Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

I've had some success on Twitter with girls my age, but when I change my preferences to 30+ I get zero matches. How does a young guy appeal to more mature audiences?

Seriously on the pictures thing tho, I took a bunch and had my best friend pick out the one she would most likely want to swipe right for - and since doing that yesterday I've actually gotten matches on tinder, messages back on okcupid, etc...

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51365255]I've had some success on Twitter with girls my age, but when I change my preferences to 30+ I get zero matches. How does a young guy appeal to more mature audiences?[/QUOTE] well first dont look for matches on twitter

Uh meant Tinder, lol.

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51365255]I've had some success on Twitter with girls my age, but when I change my preferences to 30+ I get zero matches. How does a young guy appeal to more mature audiences?[/QUOTE] uh, how old are you?

19 going on 20

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51366132]19 going on 20[/QUOTE] well no fuckin wonder you arent getting many cougars man no ones trying to rob the cradle

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51366133]well no fuckin wonder you arent getting many cougars man no ones trying to rob the cradle[/QUOTE] Well that's just some horrible advice. Should I just QUIT TRYING?

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51366137]Well that's just some horrible advice. Should I just QUIT TRYING?[/QUOTE] im joking around but in all honesty, your chances of finding a much older woman on tinder are very slim. dont give up but there are better resources out there to help you find what you are looking for

Women 30+ don't use Tinder very often, as far as I can tell. They rely far more on online dating sites like Match or OKCupid and meeting people in person at bars and clubs, if they go to them at all.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51366176]Women 30+ don't use Tinder very often, as far as I can tell. They rely far more on online dating sites like Match or OKCupid and meeting people in person at bars and clubs, if they go to them at all.[/QUOTE] Christ. I'm too young for dating sites to be socially acceptable, and WAY too awkward to hit up women above my age at bars.

[QUOTE=w00tf1zh;51366189]Christ. I'm too young for dating sites to be socially acceptable, and WAY too awkward to hit up women above my age at bars.[/QUOTE] Idk I'm 25 and OkCupid is pretty much swarming with people around the 20-25 age range. I met my boyfriend on there. I'd say it's pretty socially acceptable.

do you actually think someone 30+ would be interested in a 19 year old who wants to be oppressive in a relationship, and is mature enough to fill out every social link on an online forum with "poop"?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51366599]So simple question with absolutely no simple answer: How do you help someone get over their self-image/esteem issues? Can anyone share some stories about how you personally overcame it, so I can apply some of that to my relationship and help my girlfriend out?[/QUOTE] For me, it would be to not let them think about it. Whether it's weight, looks, intelligence, or whatever else, it's nice to be distracted from those things when you're comfortable around someone who doesn't care about those things. Tell her how much she means to you. It's a bit difficult to answer without knowing specifically what she's conscious about.

Sometimes it takes professional help. You can't really just get someone to get over it, especially if it's something she's been dealing with for years. Small steps matter. Compliment her often, let her know that you care. But beyond that, there isn't a whole lot you can do to really shove her over the hurdle. You just have to remind her that you're there when she needs support and that you like the way she looks.

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[QUOTE=OrkO;51366708]Wow. I am utterly speechless. My girlfriend and I took a week-long break two weeks ago to see what things would be like without each other for a week. I found out today that, during this week-long break, she studied with a guy and decided to kiss him. There's nothing wrong with that, we were on a break, but it makes me want to break up with her because it shows that she must not think highly of our relationship. Then, later that night, she was raped by this guy. What the actual fuck. What the fuck do I do? I just want to be away from this nightmare that my relationship with her has turned into.... I don't know what to do. [editline]14th November 2016[/editline] She has been upset and sad and crying and guilty all week, and I thought it was just because she was torn between breaking up with me and not, and then I find out about this. Obviously because of the kissing and all of that, I want to break it off. But now she is really hurting because of what happened to her, and she is reaching out to me for support now. Every time I thought it couldn't get worse, it has [editline]14th November 2016[/editline] She says that she was okay with kissing him, but he kept trying to feel her and do other things, and she kept saying "no," but he kept saying "come on.... you smell so good.... I want you so bad..." and all the while was ignoring her when she said she didn't want to, and then he ended up having sex with her anyway. And she keeps trying to justify it, saying he's not a bad guy and they are friends and he must not have known that she wasn't okay with it. I am just at such a loss. How did I end up here?[/QUOTE] Considering what she experienced, I think right now you just have to be there for her and support her. As hard as it's going to be, you're going to have to put the rest of that stuff out of your mind for at least a couple of days while you make sure that she is gonna be alright. You, or somebody else, has to get her to realize that what he did is the farthest thing from okay and he needs to be arrested ASAP.

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Sadly sometimes you're stuck in a mess, and there's nothing you can do about it. Please seek assistance from a professional counsellor on site, this guy sounds like a fuckin creep that should be expelled and arrested, and you two sound like you need all the moral assistance and advice you can get.

[QUOTE=OrkO;51366754]First, I convinced her to talk to her sister and explain this situation (which was really difficult), and she did, and her sister really helped reinforce how wrong it was what he did, but her sister basically said "if you don't want to take this up with any authority, you don't have to." And since she saw and even continues to see him as a friend, she doesn't want to report it. She also feels like she led him on by kissing him, and so it would be unfair to turn him in. I completely disagree. I really think she should take this up with the relevant authorities at our university. This guy knew that she was having doubts about her relationship with me, and he knew that she was stressed and concerned and hurting, and he took advantage of that [editline]14th November 2016[/editline] Honestly, a large part of me just wants to be completely free of all of this. I can't believe this happened, and I can't believe she is defending the guy, and I can't believe I've been pulled along to the point that I am her support for this even though we probably will break up soon. It's just unbelievable[/QUOTE] That is completely fucking ridiculous. I would honestly contact the authorities yourself

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[QUOTE=OrkO;51366754]First, I convinced her to talk to her sister and explain this situation (which was really difficult), and she did, and her sister really helped reinforce how wrong it was what he did, but her sister basically said "if you don't want to take this up with any authority, you don't have to." And since she saw and even continues to see him as a friend, she doesn't want to report it. She also feels like she led him on by kissing him, and so it would be unfair to turn him in. I completely disagree. I really think she should take this up with the relevant authorities at our university. This guy knew that she was having doubts about her relationship with me, and he knew that she was stressed and concerned and hurting, and he took advantage of that [editline]14th November 2016[/editline] Honestly, a large part of me just wants to be completely free of all of this. I can't believe this happened, and I can't believe she is defending the guy, and I can't believe I've been pulled along to the point that I am her support for this even though we probably will break up soon. It's just unbelievable[/QUOTE] First, it is not your business if she reports it or not. She has just been in a situation where she had her control and her right to choose taken from her. The last thing you should be doing right now is trying to deny her the right to choose for herself what she wants. If she does not want to report it, that's her choice. It really upsets me that our society places this responsibility on victims of rape to go through painstaking legal procedures just for that miniscule chance that the police will even look at their report. It's hardly fair to tell someone that just went through something traumatic completely out of their control that they now have a ton of painful and invasive things they need to do in order to satisfy some obligation to protect other women. It is not uncommon for victims of rape (or any trauma) to be in a state of shock after experiencing it. They might feel fine and have difficulty comprehending the situation they are in for a while after the experience. It might not hit them until months later. Victim blaming is also very common in our society and the idea that a victim "led on" an attacker or somehow deserved whatever happened is a pretty common mentality. It makes sense that you don't want anything to do with it, but right now your (ex?) girlfriend is blaming herself for being raped. Chances are that belief is only going to cause more guilt for her as she gradually comes to terms with this.

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It's not an easy situation to be in. Right now she probably hasn't fully processed what happened. She has just been through something that might have long-lasting effects on her. It may be best for you to distance yourself from her at this time and redirect her to other support systems like friends/family. You are not obligated to stay in a relationship with someone out of pity, and if it really becomes necessary, you can still offer your support to her as a friend without being overly involved in her life.

You cant force her to report this, she has to do it herself whens eh feels ready, and she may well feel ready soon, just not yet. Women have been socially conditioned to blame themselves for how a man behaves towards them, even though we all know that kissing someone is not an invitation to have sex and someone telling you that they don't want to have sex is a pretty big sign that you shouldn't then have sex with them. But she needs time, this is about her feeling at the moment, not yours so don't just disappear on her but let her know you're there if she needs you, without judgement about her kissing someone else while you were on a break (can't type that without hearing Ross and Rachel). [editline]14th November 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=OrkO;51364653]Guys, I posted here before, and long story short, I know I have to break up with my girlfriend. She doesn't seem satisfied with our relationship and has a lot of doubts, but she isn't breaking up with me herself. And if she does, she still wants to be friends after. But I know I can't do that. I don't know what to do. More than anything in the world, I don't want to kick her out of my life, because she is my best friend and one of the few people in the world whom I put my full trust into. I love and care about her more than anyone I've ever met or known outside of my family. She really does mean so much to me. And she has said the same to me... I know this feeling is mutual. But I also think that being friends with her after breaking up would cause me misery, and I don't know how I would adjust to being just friends with her. What do I do? How do I find the courage to push the best friend I've ever had out of my life? Even thinking about that idea brings tears to my eyes. I know that sounds kind of pathetic, as we've only been dating for 10 months. I couldn't have predicted I would become so emotionally invested in this person, and that things would wind up like this[/QUOTE] You can't stay with someone out of pity or because you don't want to lose a friend. You either love her and want to be with her, or don't. End the relationship, stay away from each other for a while then gradually you may be friends again.

Jesus christ, that's fucking horrible. I would follow the advice of people here and support her but as a friend. I also wouldn't force her into anything - the guy is an evil fucker and should be locked up, but she needs to realise that herself before she can bring charges. Be extremely careful with this one.

I would advise her to get checked at a hospital.they can provide evidence of rape, though it doesn't have to be used right away. Just ask her to do this in case she changes her mind later.

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Does anyone have advice on deciding between two women. I'm torn and I don't want to be a cheating asshole so I have to make a choice. One of them I met on Tinder and we hit it off awesomely, we are planning to go on more dates and she seems to really like me. She also lives fairly close to me which is great. We talk pretty much daily and we have a ton in common. The other girl is one I've known (and have a history with) (it's the girl I tried to kiss) (we actually made out a few weeks ago and probably again tonight) and we connect personally really deeply on a ton of things. We have the same taste in a lot of stuff and share very similar views on life in general. I think they're both really cute. However, she lives 3 hours away from my place at Uni, but in my hometown (where I go for breaks including summer). She's off to college in Florida next head too. My heart says this girl but I feel like the pragmatic choice is the other girl. Anyone have any tips on deciding? [editline]14th November 2016[/editline] Sorry about any grammar issues, on my phone atm

honestly dude if your heart is telling you to go for her then i dont think you're ever going to stop wondering what could have been there are benefits and drawbacks to both but at the end of the day you should go with your gut