Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

Today was rough at the school. I had a bunch of third-graders and they were extremely rowdy. They hit each other, called each other names, were disrespectful, and generally really nasty both to each other and myself. [sp]Later find out a lot of them got issues from home. One of the kid's parents are always yelling at him, another is using their child as a crutch for their own anxiety, and even one of the kid's is (apparently) born from god damn incest. Lastly, one of the kids has cancer in the brain. Didn't actually meet her since she's in the US, but man... what a bummer, to say the least.[/sp]

Your boy got a date next week!

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52769266]Your boy got a date next week![/QUOTE] i dont have a son what are you talking about who are you

[QUOTE=loopoo;52769280]i dont have a son what are you talking about who are you[/QUOTE] Suprise!

has anyone looked back at their life and realized that all the problems you been nagging about were almost all your responsibility and own actions?

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;52769430]has anyone looked back at their life and realized that all the problems you been nagging about were almost all your responsibility and own actions?[/QUOTE] No. I am flawless. Joke aside, this is probably the single most important thing people need to realise about themselves. It's up to [I]you[/I] to become the person you wish to be.

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;52769430]has anyone looked back at their life and realized that all the problems you been nagging about were almost all your responsibility and own actions?[/QUOTE] realized over the past month that i am a toxic person in relationships and in general been doing some intense therapy and introspection since then. i honestly want to die a lot of the time at how shit i am but im working on it and thats what matters

Well, the girl I really like at work - we started hanging out and talking to each other more (on friendly level rather than just business and work). She's really kind and cool and cute and just just awesome (cant really explain it) , the shit part is - she has bf so that's off the list, I doubt anything would've worked out other than making things awkward but still feels a bit depressing. On a bright side - I definetely know I can stop pursuing and having interest in her and if I didn't know what my ideal is before - now I definitely know what kind of girlfriend I want to find, date and hang out with :v:

[QUOTE=arleitiss;52770175]Well, the girl I really like at work - we started hanging out and talking to each other more (on friendly level rather than just business and work). She's really kind and cool and cute and just just awesome (cant really explain it) , the shit part is - she has bf so that's off the list, I doubt anything would've worked out other than making things awkward but still feels a bit depressing. On a bright side - I definetely know I can stop pursuing and having interest in her and if I didn't know what my ideal is before - now I definitely know what kind of girlfriend I want to find, date and hang out with :v:[/QUOTE] I know exactly how you feel, except in my case I met this girl in one of my university clubs. I'm glad you made something positive out it, even if it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to.

[QUOTE=Trixil;52768259] it's even worse with how unapproachable i seem; almost everyone i met says i look sad all the time (which is very true, though i'm not sad at all and that's just how i look like when i think to myself) [/QUOTE] I had the same problem for quite some time. What worked for me was to look in the mirror and find a happy facial expression that fit me. Started using it every single day, and after a while it came naturally whenever I was out in public. I still lose it now and then if I'm in really deep thoughts, but I've started to notice whenever I'm not smiling so I can bring it back.

just the other day, i had a lifetime talk with an old friend which happened to not know much about myself. Long story short i kinda started to talk about my relationships but he had lots of questions about my fathers death. Turns out there was a lot of shit i didn't had as sorted as i wanted to believe. I could make the argument that that event had its consequences in all my relationships after that. I do believe i have abandonment issues. My dad died when we first started to bond after 19 years of fighting, and my girlfriend who was my emotional hold for that event left me after a rocky relationship of 2 years. After that i have been constantly trying to, without noticing, be one step ahead of where i really was. I lied myself about being over my ex so i dated a girl even though i was still inlove with the previous one. After that i tried dating a girl who wanted me to be her boyfriend even though i just wasted to fuck around, but i still did it. After that i tried to be all casual since other girl told me she wanted that but i still looked for more and got hurt in the process, and after that i believed i would not attach that easily to someone and ending up falling inlove with my best friend. I believed the world was unfair and had a grudge on me, but damn me if it wasn't all my fault. I was naive and constantly lied to myself, and hurt a lot of people in the process. Its empowering to know that too, but i went back to square one, in a good way. I admitted to myself maybe my first relationship was just too much of a strong experience to not say im still inlove with that moment, with her, and all that. Im not naive, thats never gonna repeat itself, but the feeling is still there. I still have classes with her and its a constant challenge to behave like its not affecting me. I believe it goes beyond her and maybe its more attached to my fathers death and the emotional abandonment i fear. Now, im intelligent enough to realize thats as far as i can help myself, and i should seek some therapy as soon as i have the time and money to deal with all this. Strange thing is that im better than ever, but i dont want to fall in a depressed hole thats out of my reach to avoid.

I got a job offer and I'm stoked as hell.

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52755385]I had a concert 2 days ago, met a girl there. We made out a bit and later exchanged numbers, and to be honest she seems interested in seeing me again. Although, here's the kicker. I jokingly made fun of her, her reaction was to laugh because she knew it was a joke, but then out of nowhere slap me in the face. Pretty hard too. For me this is a dealbreaker already, pretty big red flag, would you guys say I'm wrong for thinking that?[/QUOTE] Alright, ended up talking to her. She's mad about me hugging other people even tho we only met like once.

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52772720]Alright, ended up talking to her. She's mad about me hugging other people even tho we only met like once.[/QUOTE] Bail out, lad.

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52772720]Alright, ended up talking to her. She's mad about me hugging other people even tho we only met like once.[/QUOTE] Lmao she's fucking crazy get out before you regret

I asked a girl yesterday if she wanted to go for coffee today. She said yes but she didn't show up. Should I ask her about it when we have class together again on monday or just move on and try to find someone who gives more of a shit?

Highly unlikely they forgot, seeing as you asked yesterday for today. If they had something urgent pop up, the least they could have done is let you know "I'm sorry, I can't make it, we'll raincheck and do this another time". I'd say leave it and try to find someone else, talking to them about it could be awkward if they purposefully ghosted your coffee meetup.

I am shit at introductions and I lock up whenever I try to say anything other than just hey or hello.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52774042]Highly unlikely they forgot, seeing as you asked yesterday for today. If they had something urgent pop up, the least they could have done is let you know "I'm sorry, I can't make it, we'll raincheck and do this another time". I'd say leave it and try to find someone else, talking to them about it could be awkward if they purposefully ghosted your coffee meetup.[/QUOTE] Well shit. Guess rejection is the only possible outcome for me then. [editline]12th October 2017[/editline] I'm also a total retard who didn't give her my phone number or add her on facebook so yeah.

Well in that case, she may have had something urgent pop up but was unable to let you know? Or maybe she tried getting there for the coffee meetup but wasn't sure which place it was and couldn't confirm? Also, that mentality of "well shucks, I guess rejection is the only possible outcome for me" is the most toxic mindset you can have. Take it as a learning experience, you're better than 80% of FPers for even having the balls to ask someone out for coffee.

Well with her having no way to contact me in mind would it be wise to ask her why she didn't show up then? Or would it be more smart to just keep talking to her normally as if nothing happened?

Alright, so this girl I'm seeing who said she would prefer if we spend the afternoon together rather than the evening? Turns out it's not actually because she really wants to spend dinner with her parents, but because her parents want her to always be home by 8pm, no matter what day it is. Apparently she rarely ever goes out because of this. Like, yesterday we didn't see the time go by (again) and got lost on the way back so she arrived at 9pm instead and they apparently weren't too pleased by that. Is it wrong that I think this is kinda weird? She's 18, almost 19, and finished high school 1 year ago, I figured they would be fine with her coming home around midnight as long as she tells them ahead of time or something. She told me her parents are the really cool and relaxed type, but I'm getting the opposite impression here. Apparently she talked to her mother about this, and she said there's no problem if she wants to go out for the evening during the weekend... But then when she asked them if they were fine with her going out tomorrow evening (to spend dinner with me) they weren't on board with the idea. Maybe it's because I started living by myself at 16 and am generally autonomous, but I really don't get it.

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;52774060]I'm also a total retard who didn't give her my phone number or add her on facebook so yeah.[/QUOTE] That's probably why she forgot lol. Honestly you don't even have her number or any point of contact yet so I wouldn't automatically give up. Next time you see her you should actually get her number and then set up another time. But you should remember to always send a reminder text that day you're supposed to get together. I do that to literally everyone I'm supposed to meet. Doesn't matter who they are: dates, family, or friends. If you don't remind them, you really can't rely on people to remember something you talked about only one time in person. People are busy and forget easily, and she had no reminder, so don't give up because of this. Shit happens. Just a quick "hey, are we still good for 5:00 to get coffee?" text is all that's needed. That way you know ahead of time whether or not it's even worth it to show up. In cases where you text them about it and they never respond, well then I personally don't even bother going.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52774195]Alright, so this girl I'm seeing who said she would prefer if we spend the afternoon together rather than the evening? Turns out it's not actually because she really wants to spend dinner with her parents, but because her parents want her to always be home by 8pm, no matter what day it is. Apparently she rarely ever goes out because of this. Like, yesterday we didn't see the time go by (again) and got lost on the way back so she arrived at 9pm instead and they apparently weren't too pleased by that. Is it wrong that I think this is kinda weird? She's 18, almost 19, and finished high school 1 year ago, I figured they would be fine with her coming home around midnight as long as she tells them ahead of time or something. She told me her parents are the really cool and relaxed type, but I'm getting the opposite impression here. Apparently she talked to her mother about this, and she said there's no problem if she wants to go out for the evening during the weekend... But then when she asked them if they were fine with her going out tomorrow evening (to spend dinner with me) they weren't on board with the idea. Maybe it's because I started living by myself at 16 and am generally autonomous, but I really don't get it.[/QUOTE] Speaking as someone whose mother is overly controlling, it may be weird but it's not uncommon Some parents don't realise their kid grows up to become their equal, they may keep thinking that they don't know what's best, that they need to be guided and controlled like they're 5 At some point the only way to break their bubble is to live your life, going against their wishes - essentially flipping them off with your independence from them. It's not pretty, but the older they get, the more stubborn they become

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;52774377]Speaking as someone whose mother is overly controlling, it may be weird but it's not uncommon Some parents don't realise their kid grows up to become their equal, they may keep thinking that they don't know what's best, that they need to be guided and controlled like they're 5 At some point the only way to break their bubble is to live your life, going against their wishes - essentially flipping them off with your independence from them. It's not pretty, but the older they get, the more stubborn they become[/QUOTE] Pretty much. My parents are by no means controlling, but whenever I'm going out, they always want to hear from me. They just want me to randomly text them, just so they know I'm 'alive'. Even if they know exactly where I am, exactly where I'm doing, and even know I will be home later in the evening, they still want me to text them. 'Course, I never do because it's fucking ridiculous, but hey.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52774195]Alright, so this girl I'm seeing who said she would prefer if we spend the afternoon together rather than the evening? Turns out it's not actually because she really wants to spend dinner with her parents, but because her parents want her to always be home by 8pm, no matter what day it is. Apparently she rarely ever goes out because of this. Like, yesterday we didn't see the time go by (again) and got lost on the way back so she arrived at 9pm instead and they apparently weren't too pleased by that. Is it wrong that I think this is kinda weird? She's 18, almost 19, and finished high school 1 year ago, I figured they would be fine with her coming home around midnight as long as she tells them ahead of time or something. She told me her parents are the really cool and relaxed type, but I'm getting the opposite impression here. Apparently she talked to her mother about this, and she said there's no problem if she wants to go out for the evening during the weekend... But then when she asked them if they were fine with her going out tomorrow evening (to spend dinner with me) they weren't on board with the idea. Maybe it's because I started living by myself at 16 and am generally autonomous, but I really don't get it.[/QUOTE] A lot of parents are like that. She's 18, almost 19, but in her parent's eyes she's still a kid. I had a lot of freedom growing up, as did my sisters, but I've seen my fair share of families who don't let their kids out past a certain time, even when they're 18+. Going to uni and living in dorms definitely helps speed the process up. It's kinda hard for parents to implement a curfew when you've been living alone for the past year looking out for yourself. That's how it was for me. I noticed my dad would stop giving me curfews the summer I came back from uni, cause it's kinda silly. Implement curfews on me when I've been self sufficient for the past year?

Remember my roommate situation [url=https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1537757&p=52767067&viewfull=1#post52767067]I posted last page? [/url] It just ended In the worst way I've ever seen. the couple bought a kitten and fed it popcorn 3 days later after buying it and now it's dead. The couple blamed the rabbit (???) and then kicked the other two out saying that if they ever see them again they'll call the police. I don't know what's happened to the friends that I once knew. I'm not trying to get involved with it, but ever time they call me and explain what's happened this time It feels like I'm being forced into the role of a mediator

They fed popcorn to a kitten?? Are they uh. Stupid?

Well I never thought so, but I guess they weren't thinking, or maybe there was a piece on the floor and it ate it I simply don't know.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52774512]A lot of parents are like that. She's 18, almost 19, but in her parent's eyes she's still a kid. I had a lot of freedom growing up, as did my sisters, but I've seen my fair share of families who don't let their kids out past a certain time, even when they're 18+. Going to uni and living in dorms definitely helps speed the process up. It's kinda hard for parents to implement a curfew when you've been living alone for the past year looking out for yourself. That's how it was for me. I noticed my dad would stop giving me curfews the summer I came back from uni, cause it's kinda silly. Implement curfews on me when I've been self sufficient for the past year?[/QUOTE] Unfortunately she is a typical Parisian (which means she'll stay with her parents until the end of her studies) so dorm life as a way of forcing things isn't really an option. [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52774953]Do it. It pays off. I always did it when I was younger, and eventually they stopped asking or worrying. Just a simple "drunk. Spendjng the night!" Or etc. Doesn't hurt. If you build a trust foundation, they won't worry nearly as much. My sister never responds to their texts and she isn't trusted at all when she goes out.[/QUOTE] That seems like a good idea. Direct confrontation is probably not a very good solution. She'll have to prove she's responsible and autonomous.