Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

[QUOTE=SuperLoz;52758625]I don't understand how anyone can develop a crush on someone they've never even spoken to. It sounds to me like you've created an idea in your head of how she is and then went and chucked that image up on a pedestal, and now you're beating yourself up because you'll never be able to get anywhere with this fictional being? A five minute conversation with her might make you hate her (she could have a really annoying laugh).[/QUOTE] Actually, this sounds pretty correct. I've done it before, and it's never turned out right. Thanks for making me realize this, I can be so damn blind sometimes. Really, thank you so much, you made this way easier for me, and brightened my mood. I really need a reminder sometimes.

[QUOTE=kazookie;52758814]Actually, this sounds pretty correct. I've done it before, and it's never turned out right. Thanks for making me realize this, I can be so damn blind sometimes. Really, thank you so much, you made this way easier for me, and brightened my mood. I really need a reminder sometimes.[/QUOTE] Buy some post-it notes and stick em on your forehead for future reference or even better print out his post and frame it in your bed room

girls can be really passive aggressively bitchy if they've got their eyes on a guy. i was out with my group of mates and we were all having a good time, and there was this one girl who was a bit too much into me and she'd basically shut down any conversations i had with any other girl in the group, or talk over them really obnoxiously. it was painful and it really made it a chore to try and get two words sideways past her.

my bad, you're right. i'm just used to seeing it from a guy's perspective, but when i stop and think about it, there've been just as many times where a guy has done the same. i'll rephrase that by saying "incredibly jealous people suck and can seriously sap the enjoyment and fun out of a group situation. please don't be that kind of person"

[QUOTE=SuperLoz;52758625] (she could have a really annoying laugh).[/QUOTE] Eh, that was never enough of a reason for me to hate anyone. Girl I liked for a long ass time had the most unusual laugh and even then she said it herself she sounded like a dolphin whenever she laughed.

[QUOTE=SuperLoz;52758625] A five minute conversation with her might make you hate her (she could have a really annoying laugh).[/QUOTE] This reminds me of a chick who's hosting one of those scam-gameshows where you call a number to answer a puzzle that's rigged so you can't really win. My coworkers drool over her and she just happens to be on during our second coffee-break and they watch for a minute or two. And good GOD is she the worlds most annoying, personality-free idiot I've ever seen. I can't stand her at all. My coworkers are always like "Haha, can't even look at other beautiful women because you're engaged haha" and I go "NO it's because I FUCKING HATE HER." She's a pretty good reminder that you can't really be sure if you like someone just by looking. :v: Here she is: [media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuCo_AvvNA0[/media] And that's also the actual picture quality the show has. Minimal budget, maximum profit.

Last night was really crazy again. I was at work, there was a table with 2 girls and a guy, I chatted with them during my shift and asked me to join them when I finished, seeing as I was almost done. So I joined them, we all got drunk together. One of the girls calls off work because she was too drunk (we'll call her H), and after a while the group had to leave. H didn't feel like leaving tho, so me and her went to play pool really close to my work. Now H has a boyfriend, so I was definitly not going to try anything. However, during pool she kept getting really close to me on purpose, never reacted to it other than taking a step back to avoid anything from happen. By the end I just wanted to go home, but she was so wasted that she didn't even know where she lived or how to get to her house, so we took a subway home, got out where she thought we had to get out, and then had to walk another hour and a half to her house because she brought us to the totally wrong place. Not even 5 minutes after we started walking she started to cry, because she thought she led me on. I told her some personal things that happened in the past with girls and she thought she really, really hurt my feelings by acting like she was going to kiss me, then she told me she wanted to walk home on her own, but because she was drunk and we were in the middle of the woods I didn't think that was such a great idea. The entire time it was like bringing a very big baby home, after I finally got her home she called her boyfriend and told him how her waiter brought her home, he was weirded out but happy I brought her home safe. Reading through this I probably sound like a dick who wanted to take advantage of a drunk girl, but I actually felt like a good person for bringing her home and not kissing her when I could have. Later my friend picked me up in his car. Somewhere during the night we exchanged numbers, and she texted me how gratefull she was. She's coming over next friday, she says

You did everything right, you shouldn't have those feelings of being a scumbag. The scumbag move would be knowing she's leading you on and going with it, but you kept stepping back and not doing anything. It kinda sucks you had to deal with a very drunk person who you barely even know, I'd have tried getting her to contact her boyfriend the minute it was clear we were lost, so at least he could come pick her up and you'd have saved yourself an hour and a half walking whilst very drunk. But that's just me, I've got a very low tolerance for putting myself out there for people I've only just met.

Me and my now-ex girlfriend of ~4 months have a fairly similar group of friends. Before we broke up, we as a group (as well as some of my friends that she knows) had a plan to drop acid on an upcoming Saturday at a pre-determined location. We broke up on fairly good terms, but I'm starting to feel jealous at the prospect of her spending all that time with all our/my friends and having a great time, because I know I can't really be there if she's there. It's something I'm trying to work on but I know it would crush me. Ideally, the plans would be far enough away for me to get over some of my feelings and irrational fears but its within 2 weeks. However, she has had a lot of trouble feeling wanted in friend terms, and she told me before we broke up that it was nice for her to feel wanted to participate in something and that she helped plan it. Of course, I can't really ask her not to go, but I feel like my precense would probably ward her off from coming. I don't want to hurt her, but I also know how badly I'm gonna be hurting myself if I don't do anything. What the hell do I do? TL;DR: We have upcoming plans with mutual friends, I'd be hurting her if she doesn't go, I'll be hurt if i don't go, not sure what to do

[QUOTE=_Axel;52749985]So the date is tomorrow but she told me she'd prefer if we spend the late afternoon/early evening together rather than eat out because she wants to eat dinner with her family. Am I wrong for being a bit worried because of this? She says we'll have other occasions to eat out later, and other than that we still text a lot and she still sometimes talks about stuff we could do, and makes kissy emojis and calls me "kitty" at times (which I find a little weird tbh, endearing nicknames is usually something people only do once they're in a relationship), also she added me on steam to prove to me that she's better at CSGO lol, but I can't help but feel there's some other reason behind this. Maybe she's afraid things will go too fast? If she wanted things to stop she would have found an excuse that outright cancels the date rather than try to find a compromise I suppose... Is this legitimate or am I letting my trust issues get the better of me?[/QUOTE] So you guys were right, definitely nothing to worry about. We had a swell date getting lost in the forest and she ended up being 30 minutes late for her train because we didn't see the time pass. No French kiss yet or anything intimate, though the goodbye cheek kiss did seem a bit sweeter than last time. We planned for another date on Wednesday near the end of the date, and we're already talking about going to either's home during the weekend (she basically suggested I invite her). She did ask me over text if I thought she was too shy, and confessed I am slightly intimidating, but that since I'm talkative and easygoing it compensates for that, and that once she's more at ease she'll be the one drowning me with words.

Every year before my birthday, my anxiety builds up to the point where I completely shut in on myself and come the day of my birthday I don't do anything to celebrate, just treat it as a normal day. But this year, I went out with my housemates for some lunch then to to the pub in the evening for a quiz where we they somehow got everyone to sing happy birthday for me, which normally I'd completely shut in and hate it, but I actually enjoyed myself today and had a good time. Best birthday I've had in a while :poot:

So i met this girl on tinder about 2 months ago now? Our first time meeting i was very drunk at a concert she offered to pick me up and drive me home since i didn't have a ride home, we became pretty close after that went over to her house one night stayed the night slept together all that jazz. We became very close friends though over any type of relationship and i have quite a lot of feelings for this girl, but when we talked about them she said she doesn't want to do anything that could ruin our friendship which i understand i don't want to ruin it either but i'm just not sure at all how to shake these feelings. Everytime we hangout we end up just cuddling up and watching movies just as friends though, so basically im asking what's the best way to try and kill these feelings off so i can just focus on being a good friend for her? (assuming this is the correct place to post this)

After a good long stretch of lonliness I decided to start a tinder account and play the odds of trying to hang out with a nice lady person. Two hours later I'm still flipping through people. It is a little weird to me how gamelike and addictive this is.

I'm depressed with my study and career lately. I'm working in different field and my study is accounting degree. I don't know what to do, fully embrace the field I am working in and study further towards it or continue my accounting study. Problem is current field is paying better and I was in entry level position in accounting field so it was paying much less for equal amount of work. P.S. Posted the depression thing in social and love :D any way my career is my love so I'm forever alone :p *ignore it*

I've heard people saying that girls are more interested in dudes who aren't really paying attention to them, but on the contrary people are saying that you should seize an opportunity or there will be someone faster than you. Which do I believe in?

[QUOTE=damnatus;52765327]I've heard people saying that girls are more interested in dudes who aren't really paying attention to them, but on the contrary people are saying that you should seize an opportunity or there will be someone faster than you. Which do I believe in?[/QUOTE] In my experience girls like guys who give them attention, but don't overdo it

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52763261]Me and my now-ex girlfriend of ~4 months have a fairly similar group of friends. Before we broke up, we as a group (as well as some of my friends that she knows) had a plan to drop acid on an upcoming Saturday at a pre-determined location. We broke up on fairly good terms, but I'm starting to feel jealous at the prospect of her spending all that time with all our/my friends and having a great time, because I know I can't really be there if she's there. It's something I'm trying to work on but I know it would crush me. Ideally, the plans would be far enough away for me to get over some of my feelings and irrational fears but its within 2 weeks. However, she has had a lot of trouble feeling wanted in friend terms, and she told me before we broke up that it was nice for her to feel wanted to participate in something and that she helped plan it. Of course, I can't really ask her not to go, but I feel like my precense would probably ward her off from coming. I don't want to hurt her, but I also know how badly I'm gonna be hurting myself if I don't do anything. What the hell do I do? TL;DR: We have upcoming plans with mutual friends, I'd be hurting her if she doesn't go, I'll be hurt if i don't go, not sure what to do[/QUOTE] think i might have resolved this one myself. i'm gonna take one for the team and not attend. the day of, i'm gonna hang out with other friends and im already in the process of planning a day trip with my main friends so i feel as close to them as ever. i think this is the best solution for everyone

[QUOTE=Bathtub;52766734]think i might have resolved this one myself. i'm gonna take one for the team and not attend. the day of, i'm gonna hang out with other friends and im already in the process of planning a day trip with my main friends so i feel as close to them as ever. i think this is the best solution for everyone[/QUOTE] Good call

[Bit of a long post here] have these four friends right now, well call them simply 1, 2, 3 and 4. all four of them are good friends of mine 1 and 2 are a together, 3 is a girl and 4 is a boy. They all lacked a safe place to stay, 4 was even sleeping on a sofa for two years. They all pitched in a are now renting a house together, a very nice three bedroom with a garden and everything. When I was told of this I looked over at one of my other friends (not part of this house share) and we shared a look of... "[U]this is going to end in a fucking disaster."[/U] We then both [U]told them[/U] all this is going to end in a fucking disaster. Surprise surprise, it's now around three months later and they are at each others throats. They have a lease for an entire year. 1 and 2, the couple both have good jobs. they could if they needed to afford the entire house just by themselves. 3, the girl is on benefits and [I]won't[/I] find work, and has a pet rabbit. 4, has a job too but isn't earning the same as the couple (I don't think anyway.) They all pay towards the house, which is fair and what you'd expect. 1(the girl in the relationship) has everything in her name, all bills go to her and the money is payed from her account. 4 had been paying twice as much as he needed to, essentially covering 1, 3 forgets to pay all the time and has to ask her boyfriend (also friend of mine) to give her money. 1 and 2 immediately upon moving in claim the back of the living room as their little recording studio/gaming computer set up. 3 spent three entire days moving her entire collection of anime/manga, toys, collectables, rabbit care stuff into the house as well as her bookshelves, bed, posters etc. Everything but the kitchen sink. Took all of us those three days. 3's rabbit then broke three huge wall mirrors that belonged to 1 and 2 by thumping the wall and knocking them down so they are pissed off with her and start treating her badly. Stuff like having a big dinner with lots of pots/pans the day before her turn to the dishes that day then leaving it so now it's [I]her[/I] problem. Their argument being that because they both work two jobs (which is true) and she won't work then it's the least she could do is take care of the house while they are working and change the rabbit's hutch like she said she would, because she doesn't and has to be reminded to do so by her boyfriend. Wet hay fucking stinks btw Lots of passive aggressive behaviour in that house between the couple 1,2 and 3. 4 spends as much time out of that house as he can. 1 and 2 spend all night playing games loudly, and I have been [I]told[/I] that they are being [U]deliberately[/U] overly vocal in their love-making. Leaving doors and windows open and shit like that. I've washed my hands of those whole thing, I don't want to care about this anymore I just wanted to play games with my friends. Every week myself, 3, 3's boyfriend, 4, 4's girlfriend, and the fellow I said "this will be a disaster" with all play DnD and every week now 3 is on her phone in tears over some new petty drama that is going on over there. And it's just getting worse and worse because today I got a text by 3's boyfriend who is my best friend, saying how he's "So fucking angry with her for how she's dealing with all this." which is the single most extreme thing I've ever heard him say about anything. Yet despite all of this, where they are now is still better than where they where. It's a completely rotten situation that I KNEW they where walking into and I don't know what to fucking do with this, I've got my own life to deal with but I can't let this rest without trying to help in any way I can.

Maybe it's just me, but personally, beyond maybe telling them to find separate places to live (I know that ain't easy), I wouldn't get too involved. I know you wanna help, but it's really beyond you, and you just risk becoming stressed and angry with them as well. I'd stay out of it.

[QUOTE=piggycan99;52764066]So i met this girl on tinder about 2 months ago now? Our first time meeting i was very drunk at a concert she offered to pick me up and drive me home since i didn't have a ride home, we became pretty close after that went over to her house one night stayed the night slept together all that jazz. We became very close friends though over any type of relationship and i have quite a lot of feelings for this girl, but when we talked about them she said she doesn't want to do anything that could ruin our friendship which i understand i don't want to ruin it either but i'm just not sure at all how to shake these feelings. Everytime we hangout we end up just cuddling up and watching movies just as friends though, so basically im asking what's the best way to try and kill these feelings off so i can just focus on being a good friend for her? (assuming this is the correct place to post this)[/QUOTE] "doesn't want to do anything that could ruin our friendship" She's just not that into you, if you want to kill these feelings then stop the cuddling and all that jazz.

[QUOTE=Lebofly;52767566]"doesn't want to do anything that could ruin our friendship" She's just not that into you, if you want to kill these feelings then stop the cuddling and all that jazz.[/QUOTE] Yeah i know she isn't into me, im perfectly fine being friends just need to i guess take a step back and stop doing that super close stuff so those feelings can die off. She is also a damn good wingman though

[QUOTE=piggycan99;52764066]So i met this girl on tinder about 2 months ago now? Our first time meeting i was very drunk at a concert she offered to pick me up and drive me home since i didn't have a ride home, we became pretty close after that went over to her house one night stayed the night slept together all that jazz. We became very close friends though over any type of relationship and i have quite a lot of feelings for this girl, but when we talked about them she said she doesn't want to do anything that could ruin our friendship which i understand i don't want to ruin it either but i'm just not sure at all how to shake these feelings. Everytime we hangout we end up just cuddling up and watching movies just as friends though, so basically im asking what's the best way to try and kill these feelings off so i can just focus on being a good friend for her? (assuming this is the correct place to post this)[/QUOTE] I had an almost identical situation to this, but we met at uni and neither of us were drunk. She'd pretty much invite me over to chill at hers an awful lot and we'd watch movies in bed and she'd always mix us drinks and we'd get drunk and eventually this led to us kissing and sleeping together, but then she told me she wants to be friends and doesn't want to ruin our friendship (this was after I told her I really liked her and thought we should try giving a relationship a go a couple of months into our friendship). I was totally fine with that, I told her if she wants to be friends, I respect that, but the whole spooning / devoting tonnes of time aspect had to be toned down a little bit, as it was early days of uni and I didn't wanna hamstring my other social groups I had at the time (which had slowly been happening since I was dropping everything to spend as much time with her as possible) and I let her know that my feelings for her were making me brush off all my other friends to spend time with her. She was alright with this at first, but then she started getting upset when I'd decide to hang out with other friends over her, or if I went on dates with girls, and I told her it was really selfish and kinda unfair. Then she hit me with the "I realized I do like you and I want to be with you" but I told her I'd moved on and just wanted to be friends. I kinda had the feeling she'd been keeping me as an "Option B" for if she didn't find someone that suited her better than I did, and I didn't like the way I was being used as an emotional crutch, basically doing everything a boyfriend would be expected to do, but with no intimacy and tonnes of rules of who I can and can't spend time with. If you wanna stay as friends and shake the feelings you've got for her, cut the spooning stuff out, cause I find the thought of spooning a female friend hard to do as "just friends". It's totally different when you're with a group of your mates and you're all hunkered together on the sofa cuddling, but when it's just you and one other person, can't help but think there's some level of intimacy to it. You should set yourself boundaries for what you should and shouldn't do as a friend, and not drop other plans to spend time with her. If she respects this and lets you be your own person, you two are gonna have a really strong relationship and it'll be great. But if she starts getting funny about you wanting to spend time with other friends occasionally, instead of spending time alone with her, then things are gonna take a downward turn.

She is already perfectly fine with me being my own person and not spending all my time with her, but when we do we usually just sit around watching shows. then she like grabs my arms an tells me to cuddle her and get close. So guess i just gotta be upfront about how that needs to tone down if we're gonna be just friends. Last time she fell asleep and i woke her up saying im gonna get going and she told me i should sleep there and just cuddle her. But yeah ill be upfront with her about this stuff from now on.

[QUOTE=Pelf;52740532]I've been feeling pretty depressed quite often recently. I was dating a girl, she ended things, and then when school started she felt too awkward and uncomfortable to talk to me or be around me. Normally whatever except we were really good friends, she said she still wanted to be friends multiple times, we have the same group of friends, we have a few classes together this semester, we would hang out all the time in school with our mutual friends. She's been getting better and we're talking a bit now and she's not avoiding me as much but it's not the same as it was. So most every time we're together for class or hanging out with mutual friends I just leave feeling really fucking depressed. She was such a good friend before, really opened me up out of my shell. She just has a way of talking and involving people, except now that she's still avoiding talking to me a bit I feel like I get kind of left out since she really gets everyone else involved except me. I feel like an outsider even with my own friends. I may just be looking at things with a bit of bias (idk if I'm totally over things anymore, I thought I was but now I don't know anymore) but it just leaves me so depressed sometimes. It's so difficult and I just want this shit to end, to go back to how things were before. I feel so stupid for ever getting involved with her, it's just caused me so much pain, I wish we had just stayed friends. This has been dragging me down a lot. Idk what to do besides just suck it up and try to pull through though. Sorry for the vent, I'm pretty overwhelmed and need to get that off my chest, hope that's okay here[/QUOTE] Update on this: she's been talking to me quite a bit more and not really avoiding me anymore, then just a little bit ago we were texting and she apologized for being the way she was, we caught up a bit. So we're friends again now and things are like normal. I've also been getting over things myself. In all I haven't been depressed since that post and things are really looking up

I have an old friend I really want to reach out to. Thing is I left things kind of unfinished with her, things got complicated between us and my move and as time went on and I got worse with trying to adjust myself the last past year I kind of just left her high and dry. I feel horrible about it and I really want to message her saying how sorry I am but it's been over a year now and I feel like it would be so out of the blue she would either be creeped out or mad.

I just came out of a 2 year relationship last week. First love and we lived under the same roof and expressed good chemistry until the end where I found out she wasn't happy, and had been flirting with other guys online. A day later after I split from her she went to the guys house, and lied about it until I heard word of what she did. She then blocked me on everything when I told her what I knew, so I feel like I got a bit of closure from when she disappeared in the day but I don't understand why she did it. There's still a lot of heat going on in the background too where she's sub-tweeting me and I'm being stupid and responding in the same way -- how can you move on from this? She moved out a day after I found out, and since then it's been super hard living alone. I had a hard time with the initial split, and she wasn't bothered. She moved back home with her parents, and I'm here on my own in the city we moved to. I feel like the contrast is so big to what we had, she moved out and I found out about her secret all under 3 days. It's almost like this is all part of a dream and I'm gonna wake up since it happened so fast. My routine is different too, I can't come home and talk about my day with anyone, it's all grey. I just think about why she did it, and what I'm going to do next. I'm afraid I'm going to struggle adjusting, and also struggle trusting any future partners.

I dunno whether you're working or at uni, but if you're able to, going and crashing with the family (if you have a good relationship with them and their presence is something you think will help you) for a few days to help clear your head and have people around you who you trust would be good for you. If that's not an option, coming home to an empty apartment is difficult, and you'll just be sat there trapped with your own thoughts. Keep yourself as busy as humanly possible, anything to keep your mind distracted. It's gonna be rough, but spending plenty of time with good mates will help get you through it that little bit easier, or fully immersing yourself in a hobby. You're gonna feel a lot of anger and loathing over this, especially since she left you in such a scummy way. You might keep thinking of ways to get back at her. But trust me man, those feelings aren't worth it. They eat you up inside and ferment. Take a big deep breath in and tell yourself this is for the best. You don't need someone like that in your life. [editline]11th October 2017[/editline] don't turn to drinking as a way to deal with this though. that's like the biggest mistake you can make. that shit can spiral out of control.

i've gotten frustrated with myself recently over what i can't do. i'd love to get more friends at school and get to know more people better because there are so many nice people there, but i can't. whenever i see them i want to say [I]something[/I], but i can't because i just don't know what to say. it's even worse with how unapproachable i seem; almost everyone i met says i look sad all the time (which is very true, though i'm not sad at all and that's just how i look like when i think to myself), and i'm afraid they believe i'm one of those people who don't care about talking with other people anyway and i come to school exclusively to learn and my extracurricular activities consist entirely of studying, which is, again, completely false. i'm afraid this "i don't know what to say" issue will someday apply to my current long-time friends and my friendship with them will eventually whittle down to nothing due to a lack of contact, when in fact i'd love to talk to them, but i don't know what to say. there's one person at my school who has talked to me in the past and tries to socialize with me, but i know for certain that she's only doing it out of pity. she's cool and i would like to be friends with her, but i don't want to go up and talk to her because the fact that she socializes with me purely out of pity makes me think i would just be disturbing or annoying her. i'd like to socialize more, but i can't because i don't know what i say, and i can't figure out what to say because i can't socialize.

I accidentally fell asleep watching youtube, and woke up at 1:30 in the morining and have my first tinder match. I can't go to sleep now oh fuck.