prefer if we spend the late afternoon/early evening together rather than eat out because she wants to eat dinner with her family. Am I wrong for being a bit worried because of this? She says we'll have other occasions to eat out later, and other than that we still text a lot and she still sometimes talks about stuff we could do, and makes kissy emojis and calls me "kitty" at times (which I find a little weird tbh, endearing nicknames is usually something people only do once they're in a relationship), also she added me on steam to prove to me that she's better at CSGO lol, but I can't help but feel there's some other reason behind this. Maybe she's afraid things will go too fast? If she wanted things to stop she would have found an excuse that outright cancels the date rather than try to find a compromise I suppose... Is this legitimate or am I letting my trust issues get the better of me?[/QUOTE] You're overthinking it. It's okay to be cautious when dealing with new relationships but the fact that she's actually trying to spend time with you instead of just giving excuses to not see you seems to me like she's interested. The emojis and the nicknames would be a little weird for me but that's dependent on your specific personalities. Just see where it goes and don't try to figure out the meaning behind every little thing. That's how you make things worse.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52749985]So the date is tomorrow but she told me she'd prefer if we spend the late afternoon/early evening together rather than eat out because she wants to eat dinner with her family. Am I wrong for being a bit worried because of this? [/QUOTE] yes if she didn't want to see you, she wouldn't see you

not gonna lie, being called kitty after a first date would really weird me out. seems a bit too much for barely knowing someone. but maybe i'm just calloused from all the times i've had something really good and it's eventually ended (because life's kind of a bitch) so now any form of endearment just scares me off :thinking:

Honest question, would you guys be turned off by your gf/date if she had hairy legs/didn't shave?

yeah probably, to me, hairy legs / not shaving are a sign of not caring about your personal appearance (in a first date scenario). idgaf if my gf rocks hairy legs or whatever when we're in a committed relationship and pretty damn close. but for a first date, that'd be super offputting. it'd be like me turning up with awful patchy facial hair and greasy hair.

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;52751261]Honest question, would you guys be turned off by your gf/date if she had hairy legs/didn't shave?[/QUOTE] Yes. I also look at teeth, it's a very fast indicator on whether or not the person takes care of themselves at all.

[QUOTE=SgtTupelo;52751709]Yes. I also look at teeth, it's a very fast indicator on whether or not the person takes care of themselves at all.[/QUOTE] Can you elaborate on this? I know people who brush and floss regularly yet still have grey/yellowish teeth.

Any...comments on that text from me on the last page?...:(

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52751864]Can you elaborate on this? I know people who brush and floss regularly yet still have grey/yellowish teeth.[/QUOTE] I understand that, you can see if the teeth are clean or filled with plaque and rotten food and if the gums have been inflamed for years pretty fast. I don't have shiny white teeth myself, but I take care of them and they've gotten positive comments.

Healthy teeth are actually supposed to have a slight yellow tint. Perfectly white teeth is a result of bleaching them, which can actually be damaging. I've always taken good care of my teeth. I've a lot of things about myself I'm not happy with, but I'm quite proud of how I've managed to avoid ever getting any holes in my teeth, as well as no really bad inflammations and such.

Yea, I get you guys, but I'm more referring to the 'Don't shave cause female empowerment kind rather than keeping because she's lazy'

In a way, it boils down to personal preference and what you can reasonably expect of people. For example, I shave my junk, but only when I expect I might get with a girl. Similarly, if I was a girl, no reason to shave if I don't expect to get into bed with a guy.

I guess if they we are having a date, going out or if she was wearing something that exposed her bare legs like those hotpants or something then I'd like for her to have shaved because I would put in the effort to have brushed up for a date But if it's the the dead of winter or something then I couldn't care, go nuts. :v: It's contextual I guess

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;52752125]Yea, I get you guys, but I'm more referring to the 'Don't shave cause female empowerment kind rather than keeping because she's lazy'[/QUOTE] Personally I prefer women who shave their armpits (legs are less important), but I wouldn't count them out just because they didn't. Pubes only really matter in the sense that I prefer not getting them in my nose, when I go down on people, but it's really not a major thing. I think it's much more important that they look healthy - I don't think I could ever date someone who was obese.

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;52751261]Honest question, would you guys be turned off by your gf/date if she had hairy legs/didn't shave?[/QUOTE] I haven't shaved my legs in years. I don't see any reason I should have to if men don't. If you ain't gonna shave your legs for me then my opinion is I don't have to to do it to prove I care either. I can care tons without having to do that.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;52752369]I haven't shaved my legs in years. I don't see any reason I should have to if men don't. If you ain't gonna shave your legs for me then my opinion is I don't have to to do it to prove I care either. I can care tons without having to do that.[/QUOTE] If.a girl I'm with asked me to shave I think I'd do it tbh, I don't find my hairy legs to be particularly sexy.

Same as Alex, I'd tell the person im with my preferences, but I wouldn't expect them to shave or not based on them. And if they did, id do the same effort if that's what they want. When it comes to sex I find being shaved close way more confortable for both too. When dating I wouldn't care at all unless it's obvious they don't take care of themselves at all (but then its not hairyness that puts me off, it's lack of hygiene). There's stuff way more important than this to me.

I think just like women may prefer men with beards or clean-shaven men, men will have preferences when it comes to legs. But I also think 9 out of 10 will prefer shaved.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52752555]I think just like women may prefer men with beards or clean-shaven men, men will have preferences when it comes to legs. But I also think 9 out of 10 will prefer shaved.[/QUOTE] idk facial hair is way more important that legs. it's way more common to have facial hair preference than leg hair preference, because having a beard or not completely changes the way you look, when you rarely even see leg hair.

Facial hair depends, if your facial hair grows like a pedostache or pubes, than its better shaved. Unfortunately its hard to grow beards as asians.

i'm half arab and i shamefully can't grow a thick beard. the only genetic "lottery" i got was a thin mustache and goatee. when i try and grow them out thick, it just looks spindly and terrible, so instead i keep it shaved down to a stubble and that looks ok. i've wanted a thick beard for as many years as i can remember, it was something i used to be super subconscious about, but now i've realised i'll probs never be the lumberjack type kinda guy, so i work with what i got, instead of going out into the world looking like a scraggly neckbeard pedo.

[QUOTE=Killuah;52742086]So. A year ago I met this girl. We certainly clicked but in a confusing way since she's this really hippy kind of girl and I am usually not like that. Anyway I have to travel a lot for work and she's living on the other side of the country, so we only met up like every few months when she was moving around (she travels a lot, mostly hitchhiking)nor when I was close and each time I fell more and more in love with her. When we were not seeing each other, we would tect at least once or twice a week, even when I was on the other side of the world for work in the middle of the amazonas jungle. Until a few months ago when I realized that I am in full blow crush mode. Now. She has a sort of ex. They traveled around the world for 3 years together and during that time they both developed this sort of open relationship, both having other partners. I didn't kow this. For me it was nice to have that feeling for her but I also knew that I couldn't be with her as long as the other guy is still around. Nooow. She slowly revealed that they had problems as well. And it felt like she was...well she was visiting me in the town I live in, giving me the looks, touching, all of that stuff. Until 3 months ago when she was about to leave to a psytrance festival. Since we talk on the phone a lot I phoned her to wish her a good time and all of that jazz. And as usual when we are on the phone, the planned 5 minutes of talk extended to 1.5 hours.. Anyway, 1 day later just before she's about to leave she texts me that she feels like something is between us that needs to be spoken out. Since I knew that the other dude would be there and that we wouldn't see each other for at least 2 months... I called her and basically told her that I was in love with her. She was flattered but in the end her message was basically that she kind of moved away from the classic "falling in love with a single guy" thing since there are so many other guys that she also found beautiful and that she ALSO sometimes falls in love with, without loving me any less. Well I guess it's this hippy free love thing. 2 months later I visited her. For 5 whole days. Five beautiful, exciting, painful, wonderful, colorful, very intimate(not in terms of sex), very ..emotional days. Since she travels so much she still lives with her parents and I was staying in the home and town she grew up in. She showed me so many very intimate things. Yet we didn't get...physical. Flirty, close, small body contacts, hidden looks during dinner with her family(what a fucking weird situation) but not the end... Now I am here diving deeper and deeper into the "damn I should have tried to kiss her anyway no matter what happens afterwards" thought and getting more and more miserable. The whole situation screams "leave her, forget her, it's unhealthy!" Yet the first thing I think about in the morning is her and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep is her and I am still so very thankful that she likes me because the ways she makes the world more colorful when she's around has also changed me and made me a more positive man. Yet these thoughts "what if you've made a move!?" are still haunting me. And at the same time I feel selfish for thinking like that. She's got some other stuff going on(job and so on) that makes her very very very happy and I feel like I don't have the right to interfere with her and to wish for her to be with me instead, it's her life after all.. I guess I just needed someone to tell this to or something...[/QUOTE] This is kind of a difficult situation to give advice on. I feel like a lot of people fall into the trap of thinking they can change people, and when it doesn't happen they blame themselves, thinking "What did I do wrong?" when in reality, it would be almost impossible to do anything that would affect the person on such a deep level. Thinking you could get the perfect outcome if you just made the right decisions is an alluring idea, but it will just fill you up with regret, so it's best to just accept that most things, and especially people, are way too hard to do the exact right thing for, and just be happy that things ended up relatively positive. As for how this relates to the girl: You seem to want a dedicated partner but unluckily fell in love with a polyamorous free spirit. I imagine kissing her would've been nice for both parties in the moment but I don't think it would have won her over and changed her whole relationship outlook towards monogamy, so it's nothing to regret beyond the loss of the moment itself. I could be wrong though; I'm no psychic, but that's just my impression. In the end you'll either have to accept her place in your life and enjoy it for what it is, or move on and find someone else who can match your needs. You could even do both; I doubt she'd judge you for having another partner.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52752926]i'm half arab and i shamefully can't grow a thick beard. the only genetic "lottery" i got was a thin mustache and goatee. when i try and grow them out thick, it just looks spindly and terrible, so instead i keep it shaved down to a stubble and that looks ok. i've wanted a thick beard for as many years as i can remember, it was something i used to be super subconscious about, but now i've realised i'll probs never be the lumberjack type kinda guy, so i work with what i got, instead of going out into the world looking like a scraggly neckbeard pedo.[/QUOTE] Maybe you can trim your stache to try and rock the refined Frenchman look.

i've tried everything to keep it at a length, but it's just too thin and spindly. 5 o clock shadow looks miles better, so i'm just rocking that look for now

I suffer from horrific levels of baby face if I shave, it just looks so wrong It was so bad that one time my nan walked round a corner, saw me and screamed because she didn't recognise me :v: I have been instructed to only trim my beard from then on

I really like having a nice beard because it makes up for my terrible receding hairline. As soon as I turned 18 the hair on my head moved to all over my body and now I'm a balding chimp. I shave my head and trim my beard every 2 weeks or so. The one thing I love though is a close hot shave. Shit feels so good during/after.

TIL who my friends are :v: messaged 4 cunts saying skype?, they said no. messaged 5th saying "come collect me, and we go for night drive" and he said there in 40 min. :v: So that's nice.